“Do you want to explain to me what happened back there?” Aveline’s voice sounded suspicious, accusing, and even a little jealous.
I looked at her thoughtfully, noting her annoyed expression and the curiosity in her eyes. At my scrutiny, she scowled.
“Do I sense I bit of jealousy, my love?” I tried to be light hearted, but even I could hear the strain in my voice.
She cracked a slight smile as if to let me know she understood my feeble attempt. However, her expression was one of disbelief and annoyance once the smile disappeared. Silence fell as she tried to stare me down. I fought to keep the innocently blank look on my face, knowing she would see through it all the same.
“Ted, several things. One, that doesn’t fool me. Two, don’t change the subject. Three, that is none of your business anyways,” she said huffily, confirming the theory of her jealousy.
Nevertheless, I bowed my head contritely. “Yes ma’am.”
She couldn’t help smiling, but the look quickly sobered on her face. “Ted…” I held up a hand to cut her off, but she only hesitated before continuing. “Please tell me you don’t like her that way. That all of this is just a little spat between friends, and has nothing at all to do with a relationship.”
Aveline sounded desperate, pleading, which made me only more determined to keep her from knowing the truth. It would only worry and hurt Aveline to know that the soft spoken, spirited girl had somehow wormed her way into my emotions with unassuming ease. She didn’t even seem aware that she had done it, though after today… Surely, she knew that she meant just a little more to me than a friend would.
I turned my head from Av’s intense stare, feeling my well built wall of indifference break. Her hand came down on my arm, pressing with comforting firmness in a familiar gesture. Instead of letting myself be soothed, I jerked my arm and stepped to the side.
I moved away, feeling guilt at my abrupt behavior towards my closest friend. I just needed time alone. Pacing, I tried to think straight, but every thought returned to that moment. It kept replaying, over and over again, in my mind: the sensation filled kiss, the confirmation of what I had already begun to suspect, and the pain of rejection.
As the ache hit home again, I stopped, staring blindly in the general direction Andromeda had left. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say to her…
“It wasn’t just a spat, was it? Something happened today,” Aveline said, sounding resigned to the facts.
She was right, and suddenly, I didn’t feel like denying it anymore. I simply nodded and looked at her.
“Oh, Ted.”
The gentle tone was all it took. I turned to her, wrapping my arms tight around her waist, hiding my face in her shoulder. She stroked my hair and back, saying those pointless things one says to comfort a friend. I choked back a reluctant laugh at that and her hands stilled.
“What?” She sounded annoyed again, earning a grin in her shoulder.
I pulled away, shaking out the emotion and giving her a cheeky grin. The pain was still there, but I wasn’t one to let it take over.
“What?” She put her hands on her hips, her tone demanding.
“It seems the tables have turned, love.” I didn’t wait to see the look on her face. Instead, I turned toward the school. There was no point lingering outside any longer than necessary. “Let’s go in. Want to stop by the kitchens for some food?”
There was a slight pause before she came up to my side, tucking her hand into the crook of my elbow. She gave me a bright smile.
“Sure. That sounds great.”
I smiled in return and led the way. It was good to have friends.
----------------------------------------------
“I give up,” I muttered, rolling onto my back.
Sleep eluded me. Hours had passed as I tried to find it, but my mind wouldn’t stop. I tried everything I could think of. I even tried counting sheep, a Muggle method Mum encouraged me try when I was little. What really helped was her counting the sheep with me.
I let out a breath, sitting up. Lying in bed wasn’t helping. Sitting in bed wouldn’t help for that matter. I slipped out off the mattress, put on some slippers, and left the room. None of the others stirred and no one was in the common room. I was thankful for that. I just needed to think.
Andromeda Black. For nearly six full years, we barely paid attention to each other’s existence. Well… I tried anyways. I knew about her on-again-off-again relationship with Raphael. It always seemed so one sided to me, but then, I always thought Andromeda didn’t quite fit the Slytherin mold. That was my problem. I thought about her over the years. I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t stop myself.
