I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do…
Outside, it is still pouring rain. Thunder rumbles ominously in the distance after a bright flash of electricity. The fence lining the road on the left is moaning in the wind, blades of grass pasted to its wood by the storm. Dust on the road billows and swills in the air.
James’s teeth are chattering unabashedly, resisting all of his attempts to keep his jaw as still as possible. His breath rises in huge puffs of white in front of him, as he stuffs his hands in his armpits, trying to keep warm. Scorpius’s voice rings in his mind, a sickening mantra: James, please! I’m so sorry, I never meant it to go so far, I’m sorry. James, please…If there was anything I could do!
“Sorry”. What does he think? That one word will mend what he has spent so much time breaking?
His best friend. His wife.
The sound of James’s every step is magnified. His shoes thump repeatedly on the packed-dirt road “ he wishes they would not. The crackle of branches and leaves under his feet is deafening. James imagines it sounds like trees being uprooted during a landslide. He can still hear the sounds of town from behind “ the wind carries them far and wide in the open spaces.
James lifts his head and stared at the heavens as he walks. Rain drips steadily from the sky. Drops of it splatter onto his face and run down his cheeks and neck like tears. James closes his eyes. There is no danger on the road ahead “ no danger he wants to avoid “ so there is no reason to keep watching. With every step the Time-Turner hidden beneath his shirt bumps gently against his bare skin “ a reminder of his mission, a gentle reprimand. He should not be walking aimlessly like this down a road, without any idea of where he was going or why. His heart beats gently in his chest, unconcerned.
Is there any point in looking for Laura anymore?
She was cheating on him.
James’s throat constricts but he ignores it, and the pounding in his head.
She is dead anyway. He wouldn’t be able to save.
And the fact of the matter tugs at his heart “ he was not going to save her. That hadn’t been his initial plan. He wanted answers and the only way to get them was to go back and find Laura before her death… and confront her. Now… Scorpius has given the answers, hasn’t he?
Of course, one question remains.
Deben Potter.
James thinks of his young son. Beautiful was James’s first thought at their first meeting. Beautiful beyond any doubt. Blond hair, eyes as blue as the night sky… James had never before seen any being so magical. And the crux of his happiness was because, of course, this small bundle of splendor was his.
But is he? Is Deben a Potter? Or a Malfoy? And does he, James, even want to know?
Right now, at this moment, he can return home, to Deben. And Deben will still be his son, because he does not know otherwise.
And yet, there will always be that question in his heart. He knows it. The mystery will ruin his life, and Deben’s. And when Deben grows up and begins to question his father, begins to ask about his mother, what she was like, was she beautiful, wonderful, magical… what will James tell him then?
Is it better to find out?
Or not?
Or should he just take the next step and save Laura?
Deben would never have to ask any questions.
He could make things better.
But is it possible? Can he save her? James doesn’t think so. In the deepest corner of his heart, he doesn’t believe that he can save her.
Doesn’t believe that he wants to, leastways.
James opens his eyes, looks straight down the road again. No, he wouldn’t be able to save her “ especially not from here. Wherever here was.
Something in James’s heart whispers in his ear, says that his insistence that Laura can not be saved stems from what he knows about her now… “It is amazing how one revelation can change your love for a person into insatiable hatred” whispers the voice. James tries to ignore it. He looks around as his walks, trying to take his mind of that voice and what his heart it trying to tell him.
And then, there she is. Again. The girl in the white dress. James comes to a screeching halt and turns to stare at her.
She looks a little different from when he saw her last, a few hours previously. Her hair is slightly more windswept, and her dress more mud-spattered on the hem “ but her face is the same. She is watching him again. Without knowing why, James finds himself drawn to her. She seems to glow white, and James is gripped with a sudden urge to find out who she is. He walks towards her, but at that moment a yell rises from the road. James stops and looks to his right: a horse-drawn carriage is hurtling down the street, its driver shouting manically at James to get out of the way, doing his best to be heard over the wind. James stumbles backwards just in time and manages to remain in once piece.
The carriage sweeps past, the driver shouting profanities of the highest order, all directed down at the young man who was standing on the road, but James ignores him. For a moment he keeps his eyes down, afraid that the girl has vanished again, like last time “ but when he looks up, there she is “ closer than ever. James can hardly breathe, and he has no idea why “ she looks so familiar, but he feels sure he has never met anyone like her before.
She cocks her head to one side, blinks “ and for the first time James registers the color of her eyes: the lightest, most transparent blue he has ever seen. As James watches she raises her hand, saying something that he can’t hear over the wind. Her fingers move like she is twisting something”
And lightning flashes across the sky. A magnificent, blinding bolt of it, right behind the girl, and James cries out and raises a hand to shield his eyes. He stumbles backwards”
‘James?’
‘Hmm?’
‘I love you “ you know that, right?’
James looked up at his wife “ he saw nervousness in her face. ‘Of course, Laura.’ He was bewildered, but he had no time for it “ he was busy. Laura opened her mouth and said something, but he was already in the next room, and only heard a murmur. He thought about going back to see what she had said “ but no, he was behind in work “ too much to do…
…A glinting, gold hourglass on a chain. James fingered it, wondering if he dared to use it. There was a book in his other hand “ he glanced at it. Only a few turns in the right direction and he would be back, two weeks ago. James lifted the hourglass to the light “ and suddenly there was a knock on the door. He jumped, the hourglass slipped and James managed to catch it in the palm of his hand just in time.
‘James?’
Scorpius “ James’s stomach clenched “ Scorpius would convince him out of it “ now or never. James set the book down on the floor, flipped a few pages to recheck the method “ and Scorpius barreled through the door. James jumped, the Time Tuner jarred in his palm.
‘What are you doing?’ shouted Scorpius.
James grabbed the Time-Turner in his fingers and frantically turned it “ not looking, only counting. By the time Scorpius got to him, there was only air in his place”
James falls back, his head striking the fence behind him hard. For a long time, he just lies there, eyes closed, head renewing its enthusiastic throbbing. The girl “ the lightning “ the flashback… the girl. He understands now.
At least, understands why he is here - and not where he is supposed to be:
He twisted the Time-Turner in the wrong direction. He didn’t go back days “ but decades, maybe centuries.
Dearest Scorpius,
Help me. Tell me what to do!
I told James today about the baby. He was ecstatically happy. One revelation has changed him so much. His eyes are bright now.
Tell me what to do.