I was actually surprised to find myself in the Hogwarts hospital wing when I woke up. After everything that had happened, I figured I would end up at St. Mungo's. I guess I had never really gotten hurt. Just traumatized.

Yet again, I didn't know how long I had been asleep. It seemed that the last thing I had seen - Voldemort's face - had been ages ago.

My head had a bump on it, but other than that I wasn't hurt. Well, I wasn't physically hurt. As soon as I thought the words, I'm injured, but it's not too serious, his name came into my head.

Sirius. He was dead and gone. Bellatrix had killed him.

I shook my head. It didn't seem true. I had seen him fall through the archway, but it hadn't really ... sunk in yet.

Andromeda was in the wing. I saw her talking to Madam Pomfrey. As soon as she saw I was awake, she ran over to me with a relieved expression on her face.

"Andromeda," I croaked once she had approached. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left Hogwarts grounds."

She shook her head and hugged me, not saying a word. Once she was facing me again, she said, "It's okay. We have other matters to discuss."

Her voice was so low, so compassionate, and yet so serious. I wondered what could be worse than Sirius dying. I was positive the Order had told her this much. So what else? Oh, no. Dora. What happened to her?"

"Andromeda, what happened to Dora?" I demanded, panic rising in the pit of my stomach and coming out in my voice. "Is she okay? Is she here?" I felt my heart pounding. Sirius was already dead. Surely he was the only one ...

She closed her eyes and held up a hand to silence me. "She'll be fine. At least, that's what the Healers say."

"Healers. She went to St. Mungo's?"

"Yes, and she hasn't awoken yet. She should; we just don't know when."

Her eyes were still closed. I knew there was more.

"Andromeda, what else happened?"

She exhaled and said, "Lyra, I'm afraid that ... that there's no secret anymore."

"Secret?"

"Your ... your ... identity. I felt it was best to tell the Order, and only the Order, just because of the way you acted in the Department of Mysteries. You know ... the curse you used on Mad-Eye, and going after her ... "

I swallowed. "So only the Order knows now? I guess that's ... "

"No," she interrupted. "One of the members decided to tell everyone. He said it was best for all of the Hogwarts students' parents to know that the Lestranges' daughter went here. He told ... the Prophet."

"No," I said, feeling slightly sick. "No - that can't - that's not how - I never wanted it to be like that! Andromeda, who was it? Who told?"

She sighed. "Severus Snape."

"Professor Snape?" I blurted louder than I had intended. To my surprise, Madam Pomfrey shushed me loudly from her desk.

Andromeda nodded. "He said it was best. The Order is furious with him, of course."

"It's just like ... like when he told the whole school that Lupin was a werewolf. I can't believe this. Andromeda, I know I said that it was what I always wanted, but now that it's really happened ... "

It hit me then. When all the students around me had talked about their hopes and dreams, such as ‘I want to be an Auror' or ‘I want to be a famous Quidditch player,' I always thought ‘I want to be myself.' That had always been my dream: to know who I was. I now realized this had always been possible. Those kids could become Aurors and Quidditch players, but I could never become Lyra Lestrange in the way I wanted. As Lindsey Tonks I had more freedom. I could be whoever I wanted, to a degree. But as Lyra Lestrange, I would always carry the name that everybody loathed.

I guess dreams can come true. So much for that.

As everything fell into place in my head, I shook my head and fought tears. Andromeda hugged me and said softly, "I know. I know." No reassurance, no advice, no ‘I'm sorry.' Just "I know. I know."

"But do you think," I finally said, trying my luck at a single silver lining, "that since people know I'm not really like my parents, they'll still ... treat me the same, and not be prejudiced?"

I really hoped she would give me the answer I wanted, but I read the expression on her face.

"Lyra, you have to understand that You-Know-Who revealed himself the other night and now that people know who you are, they'll only see your parents in you. I'm really sorry. I wish it could be different."

I felt tears in my eyes at last. That explained why Madam Pomfrey had hushed me so loudly. I saw her staring over at me with an unreadable expression, but it wasn't happy by any means.

"It's not fair," I whispered. "I'm not like them."

"I know that. But listen to me: Madam Pomfrey is treating you and as soon as you're well enough to leave, which should be tomorrow, I'm taking you to St. Mungo's, even if Nymphadora isn't conscious. Right now you need to - "

"Rest," I finished for her with a glum voice.

"Yes," she said, giving me a final hug. "I have to leave now."

I nodded my head and sank into the bed. Madam Pomfrey came over with a potion and made me drink it. When I had finished, she walked off with a final glare and I fell asleep, despite the millions of things on my mind.

The next day, after taking my potions, Andromeda took me to St. Mungo's by floo powder. We found Dora's ward and went into her room. Remus Lupin was in there with her. He looked worried.

"Lindsey," he said softly once he saw me. "Andromeda. Hello."

I walked over to him and said, "Haven't you heard? It's Lyra now." My words were sharper than I had intended them to be.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I have heard. But it doesn't matter whose daughter you are - you're still the same person."

