As little as three months ago, the fate of Wizarding Britain looked bleak. The Ministry of Magic had fallen, and we bore witness to horrors unseen in the last war. However, the war against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named came to an unexpected end on Christmas Day 1997, thanks to a Muggle cement truck driver named Benjamin Dover.
And now after a long-overdue three months, Gniddup’s Sweets has announced the release of the highly anticipated Benjamin Dover Chocolate Frog Cards, completing the Heroes of the Second War Chocolate Frog Card series (for a complete list of the cards, see page 7). The first 50 cards in print will be released in sweet shops throughout Britain on 27th March, with normal production to commence a week later.
Roy cut out the article from the Daily Prophet clumsily with a pair of scissors. After doing so, he read the article another time… and again…
About time! he thought to himself. This was it. He needed that card, and soon… but 27th March was still a few days away. It would be an agonising wait.
Roy heard footsteps approaching his cubicle in the Broom Regulatory Control, and he instantly knew who they belonged to.
“Hey Frank,” Roy said without turning at all, “do you remember our bet?”
“What?” was Frank’s reply.
Roy didn’t elaborate, but instead grabbed the article, turned around, and handed it to Frank. His co-worker’s bushy black eyebrows narrowed and his dark eyes skimmed back and forth as he read.
“Of course!” Frank chuckled when he finished it. “I don’t want to lose my hard-earned cash, do I?”
“Yes you do. You want to give it to me. So are we on, then?”
Frank smiled widely and offered his hand. “You bet we are!” he agreed (Hey, that’s a pun!). Roy shook his hand. With that done, Frank walked away. “Better watch out on the 27th,” he said as he disappeared from view“
Frank came running back about ten seconds later. “I completely forgot why I walked over to your cubicle to begin with! We still have to draft that quota on Brazilian broomsticks…”
The Magic is Might statue in the Ministry of Magic’s atrium had been blown up within a week of You-Know-Who’s downfall. All that was left of that horrible monument were countless pieces of rubble, which incidentally made good souvenirs. Roy in fact had a few pieces on display on top of his fireplace.
In the place of that statue was a new monument, which had gone up with almost the same speed as the previous one was taken down. This new memorial fountain consisted of a round concrete plinth rising out of the water, with a large rectangular pedestal of pure white marble on top of it. Inscribed at the top of the pedestal in gold letters were the words Sic Semper Tyrannis, and below it the names of all who had fallen in both wars fighting against evil and tyranny.
But enshrined on top of the marble pedestal was it, the very cement mixer that had defeated the Dark Lord, displayed in all its massive, shiny, and grim glory. The vehicle was huge, dwarfing any family-sized broom or flying carpet. Roy, along with many people who saw the fountain, wondered why Muggles needed such large, imposing machines (that couldn’t even fly!) to get around. Though they never knew the answer, they were simply thankful that the huge Muggle contraption was big enough to deliver the Wizarding World out of the darkness.
The massive egg-shaped part of the cement mixer slowly rotated, and water cascaded out of the opening at the rear and down the chute into the fountain’s base, which was littered with coins. The truck was highly polished and gleaming; the rippling reflection of the water made it look like the sides of the vehicle and its pedestal were moving. However, marring the gleaming cement mixer’s wheels, bottom, and parts of the sides were streaks of shocking crimson. You-Know-Who’s magically preserved blood stayed as a reminder of the brutality of his regime and the justice meted out to him.
Roy stopped at the sign at the fountain’s edge that declared that all proceeds from the Triumph Fountain would go St. Mungo’s. Unfortunately, selfless charity wasn’t the reason why most people pooled their precious money into the fountain: ever since the victory monument had gone up, it was good luck to throw a Galleon into the spinning opening of the cement mixer where the water came out. At any rate, that’s what people said.
