It began with his godforsaken job at the Ministry. First Department of Mysteries, to prove his excellence in spellwork. Two years later, Magical Law Enforcement. Then, Head of the Department. Make a difference in the world, he thought. Stop those criminals, he thought. And being Head of Magical Law Enforcement was a ticket to the seat of Minister of Magic. People liked a protector. James worked his ass off getting promoted and after the promotion, he worked his ass off trying to impress the people. Them, he may have impressed.
His wife and family, he wasn’t so sure about.
He married Laura after Hogwarts. She hadn’t attended, being a Squib, but she had always lived close to the Potters and James spent his first year of life playing with her due to lack of siblings. When Albus came along, Laura took a backseat in friendship.
As a teenager, he rediscovered her, but not in friendship. In romance. She blossomed over the years into a shy, quiet, yet stunning young woman and it hadn’t taken James long to fall in love. Their marriage had been quick, their happiness excessive.
And then James’s job. Long hours, short visits home, few kisses, less intimacy every day.
Of course she went to Scorpius. As James’s best mate, Scorpius was always over at their house before James’s job had begun. And James never stopped him from visiting. Laura and Scorpius were friends too. But of course, with James’s lack of presence, their relationship had flourished and bloomed into something more than platonic.
And of course, how could he blame her? How could he?
There were glances at work. Suggestive looks. Flirtatious words. Near misses. And not because he was loyal to his wife, not because he was afraid of breaking her heart, but because he didn’t have time. Not because he wouldn’t have, but because he couldn’t.
And it hadn’t stopped at neglecting his wife. His family suffered. His father died with only Albus and Lily at his side, died young from a wound he had received during a fight, a wound that every single moronic Healer had said would be fine. A wound that was under no circumstances, fatal. And yet, it slowly killed him. Painfully. With Healers standing around him, agape and confused. Healers, and Albus, Lily, Ginny and the Weasleys. But no James.
Thunder now. The storm is moving away.
He can’t blame Laura.
He is worse. He is at fault. Had he thought for one moment, used his head, stopped trying to live up to Harry Potter’s legacy, stopped thinking that if he were Minister for Magic, everyone would forget that it was Albus who looked like Harry and not James, that it was Albus who acted like Harry and not James. Everyone would forget to do a double take when he said his name and say, “You don’t look anything like your father”, or blink when they saw his Defense Against the Dark Arts marks and say, “Your father excelled in this subject”, that everyone would forget who he wasn’t, and realize who he was. If he had stopped all that, everything would still be okay.
Harry Potter wouldn’t have died with only one son and his daughter at his side.
Scorpius wouldn’t have gotten involved with Laura.
Laura would still be alive.
Everything would still be okay.
As the rain subsides, and night falls, James curls up on the swampy earth and wishes he could cry. Tears refuse to come. He doesn’t deserve them.
The next day dawns just as gloomy as the last. James wakes with a severe backache and a throbbing migraine. For a long time he just lies where he is, thinking.
The cloud of lies has finally dissipated. He can’t bring them back now, even though he wants to. Hiding behind them had been easy. Now he feels naked, his own faults staring him straight in the eyes.
So much of what has happened is his fault. And though he doesn’t know why Laura ended her life so suddenly, he suspects that too is his fault. He is the reason a beautiful young woman lost her life, the reason an infant child is now motherless. The reason a father could not leave this world in peace.
If he can save Laura, he can fix some of his mistakes. He can give her, her life back, give Deben his mother back.
In the end, he cannot use her mistakes against her. Because his mistakes are worse. If he had just been a good husband. If he had lived up to his vows…
When the pale sunlight finally spreads completely over his face does he stand “ he is going to save Laura. He has to. Letting her die is not an option. And he will make things better once she is back.
James stands up stiffly and glances around. There is no one nearby on the road. The closest building is a tall wooden, dull spectacle, and no one is near it. James pulls the Time-Turner our of his pocket, and reaches for his book”
His book. His bag. He has left both back in the Leaky Cauldron. James is struck with a sudden urge to kick himself. How could he have? Feeling suddenly panicky, James slaps a hand onto his pocket, and then sighs with deep relief “ he still has his wand.
His feeling of frustration neutralized slightly by the relief, James looks up, wondering what he can do. He needs instructions, something to tell him exactly how to make the Time-Turner take him back “ no, forward “ however many years he needs to go. He doesn’t trust his own knowledge anymore. And he needs to know the date.
James glances back at the tall building he saw earlier, further down the road. Maybe someone there will have what he needs.
It takes an hour to reach the building, despite how close it looks. James is starving, thirsty and exhausted mentally and emotionally, despite his long sleep. His head aches, his back aches, his neck aches. The hour feels like eternity.
