Friends against Sisters
Leading Ted away from the entrance hall, I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t sure what to say now that I actually had his attention. Everything had flowed so easily in the entrance hall; it was as if hours, not months, had passed since we last talked. The awkwardness hung between us, accenting that fact. I turned to him and opened my mouth to say something, but closed it soon after. My mind was strangely jumbled when I looked at him, keeping me from making a coherent sentence.
Bothered by my inability to keep myself in control, I avoided looking at him. I could feel his eyes on me every now and then as we continued to stroll in silence.
I had tried so hard in the last few weeks to not think about him or about anything related to him. The mere fact that I was trying not to only made it occur more and more. I was unable to get him out of my mind, no matter how diligently I focused on my school work. I’d find myself slaving away over my cauldron in Potions, only to pick up something that caused me to glance at Ted. It had driven me to Raphael, no matter how much my common sense screamed not to. I instantly regretted that choice. Afterwards, I had to go to great lengths to elude him.
Finally, unable to handle it any longer, I took a fleeting look. He didn’t look uneasy, that faint smile lurking about his lips as we walked. His hand rested lightly on mine as if he was used to roaming through empty hallways with a girl on his arm. As I watched him, I realized the possibility that he did this often was probably pretty high. He was actually and genuinely liked by people throughout the school. A few of the more rebellious Slytherins even expressed respect for him.
As we walked along, I wondered why he wasn’t off with another girl. Why didn’t he have a girlfriend? Why did he agree to come with me? Why didn’t he question me as we wandered? Wasn’t he curious?
“What are you thinking?”
It just slipped out, surprising both Ted and myself. He looked at me, his blue eyes bright and crinkled in the corners from suppressed laughter.
“I’m thinking about the day we met. Do you remember that? Aveline still doesn’t know that you’re the one who pushed us together,” he said quietly, his lips curving into a smile.
I felt my cheeks warm slightly, and I smiled in response.
“How could I forget? You knocked me down.” I was astonished at the effortless teasing tone in my voice when I spoke.
His smile widened and he shrugged. “I was in a rush to get to class. Good things happened because of it, so you better not complain.” He wagged a finger at me playfully, clearly more comfortable than I.
I laughed, and bumped into him gently. Everything came so naturally; it was as if we had never stopped being friends. Silence lapsed again, but this time, it was a companionable one. We exchanged grins, and kept walking along.
I felt his eyes on me, and glanced at him. His dark blue eyes were positively twinkling with his good mood, his lips curled up at the corners in a pleased smile. It was infectious, and I soon found myself grinning stupidly for the mere reason that I was in a great frame of mind. I shook my head at Ted, and tried fruitlessly to ignore his pointed staring.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice sounding close to my ear.
I looked in his direction, coming to a direct stop when I saw just how little distance there was between us. He stopped as well, watching me with obvious humor. What was I thinking? I was thinking a whole host of things that I didn’t want him to ever know.
“I’m thinking that… I’d like you to be my friend,” I finally answered.
His smile broke out, wide and dazzling. He had the best smile; a little crooked, but completely wonderful.
“I’d love to be your friend.”
His simple words hit me to the core. Slytherins weren’t direct like that. They talked in circles, had round-a-bout ways to get what they wanted. He was always so honest when he spoke... I gave him an admiring glance.
“Andy?”
I whirled around toward the voice I had known since I was a little girl. At the end of the hall was Narcissa, looking at me through curious pale eyes. I gave her a faint smile.
“Hello Cissy,” I said pleasantly.
Ted was a bit behind me, watching with a determined sense of relaxation and calm that I could feel from where I stood. I could imagine him standing with his arms crossed loosely over his chest, both defensive and strong, with a slight curve to his lips. I glanced at him, and smiled to see my guess was correct.
“What’re you doing?” Cissy asked me, drawing my attention back to her.
I smiled fully at her. “Walking with a friend. Do you need something?” My politeness didn’t hide the steel edge to my voice. I was tired of my family feeling the need to check up on me.
She gave Ted an appraisingly look, her lips curling into a faint look of disgust. She drew her eyes back to me, choosing to ignore his presence. “I do. We got a letter from Bella. I think you should read it,” she told me.