Roy pulled out a shiny Galleon from his pocket. Making a wish was easy: he wanted to win that bet with Frank, and badly. He aimed for the top of the chute. It was a long shot: the cement mixer’s opening was at the tip of the revolving egg-shaped part, which was the highest part of the vehicle. Furthermore, the truck was on top of the marble pedestal, which was on top of the low concrete plinth (made from the very cement that was in the truck that fateful day). Nevertheless, some people did make it, since coins thrown into the revolving part occasionally came out with the water, tumbling down the chute. With that in mind, Roy pulled back his arm and threw.
It missed. It didn’t even hit the cement mixer at all, instead sailing over the top. Undoubtedly, some lucky person of the other side of the fountain just got one Galleon richer. Cursing his bad aim, Roy picked out another Galleon and tried again. That one was closer, but it landed in the chute and was carried into the fountain by the torrent of water.
It was bad luck to give up after having started the wish-making-coin-throwing process, so Roy dutifully (albeit unhappily) threw three more Galleons. The first two missed, but the last one finally soared into the cement mixer’s cavernous abyss.
“YES!” he exclaimed. Some people looked up from their busy routine and stared, but Roy paid no attention. I better win that bet now! he assured himself. That wish cost me five Galleons!
With his mission complete, Roy walked away from the fountain, and saw from the corner of his eye some hopefuls emulating his example, throwing coins and hoping to get lucky.
Roy left the Ministry of Magic and entered Diagon Alley. Only a few months ago, it was almost deserted. Now however, it was business as usual. And speaking of business…
There was a clutter of people in front of the sweet shop. Not in it, but outside with lawn chairs and tents even, despite the fact that the shop was already open.
Then it hit him. The twenty or so people cluttered around the shop were staking their places in line for the 27th of March, the day the first 50 Benjamin Dover cards would come out. The realisation washed over him like a wave of ice.
They are going to get it first! his panicking brain screamed. He needed to do something about it!
Disturbed, Roy Apparated back home. He opened the front door and found his young son Danny playing with his toy cement mixer and Benjamin Dover action figure. Roy walked right past (hurriedly answering Danny’s screams of “Daddy!”) and went straight to the bedroom.
He got a bag and threw a couple changes of clothes and blankets in it. He then stormed to the kitchen and grabbed whatever non-perishable food he could find.
“What are you doing?” a startled female voice said. Roy turned around and was confronted by Rachel. “You’re not leaving us?”
Before he knew it and without thinking, Roy answered, “Yes.”
“WHAT?” his wife squawked.
“No no no no!” he said frantically, trying to repair the damage. “I didn’t mean that! Well... not in that way!”
They shouted at each other for a bit, until Roy finally managed to calm Rachel down. His explanation only inflamed her once again.
“No! I won’t let you run away from your job and family for half a week to go chase after Chocolate Frog Cards! What are you thinking?”
“But Darling, do you know how important this is? I’m talking about the first fifty Benjamin Dover cards! Do you have any idea how valuable they’ll end up being? Imagine how much money we could sell them for later!”
Rachel didn’t budge. “I don’t care! You’re family is more important than some stupid card! What about me? What about Danny? Give me a reason why that card is more important!”
Roy stuttered, unable to respond to his furious wife; it was scary to look at her. “I… I… h-ha-”
Her eyes widened. “Oh no… don’t tell me. Sweet Merlin, Roy! You’re not gambling, are you?”
Roy slowly nodded. He could almost see the flames bursting out from her furious nostrils. She might as well have been a Common Welsh Green if she wasn’t blonde.
“Fine!” she shouted. “Fine! If some stupid bet is more important to you than your family or your job, go right ahead! Go! Get out!”
“I“I“” Roy stammered.
“OUT!”
Roy was not in a good mood when he staked out his claim in front of the sweet shop. First of all, he was about twentieth in line. Secondly, his wife had thrown him out of the house. Only then did he realise that he still hadn’t packed a chair or a tent, or anything; he would have to stay outside in front of the shop for three days. What would he do once night came?
Why does Rachel have to be such a pain in the arse? Roy fumed to himself. He sat on his blanket, immersed in angry thoughts for a few hours.
