~Chapter 17- The Truth~

I spent the night at Sirius's house. I had my own bedroom this time, one on the third floor. Ever since Kreacher had talked to me that afternoon, I felt like being alone.

That night, I stared at the ceiling for a long time before attempting to fight for sleep. Eventually, after a few long hours of tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable, darkness surrounded me.

I was falling into a pit of shadows from which there was no escaping. I flailed my arms and tried to grab hold of something, but there was nothing but blackness. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole ...

I heard whispering. Who was there?

I shot up quickly, sweating. It was just a dream. But the whispering continued to sound from somewhere nearby. Someone was outside my bedroom door. I grabbed my wand off the nightstand instinctively, not because of the voices, but the dream.

Without warning the door flew open. I froze with fear. It was him.

The man who haunted everyone's nightmares walked into my room. I began to shake and sweat. I was trembling, but when I tried to lift my wand hand into the air, I found myself immobilized with fear.

Then, right before me, the snakelike, white faced, red-eyed man with no nostrils disappeared and was replaced by a young woman with pink hair. She laughed.

My fear instantly turned to rage. I pointed my wand at her. She shouted, tears in her eyes from laughter, "Sirius, she fell for it!"

"What do you think you're doing?" I roared. She continued to laugh in a childlike manner. She seemed ... unless I was mistaken ... rather intoxicated.

"Playing a joke on you! You should have seen your face. You were so scared!"

Words couldn't describe my anger at her. I hollered, "Of course I was scared! Voldemort just walked into my bedroom!"

"Relax, Linds, it was just a joke!"

"Yeah, but do you see me laughing?"

She'd stopped laughing by now, but she said, "I didn't think you'd take it seriously."

"Well, then, you didn't think at all, did you?" I screamed. "You call yourself an Auror? You-I'm-I'm going-" I couldn't find the right words, yet again. But then they came to me so spontaneously and perfectly that a fresh wave of rage crashed over me and I yelled, with my wand pointed at her, "CRUCIO!"

She screamed in pain and I stopped, stunned by my own actions.

"What do you - ? Why - ? What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?" she said. Her skin had gone pale and she was shaking now.

I couldn't answer. I stood in my spot, my wand still pointed and my mouth open. What was I doing? What had prompted me to use that curse?

Sirius came into the room looking frantic. "What's going on? Who did that?"

Dora pointed at me, still shaking. "She did."

"Lindsey? Why? How?"

"I don't know what happened!" I yelled, much louder that I'd intended. "It just came to me; it was my first instinct!"

"Do you realize you just used an Unforgivable Curse? You could be sent to prison!"

With my parents. Where I belong.

I burst into tears. "I didn't mean to! I ... have no idea ... I don't want ... to get caught ... "

I flopped onto the bed and sobbed into my pillow.

"Lucky we're Unplottable," Sirius said, "or else you'd be locked up for sure."

"Dora, I'm sorry! It's just that ... you scared me! Voldemort - in my room - was a prank - got angry - please!" I hardly knew what I was saying in between sobs, but Dora understood.

"I ... I'm sorry. That was awful. I shouldn't have disguised myself as You-Know-Who. I know it was cruel and during these times you don't know who to trust. That was an awful thing to do on my part; needless to say ... I was being stupid. I won't do it again. And I ... and ... " She practically talked to her palms. She refused to look at me. I couldn't really blame her.

"And you had a little too much firewhisky tonight," Sirius finished for her. He looked at me and said, "Christmas celebrations, you know. Anyway, it's two-o-clock. You should go back to sleep. Tonks, you too."

She nodded. "Linds ... honestly ... "

"Forget it," I said.

"I - "

"I said, forget it!"

Based on the looked of fear and astonishment that reappeared on her face, I assumed she was afraid I might blow up again. She left and I lay back down, eyes open. Like I was getting any more sleep tonight ...

Sirius lingered for a moment. He said, "Wow. I've never seen you so angry. You ... " He looked into my eyes again and shook his head. "Maybe you have more than just her looks." And he left.

His comment stabbed me in the heart. What had I done? I'd become a monster! If I got fired up again, what would happen? If I got angrier than that, could I end up killing someone? How many Unforgivable Curses would fly out of my mouth when I got fired up?

I thought about this for hours. I couldn't come to any conclusion about the anger issues, but Sirius's words stung me and I came to a conclusion for that. The following morning I went to Dora and said, "Dora, I think it's time to tell Sirius the truth."

She agreed without being reluctant and said, "Yes. I think you're right."

I was in the drawing room, kneeling in front of the tapestry. My eyes were unfocused due to lack of sleep. The door opened and I knew who it was.

"Staring at that again?"

"Yes," I answered.

Sirius sighed and said, "Well, Lindsey, have you seen Kreacher? He keeps disappearing and I can't find him."

I turned around and said, "No. I saw him yesterday ... "

My mind drifted back to the conversation I'd had with Kreacher the previous day. Sirius, forgetting about Kreacher, said, "Wow. You look awful."

"I'm sure I do."