“Oh. Okay.” I turned to Ted, and smiled apologetically. “I’ll be right back.”
He nodded, and turned away. He was being gentlemanly, I realized as I walked toward my sister. She was eyeing me warily as I approached, as if I were a stranger.
“Have you read it yet?” I asked.
“Yes.” Her voice held a faint quiver of fear and a slight trace of awe. I wondered what could be in it that would make my little sister react this way.
“Let me see it then.” I held out my hand, and drew away a bit when she placed it in my hand. I recognized Bella’s slightly messy, but still elegant script easily.
Dear Cissy,
I’ve done it. I’ve left home and I’ve done something that will make me go down in history. I’ll have power beyond anything we imagined. You’ll be proud of me. I can’t say much about it; he’d be furious. The Dark Lord’s plans are daring and brilliant. He’s passionate about cleaning the bloodlines of wizards and willing to risk so much to get there. He’s unlike any man I’ve ever met, inspiring and fearsome. He’s such a force to be reckoned with. Don’t you see, Cissy? This is our chance to bring wizards into full power of the world. I’ve already learned so much. I hope that one day, you may join us. Pass the news on to Mum and Dad.
With love,
Bella
I felt something twist inside my gut. It sounded so familiar, so haunting. She had been going on about this new Dark Lord for months, of his followers called the Death Eaters. In the corner was a doodled design that was becoming more and more infamous; the mark of the Dark Lord. I could feel the reverence and excitement she had about her newest adventure in her words as if she was speaking them. There was something more too, more than admiration.
I looked up at Cissy, shocked. She smiled at me hesitantly. There was no mention of me in there, nothing at all.
“Maybe she forgot, Andy. It sounds like she had a lot on her mind; her letter is shorter than usual.” Cissy tried to placate me, putting her hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture.
I knew that wasn’t it; Bella wasn’t simple or easy to figure out. She was a woman who was ruled by secrecy and tradition. I shook my head, trying to clear it. Shaking Cissy off, I handed the letter back, ignoring the stinging pain of rejection.
“I’m fine, Cissy, really.”
She looked at me dubiously. I was more concerned about Bella’s new title than myself.
“She’s a Death Eater now?” I asked Cissy, trying to prove to myself that I had misinterpreted the facts.
Cissy looked at me and nodded, her smile widening. “She is! Isn’t that fantastic? Bella’s going to be famous.”
“Yeah, famous…” I muttered absently, trying to wrap my mind around it.
She shot me a calculating look, but said nothing.
“Thanks for telling me, Cissy,” I said as I pulled her into a hug.
She stiffened at the spontaneous show of affection, but slowly relaxed into my hug. I grinned as she wrapped her arms around me for a swift squeeze before pushing me away.
“Welcome,” she mumbled, looking proud as she lifted her chin to hide the embarrassment in her eyes.
I laughed as she walked away, knowing she would try to forget about my hug. Turning back to Ted, I watched him for a while. He was so patient and kind… He stood there waiting for my okay, talking animatedly with the occupant of a painting. I admired how he could get just about anyone to like him.
I wondered though; had he heard anything? Was he aware of the choice my older sister had made? I was sure it was a trail that my younger sister would choose as well. Fear clouded my senses, fear that he would find out, and be ashamed. Bella’s choice represented my family’s values, but they weren’t mine.
I knew I was a proud person; I was proud of the amount of history behind my name, but not what the history contained. I was proud of the generations of powerful witches and wizards in my family tree, but not the things they did. I was proud of the loyalty and strength the members of my family had for our name, but not the burden they put on those who were different. I was proud of the respect my name was given, but not the reasons behind the respect.
I didn’t think anyone knew this about me. Cissy thought I was just as proud as she was of where we came from. Mum and Dad were more distant as I grew older, it was true, but I didn’t think they realized why I was acting the way I was. My friends had no inkling at all of the thoughts that ran through my head.
Bellatrix was the only one who seemed to know, who suspected me of treason. I saw it in her eyes the last time I saw her. I was freshly reminded in the way that she ‘forgot’ to send me letters or holiday gifts unless reminded by Cissy. Now there was this. She was everything that I couldn’t stand about our family, representing it in the most solid and irreversible way of all.