At least he had a place in line…
That night was horrible. Nobody had extra room in their tents (or more likely, they didn’t want to aid the competition), so he huddled in his blanket, vainly trying to trap whatever warmth escaped from his body. The stone street was hard and cold, and uncomfortable wasn’t an adequate word to describe it.
Roy woke up the next morning quiet miserable. He was cold and hungry. Though he couldn’t do much for the cold besides willing the sun to rise faster, he could alleviate his angry stomach, somewhat. He drank some of the little water he had and ate about half of the precious food he hoarded in his bag, which happened to be a carrot and a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. He entertained himself (unsuccessfully) trying to find the buttered toast flavoured bean, because that’s what he was craving at the moment. Roy savoured its taste once he found it, but he passionately wished that he could have eaten the real thing.
Slowly, the shadows retreated and Roy and the other campers in front of the shop were bathed in the morning sunlight. Warmth at last! his brain screamed, relieved. Soon enough, Diagon Alley buzzed with shoppers, and a blonde woman with a rolled-up sleeping bag joined the campers at the sweet shop line.
After about an hour of people-watching and reflecting on just how impossible his wife was, Roy suddenly found himself in dire need of a toilet. He had no idea whether the shops had any loos he could use, but that wasn’t his worry. His place in line was at stake.
Roy looked at the next person in line: the blonde woman who had just set up camp an hour ago. She was busy reading a book… or was she? She was probably just waiting for an opportunity to steal Roy’s place, the moment he left to go relieve himself. He quickly found himself hating her, the bloodthirsty parasite!
The woman noticed Roy staring at her and tried ignoring it. That lasted about ten seconds, because Roy’s gaze was fixed upon her thin book-reading-but-waiting-to-pounce façade. Grrr…
Her eyes flicked up from her book (Cement Mixer Deliverance: How the Wizarding World Was Saved) and almost immediately returned to the pages. Roy could tell she wasn’t really reading: her eyes were focused on one part and they didn’t move. Either that, or she was a very slow reader, like a sloth or a banana.
It was an epic battle of wills. The evil blonde demon lady hid behind her book pretending to read, occasionally looking to see whether Roy was still there, ready to strike in his absence. But Roy was still there, and he had no intention of leaving. He would not give in! If she wanted his place, she would have to fight him! He wouldn’t leave. NEVER!
Unfortunately, the enemy had a few tricks up her sleeve. The pressure in Roy’s bladder was steadily building…
NO! He would not succumb to such a trifling thing as going to the toilet! She would have to force him! HA!
Curses! Roy cursed to himself, thoroughly desiring to curse the woman into a pile of curse-residue blobs. She was forcing him! He desperately needed to go...
Roy was breathing heavily, and his face started to turn red. To the woman, this only made him look even more alarming “ No, fearsome! She must fear my awesome wrath! Those Chocolate Frog Cards will be mine! MINE!
He couldn’t take it anymore. Damn her! Damn her to hell and gone! he thought vehemently. In a blaze of fury Roy stood up and confronted her.
“ALL RIGHT YOU TWO-FACED BASTARD… ETTE!” he screamed at her startled face. “FINE! TAKE MY PLACE, DAMN YOU! BUT YOU’LL REGRET THIS! I NEVER FORGET A FACE!”
Roy turned away from the startled woman and bolted to the back of the sweet shop where the loos were.
Ahhhhh…
He left the shop to find his place… empty! Nobody “ not even the blonde woman “ took his spot! He had triumphed!
The blonde woman was cowering behind her book again, now quite a distance away from his spot. Her eyes widened as she spotted Roy coming her way. She shifted uncomfortably and turned her back to him, and then proceeded to dive into her book with reckless abandon.
There she is… biding her time. She had only moved a little farther away to lull Roy into a sense of false security. He must be watchful!
By the end of the day, she had summoned more reinforcements to her cause. Two men set up a tent behind her sleeping bag, and now Roy had his attention divided between three adversaries. How could he win now? They’ll storm in and take his place in line for sure now!
