*Sorry about the wait time for this last chapter, everyone. Exams and life in general had me so busy that I completely forgot to even submit this before the challenge I originally wrote this for ended. Thanks for all of the reads and reviews. They have been much appreciated. Here is the last chapter!
The torture of what if continued to afflict Carrie. She would put aside her serious thinking for when she went to bed, which usually kept her up until the early morning, giving her only a few precious hours of sleep. This way she didn’t wallow in her day reflecting on Christian, or worse, Riley, who had just landed himself a one-way ticket to Azkaban for the rest of his life. If only she had told Riley that yes, of course she would seek to be more than friends from that moment on . . . Maybe then Avery would still be rotting in his cell and Riley would be enjoying lunch with her like he said he would, possibly holding her hand, feeling that life was worth living. Why couldn’t she have stopped being selfish for only half a second and considered her friends--- friend for once? The pain started again, fresh and resolute. It truly felt as if she had lost Riley as she had Christian--- while Riley was still alive, she felt that his anguish was hers. He was as good as dead where he was going. If he felt frightened in Azkaban with all of those Dementors swarming around, she was frightened for him. If he persisted to think about his son and wish that he, Andrew, were alive, Carrie did as well. They had shared so many common interests, had gone through the same horrid events that life offered, and a special bond had been created. For Azkaban to sever it without remorse was heartbreaking, to both of them.
She had made up with Mr. and Mrs. Lowe. One good thing had come out of all of this. It had all been a terrible misunderstanding, Carrie had told them, and they had apologized profusely for even thinking of anything other than what she would have told them. Carrie felt that it might wound them just as much, seeing her with any other man than Christian, especially so soon after his death, so she had been able to sympathize with them on the subject.
Breathing a deep sigh, she rolled over on her bed to stare at the clock. It was nearly ten in the morning, Saturday as well, which gave Carrie a light-hearted feeling. No work today, no bills to pay. She had finally gotten off her insistent streak of yearning to perish like Christian had, and even she had to say, it was a much better way to live.
Suddenly, the dream she had envisioned the night before rushed back to her, sharp and quick. Christian had been there, Riley as well. She had been hiding behind a large Oak tree beside the lake she remembered so well.
With the wind whipping at her face, Carrie watched the two men greet each other with a welcoming persona. They didn’t seem to know she was here, watching. Their expressions were not dismal or reserved; they were genuinely happy. The feeling that Carrie thought she would have had if the two had ever come into contact--- despair, fear, perhaps--- was not there. Not a single unhappy thought crossed her mind.
“Take care of her,” she heard Christian say, and they shook hands. Riley seemed to relax in this fact, look smug, though he was polite about it. Christian halfway shrugged, jutting his hands into his pockets, averting his eyes to the floor. “I can’t anymore.”
Tears welled in her eyes as Carrie watched Christian turn and begin to walk toward her. She looked down at the ground, unable to hide the embarrassed expression that crossed her face as realized she’d been caught spying. But he didn’t even seem to mind.
He sighed, appearing as if what he was about to say was truly difficult to declare.
“Carrie . . . Do you know how very much I love you?”
Carrie quickly nodded, not desiring him to think otherwise, even for a moment. Never could she not think that.
“I know that this is hard . . . it’s--- it’s very hard for me as well. But, it has to be done, Carrie. “ He shuffled his feet, averting her eyes. “You have to let me go, Carrie. I’m not here to take care you anymore, no matter how very much I wish to be. I want you to move on.” He offered her a smile, which she found she couldn’t return at that moment. “I don’t want you to be miserable. It’s the last thing I want to see.”
Tears filled her eyes at the thought of what this all meant. She nodded, understanding, yet not knowing how on earth he could do this.
But, really she did. She knew exactly why he was doing this. She couldn’t continue living in this vacuum. She would have to get over Riley as she had Christian. They would no longer be able to be friends, she and Riley, not while he was in Azkaban.
“Okay.” It was all she could muster.
“But I’ll always be here for you, Carrie. Always, always know that. I’ll never give up on you. I’ll wait.” He beamed her his signature smile and even in this sad, depressing moment, she felt a grin working its way on her own face. He kissed her cheek.
And she awoke.
His words haunted her, kept repeating themselves over and over inside her head. She relished the words, yes, but after they faded it left yet another gaping hole in her already damaged heart. ”Take care of her. I can’t anymore,” he had told Riley, and it was so true. “You have to let me go, Carrie. I want you to move on.”
She sighed. Wish I’d known that a week ago, Christian, she thought bitterly. Immediately feeling repentant, she repeated apologies in her head thousands of times. She had no right to criticize him. But then she realiszed that she was talking to herself, pretending that Christian was still here, and tears welled in her eyes. She was really damaged. It wasn’t Christian’s fault that she couldn’t move on, and it probably wasn’t even Christian telling her this; it was her subconscious giving her a break, making her feel as if she could have had Riley if she’d wanted--- but she didn’t want to think that way. In the normal world she would have gone after Riley in a heartbeat, but this was not the normal world, and she was not the girl she had once been. Without Christian she was scarred and her wounds raw. Accompanied by Riley, those wounds had been sewn up again with his kind friendship and he had accepted her, broken and damaged as she was. But now, lacking both of them, she felt as if she were in agony.
She’d have to get over it. That was the only explanation.
