My dear Scorpius,
Your visits are the highlight of my day, though I’m sure you’ve figured that out for yourself by now “ otherwise, why would you make it a point to come everyday? James doesn’t suspect anything, and even if he did, there isn’t any harm in your visiting, is there? You were always around here anyway, before James started working like a house-elf…
James cringes. There is no mistaking the smooth voice of Scorpius Malfoy. Spinning around, James finds himself face to face with the man. Anger, fury, hatred rises in him at the sight of the blond hair and gray eyes and the small smile.
‘What the fuck are you doing here, Malfoy?’ he snarls, backing away from Scorpius and hitting a table. The pub is suddenly louder than it was been before “ the customers know the rules of life “ what they didn’t hear, they didn’t witness.
Scorpius raises his hands, palms out, to chest height. ‘No need to get excited, James.’ His gray eyes are filled with sudden confusion.
James feels behind him on the table, looking for something to throw. His fingers find the cold metal of a tin cup. ‘I said what are you doing here, Malfoy?’ James feels no pity for Scorpius. Not one part of his heart can make itself care about Scorpius. Anger rises in James again, and it hurts, and all James wants is for Scorpius to feel that pain.
Scorpius steps forward, hands still raised, speaking over the deafening noise of the crowd. ‘What happened to plain old Scorpius?’
‘You son of a”’ begins James, pushing off from the table to launch himself and his little tin cup at Scorpius Malfoy. James wants to hurt him, hurt him for coming here and trying to stop him, hurt him for… for destroying everything. He wants to see the blood on Scorpius’s pale face and know that he, James, has caused him that pain. At the last second James stops himself, almost nose to nose with Scorpius, whose hands were still up and out, almost touching James’s chest. James has seen the bartender moving towards the door. He takes a small step back, chest heaving, and growls under his breath, ‘I’ll only ask this one more time: what on God’s green earth are you doing in this place?’
Perhaps Scorpius hears the death threat in James’s tone, perhaps not. But he replies, ‘Looking for you. Now it’s your turn. What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
James wants to raise his hands to the heavens and scream but he knows that would give the panicky bartender the excuse he needs to go tell the Ministry of Magic that some hooligan is harassing his customers. So instead, James turns away from Scorpius and flops down on chair of the table he bumped into moments ago. Scorpius looks around at the bartender and gives him a reassuring nod before taking the seat across from James.
‘Well?’ he asks.
James eyes the ceiling. ‘What do you think I’m doing?’
‘I haven’t a clue. Enlighten me, why don’t you?’
James meets Scorpius’s eyes and leans forward in his chair. ‘You bloody well know I’m here for Laura. Don’t act innocent around me!’
Scorpius matches James’s movements and then rests his arms on the table. ‘Laura is dead, James. There is no way to bring her back.’
‘Bullshit,’ hisses James. ‘Don’t try to feed me your lies, Scorpius; I’ve known you much too long to believe you when you’ve got that look on your face.’ James doesn’t add that saving Laura is not the point “ getting to her is.
‘Are you completely barking, James? You used to work in the Department of Mysteries; don’t you have any idea of what can happen when you mess with time?’ Scorpius exclaims, looking like he wants to grab James and shake him hard.
‘Oh, I know very well what can happen, and I have taken every precaution in the book to make sure nothing goes wrong. I’ve had to plan this.’
Scorpius stares at James, leaning back into his chair again. His gray eyes are filled with confusion and pity.
Fury raises its head in James’s chest. He doesn’t need pity, he doesn’t want it. Especially from this man sitting in front of him, this liar. He suddenly wants to say something cruel, something that will send Scorpius reeling, give him, James, time to escape. He is wasting time here “ he must find Laura.
A man in an apron walks by and something bright flashes in James’s eyes, again”
Voices, upstairs? ‘Where have you been, Laura, I’ve been waiting for hours “ did you come in through the window?’ Her clothes were ruffled; she was standing by the window. ‘I’ve been here,’ she said, breathlessly. He joined her at the window, seeing something in her face, and peered down into the night…
‘James?’ Scorpius’s voice drifts into James’s mind. ‘You okay, mate?’
James blinks and shakes his head. ‘What was that flash?’ he asks, looking around.
Scorpius looks at him, concern written all over his face. ‘The light.’ He points up at a bulb hanging from the ceiling, a few feet above them, a small bronze chain dangling down from it. ‘Someone just turned on the light. Are you sure you’re all right?’
James ignores him. The concern on Scorpius’s face seals James’s decision. As much as it will hurt him to just say it, he wants too much to see Scorpius’s reaction when he does. His anger changes from hot fury to cold hatred.
‘So,’ he begins. ‘How long?’
Scorpius looks back at him, deadpan. ‘How long “ what?’
‘How long had it been going on,’ James replies, nonchalant. ‘You know “ just an estimate.’
‘James, what are you on about?’
James looks up, narrowing his eyes. ‘I just told you Scorpius. Don’t act innocent. It doesn’t suit you.’
‘Have you completely lost it?’
James’s voice drops from a whisper, to a breath. Scorpius leans closer to hear. ‘Oh, come on now,’ James said quietly, almost kindly. ‘I know what I’m talking about and so do you Scorpius.’
When Scorpius’s face began to look permanently bewildered, James sighed and supplied, ‘She was having an affair. Laura. And you knew about it, didn’t you? Of course you did.’ James laughs. ‘Of course. Because you were the second party, weren’t you. Oh, no, no, no. Don’t try to lie to me Scorpius. I’m not an idiot, despite the fact that you and Laura seem to have done your best to play me for a fool.’
Scorpius is sitting completely still now. So still that James wonders if someone has put the full Body-Bind on him. They stare at each other for a long time, gray eyes meeting blue.
‘We “ we - we,’ begins Scorpius, but James cuts through his words.
‘If you lie to me Scorpius Malfoy I’ll know exactly how much you value our friendship. We’ve been mates since Hogwarts. I hope you remember.’ His voice is flat now. He feels empty, used up. Nothing Scorpius says now can surprise him.
‘Let me finish, James,’ replies Scorpius. His hands are back in his lap and from the way his arms are moving, James suspects he is wringing his own hands. ‘We… never meant it to go so far… I…’ He seems unable to go on.
Instead of anger, fury, hatred, all of the emotions he has been feeling ever since he found out, James feels only disappointment now. He finds the disappointment more painful than the anger. Laura… What had she done “ what had she done to him “ how could she have “ he loved her so much… And Scorpius - in him James found a friend. He can't remember a time in his life when Scorpius wasn't at his side as a confidant. How can James forgive this?
Taking deep breaths, feeling lightheaded again, as if he has cracked his injured head on something else, he repeats, ‘How long?’
Scorpius bit his lip, looked down at his lap, didn’t meet James’s gaze. ‘Years.’
James looks down at the table. There is a drop of wax from a candle sticking to the wood. It mocks him in the shape of a heart. He looks back up at Scorpius. ‘Just tell me one thing. Is Deben mine?’
Scorpius gazes at his old friend and shakes his head. ‘I don’t know.’
Dearest Scorpius,
James has finally received that promotion he’s been working so hard for. Basically all it means is that he’ll be at home even less now. Once upon a time, I would have cared. Now, there is nothing in him for me. He hardly even looks at me anymore.
The flowers you sent me were beautiful. I have them in vases all over the house. James didn’t even notice. Two years. Have “you” and “I” been “we” for that long already?