But Roy was not entirely alone. Rachel finally took pity on him and visited him that night, bringing blankets, food, and a tent borrowed from some friends. She failed to convince Roy to come home, and to forget about the Benjamin Dover cards.
“Danny misses you,” she had said.
“Tell him I miss him too,” Roy responded, “but I have a big job that I have to do.”
After more unsuccessful pleading, Rachel finally conceded defeat and left Roy with the extra provisions. Eager to avoid another frigid, arse-freezing night, Roy hurriedly set up the tent and dragged his current worldly possessions inside.
That night was just as uncomfortable as the first. Though he had a warm sleeping bag and a tent to sleep in, he got little sleep. He could hear voices outside through the canvas, the voices of his enemies plotting to take his place in line. He even heard some footsteps, because one of them was undoubtedly reconnoitring his position.
Roy sat upright with his wand gripped tensely in his hand. He was fully expecting someone to burst into the tent, dispatch him, and take his place in line. He could not “ will not “ allow that. He had suffered too much to let that happen.
There was no assault on the tent by daybreak. Typical, thought Roy. They’re just observing and waiting for their chance.
The next morning passed without much incident, much being the key word. Roy spent most of his time staring across no-man’s-land at his adversaries, but he had a visitor at around lunchtime.
It was his co-worker whom he had the bet with, Frank. He looked distinctly agitated.
“There you are, Roy!” he declared. “The boss is going ballistic! You’ve been missing from work for two days without a word! You should have at least told him you were taking time off before pulling a stunt like this.”
“Well, sorry,” Roy said evasively. “Just tell him that I’m here and still work for him.”
“Don’t you get it? He could fire you. Please, just return to work for the day to let him know you’re still alive. Can you do that?”
Roy took a moment before responding. He looked at the enemy horde behind his place in line, undoubtedly talking about how they were going to steal his position. “No I can’t,” Roy finally answered. “I’ll lose my place in line.”
“No you won’t,” Frank replied quickly. “Please just show up to work for at least a few hours, okay? I don’t want to face the boss alone. You know how he just blames everything on the closest person to him, i.e. me.”
Silence… Roy was still staring intently at the opposition.
Frank waited for a few moments before blurting, “What are you staring at?”
“Them,” Roy answered simply.
“Them?”
“Yep,” confirmed Roy. “Them. They’re trying to take my place in line. Just last night, they were examining my position. They’re bound to strike soon.”
It took a few seconds for the horrifying meaning of these words to sink into Frank. However, his reaction wasn’t what Roy was expecting.
“Have you gone completely mental?” he hollered. “They’re not planning any Roy-hostile-takeover-tent! They’re just sitting there! See?”
“HA!” Roy scoffed. “You haven’t seen anything. Besides, how would you know? You’ve been cooped up at the office for the last two days.”
“Well, if you’re going to act like a total idiot, I guess I’ll just piss off then. I’ll tell the boss that you’ve lost your marbles.” declared Frank as he walked off.
“Remember, we still have that bet!” Roy called out to his retreating backside. Roy discovered that he hated his co-worker with a passion once he had left. That man tried to get him to abandon his quest, clearly trying to sabotage his efforts to ensure that he won the bet. I’ve got news for you, mate! It didn’t work! I saw right through you! Ha!
Then came a disconcerting thought. Could Frank be in league with the evil blonde lady and her minions? He had to be! Roy’s situation suddenly looked very dire; never before had he faced adversity on such a scale.
Only to make matters worse, his enemies were multiplying like mutant demon rabbits of the Apocalypse. Another two campers joined the line, and then another person, and then a group of three…
And just like the cruel rodents they were, they appeared to be inoffensive to the untrained eye. Roy observed how they all pretended to talk to each other, or pretended to read the newspaper, or how they pretended to do… pretendy things! They were very good at the arts of deception and subterfuge, but they couldn’t fool Roy!
