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“Andy, darling! Where have you been?” exclaimed Noreen.
She had spotted us almost immediately, and her too loud voice called attention to the fact that Raphael had his arm around my waist possessively. I winced inwardly, automatically adopting the poise and attitude that only one of the Black sisters could command.
“Just taking a little stroll; the cold did her little heart good,” answered Raphael, before I could even think up a plausible excuse.
Noreen laughed, a shrill sound that had always grated on my nerves. “She does have quite the cold act, doesn’t she?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Oh sure, mock away, Noreen. I wouldn’t forget that. Acting my part, I dug up a smile for her, letting Raphael exchange his hold for hers. He knew I wouldn’t risk anything in the common room. It was one thing in the corridors when no one of importance could see. It was something else entirely in front of the children of my parent’s closest friends. Each and every one of them could let slip something in a letter home and that would be the end of the relative freedom I did have. Covering a sigh, I followed Noreen’s lead as she gathered me into the group gathered around the fireplace.
It reminded me of Ted’s stories about being Muggle. They had these exclusive clubs where only the rich “ especially the old rich “ families were admitted. Ted believed the purebloods of the wizard world were no better than the old rich of the Muggle world. The thought brought a genuine smile to my lips, just in time to respond to a joke at the expense of one of the blokes. I felt Raphael’s calculating gaze on me. I knew he was planning how to cover his tracks if there was another scene like earlier, if I felt another spark of spirit and anger.
Ignoring him, I turned to Darcy Lyon, a girl I had long held in contempt. It was she who embodied the truth that every friend was an enemy, and every enemy was plotting your downfall for their gain. I almost lost my cool to see her preening for Raphael. She always had her eye on him, especially since fifth year when she managed to have a fling with the infamous Raphael. Calling up the cattiness I developed because of these girls, I smiled wide as I watched the fluttering eyelashes, the fidgeting hands and directly seductive gaze.
“So, Darcy, do tell me; are you still going after men who would rather know a Mudblood than be with you?” I let the words drop slowly, softly, savoring them. I put all my pent up emotion towards Raphael behind them. It was my habit to strike with venom behind sugar coated words.
It took a moment for the words to sink past her seduction, but when they did, the effect was instantaneous. Her colorless eyes focused on me as the sharp, pointed features of her face came out in stark relief. Anger flashed, but she hid it quickly. Forcing a laugh, Darcy fell short of answering my smile.
“Ah, but it’s not I who chases them; it is they who chase me. I can’t help it if their supposed girlfriends can’t satisfy.”
I laughed at her, maybe even laughing with her. She had no idea just how right she was, so I patted her knee and went along as if it were a personal joke between the two of us. I didn’t have anything more to say and turned my attention to the group at large only to see the suspicion on Raphael’s face.
He was unwilling to see the results of this and called attention to himself as an attempt to separate us and gain control over me. “Darcy dear, would you allow me to steal away Andy? I’ve been quite“” here his look turned lascivious “”destitute without her all day.”
This, of course, amused the guys quite thoroughly as they “ along with everyone else “ believe we were quite the amorous couple. “Come here, Andy.” The command was unmistakable after my short hesitation to respond.
Unable to lose face in front of this group, I went to him, settling on the arm of the couch. I brushed my hand over his hair, imagining it was Ted’s soft blonde hair that I touched. It was the only bearable way; more and more I found that I was relying on Ted to get me through things I had been okay with before. Not that Ted knew it; it was a secret I kept to myself. He gave me hope of overcoming my upbringing. So convinced was I, it almost unbalanced me to feel Raphael’s arm slip around my waist. I bit my lip to hold in the warring emotions in my head.
“Smoothly done,” I whispered into his ear, allowing the warmth of my breath to brush over the sensitive skin there.
The responding shudder made it all the worthwhile, knowing I was torturing him and Darcy at once. His grip tightened as he reined in his lust. The smugness at my control felt nice, almost soothing after the burn of desire and the flames of hatred.
“What were you and Darcy talking about?” He didn’t even bother keeping his voice low, drawing more attention to us.
I dug up a smile, looking him squarely in the eyes as I let the lie drop from my lips. “Oh, she was helping me decide what to get you for your birthday. I managed to narrow it down to two things and I wanted her input.”
His nearly black eyes tightened at the corners, the only sign of his suspicion but otherwise, completely the same was ever. He turned his gaze from me to glance at Darcy whose expression was just as smooth as mine. “Well, what did you girls decide?”
“Why, I told her to get you both things of course. You’ll love them. They’re just perfect for you. I can only hope the rest of us can get anything near as well matched.”
I hadn’t realized just how well Slytherins have perfected the art of lying until Darcy went along with mine without batting a lash. I didn’t give her a relieved smile or a sign of gratitude. I simply fell into the role I had been assigned, listening and responding as the hours wore away into the night. I fought the urge to curl up into Raphael’s side in my exhaustion, but settled for letting him hold me up. Before long, I was unable to cover up my exhaustion and a yawn slipped out. It drew the attention of most of the group, and Raphael smiled smugly.
