It was a rather fierce and demanding kiss, though shorter than I would have liked. Even as that thought crossed my mind, I tried to rebel against it, so used to having to beg for love and only getting scorn in return. I tried to make myself stay still and unresponsive, but there was no fighting the hormones that raged through my body at his closeness.
I did respond, and with very little grace. My surprised gasp was cut short as my body took over my thought process, and all I knew was the wish to get closer and experience more of this delicious sensation. I could feel Ted’s reaction to my urging, and his arms wrapped around my waist to press my body against his. It was something I had always thought I would never feel. There was no way I could ever have felt like this for Raphael. Even when I had liked him, it was the naïve crush of a young girl. This longing with Ted was something that held promise; even I could tell that in my bubble of pleasure.
All too soon, Ted pulled away, his breathing hard and fast, like mine.
“No,” I breathed, unable to muster enough breathe for a vehement refusal.
Wanting more, I tried to pull his lips back down toward mine, still caught up in the haze of pleasure and lust. He shook his head at me, smiling slightly though there was seriousness in his gaze that set me on edge. Silently, he waited, and sure enough, the rampaging emotions faded, though they did not disappear. That only made me more aware that they had been there all along, for I didn’t feel fuller because of them. My arms dropped to my sides, though his stayed looped around my waist in a looser hold than before.
Slowly, as if to prepare both himself and me, Ted leaned forward until his forehead was touching mine. His eyes closed at the touch, and I felt my breathe catch at his closeness.
“Dromeda, w”” His voice cracked, and he swallowed visibly. Ted’s eyes stayed closed, as if he didn’t trust himself to look at me, and I could feel his breathing on my cheeks.
I waited for him, still itching to be closer, but respecting what he wanted. When he still hadn’t said anything, I couldn’t wait any longer.
“Yes?”
His eyes flew open at the sound of my voice, and I found myself smiling at it. As if to memorize my face, his gaze roamed over the angles of my face before his eyes slid closed once again. He took a deep, steadying breathe, and began again.
“Dromeda, I”I mean”what’s”,” He tried and stopped, tried and stopped, seemingly unable to find the words he wanted. “Dromeda, where does this leave us?”
His question baffled and surprised me, and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “In each other’s arms.”
My cheeky words won a smile, though he still seemed unwilling to look me in the eyes. In the silence that followed, I thought furiously, and quickly. What kind of answer did he want? I didn’t know, and I didn’t know what to say because of it.
“I don’t know,” I finally answered thoughtfully. “Friends still, I suppose.”
Ted let out a deep breath, his confident posture slumping forward as if in defeat. “Friends?” he asked, the derision and anger apparent in his tone. “Friends, after that? After the way we”the emotions”your response was”” He stuttered with his indignity at my unconscious refusal to acknowledge what had just passed.
I stumbled away from his unexpected fury, and his arms first tightened, then dropped away. I felt their absence in the way the cold rushed in to freeze the warm spots where his arms had been. However much I was aware of, my eyes never left his face, staring. Slowly, the tension that had filled his body drained away, and it seemed his shoulders slumped even more in remorse.
“Andromeda, I li”” he started again, his tone gentle and wondering.
He stopped though at the short, hard shake I gave in response to his beginning. I couldn’t let him say it, couldn’t let him expect a return. There was no way I was able to even hope for a relationship with a wonderful person like him, let alone actually try to have one. It was impossible, inconceivable. The very thought of it was a miracle, but I could see the hurt in his eyes at my rejection.
“Ted, I can’t. I can’t let you try to promise me anything, nor can I say anything in return. I just can’t, you know that.” I tried to say it softly but firmly, without causing more harm. The hurt in his eyes just grew overwhelmingly so, and I looked away from his gaze.