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and walked to the bathroom. After using the toilet, she began to plan out her day.
A phone call broke Carrie from her task and she rushed into the other room to grab it. Grasping the cordless on the fifth ring, she feared that the caller had already hung up. After placing the receiver next to her ear, it was obvious that they hadn’t. A steady, then faltering, humming resounded in her ear, like a person was attempting to speak but couldn’t find the capability.
“Hello?” she asked, her voice unsure. She averted her eyes to window for no particular reason. “Hello?”
Static, then half a word pervaded ears. The caller was in a bad service area, whether they were calling from a cell phone, or they were crinkling a candy wrapper in the speaker. Carrie leaned more toward the fact that it sounded like a butterscotch wrapping being scrunched, yet she didn’t know why. It struck her as something that her mother would do when calling their relatives. Instead of picking up the phone and bearing speaking with them for a few minutes like any normal person, every time their Great Aunt Gabriella would call, Carrie’s mother would find some item to either bang or wrinkle in the phone, forcing them to both hang up because of the noise. Carrie and her sister could laugh for hours at this, and while their mother was doing the dirty deed they would spend the time with their hands covering their faces, stifling giggles with red faces, watching. Mrs. West had always informed them subsequently to not follow her bad example, but was soon caught emitting a few chuckles at her audacity after the phone had been replaced to its dock.
Carrie retuned to the present and repeated herself for the third time and released a low sigh, growing tired of the person who was on the phone.
“Look, whoever it is please just---”
A click and a dial tone not long after made Carrie slam the phone back down. She shuffled into the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast, deciding to splurge this morning by rummaging through cabinets to find pancake mix and bowls while attempting to control her anger. It was a stupid thing to become upset about, she told herself, and she realized that was true. But a part of it scared her.
Stop it, she told herself. You don’t need anymore stress. You’ve had enough for a lifetime. Just eat the pancakes and have a good day. Do some shopping. She smiled at the thought of getting out and doing something, going over the plans of what she needed. Grocery shopping was a must. There was hardly any food to be found in the house, and a new blouse would be just lovely---
Another ring of the phone forced a frown upon her face and she rushed into the other room, the thought of ignoring it crossing her mind for only a split second. She wrenched it from the dock and pushed it against her ear. She didn’t say anything.
They hung up almost immediately after. Carrie let loose an audible sigh, though no one was there to hear her, and she walked into the kitchen once again.
The phone rang yet again. Though an inside feeling told her to just ignore it, Carrie was very curious as to who it was. She wrenched the phone from the hook for the third time after reaching it and pressed it to her ear.
“Hello?” Her tone was forced and aggravated, and she wanted the caller to know that. The humming sound continued, again, so she knew that it was the same caller. But this time was different. This time they spoke.
“Carrie?”
She nearly dropped the phone, for the caller’s voice was achingly familiar. Her mouth immediately formed a large oval shape and all breath was brought to a direct halt.
The caller sighed audibly, but it was a happy one. Contented one. “Carrie, are you still there?” they asked. Their voice was almost heartbreaking.
“Mom? How--- How did you get this number?”
“You left us your number in the wedding invitation, remember?”
A stabbing pain erupted in Carrie that she hadn’t been expecting. But it wasn’t as agonizing as what it used to be, not even close. “Oh. I remember.”
“How are you holding up, sweetheart?”
Carrie paused for a moment, steadying her voice. “I think I’m going to be okay. Really.”
“We saw the obituary in the paper. You didn’t call. You could have come home, Carrie.”
Carrie shrugged. “I didn’t think Dad would let me. I wouldn’t have been company at all.”
“Your father needs to come to terms with the fact that you’re not his little girl anymore. And you wouldn’t have to have been.”
Carrie smiled into the phone, cherishing her mother’s sweet, pleasant voice. She didn’t know what else to say.
Silence followed for the longest time and only the sound of breathing was heard.
“Do . . . Well, never mind.”
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing. I was just--- well, do you believe that you’re ready to come home? Not--- Not for good, you know, but for a while. A visit sound nice?”
Carrie closed her eyes, fighting tears of joy. There were no words to describe how nice it really did sound. “Yeah, Mom. It really does.”
“Are you going to set out tomorrow?”
“No. I think I’m going to start packing right now and set out by noon. I’ll be there by supper, if that’s all right.”
“You’re always welcome, anytime. Get here as fast as you can.” Carrie detected a trace of a grin in her voice, and it made her heart jump with anticipation of seeing family that she hadn’t seen in nearly a year.
“We’ve missed you, Carrie. Hurry on.”
“I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon.”
“I love you too. Be safe.”
“I will.”
Carrie was afraid to let the phone go. If she replaced it back to its dock then what proof did she have that her mother’s voice had actually come through it? So, she carried the phone with her into the next room and grabbed a large suitcase from the very back of her closet and set to work, the phone still in her ear.
“Everyone here will be very excited to see you again, you know,” her mother continued. “We’ll see you soon.” Her mother paused, thinking. “You’re coming home, Carrie,” she said. “We’ll take care of you here.”
“Yeah, Mom,” she said, a trace of smile in her own voice. She liked the way that sounded. “I’m coming home.”
*~Thanks so very, very, very much to Fresca for beta-ing every single one of these chapters for me and sticking with it until the end--- even when I give you so little time to do your work! None of this would have been possible without her editing.