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I said. "Well ... yeah, I do know, and no, I'm not okay. Listen, Sirius - "

"Lindsey, I'm sorry about what I said last night," he said. "I wasn't thinking when I said you were like my cousin. I was just bewildered that you were able to perform an Unforgivable Curse with that much power."

I sighed and looked down at my hands. "There might be a reason for that. Sirius, the thing is ... " But I couldn't say it. My voice was lost. I opened my mouth to speak again, but no sound came out.

"Go on," he said.

I tried again. "I'm only ... I'm only saying this because ... well, because we're family and I think you should know. Do you remember when the Lestranges got locked up?"

"Of course I remember. I was glad. They were finally getting justice for their crimes," he replied. Then he added, "I watched the dementors bring them in from my cell."

"Well, did you read the Prophet at all when they got arrested?"

"Occasionally. Why?"

"Do you remember it reporting anything about their arrests? I was only a year old, so I wouldn't know, but ... what did the Prophet say about them?"

"It told why they were arrested," Sirius said. "It had quotes. They said they claimed Voldemort would return someday, and that they didn't care that they were being locked up. Yet again, why?"

I sighed. It was so hard to explain something and get answers at the same time. "Did it say anything else?"

I could tell he was thinking hard. "Yes," he said suddenly. "It said Bellatrix and Rodolphus tried to weasel their way out of getting arrested by claiming they had a daughter. It was rubbish; just an excuse."

"And that ... that brings me to what I'm trying to say. You see ... the Lestranges ... " My mouth was dry again. "The Lestranges did have a daughter."

He looked at me intently. "What makes you say that?"

"Can't you see? It wasn't just an excuse. The Ministry had to come up with a way to hide her, since nobody knew she existed in the first place ... "

"Oh ... " he said softly, then "Oh!" in surprise, and finally, "Oh," in a dark tone that indicated he'd put all the puzzle pieces together. He stared at me for a few more seconds with his eyelids lowered. "You're not saying that you are the Lestranges' daughter?"

I nodded, fighting back tears, though I wasn't sure why. For a split-second I thought he would burst into bark-like laughter, but there was no humor in his face.

"But why would the Ministry pretend you didn't exist?" he asked.

"I don't know. They thought they were protecting me, I guess. They didn't want the Death Eaters coming after me. Since I'm a Gryffindor and not a Slytherin, they'd probably consider me a blood traitor and would come after me."

"That's ridiculous," he said. "There are plenty of blood traitors in this world. Why you and not the rest?"

"I don't know," I said, and a few tears escaped. I jumped to my feet. "It's so frustrating all the time! I've nearly slipped up countless times, and I don't know how much longer it'll last! I'm afraid people will find out who I really am, and I don't want that to happen! And yet ... it's what I do want because then I won't have to pretend anymore!"

"The Ministry ... has made some stupid choices," Sirius said. "You've seen how they are now. And during the first war they weren't always that smart."

I stared at him as tears fell down my face silently without acknowledging this.

"So ... is Lindsey your real name, or is it something else?"

I regained control and said, "It's not. My real name's Lyra, and I like it more than Lindsey. Lindsey's a common Muggle name. It was probably the first name that came to the Ministry peoples' minds."

"I see your parents carried out the Black family tradition of naming their children after stars or constellations. But look on the bright side ... if Andromeda gave you your alias instead of the Ministry, you could have ended up with a name as bad as Nymphadora. Or worse." He smiled at me, and I gave a small laugh.

"I guess. I just wanted to tell you this. I'm sorry I got upset. It just kind of spilled out."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius said.

"Sirius ... " I began. "You won't ... judge me, or anything, will you? Considering I'm Bellatrix's daughter instead of Andromeda's. That won't change your view of who I am, will it?"

"No," he said. "You're still the same person." He paused before saying, "I didn't like Bellatrix at all, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to you. After all, I'm not like my parents, either."

I thought about that for a moment. He was exactly right.

"The hardest part," I said, "is not knowing who they are. I've never met them and probably never will. Sometimes I can't decide which path to take. I don't believe Voldemort is doing the right thing, but since my parents supported him, sometimes I think I should too. I don't think about this often, but last night's events got me thinking about it and, well, I used an Unforgivable Curse so I probably should be on their side, right?"

"No. Don't think like that. Look at me. I went separate ways from my parents. You can as well."

"Yeah ... " I said, realizing just how much more I had in common with Sirius. "Sirius, don't tell anybody about this. I know you won't, but the fact is that other than you and me, nobody knows the truth except for Dora, Ted, Andromeda, and the Ministry people who made the plan. Oh ... and Kreacher."

"Kreacher?"

"Yeah. He told me yesterday. He knew all along just by looking at me. I told him not to tell anyone, and he agreed."

"No wonder," Sirius said. "He's supposed to obey anyone in the family, and he adored Bellatrix. He'll certainly obey you. No wonder he bows every time he sees you. Anyway, I won't tell. Promise."

"Thanks. Honestly, if I had it my way, I'd tell everybody. But I don't think the Ministry would be pleased," I said with a smile.

He grinned back. "Probably not. Don't worry. I won't tell the truth."