I felt him take a deep breath, as if to speak, when I noticed Aveline running across the grounds towards our usual hiding place. I felt fear and horror leap into my heart, making me start to shiver with something more than the cold. Her dash caused some heads to turn, and I feared pursuit or suspicion in the eyes that followed her towards us. Her hand was waving a piece of paper in the air, and I could tell that she was yelling, though we could not yet hear her voice. I nudged Ted, still avoiding his gaze and pointed towards the figure of his best friend.
“Ted!” she yelled, her voice still faint from that distance.
I felt him straighten up from where my hand still rested against his arm, and he jerked his arm away. The movement seemed to send a message; he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I turned my head even further away from him, glancing up towards the castle. Although I couldn’t see anything, I felt another violent shiver of fear run down my spine.
I sensed rather than felt Ted’s movement, and felt his arms wrap gently around my shoulders from behind. At his kind gesture, I felt warmth for this kind, forgiving young man.
Finally, Aveline reached us, slipping into the little grove with some mild difficulty. She opened her mouth to speak, saw our pose with some astonishment, and then closed her mouth. I felt Ted nod his head once, and Aveline began, looking apologetic and worried.
“Andromeda, Raphael is looking for you with a vengeance. Someone told him she was on the seventh floor, and then spelled the staircases to skip over the seventh floor entrance.”
She smiled with pride at the mention of spell work, and I knew she had been the one to do it. I felt a pang of regret that Aveline and I would never get to know each other well. She was only kind to me out of kindness for Ted, and I could tell that his closeness to me worried her.
“Right, thanks Aveline,” Ted spoke up, his arms dropping from around me.
Another shiver of fear ran down my spine, but I forced my head up and my shoulders back into the Slytherin posture of pride. I shot a glance at Aveline, and caught her eye. Instantly, she looked away from us, still straining her senses towards us.
With a quick look at Ted’s face from under my eyelashes, I felt a pang of hurt and sorrow at the look on it. He looked haughty, an expression I was more used to on Raphael than Ted. I grabbed one of his hands, drawing it up towards my chest. Softly, I pressed it to my heart, in the only communication I could manage at the moment. Still he held his aloofness, with only a flicker of softening before his expression hardened again. Sighing, I dropped his hand, and left the pair of them.
I almost made it out of our secret spot without looking back, but something made me turn at the last point. It was the worst moment to do so, for I saw Ted’s face crumble into an expression of vulnerability, and he buried his face into the waiting shoulder of his beautiful friend.
Shaking my head violently, I dashed back up to the school, unnoticed in my dark clothes and silent passage. It was best not to leave Raphael waiting, as I knew well. Even through my fear, I could not help remembering the slash of jealousy through my sadness when I had seen Ted turn to the ever lovely Aveline. It was absolutely uncalled for, and though I tried to reason with myself, it didn’t matter much. Never before had I felt much jealousy when it came to a guy. Maybe in regards to my sisters, but never towards a relationship of mine. Nothing had ever called for it.
It was with such thoughts in my head that Raphael finally found me. His face was changed in his anger, but it was still the face of an avenging angel. There was no denying that Raphael was indeed a handsome young man, one that I should be proud to have claimed me. But I only felt fear when I saw him, and saw a rather bleak future ahead of me as his less than stunning trophy wife. I was only worth having because of my bloodlines, and I knew that even when I saw the lust in his eyes at the sight of me.
Even in his anger, I saw the ever familiar desire leap into being in his dark eyes, and tried to keep from wincing away from him. I kept my back straight, my chin up, but I let my eyes close with the suffering patience he hated so much to see. That was my habitual way of waiting his anger out, but this time, something inside me snapped.
“Where have you been, you little whore?” His lips curled upward in a sneer on the word whore, and I felt my heart skip a beat in fear.
“Surely not selling your services out on the grounds? Why not just stay in the common room? You should have been with me! There will be no more of this wandering off because it pleases you. You will be seen, and you will be seen with me.” His voice had dropped to a hissing whisper, reminding me of the animal who symbolized our House.