Faced with such overwhelming numbers, Roy realised the need to fortify his tent against the inevitable onslaught. He found himself wishing that he had paid more attention in Defence Against the Dark Arts while at Hogwarts. Then he could put some real curses on the tent, not the simple kid stuff he knew. Nevertheless, Roy placed a creative combination of jinxes on the tent’s opening. Whoever tried to break into his tent and steal his place would be very unhappy.
But Roy was also very unhappy. What if the first person on the assault sacrificed himself by absorbing all of the jinxes, leaving the way clear for the rest of the group? Roy needed a second line of defence, and he knew just where to get it!
Anxious to not let the enemy take advantage of his absence, Roy hurtled himself into the Magical Menagerie, bought what he needed, and came bursting out with several ill-tempered, belligerent biting mousetraps. Perfect!
He ran back to his tent, but what he saw made his heart skip a beat. The battle had begun! The blonde woman was leading the assault, reaching for the tent flap! Her finger touched the canvas“
If she was conscious, she would have said something like bbluubbaaarrrggghhh!
But she didn’t, because she was instantly concussed by the torrent of hexes and jinxes, and the effect was very unsightly, since it involved boils, nostril hair, and other things best not mentioned. Holy crap! he thought to himself, astounded by the results of his jinxing skills.
“Holy crap!” yelled a female voice, echoing Roy’s thoughts exactly, but aloud. There were running footsteps… and there appeared the blonde woman!
Roy did a double take. He looked at the startled conscious blonde woman, and then looked at the hideous unconscious blonde woman by the tent flap. Roy noticed a familiar gold ring on the concussed body’s finger…
“By Godric! Not you too!” he wailed despairingly. Now Roy was truly alone. First his friend, and now his wife had deserted him and entered the enemy’s ranks. Will they stop at nothing to steal his place?
Soon enough, her limp form was carried away to St. Mungo’s by a team of mediwizards someone had summoned. Roy watched the occasion unfold, morose. How would he explain to Danny what she had done? Mum did something really bad. Maybe you’ll know when you’re older. That sounded horrible and very inadequate.
But once her body was out of sight, Roy’s thoughts reverted back to anger. How could you? This is a betrayal of the worst kind! He accepted the uncomfortable fact that the two of them would have to have a very serious discussion once the situation had blown over…
But no matter how deceitfully his enemies, Frank, and Rachel conspired to steal his place in line or sabotage his efforts, Roy remained by his tent, immobile. Though his resolve was unyielding, he shuddered to think of what awaited him, seeing what his adversaries had done already. This is just getting better and better, his mind scathed. He had only one more night to go, but it would be the toughest yet.
Night came. Roy sat on top of his blankets in the tent, facing the flap that opened to the chaotic world outside. He was ready. All of the hexes and jinxes were in place. The biting mousetraps were growling at the floor by the tent flap, eager to tear apart any bodily appendage that dared to reveal itself. And lastly there was Roy, with his wand gripped firmly in both hands, ready to cause great pain at 5/7 of a moment’s notice.
He sat there for a long time.
Light permeated through the canvas walls, and the sides of the tent seemed to emanate an eerie glow. Day had arrived. Now was the hour of destiny, and only one side would emerge triumphant.
Carefully manoeuvring past his booby traps, Roy exited his tent. With a wave of his wand, it collapsed and folded itself. The biting mousetraps trapped inside snapped angrily at the crushing canvas.
His dreary eyes drank in his surroundings. The horde was awakening and packing, and eating their breakfasts. Roy didn’t; he wasn’t hungry, but he was immensely tired having stayed awake the whole night. However, the thought of his inevitable victory was enough to sustain him. He simply stood at his place in line.
Some time flew past, and the rest had finished whatever they were doing and stood in line too. Roy was sandwiched between his foes in front and in back, but no matter what side or affiliation, they all stared transfixed at the door, at the placard that said CLOSED.
With a jingle of a bell, a hand from inside the shop turned the sign around so it read OPEN.
POW! They were off. Roy quickly found himself stampeded by the pulsating mass of people behind him, pressing his body in the people in front trying to squeeze through the door.