I was her friend, had been since our first year and that one month of friendship. Distance hadn’t changed that. I think maybe she knew that. Maybe that’s why it was so easy…
No. It was easy because she had something in her that was strong and captivating. It was easy because I was attracted to her.
I was attracted her. I knew that already.
We never were set out to be friends this time around though. I could see it in retrospect. I felt it now. What I felt for Andromeda Black was not as benign as friendship. It scared her.
To be honest, it scared me.
No. Scared isn’t the right word. Worried. It worried me. There was barely even the barest wisp of possibility for a relationship, but that’s what I wanted. I worried I wouldn’t recover from this as well as the others. There was just more to this. That’s when I realized.
I wasn’t giving up.
It scared her, fine. She was Slytherin after all; her self-preservation instincts were just kicking in. Well, preservation of what she knew anyways. That wasn’t going to stop me though. I was a Hufflepuff after all. Persistent was one of our traits. Because I knew I wanted her. I wanted to at least try because I knew something, something, was there between us.
I felt it now. I felt it so many times about so many things; it was almost dizzying to pick a place to start. Was there even a start and end to it?
I smiled at that. It didn’t matter. The fact was I felt it in the first place. Andromeda didn’t have a chance. I’d give her time if that’s what she needed. I wasn’t giving up on her. My smile grew wider and I squared my shoulders. It felt good to make a decisi“
“Oomph!”
“Bloody hell!” It was an annoyed voice, though I’d know it anywhere.
I just barely caught myself from being knocked down, recoiling from the collision. “Dromeda?” I caught her arms to steady her, peering down at her.
“Ted?” She sounded as shocked as I was.
I stared at her, frowning a bit and ignoring the irregular beat of my heart. The jolt from seeing her, my decision, the reminder of her rejection set me on edge, brushing away some of the elation at finally deciding.
Wait, what was she doing out at this hour?
My frown deepened and I could see that unsettled her. Surprise was giving away to anxiety on her face and she looked away from me. I felt an echo of the burn from her rejection at that. She couldn’t even look at me.
A few moments passed and she would sneak a peek at me from the corner of her eye every now and then. Her face closed off, falling into her customary haughty expression. I waited, not knowing what to expect. When nothing was forthcoming, I turned away as well. Now wasn’t the time to tell her about my choice anyway.
As I walked away, it felt like the wrong thing to do. I should wait, be patient, but with that expression, I wasn’t exactly being invited.
“Ted, wait!” It was the plaintive quality to her voice that made me turn around and look.
It was the first time I took in what she was wearing, or rather her lack thereof. Thin trousers, thin enough I could see the outline of her legs in them even in the darkness, and such a loose shirt, it fell off her shoulder to expose a surprising amount of skin. In the darkness, the colors were impossible to tell, but I barely spared a thought for that. Desire pooled warm and strong in my stomach as I looked at her. With her usually styled hair mussed and impossibly curly from sleep, and that look “ oh that look “ on her face, I couldn’t have walked away if I wanted to.
Her look said things I wasn’t sure I could decipher. There was desperation and pride, fear, determination, and was that hope? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This time I waited. Andromeda straightened up, pushing back her shoulders in a way not too different from myself a few moments ago. Her eyes opened and I found myself caught by the intensity of her gaze.
“Ted, I”I know I hurt you. I’m sorry for that. I”I didn’t”I didn’t think. Or maybe that’s my problem. I think too much. I end up running through all the scenarios and consequences and all the little what ifs and”“
She gasped and closed her eyes again as I reached up and stroked her cheek, caressed her soft pale skin all the way down to her shoulder, the swell of her breast just inches from my fingertips. She caught my hand, but didn’t move it. She just stroked the top of it with her thumb before releasing the breath she held.
“I can’t think when you’re doing that,” she said, sounding bemused. “I have a hard time thinking around you at all for that matter, but I have to get this out.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, before realizing her eyes were still closed. I had to clear my throat before I could get words out and it came out deeper than normal. “Okay.”
Her eyes flew open but her expression gave nothing away until she smiled. “Can you behave yourself?” I just nodded, not even able to summon up a smile for once.
