Curiosity Killed The Cat
I tried not to look back at the boy who I could feel watching me. The temptation was there. There was just something in his open, seemingly constant good humor that drew my attention like a moth to a flame. I wouldn’t turn, though. I was a member of an ancient and noble family, raised not to associate with persons of "inferior blood." If my parents learned that I had talked to Ted Tonks, they would punish me. I didn’t want to think about it. A Howler or two, a not so empty threat, no Hogsmeade; all were punishments I wouldn’t put above my parents.
I was doing rather well in making my mind go blank when a movement caught my eye. I looked back, and almost wished I hadn't. A Slytherin was confronting the friendly Hufflepuff. It was Raphael Ferox.
Growing up in a family like mine, a child learns early on that there is no love gone to waste, no excess amounts of laughter. Sure, there was laughter within the household. There’s the polite simpering laugh of someone kissing up to a person of power, the surprised giggle from someone flirting with someone he or she shouldn’t, the malevolent chuckle of someone making a threat. We were taught to amuse ourselves.
Raphael and I grew up together. Our families were close, socializing constantly. Without a doubt, I loved him when I was young. He was the one who patched up all cuts and scrapes, chased away all creepy creatures in the dark, quieted my tears and produced a vibrant smile for the adults. We spent countless hours together, and when we were apart, our owls were kept busy with notes back and forth.
The introduction into the school was strange, exciting, and just tiny bit scary. I clung to Raphael as my lifeboat in the storm of it all. I felt fearful and unsure of myself in the new surroundings. He made me feel less scared. Little by little, Raphael and I went our separate ways: we were still pretty close, just not as clingy as we were those beginning months of school. Raphael seemed to make his friends with the older, more daring students in Slytherin. I myself befriended anyone who grabbed my attention, regardless of house politics or ancestry”until Bella put a stop to it.
At first, it was threats to tell our parents. She called me a “blood-traitor”. I swore I wasn’t, but I wasn’t that worried. What could they do to me from all the way across the country? I was confident in myself, proud of my achievements and was sure they’d take my side. My continued defiance and confidence earned the punishment of hexes. It was “what I deserved” according to Bella. I took the abuse, but then she went after my friends.
I cried bitter tears when my friends wouldn’t talk to me.
Raphael was at my side, soothing away my anger and calmly telling me that Bella was right. I was above “Mudbloods” and spending my time with them. I belonged with him, at his side. Those had been magic words. I was more than willing to be there at his side, proclaimed to be his girl.
Through the years, being Raphael’s girl felt more like a sentence than a blessing. In fifth year, I should have cut the ties after the time he had nearly assaulted me in his eagerness for a kiss: his friends had been digging into him about that fact that we hadn’t kissed yet. His temper had proved to be far different than the one I had known as a child. It had frightened me and chased away almost all of what affections I had left for him.
Things hadn't changed much since then, other than his aggression becoming more pronounced. As my attempts to distance myself from him grew a bit wild, he had clung on tighter. Raphael fell into jealous rages if I so much as met another lad’s eyes.
It had become so much worse in the last two years, since my sister had left Hogwarts. I was no longer under her control, her quiet and soft threats of what she’d do if I should abandon our upbringing and accept a way of life our family looked down upon. I had rebelled a little since she had left, leaving behind the more self-righteous and manipulative of my ‘friends’. Raphael had been one of the few I could not shake. He had applied for many of the same classes as me, and I was sure it was just to keep an eye on me. His cautious, clinging watch was no different in my Herbology class…
Thud.
The noise of my bag as I slung it on the table earned me with a disapproving glare from Noreen, one of my last few Slytherin friends. I shrugged at her and settled on to the stool at the table when a movement caught my eye. I turned to see a familiar look on Raphael’s face as his hand claimed a claw-like grip on the other boy’s shoulder. It was one I had received on more than one occasion when I had refused the advances of the handsome Slytherin.
I stared at him, knowing the blood that rushed to my face did not spread prettily over my cheeks but became bright blotches of color. Anger spread through me as I regarded the pair at the door. It seemed as if Raphael had cornered Ted Tonks because of my willingness to help him pick up his stuff. I could not see the blond Hufflepuff’s face, but I could read the tension in his body at the way his shoulders jerked away from Raphael’s touch. Ignoring what Noreen had begun to say, I rose off my stool and walked as calmly as I could to the pair.
No one else had seemed to notice them except Aveline Levon, who seemed to be close to him. Her brow was furrowed in confusion, but I didn’t give her much thought. My entire focus was on trying to catch the words that slipped from Raphael’s lips. I knew I was too late as I heard the deep voice of Ted Tonks.
His voice was calm and neutral. “I’m much more curious as to what she’d want with the likes of you.”
With that, the athletic Ted turned on his heel and strode over to his friend, not even noticing as I hurried to get out of his way. I whirled towards my very jealous childhood hero, animosity once again making my cheeks feel hot. Brushing the hair out of my face, I opened my mouth to berate him for his childish actions. I never got the chance. Just as the words were about to leave my lips, the professor announced that class was beginning and if we would all please sit at our desks, she would pass out the plants we’d be working with for the day. Shooting my smug companion a vicious glare, I stormed back to my stool and pulled out the supplies we needed as the professor listed them.
All through the lesson, I threw my focus into the work, barely listening to my friend’s constant chatter. The only sign that I was paying attention was a well placed ‘mmm’ or ‘oh really’ every so often. Because of my dedication to my work, I was one of the first to finish preparing the plant for use in the potions classes. Left sitting there with nothing to do, thoughts flying through my mind and still fuming at Raphael’s rash actions, I let my eyes wander the greenhouse. Only a few others were finishing up. I had no interest in them. My eyes were riveted to the head of messy blond hair bent over a plant, his friend leaning towards him as if listening.