Opening my eyes, I shot him a cold hearted glare, my jaw tensed in the overwhelming sense of resentment towards him and everything he stood for. He seemed to balk a little at my unusual show of spirit, but continued anyways on his rant. Even so, the spark of lust flared unexpectedly, and I felt contempt towards him. It was so strong, it almost overwhelmed the fear.
“I do not want to see you with anyone outside of our House. Besides, you know how much I want you,” he said suggestively, wrapping an arm around my waist to press me up against him.
Panic flickered in my mind, for I knew overpowering this young man was out of the question. I didn’t want to be this close to him, and I leaned as far as I could from his leering face. Instead of getting annoyed, his anger melted, and he laughed at my attempts to get away from him. He had always been a sick young boy, and things certainly weren’t different now.
His face came closer, and I felt him backing me up to a wall. The panicked sense rose, and I tried to keep my face neutrally blank. I had no where to lean, and he buried his face in my shoulder, pressing hard kisses on the sensitive skin on my neck. My hormones kicked in, confusing me further as I fought for control of the situation and myself. It wasn’t that I was attracted to him, but Raphael knew what made a girl respond, and he was trying hard to get me to do just that.
Getting frantic, I lifted my foot and dug my heel as far as I could into the top of his foot. Almost immediately, he sprang back from me, leaving me room to whirl away from him. As I did so, I pulled my wand from my sleeve and pointed it levelly at his chest. Both of us were breathing hard; he in lust, I in fear. Surprising me again, he laughed, a belly deep laugh with a touch of seduction to it. I shivered, setting my face into a hard glare. There was no way he’d win this, just by being who he was.
“Oh, darling Andy, do put that way. We both know you haven’t got the heart to do anything to me,” he chuckled, watching me with amusement.
I shook my head, my hand trembling slightly, but more or less steady. “Raphael, just shut up.” His face hardened at the unconcealed contempt in my voice, but I kept speaking.
“I do not have any sort of feelings about you, as I told you back in the fall. As I’ve told you multiple times in the past few years. I couldn’t ever love a heartless fiend such as you. You would just as much use me as like me. You do nothing that does not directly benefit you,” I spat at him, holding up a hand to stop his budding protest.
“Oh, don’t deny it. I’m not stupid, much as my family may disagree.” Adding this, I could see his temper rising.
“Oh, but my sweet naïve Andy, you really are quite clueless. You should not fight the inevitable. We will end up together in the end; you haven’t any choice. I won’t forget this when we’re married,” he added with obvious malice in his voice.
I could only listen in horror to his words. If what he said was true, my life would be beyond miserable. I would have no where to turn at all. I could see that future all to well, looking into his dark face. My resolve was weakening thinking of what was to come, but I tried valiantly, thinking of the resolute Ted back in the clearing.
“It won’t. I refuse to let my life be kept out of my control. I do have a choice. It is you who resents that. We shall never marry at all. It is you who lives in a dream world.” Even to my own ears, my voice sounded uncertain.
His lips curled up in a smirk, a confident smile, as he sensed an easy victory from there. I could read it on his face, and I glared at him in resentment for making me doubt myself further than usual.
“Ah, a wonderful future, is it not? It will be glorious, you and I.” He sounded so smug; the trembling of my hand increased out of fury.
“You still don’t dare. Andy, we both know what your family would say…,” he trailed off, letting me ponder the words I was sure to hear from them if I uttered the spell that waited on my pursed lips.
In that moment of my hesitation, he leapt at me, easily overpowering me. My wand disappeared into a pocket of his robe, and I was dragged off to the common room. There, as he had before, he would make a show of dominance for his buddies. I would make a show of being one of the ever proud Black daughters, cold and hard and unemotional, no matter how I felt inside. I could only hope he wouldn’t keep me at his side until the late hours of the night…
A Little Lighter Than Black by kritchen
Chapter Notes: This chapter, or I should say point of view, is split into two parts. Simply because I like keeping my chapters similar lengths and also because Dromeda demanded more at this particular part in the story.