NO! I haven’t suffered for three days, only to be trampled underfoot! Roy was being pressed into the ground, hemmed in by the avalanche of human bodies. With great difficulty, Roy slid his arm along his side and into his pocket, and retrieved his wand. He jammed it into the closest body to him, which wasn’t all that far.
“Expulso! Incendio! Tarantallegra! Rictusempra!”
Roy yelled whatever hexes came to mind, and he wasn’t the only one to do so. There was a flurry of spells fired in all directions at point blank range, hitting everyone trying to squeeze through the doorway. If anything, resorting to cursing the opposition only seemed to make progress go slower.
Finally, Roy managed to hack his way through the crowd. He burst through the door and was sprawled on the ground, winded from the compression of all of the bodies pressed together. But Roy didn’t have any time to waste; he launched himself from the ground and ran to the Chocolate Frog section“
He was too late! The twenty or so people in front of him in line had already cleared all of the shelves of Chocolate Frogs, and they were crowded at the counter! A few had finished paying and left with bulging sacks stuffed with Chocolate Frogs, those bastards!
Mind racing, Roy ran to the counter… and there was the blonde lady! How did she get through the door before him? But even more horrifying to his eyes was the last Chocolate Frog on the counter and the two Sickles, three Knuts in her hand…
BAM!
“I’ll pay you five Sickles for that Chocolate Frog!” declared Roy as he forcefully slammed the money on the counter.
“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that,” the cashier said. BAM! Roy put down another two Sickles, and the woman behind the counter once again refused. BAM! Roy pitched in another three Sickles.
“That’s my Chocolate Frog, mister!” the blonde woman said to Roy. “And it costs two Sickles, three Knuts.”
BAM! Roy slapped a Galleon on the counter. “Well, let’s see how much you want it then!” he yelled back at the blonde woman. Then he rounded on the cashier and said, “So, would you rather have the one Galleon, ten Sickles or the two Sickles, three Knuts?”
The woman behind the counter hesitated. “Well, I…”
BAM! Now Roy added another Galleon to the growing pile of coins. The cashier move a hand towards Roy’s money“
BAM!
“Three Galleons!” was the new increase, but it was the blonde lady who offered it. She looked at Roy with her eyes narrowed and smiling malevolently.
BAM! Four Galleons. BAM! Six Galleons“
BAM! Another person in the shop entered the bidding war, and then another.
BAM! Ten! BAM! Twelve!
It could have gone on forever, but Roy wasn’t in the mood. He grabbed a fistful of coins from his pocket and threw them at the counter. Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts went flying everywhere as they ricocheted off its wooden surface.
“THERE! IT’S MINE!” he exploded, and before anyone could do anything, he grabbed the last Chocolate Frog and bolted out of the shop and out the door, completely forgetting about his things left outside.
“WHOOHOO!” he proclaimed to the heavens. “YES! HA HA HA!”
It was pure bliss that words couldn’t describe. Roy held the Chocolate Frog above his head for all to see as he ran down Diagon Alley, whooping with glee and oblivious to the stares he was attracting.
Roy hurried over to Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour and sat at a table outside. He didn’t get any ice cream since he had spent all of his money on the Chocolate Frog, but he didn’t care: he didn’t need ice cream to celebrate! Once seated, he held the very expensive sweet in his hands and examined it with wonder.
He swelled with ecstasy. At last, the Benjamin Dover Chocolate Frog Card was his! His hands trembled as he vigorously ripped the package open“
And out fell a Chocolate Frog and a card. Totally ignoring the chocolate, he instead feasted his eyes on the Benjamin Dover card“
Kingsley Shacklebolt?
KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT!
The cry of Roy in total agony ripped through the tranquil morning“
“AAAAAHHHHH! MERLIN’S PANTS! NOOO!”
It was as if he had“
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”
“been stabbed, the pain“
“NOOOOO! WAAAAHHH!”
“was so“
“BBLUUBBAAARRRGGGHHH!”