I felt the oddest sense of curiosity towards him, and the urge to get to know him. Somewhere in my being, I felt as if I already knew him, but that was impossible. I had kept to myself and done what was considered to be my duty for years now. He wouldn’t have fallen into that category of acceptable friends for the daughter of a pure-blood family. There was just something about him… but my brain was not quite was brave as my heart was, no matter how curious I felt. I was not willing to risk anything to have Raphael corner me or to receive a lecture from Narcissa or a Howler from Aunt Walburga, who felt it was her place to keep all of her relatives in line.
My head went strangely blank when he glanced up, his expression one of frustration. It melted when he saw me looking and I knew I was too late to glance away like before. My lips curled up in the smallest of smiles before I looked down at my hands. He probably thought I was messing with him, throwing his heritage back into his face by using a boyfriend to threaten him. Maybe he thought I was mocking him. He could be thinking a lot of unkind things about me because of my easily jealous companion.
I didn't know what to call Raphael anymore, but he was definitely not my boyfriend. He wasn’t my friend either. Yet, we were forced together on so many occasions, I knew that more than one person at Hogwarts thought we were going together.
Raphael wanted to go with me, but it wasn’t because he loved me. It was because of the power he would get from our marriage, the advantages. He’d be a sure in with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, being part of two ancient pure-blood families.
I shot a glance at Raphael to find him watching me, like a hawk watching a fish in the water. He was ready for me to dart away and just as ready to snatch me up before I got a chance to even think about escape. I gave him my most haughty, proud, outraged sneer, and refused to turn his way again. I had just gotten rid of one controlling, arrogant, unstable pureblood fanatic and I was not about to fall under the control of another. I refused to. Narcissa was far gone, too drawn into the attraction power held for her. I wasn’t like them. It wasn’t power I aspired to; it was happiness. I had seen far too much unhappiness and suffering in my family due to their beliefs.
My eyes flew back to Ted, and I watched him with my head bowed. He seemed to be someone who knew about happiness. His ancestry had not affected that. Rather, he was much happier looking than any of the purebloods I knew had ever seemed. Even angry, with his brow furrowed and his lips drawn down, it seemed as if one could get him to laugh quite easily, with the right… Proving my point, his pretty blonde friend said something to which the Hufflepuff’s face crinkled as a deep, rich, infectious laugh burst through his lips. I even felt my own lips curl up in response, realizing as I shifted my face back into neutral expression that had I been closer and part of the conversation, I would have laughed too.
I wondered how it felt to feel so completely in tune with oneself, not held back by anyone at all. Was being carefree and happy the cause of the spring in his step, and the easy going smile that he was more than willing to share with the world? I was always tense, as if just around the corner there would be someone lurking to drag my spirits down or tear me apart for the smallest thing. If I was honest with myself, there generally was. There was no slack cut for the pure-blooded Slytherins, especially those as tied into the heart of all families as I was. Repression. Tension. Worry. It was a wonder I wasn’t already prematurely grey and more wrinkled than my mother.
I clung to the hope that after Hogwarts I would have the chance to do whatever my heart desired. There was only a very small chance of that, but I was keeping my eye on it. For every bit of repression that lifted, there was something still holding me back in the form of my fellow Slytherins who were more than willing to take me down for the smallest toe out of line. Appearances must be kept of perfection and haughty grandeur; a girl who chose to abandon that and befriend “Mudbloods” must be put back in place.
Lost in my mental wanderings, I had failed to notice that nearly everyone was done. The quiet voices of my classmates didn't register, nor had I realized that I was staring at Ted Tonks. At least, I hadn’t until when the professor’s gentle voice broke through my walls and pulled my mind back to earth.
Her kind words and praise over my work caught me off guard. I flashed a vibrant, beaming smile in response. She seemed a little surprised, yet the older woman returned my smile and continued on her journey through the tables, inspecting each person’s work in turn.
I felt the biggest urge to do something, but I wasn’t sure what would give me the most happiness. Should I apologize to the Hufflepuff? It probably should really be Raphael apologizing, but I was well aware that the prospect of that happening was undoubtedly low. No matter what kind or amount of pleading and cajoling, he wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t waste my breath and pride over trying to get him to do it. Or, I could always confront Raphael and tell him to stop being the world’s biggest prick, I wasn’t his girl and he wasn’t to threaten random lads just because I was nice to them. My lips curled up in a scheming grin as I thought about it. It sounded like a rather nice plan to me. It sounded like a good way to rebuke his actions, to prove my own independence and my own ability to take care of myself. With all these people hovering over me, it was as if no one thought I could handle my own life.
Casting my gaze over my shoulder, I caught the eyes of Raphael and smiled at him sweetly. His returning smile sent both a shudder down my spine and a spasm through my heart. Despite it all, I still did love him in my own way. It’s like I’ve read: once you love someone, that person will forever be in your heart. My smile grew wider in response and I mouthed for him to stay behind once we were allowed to leave. His quick nod and the twinkle in his eye awoke apprehensions in my mind. It would have been nice to have a little planning, but I was a clever girl. I could simply say what I had to say and be done with it. I could just turn on my heel and go up to the castle… make that disappear into the castle. Fear fluttered in my stomach on the wings of butterflies, but I ignored it. I was done being intimidated.