When he finally reaches the porch, he feels like collapsing at the wooden steps and begging someone to give him a drink. He doesn’t. Instead, he steps forward, onto the porch. The door is open slightly, a small plaque on its door reads, REPOSITORY. Frowning, James pushes through the door. A warehouse? Of what?
His question is answered as soon as the door spreads wide enough to allow light to fall onto the contents of the establishment. Mountains of scrolls, heaping towers of parchment, stacked on the floor, on chairs, on tables, spilling out of an adjoining doorway, anywhere and everywhere they will fit. James’s jaw drops. He has found a library which might have what he needs to see, but to go through this ravaged pile of junk…
James walks forward to the nearest pile of parchment, when suddenly he hears something behind him. His hand flies to his pocket, he spins around, shoes scarping on the wooden floor, wand outstretched, heart in throat.
His eyes catch a wink of gold, and he freezes, wand clenched tightly in hand. Around the man’s neck is a Time-Turner. James doesn’t look up into his face. He doesn’t have to.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asks, letting his wand drop back to his side. ‘What are you doing here.’
Scorpius doesn’t say anything. His lips are pressed together, his eyes hard yet sad. He shakes his head slightly, as if disappointed and then takes something from his pocket. James half-raises his wand again.
In Scorpius’s fingers is a piece of newspaper that reads: “In Memory of Laura Potter “ Beloved Wife”. James finally meets Scorpius’s eyes.
Scorpius shakes his head again and narrows his eyes. ‘Do you think for one moment, that I don’t regret what happened? Do you think I gloat about it? Sit and dream about it? If I could change things James… I guess that’s why I’m here.’
James stares at Scorpius, then looks away. His eyes come to rest on the piles and piles of scrolls. James immediately looks back at Scorpius. ‘How did you know where to find me? I mean here “ in this time.’
Scorpius frowns. ‘I saw you leave, remember? I saw you using the Time-Turner.’
James remembers. He still doesn’t understand why Scorpius is there though “ why he followed. This is James’s business and James’s business only.
‘Look,’ says Scorpius, as if reading James’s mind, ‘you weren’t the only person in Laura’s life.’
The statement makes fury rise in James’s throat. ‘Oh, of course I wasn’t. You were a part of her life too, weren’t you? Spending time getting to know her while I was…’
‘You were what? Busy? At work? You were never there for her James!’
‘And that makes what you did okay?’
‘Does it make what you did okay?’
‘I wanted the best life for her. I wanted to give her everything I could!’
‘And in doing that, you took yourself away from her! You think you’re the victim here? Get over yourself, James! If anyone’s the victim, it’s Laura!’
‘Oh, why? Because she was weak? Because she couldn’t stop herself from being with you?’ James feels all of his anger returning in a flash. The realizations he made this morning are quickly tucked away in a corner of his mind. He has only just admitted them to himself… he isn’t ready to admit them to Scorpius yet.
‘Shut up,’ snarls Scorpius, clearly furious now. ‘She was never weak. You have no idea what she went through. You were never around, ever. She spent all day alone, sometimes all night. She lived in a world of magic, was borne of magical parents, and yet she was always shunned for being a Squib. She wanted you James, because she loved you, but you couldn’t even give her that. She acted naturally!’
‘You fancy yourself the hero, don’t you,’ James shoots back, Scorpius’s words tearing at him.. ‘Thinking you arrived just in time and gave her friendship and everything else she wanted. You think you did the right thing.’
‘No. I don’t,’ says Scorpius. ‘I don’t and I never will.’ His gray eyes are hard. ‘Come to your senses. Let me help you. You can’t do this alone.’
‘Oh, yeah? Why not?’
‘I can take you to just before Laura died. I can take you there. Trust me, James.’
James keeps a sneer off his face with difficulty. He will never trust Scorpius again. Never. He turns away, scanning the devastated library again. In spite of himself, he can’t help hearing the truth that rings in Scorpius’s words. He doesn’t have his book, he doesn’t know how exactly to go forward in time. James swallows hard. He doesn’t want Scorpius’s help. As he turns back to face Scorpius, the Time-Tuner around his neck flashes, reflecting the sunlight streaming through the one window”
‘Have you seen Laura, Scorpius?’
‘Laura “ n-no, I haven’t. Why?’
‘She’s not home yet!’
‘What? She said she’d be at home all day “ I-I called at your house earlier, and met her…’
‘Are you sure? I’m worried. She was talking funny last night “ in her dreams…’
‘Dreams?’
‘Yes “ she was saying she couldn’t keep living like this and that she didn’t know what to do. She sounded frantic, but you know… nightmares.’