I choked back tears as I nodded to him. He was the only person who would see it that way. I looked over at Dora, lying unconscious on the hospital bed. Her hair was spiky and pink, her current favorite, but it was limp and uncared for. I looked to Lupin again and said, "How is she?"

"She seems okay," he said. "She was injured badly. She's been asleep for days. She's breathing fine, though."

And then, as if she had heard us, her eyes opened. She blinked several times as her eyes moved to and from the faces of all three of us.

Andromeda gasped. "You're awake!"

"Yeah ... " she muttered so quietly I barely heard. "How long ... ?"

"Days," Lupin said.

"Remus," she whispered. "Remus, you're okay. And so are you, Linds. How ... how did you all escape?"

I felt a lump in my throat as I said, "Dora, I'm not Lindsey anymore."

"What?" She gave me a look of pure perplexity.

"It's over," I said with a steely tone.

Andromeda explained the whole thing again. It didn't take long for me to start crying this time. I felt ashamed, and knew it was only the beginning. We had not even reached the part about Sirius yet.

"Linds ... I mean, Lyra, I'm so sorry. I can't believe Snape! What did Sirius say about this? He hates Snape; they always held a grudge against each other. What did he do when Snape spilled?"

We all exchanged glances. Finally I said, "Dora ... Sirius is - he's ... " I felt more tears stream out as the true reality of the words hit me. "Dora, he's dead. Bellatrix killed him after you passed out."

None of us spoke for several seconds as Dora tried to understand what I had said. The only sounds breaking the silence were my sniffs and sobs.

"Oh, no ... " Dora said finally. "Oh ... it's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault ... " She put her face in her hands and said this over and over. Lupin came to her side and said, "Tonks, it's not your fault. It was an accident. It was nobody's fault."

"Yes, it is," Dora sobbed. "If I ... if I had just killed her, he wouldn't be dead! I should have killed Bellatrix, she deserved to die - " She stopped after a quick glance at Andromeda and me. "I mean ... I should have given her a good - " She used a few words I had never heard her use in such a way before, and I had heard Dora use plenty of profanities. " - to remember me by. Then he would be alive. If I hadn't been so weak, if I wasn't such a pathetic Auror, Sirius wouldn't have had to step up for me. I failed. He's dead because of me."

Lupin put a comforting arm around her. "Tonks, listen. Bellatrix Lestrange is a skilled Death Eater. She's Voldemort's most faithful servant. You can't blame yourself for being defeated by her. Nobody's blaming you."

"But they should," she said with a sob. "It's my fault."

"It's nobody's fault," Lupin repeated.

I felt a little differently. It wasn't Dora's fault by any means, but Harry had led us to the Department of Mysteries. Harry had dreamed Sirius was there. Harry had nearly got us all killed by taking us there. And in the end, only one had died ...

I was back at Hogwarts that evening. I hated everything about it - the way everyone was celebrating exams being over, the sun shining down over the castle, the usual end-of-the-year euphoria. It wasn't until the sun had completely set that I ventured to the grounds. I wanted to get out of the dormitory for a bit.

I saw Harry out there. He was sitting near the lake, watching the dark water. I took a deep breath. I had to do this.

I walked over to him and said, "Um, hi, Harry. I think ... "

I didn't finish my sentence. He stared at the water for a few more seconds, before he looked at me.

"Yeah," he said. "I owe you an explanation."

"It ... well ... yeah, I suppose. I'm just curious, I guess. What led you to the Department of Mysteries?"

He sighed (he was looking at the lake again) and said, "It's a long story. I can't really give you the details because I don't know everything myself. But, you see ... there's a connection between Voldemort and me. He can get into my mind. He's been doing it all year."

I felt a sick surge. "He's ... been getting into...your mind?"

"Yes, but without knowing it."

"Oh."

"You see, Voldemort discovered the connection and was trying to lure me there. He knew I would want to save Sirius. He showed me Sirius being held hostage, but as you know, it wasn't really happening. He led me there because he wanted the weapon - the prophecy. That was the thing Sirius mentioned last summer."

I bit my lip. Thinking of Sirius last summer, when I had first met him, was painful. I knew it would be impossible to get through this without tears. I held them back for now.

"So ... " My voice trembled. "So ... did you find out how the Order knew ... and about Kreacher ... and all of that?"

"Yeah," he said. "Dumbledore told me."

"So why did Kreacher say Sirius was gone?"

He paused for a minute and finally answered, "He lied. He lied to me because he could without having to punish himself. He wanted me to go to the Ministry. He knew things about Voldemort that he shouldn't have."

I gasped. Not because of what Harry had said, but because of how Kreacher had acted when he had seen me. He would have listened to me! I was part of the family and he respected me! If Umbridge had not caught me so quickly, I would have been able to find out the truth! I felt the tears now. It wasn't Harry's fault or Dora's ... it was mine.

"My fault ... " I said so quietly I was surprised Harry had heard.

"What?"

"It's my fault," I repeated. "Kreacher would have listened to me! I should have been quicker! We could have saved him!"