“intense…
After regaining consciousness, Roy gingerly got off from the ground; he didn’t remember falling off his seat. With a swipe of his hand, he wiped a tear from his face. Roy was a broken man: the shock had mortally wounded him.
Roy sat in the seat, breathing heavily. How could this have happened? he thought despairingly. He noticed the detestable Kingsley Shacklebolt Chocolate Frog card lying on the ground at his feet. He picked it up and furiously ripped it to shreds. They cheated me! They were supposed to put Benjamin Dover cards on the shelves!
The anguish quickly subsided to be replaced by anger boiling in his throbbing veins. No longer was he Roy the distraught, oh no; the humiliation had created a monster!
I “ AM “ VENGEANCE! his psychotic mind proclaimed. That Benjamin Dover card will be mine, and NOTHING WILL STOP ME!
Cackling insanely, Roy the Avenger leapt from his seat, alive with manic energy. He tore his way through the back streets and arrived at the locked rear entrance of the sweet shop. The staff would be busy attending customers, so they wouldn’t notice him“
A simple Alohomora was sufficient to get through the rear door. So naïve, they are…
Roy the Avenger snapped the door shut once he was through. After a few moments of searching, he found the entrance to the cellar and climbed down the dark steps.
There it was. Boxes upon boxes of Chocolate Frogs! How many of them contained Benjamin Dover cards? At least one of them, for sure…
He aimed his wand at one of the boxes. “Portus,” he said, and the box glowed blue. After a second or so, the Portkey disappeared as it travelled to Roy the Avenger’s house. He repeated this process for the rest of the boxes“
Suddenly, the dark cellar was flooded with light. One of the staff members was coming down the steps! But he wasn’t done stealing all of the boxes!
“…sold out again!” he heard the man mumble.
“STUPEFY!” Roy the Avenger roared. The red spell narrowly missed hitting the man in the face.
“WHOA!” the man yelled. He whipped out his wand and sent a stunner back at Roy the Avenger.
They traded fire, but then“
CRASH!
Darkness…
Roy was lying down on his back on something soft. There was a bright light bludgeoning its way through Roy’s eyelids. He tried fighting it, but it was no use. Groaning and annoyed, he opened his eyes, and the image of Rachel sitting beside his hospital bed swam into view.
“You, my friend, are in very deep trouble,” she said.
“Wuh?”
“I said, you’re in trouble!”
“No, no. I heard you. I mean, why am I in trouble? Why are you so angry?”
“What do you mean, why?” she squawked indignantly. “You know perfectly why! You make a bet with one of your useless friends, then you go running off for three days to sit in line for a stupid Chocolate Frog card, then you CURSE me with your booby-trapped tent, and to cap it off, you BREAK INTO THE SHOP and STEAL six boxes of Chocolate Frogs, you ASSAULT one of their staff, and you get your head split open by a falling jar of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans! WHY DO YOU THINK I’M ANGRY!”
“Oh… damn“” was all Roy could say.
“‘Oh damn’ is right, Roy!” Rachel yelled. Then she said something that almost gave Roy a heart attack.
“I want a divorce.”
“WHAT?”
“I want a divorce!”
“No, I heard you just fine, but why?”
Rachel’s head slumped down and she buried her face into her hands, amazed at her husband’s stupidity. She muttered some exasperated curses under her breath that Roy couldn’t hear.
“Look, Rachel. Sweety. I’M SORRY. I love you. Please, please stay with me,” Roy pleaded.
“You “ are “ such “ a “ git!” she said through clenched teeth, finally raising her head and looking straight at Roy.
“Yes I am. I’m sorry. Can you for“”
The door to their ward opened and Roy’s co-worker, Frank appeared.
“OH! Right… bad timing. Er… bye!” Frank stammered as he hastily bid his retreat.
“Wait!” Rachel called out to him, and Frank stopped dead in his tracks. “Come here!” she barked at him, and Frank meekly complied.
Once Frank arrived by Roy’s bed, Rachel then rounded on Roy. “Do you love me?” she asked.