“Excuse me, it seems I am a bit tired.”
Everyone laughed, not quite kindly, but Raphael motioned for me to rise. “Go on to bed. Exhaustion becomes no one, not even you.”
The snide words would usually have ruffled my pride as everyone did nothing to hide their excited reactions at the insult. On this particularly night after such a long day, I shrugged and left the group.
No one flagged me down and I made it to the dorms quickly. In the relative silence of the dorm, I could only let out a deep breathe that I felt like I held forever. I could still hear the rest of them in the common room, their voices raised in a laughing debate. It sounded so innocent, at least until I focused on the actual words. That was my world down there, but I wasn’t willing to accept it anymore. Falling back against the door as I closed it, I took a deep breath to relax as I slid down to the floor. I wouldn’t be expecting anyone here soon.
“Oh, I’ve got just the thing!” yelled Darcy as she ran up the short flight of stairs.
I could hear her rapid footsteps through the thick door. Slightly panicked, I rose to my feet and very nearly jumped away from the offending object. Darcy couldn’t see me like how I had been; huddled against the door as if to keep everyone out while I fell to pieces. She was sure to carry the news down to the others, her smug fondness of besting me making her relish the scene even more.
Shaking my head, I knew how impossible that would be for me. A daughter of the Black family never behaved so, especially not in public. As Darcy’s approach became louder, I could only think of one thing to do.
I leaped at my bed in quite an undignified behavior, managing to pull the bed curtains shut just as the door opened. Darcy laughed, apparently not caring if she woke me.
“It’s a shame you’re so exhausted, Black. You’re missing all the fun, although who knows what you’ve been up to today,” she said, her tone just shy of friendly, more menacing than anything else.
It made my heart jump at the implication that she might know something. That couldn’t be true. We covered every trace. Fighting down my panic, I gave a low chuckle and tried to keep my voice light when I responded.
“What a shame!” I said sarcastically. As an afterthought, I added, “At least I have the security in knowing Raphael will always be mine,” making a face of rather intense anger at what I was being forced to say. I was thankful that my facial expressions were hidden behind the relative shelter of my bed curtains.
I fell back against my pillows as the conversation lulled, my thoughts on what she had implied. I could hear her moving about getting whatever she came to fetch, taking longer than necessary I thought. The waiting dragged on forever, but finally the door closed behind her. I dragged myself from my bed with the intention of putting on my pajamas after a while.
Whatever my intentions, I was delayed as I noticed Darcy hovering shamelessly by the door, hoping to catch me in some vulnerability. I didn’t give it much thought as I pulled out my wand and aimed a jinx at her. It was unfortunate that she managed to drag the door shut before it hit her.
I just stood there a while, watching the door. The fight was draining out of me and I just felt overwhelmed with it all. It was almost a thoughtless process when I turned to my trunk, pulled on my pajamas and crawled into the safety of my bed. I just let the day’s events wash over me, not resisting. I didn’t have enough energy to resist. As the scene on the grounds replayed itself, I could feel my eyes prick with tears. Just what I needed, tears of the weak. I was not a crying girl and I didn’t want to give into them. That didn’t stop them from rolling over my lower lashes and down the sides of my face. Brushing at them angrily, I stared at the ceiling intently, hoping the intensity of my focus might force them to stay put.
It wasn’t Ted’s anger or my feelings for him that drew up the tears. It was the look on his face as I walked away, a look of such tender vulnerability I almost turned on my heel to comfort him. It brought out a side in myself that I had only been teased with, never felt. I wanted… more. I wanted to get out of this narrow and close-minded life my family created around us and make my own. I wanted to do it with Ted, even, though I couldn’t tell if it was love. I was simply too mixed up.
Did I feel for him because he was a sign of hope? Did I lose my breath around him because he could help me escape? Did a butterfly sensation erupt in my lower abdomen because he was everything I wasn’t? Did my heart kick into overdrive just because I was attracted to his body?
It was a bit too much to take in: Raphael’s threats, the argument with first Ted then Raphael, the scene on the grounds, the pure emotion I felt around Ted. My head was reeling, feeling as if some unforeseen source had plucked my mind from my body and set it spinning like a top.
Letting out a deep breath, I rolled over and buried my head in my pillow. I didn’t bother moving the strands of hair that got stuck beneath me. Using that discomfort, I tried to ignore the wetness I could feel soaking into the pillowcase beneath my cheeks. I wasn’t crying; it seemed there was just something in both my eyes (and heart, a small voice added) that wouldn’t go away. Closing my eyes didn’t lessen the flow of salt water, but eventually, I could feel the drag of exhaustion on my mind. Sleep was calling, and after this day, I welcomed it gladly.
A Little Lighter Than Black by kritchen
Chapter Notes: Thanks Emma for beta-ing and all your fantastic words of praise. They made me smile. :) Here is the long awaited new chapter. Sorry for the wait. Life got in the way, as per usual. Next one shouldn't be too long in coming but this year I have 4 AP classes and college apps to worry about. YAY stress! lol.