"No," Harry said. "It's my fault. I should have let you talk to Kreacher. I didn't know he listened to you. I understand why now ... "

Great. We had arrived at that subject. I really did not want to talk about it.

"Anyway," I hurried on. "How did Kreacher know these things?"

He sighed. "Do you remember when Sirius couldn't find Kreacher at Christmas?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Well, Sirius told Kreacher to get out. Kreacher took his words to heart and left the house. That's why we couldn't find him. He went to the Malfoys. Narcissa Malfoy was the only Black he still respected. He passed Order secrets to her, who passed them to Lucius Malfoy, who told Voldemort."

"I ... I can't believe it," I said. "How do you know this?"

"Dumbledore looked into Kreacher's mind. Legilimency, you know. Anyway, when we were in Umbridge's office, Snape came in. It was right after you had passed out. I told him about Sirius in code. He acted like he didn't believe, but he told the Order that I had seen Sirius at the Ministry. Sirius, Lupin, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, and Tonks were at headquarters. They decided to go to the Ministry to check it out."

I picked up what he said, but was still thinking about Kreacher. I asked, "What did Kreacher tell the Malfoys?"

"He told them about the relationship I had with Sirius. He told them that I ... that I would undoubtedly rescue Sirius if he was captured. This was enough for Voldemort. The Malfoys told Kreacher to keep Sirius out of the way so that if I checked on him, he could lie about his whereabouts. He injured Buckbeak so Sirius could tend to him while we checked in. That was all it took. You know what came next."

"Yes," I whispered.

"It really is my fault," Harry said. "Everything is. Listen, I'm sorry about your - I mean, I read the Prophet and I never realized you had a secret and were trying to hide it."

"I wasn't," I said flatly. "The Ministry was. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's already happened."

I felt bitter and angry right then. I certainly had not wanted things to happen like this.

"I have a question for you," Harry said. "Did Sirius ... did he know?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "I told him at Christmas."

He nodded and continued to stare at the lake, lost in thought. I was about to say I was going to leave. There wasn't much else to say. Then, Harry said, "I'm really sorry. I know you were close to him. I know he was your cousin."

"Don't blame yourself. I know how close the two of you were."

He stared at the lake again, and I said, "Well, I guess we're finished. Thanks for telling me everything."

The others had escaped without serious injury. Ginny had broken her ankle, Neville had received a bloody nose, Ron had been scarred by attacking brains, and Hermione was now taking several potions due to being hit with a Death Eater's curse. Ron and Hermione were the only ones who ended up needing hospital wing treatment.

Umbridge was also in the hospital wing because she had been attacked by centaurs. Harry and Hermione had led her into the forest before they ran off to the Department of Mysteries. Since Dumbledore had returned, Umbridge wouldn't be retuning next year. That was the first good news I had heard in a while.

The Prophet was reporting Voldemort's return left and right. Not much else was reported other than my secret, which produced a rather large article.

When it was time to leave Hogwarts, I felt somewhat relieved. I wanted to get away from here. I just felt cooped up.

I was alone in the dormitory when I was packing my trunk. The Hogwarts Express was coming later that day. I decided to skip the feast; I wasn't hungry. I began to load my books into my trunk. I shifted the items around, making room. At the bottom, I saw a long, perfectly polished stick of wood.

I pulled it out. Several ink bottles and unused parchment rolls fell over in the process. It was the broomstick: the Firebolt Sirius had given me. I had never even used it.

I ran my hands down the handle. Tears stung my eyes as I thought of him. Would he be disappointed if he knew I hadn't even touched the broom since Christmas?

I gently placed it back in my trunk and quickly covered it with stacks of clothes. I didn't want to look at it. Thinking of Sirius was too painful.

I shoved the last of my books into the trunk and shut it forcefully. I went to sit on my bed and wait for the feast to be over. As soon as I sat down, I felt something hard. I sat up. I was sitting on something, a silver-wrapped box ...

I had no idea what it was, but there was one of those stupid stamps on top, the kind that Umbridge stamped on packages after she checked them. My name - well, my former alias - was also written on it, so there was no mistaking the address.

I opened it. Inside was an expensive, brand new Lunascope. It was silver, shiny, and exactly the kind of Lunascope I had always imagined owning. I looked into it. It was just like a star chart, only better. Perfect for Astronomy classes or just stargazing, the things I enjoyed.

There was a simple piece of folded parchment at the bottom. I pulled it out and unfolded it, reading it aloud.

"Lindsey,

"I'm sorry your present came late. Tonks told me you like Astronomy, so I bought this for you. I ordered it from a catalog but it came late. I sent it to you as soon as the owl delivered it. I hope you like it.

"I hope you're doing okay. Tonks told me what happened in February. I'm glad to hear you've recovered.

"Again, I apologize for the lateness. I would have sent it to you sooner but the owl who delivered it seemed a little out of it. He was much too small to be carrying such a large package!  I hope you enjoy it anyway.

"Since the term's almost over, I expect I'll see you soon. Happy sixteenth.

"Padfoot."

When I finished reading, everything went blurry as tears filled my eyes. He was truly gone. I would never see his face again, ever.