‘James.’ Scorpius sounded frightened over the phone. ‘James, go check the barn “ please!’
‘What?’
‘Go check the barn, James! Go check the barn! NOW!’
‘Scorpius, what are you on about?’
‘I don’t have time to explain “ oh, fuck “ she was talking to me once, recently, about the barn, telling me how she almost fell from the loft “ she said it was the perfect way to die “ fall from the loft and that’s it “ she was joking, she was joking I swear, but “ go check the barn James!’
Commotion “ bodies were flying past, people running around frantically “ so much noise “ ‘Mr. Potter? Mr. Potter, we need you to identify her body… Mr. Potter? “ A blond haired man, rushed forward, hugged him tightly “ ‘It’ll be all right, James, you can come stay with us for a few days, it’ll be all right. Malfoy Manor has enough room, you shouldn’t be in this house, come on…’”
James blinks and shakes his head. He is facing an irritated Scorpius. The flashback makes him realize something “ Scorpius obviously knows much more about Laura and her death than he does. Suddenly, questions bubble in his throat. Did Laura really joke about dying? Where was she been before she died? With Scorpius? And of course, the biggest questions of all: why had she ended it? Her death had been ruled a suicide, but she had left no last note, no explanation. Why had she hung herself? Why?
Scorpius obviously knows how he, James, can find the answers to these questions. James’s only choice is to accept his help.
Swallowing his pride, James says nothing, only nods.
‘Time-Turners only work if you want to go back in time “ and there are only a handful of devices in existence that allow forward time travel. Going to the future can be even more risky than going to the past. Lucky for us, I’ve managed to track down an old man who keeps a pub around here. Likes to use his profits to dip into the magical item’s black market and then resell the stuff at ridiculously high prices,’ explains Scorpius as quickly as he can as they run down the road, away from the repository. ‘I’ve paid him what he asked for and he’ll be waiting for someone who matches your description to pick it up. He’ll give you instructions as well, so make sure you listen.’
They reach a small, dodgy-looking wooden structure which James surmises is the pub. Scorpius pushes him towards its rickety front door. ‘Go to the barkeeper and say “I’m here to save someone from the Blue Highway.”,’ he hisses as James stumbles forward. ‘And make sure you listen to what he says!’
James gives Scorpius a quick over-the-shoulder wave to let him know he’s understood and then steps cautiously into the pub. His senses are immediately bombarded by raucous laughter, the stink of sweat and a severe lack of light, whether natural or unnatural. Shutting the door behind him, James waits a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. Even when they do, it is difficult to see. The pub is covered in thick smog that makes James cough as he skirts around tables filled with large men gorging on plates piled with food, or glugging down mugs of drink. By the time he reaches the bar, his eyes are watering too. Rubbing at them hastily, his slips into a chair. Less than a second later a man with graying hair, few teeth and a large mole over one eye appears in front of him.
‘Can I help ye, ladee?’ the man asks, his voice rough. He is cleaning a tankard with a dirty cloth.
Feeling extremely stupid, James asks, ‘Yeah. I’m here to save someone from the Blue Highway.’ In spite of everything that has happened over the past few weeks, he almost feels like laughing at that.
For a moment the man simply sneers at him and James feels like he is about to be cross-examined. He keeps firm eye contact, but the man doesn’t ask any questions. Instead he reaches under the bar and pulls out a wooden box. He shoves it towards James and mutters, ‘Two turns should do it.’
Then he returns to his tankard-cleaning.
‘He said two turns?’
‘Yes! Two turns!’ snarls James, losing patience. He is jogging down the highway, Scorpius at his heels, in search of a safe place to use the object the bartender has given him. His heart is beating feverishly, urging him to move faster, but his legs want to slow down. Here and now, when he is so close to saving his wife, some part of him wants only to stop. Some part of him insists he grieve. Insists that he suffer the guilt. He shakes the feeling off. Just a little more time and there would be no reason to be guilty at all.
‘Here!’ shouts Scorpius. He grabs James arm and pulls him behind an old shed. ‘Now open the box.’
James lifts the lid of the wooden box and pulls out a small hourglass on a long chain. For a moment he just stares at it.
‘It looks exactly like a Time-Turner,’ he says flatly, feeling his heart sink.
‘Forget it. Maybe it’s been disguised,’ replies Scorpius. He takes the hourglass from James and slings the chain around both their necks. He takes a deep breath. ‘Two turns “ here goes.’
One. Two.
Just before the world around him begins to spin, James spots someone standing near them. A young lady in a white dress with shining, pale blue eyes. She shakes her head sadly “ and then is gone.