I sighed to myself, telling myself that it didn’t matter. I could still be me, still be who I was while trying to please my family. Gathering my courage, I glanced to where Cissy had disappeared. She mustn’t know, not ever.
“Ted? My sister has left if you wish to continue our walk…” I knew I sounded hesitant, unsure of myself when I spoke. I couldn’t help it, no matter how much control I had gained through the years. Finding out about Bella’s new walk of life had shattered a part of my resolve. It was just one more thing I was unconfident about.
He turned to me with a smile, his dark eyes soft when he looked at me. The painting behind him was waving cheerfully in farewell as he walked towards me. I stared resolutely at it, fighting the urge to meet his eyes. He stopped in front of me, and touched my arm briefly, his fingers sliding down the fabric of my sleeve to take my hand in his.
“Andromeda, are you okay?” The concern in his voice made me look up at him in surprise. He was always so kind.
I gave him an absentminded smile, wondering if I could brush my mood off. “It’s nothing. I just got some unexpected news, that’s all.”
He looked at me, his face twisted in disbelief. “Dromeda…” He sounded reproachful, as if annoyed that I thought I could get away with lying.
Sighing, I turned my gaze to our joined hands, to his thumb rubbing lightly over my smooth skin.
It was odd… If Raphael had touched me like that, I would have been wary, defensive. He was only ever kind when he wanted something. With Ted, it felt innocent, a gesture of friendship and comfort. It sent up a light fluttering feeling my stomach, almost seeming like nervousness. I ignored it, pretending there was nothing going on.
“I don’t know if I should tell you. I don’t want you to think badly of me,” I muttered, wishing I had better control over myself.
He chuckled, not unkindly as he spoke with quiet confidence. “I make my own opinions, and once set, they don’t tend to change. Trust me on this, Dromeda. I won’t run away from you, whatever this is about.”
His free hand tipped my chin up towards him, forcing me to meet his eyes with unspoken gentleness. I sighed, and nodded in defeat, that fluttering feeling growing.
“It’s my sister…” I trailed off in uncertainty.
“Narcissa?” He probed, urging me to continue when I fell silent. I shook my head swiftly. “Bellatrix?” I nodded, watching as his face twisted into something akin to disgust before it fell back into a smooth mask of kindness. When I didn’t say anything more, he asked another question. “What about Bellatrix?”
My shoulders drooped as I gave up the last of my reservations. “She’s become everything I hate about my family, our history. She’s turned into someone I don’t know, and it frightens me beyond belief. Have you heard of the Death Eaters?” I finally asked, watching an unrecognizable flicker of emotion flash through his eyes at the name of the new group. He nodded slowly. “She is one of them,” I whispered, waiting for the rejection in his eyes.
He only smiled sympathetically, shaking his head at the questioning look in my eyes. Ted drew me into a hug slowly, searching for a hint of resistance. I went quietly, letting out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. His touch was soft, his fingers brushing over my hair.
I hugged him back, and drew away when his arms loosened slightly. “Thank you,” I said simply. He always gave me so much. I sent him a dazzling smile. “You know, I’ll have to repay you for this somehow.”
An answering spark of mischief lit up his dark blue eyes, and he grinned back at me. “Oh?”
I nodded, noticing that despite the light hearted atmosphere, I was still tense. I pulled completely from his embrace and turned from him. What was wrong with me? Usually so in control of myself, I could hide even the strongest revulsion, the wildest rage. Here and now, in this quiet hallway with the understanding Ted Tonks, I was finding it impossible to keep everything in check.
I could feel Ted’s eyes on me; feel his thoughtfulness in the air between us. I didn’t know what to do. As much as I wanted to forget, Cissy’s confirmation of my fears rang in my ears still. How could I just go off and enjoy myself as if it never happened?
Ted’s hand brushed my shoulder, sweeping my long hair behind it. My eyes met his, that fluttering bursting into life once again. He looked confused and concerned, worried and intrigued, along with so many other emotions. I didn’t know how to answer the silent question on his face. It was possible I had hurt him by turning away, but I couldn’t find it in myself to fix it.
“I should leave,” I mumbled, avoiding his face.