“I may have a hard time thinking with you around, but when you’re not, it’s all I can do. And I panic. ‘Bout everything. ‘Bout you, ‘bout Raphael, ‘bout my family. Because I don’t want to hurt you.” The intensity in her voice grew as she looked away. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, but I did.” She gave me a look that dared me to challenge her next words. “To be honest, I wouldn’t change it. It”It made”No, it pushed me to choose.
“I like you Ted. Friendship never really was an option for us, though I tried to make it one.” She stopped and gave me a stare I didn’t even try to understand. “Why haven’t you tried to interrupt me?”
Her suspicious tone made me laugh. “Because I agree with you.”
“You do?”
Her eyebrows and voice shot up in surprise. I nodded and smiled at her. “Friendship was and is never going to happen between us”“ Her face fell, but was masked almost immediately “”because you’re Slytherin and I’m Hufflepuff. You’re a pureblood and I’m Muggleborn. It will never work because it simply isn’t enough for us… well, me.”
I amended my last word after a moment’s thought on it. I couldn’t presume to know how she felt. Andromeda hadn’t told me yet. The look on her face told me something though. It grew more animated as she let out another deep breath.
“Exactly!” she said, startling me with the amount of feeling behind that one word. She took a step toward me, shifting my hand from her shoulder to her waist. Something inscrutable flitted across her face as my hand ran down her side and I wondered if it was anything like what I was feeling.
“I’m terrified to be with you. Not of you, mind you, but everyone else. Do you remember Bella during our first year? I don’t want that. If one of them “ No I won’t even say it…”
Dromeda shook her head as if erasing those thoughts. She didn’t say any more and finally, I felt compelled to prompt her.
“What are you saying Dromeda?”
When she finally answered me, her voice was soft and shy. I had to smile at that; self-confident and strong, Andromeda was anything but shy.
“I want you,” she said, looking up at me. Her gaze was so serious my smile slipped off my lips. It sent a shiver down my spine.
“You want me?”
I sounded doubtful, though it wasn’t my intention. Her eyes flashed as she snapped back at me.
“Yes, I want you! I wouldn’t be here in this hallway if I didn’t. I would be able to sleep if I didn’t. I would be able to be the good little Black daughter if I didn’t. Bloody hell Ted! I would not be standing here waiting for you to kis”“
I stopped her fast flow of words the only way I knew how: I kissed her. I took a step forward as she yelled at me, slipped my hand further around her waist. I put my other hand on the back of her neck, my fingers tangling in her hair, and pulled her into my body. My lips met hers, and though I tried to be gentle, I was not as gentle as I could have been in that first fast kiss.
Andromeda froze, all her muscles tensing. When I went in for a second kiss, her body seemed to melt into mine with a tiny little noise, but it was enough. I kissed her until neither of us had breath left to spare. Her eyes were closed still as her chest rose and fell against mine and our short breaths mingled between us. One hand had worked its way into my hair while her other hand gripped my shoulder tightly. Every inch of our body seemed to fit together as we pressed against each other.
It was enough to incite an inward moan of hunger.
“Better?” I asked her as calmly as I could, quelling the urge to kiss her again, at least momentarily. She nodded, her eyes expression almost unchanging from the end of the kiss. Those slightly parted lips were doing my control no favors.
“Look at me,” I said softly. I stroked her cheek, ran my thumb over her eyelashes, and tightened my grip on her waist with my other hand. Slowly she opened her eyes. Andromeda looked dazed, her eyes taking a moment to focus on my face. When she did, I had to suck in a breath at the feeling that came over me.
“I want to try. I’m patient and I’ll let you lead, but this… This is not nothing and I won’t walk away from it without trying.”
She gave a low chuckle and a slow smile that set my blood racing. “What about my choice?”
My smile was playful, almost cheeky when I answered her. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
A Little Lighter Than Black by kritchen
Chapter Notes: This is a long time coming. I'm sorry I've been away so long. I missed writing and the community on the boards. :) I just let life get away with me but I finally finished! I hope you enjoy this!
Chapter Endnotes: The last line was irrestible to throw in and it is more than likely for Ted to have seen it! :) Who can name its source? Reviews would be lovely after so long an absense!