“Of course I do!” Roy replied.
“Do you want a divorce?”
“No!”
Frank sat very uncomfortably during this exchange, and looked at the ceiling awkwardly…
“Good! And are you willing to do anything to keep our marriage?” Rachel continued.
“Yes!” Roy answered instantly.
“An Unbreakable Vow?”
Roy paused to consider, but not for long. “Yes,” he said heavily.
“Perfect,” Rachel said cheerfully. “Now, Frank, would you consent to be our Bonder?”
Frank mumbled excuses, but consented after Rachel gave him a furious glare. Roy sat up in his bed, and noticed that his head felt heavy, since it was covered in a turban of bandages. Once upright, he and Rachel clasped their hands together, and Frank held the tip of his wand to their intertwined hands.
“Now, Roy, from this point forth, will you vow to never buy a Chocolate Frog for the rest of your life?” asked Rachel.
Roy sighed. “I will,” he said. A thin strand of brilliant flame emerged from the tip of Frank’s wand and bound itself around their hands.
“And will you promise to never buy another Chocolate Frog for the rest of your life?”
“Erm… you said that twice,” Frank observed timidly.
“SHUT UP. As I was saying, will you promise to never buy Chocolate Frogs again for the rest of your life?”
“I will,” Roy said with solemn finality. A second fiery strand wrapped around their hands.
“And will you, Roy, vow to never buy another Chocolate Frog for the rest of your life?”
“I will.”
A third flaming strand emerged from Frank’s wand and interlaced with the other two, binding them together. It burned brilliantly for a few moments before fading into nothingness.
“Good,” scathed Rachel. “Now that that’s done with, we just have to worry about your hospital bill and criminal charges. You’re going to need your wife to pull you through this muck!”
“Yes, darling,” Roy answered, clearly humbled.
“SO… did you get the Benjamin Dover card?” asked Frank, drastically changing the subject.
“No.”
“Pity. Neither did I, but…” Frank said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out some sweets. “…I do have two Chocolate Frogs for the two of us to share. Let us celebrate our failure!”
“Roy, have you already forgotten our Unbreakable Vow?” addressed Rachel sternly.
Frank responded before Roy could: “Ah, but you only forbade him from buying Chocolate Frogs. You see, I’m giving him one.”
Rachel swore softly; then she admitted, “All right. You got me there.”
Roy took one of the two Chocolate Frogs Frank offered him. “You first,” he said to Frank.
His co-worker opened the package and ate the chocolate inside. He swallowed and then pulled out the card.
“Merlin,” he said, showing it to Roy. “Your turn now.”
Roy opened his package and stuffed the chocolate into his mouth. He pulled out the card and read:
His eyes widened in disbelief. There it was, at last!
“Benjamin Dover,” Roy stated simply.
“WHAT?” yelled Frank, and he hurried over to Roy’s side to see the card for real. Even Rachel came over to look, her disapproval vanishing in the wake of pure curiosity.
There was Benjamin Dover, yawning in his portrait. He had scruffy brown hair underneath the company hat he was wearing, and the hairs on his chin declared he was badly in need of a shave. But Roy did not register his inauspicious appearance, because he was simply transfixed by the image of the Muggle cement truck driver who had defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The card read:
Known as ‘The-Muggle-Who-Triumphed’ or ‘The Liberator,’ Benjamin Dover is famous for valiantly running over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with his cement mixer at Godric’s Hollow on Christmas Day, 1997. He is also known for defeating notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange with his toothbrush when she ambushed him in his flat a week later. Benjamin Dover enjoys U2 and rugby (a Muggle sport and a Muggle musical group, respectively).
And at the bottom of the card was the production number: Number Fifty! It was the absolute last Benjamin Dover card released that day!
The three of them sat there on the hospital bed, staring at the precious card. Finally, after an age, Frank cleared his throat.
“I guess you win that bet, then.”
Roy nodded solemnly. Frank pulled out a single, shiny Galleon and handed it to him.