Every little thing got on my nerves as the days went on. I blew up, yelled, and screamed so much that it was getting way out of hand. I was ready to go back to school because of this. Luckily, that date was only in two weeks.

At the same time I didn't want to go back. I knew things would be awful now that everyone knew my secret. Thinking about this gave me a nervous stomach at first and quickly transformed into anger.

I was downstairs, sitting in a chair and staring out a window again. I thought of last year at Christmas when Sirius had said, "You're more like her than I thought." He had taken it back, but I knew it was true. I hated it. I didn't want to be like her.

Dora was sitting at the table in the kitchen, so I decided to ask her about this.

"Dora," I said, "I really need to learn to control it, don't I?"

"What?" she asked, leaving the dreamy trance she had been in.

"My temper." I sighed. "I know I'm blowing things out of proportion."

"Well, yes ... you definitely are. But I don't know what to do about that."

I let out an annoyed sigh. "You never know what to do anymore."

She glared at me. This was so typical. We always got onto each other these days. I felt bad about it because we used to be so close. We still were, but we easily irritated each other. And right now, it was important to keep loved ones close.

I got up from my chair and went to sit across from her in the kitchen.

"Listen," I said. "I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting lately. I'm trying to manage my anger. But I really wish you would tell me what's going on with you. I wouldn't be so irritated if I knew why you were depressed."

"I don't want to talk about anything," she said, and her tone indicated that she was final. "Mind your own business. Now, would you do me a favor? Could you go up to my old bedroom and grab my wand while I get out some potion ingredients? I need to brew a wake-up potion. The Order had kept me so busy."

"Can't you get it yourself?" I snapped.

"Fine, I will! I was just asking for a little help!"

"Never mind, I'll get it!"

I stormed upstairs, stomping hard on the steps like a three year old being sent to their room. This was nothing new.

I entered Dora's room. It didn't look much different - the walls were still bright green and the posters of the Weird Sisters still hung on the walls. But since she had moved out, everything had been coated in a layer of dust. Though she was home all the time, she never bothered to clean it.

She hadn't told me exactly where she had left her wand. I checked her nightstand, her desk, and the table in the middle of the room. Knowing Dora, it was probably buried under the mess on the floor.

"Where's her stupid wand?" I muttered. "There's an easier way to do this. Accio wand!"

It flew at me; I caught it. Of course. She had left it on a shelf and when it flew out, several books fell off. How could she have put her wand somewhere like that? Maybe that was why she had sent me - it wasn't that she'd left it here; she'd lost it here.

I sighed and walked over to her books. I picked up about three and stuffed them back on the shelves. I noticed they weren't really books - Dora had never really been into reading - but old diaries from her school days. I was about to grab the last one when I saw that it was open.

It would have been easier to close it up and shove it onto the shelf where it belonged, but I couldn't help but notice this one. The entry was recent, dating back to just last month. I thought she had stopped writing in her diaries when she left school.

I knew that this was the answer to her depression. Why else would she have written in her diary so recently? Though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't resist. I tried convincing myself it was for her own good-Andromeda and I could get her help if it was something really serious.

I stared down at the page without touching the diary. Her handwriting was large enough for me to see it without having to get close. I looked down and read:

So, I did it. I told him how I felt, and he rejected me. He gave me a load of lame excuses. I can't believe this. Sirius has just died, the world has gone into war, and now this. It's caused everything to fall apart. I'm so upset I can't even control my transformations anymore.

He says he's too old, but age is nothing but a number! Why should it matter that he's so many years older than me? He could at least give me a chance, a chance to prove that it doesn't matter. He says I deserve someone my own age, but I don't want anyone else.

He says he's too poor. So what? I make plenty of money as an Auror that I could split half my Gringotts vault with him and still be able to support myself. Like I said, it's just an excuse. He knows money isn't really a problem.

I had to turn the page to read on, so I picked up the diary and lifted its page over carefully. I hoped my fingers wouldn't leave prints or smudges anywhere.

At this point, I was trying to figure out who she was writing about. But once I read the next page, I knew.

He says he's too dangerous. He says that's the main reason. I still think it's an excuse. Maybe he is a werewolf, but he can take Wolfsbane Potion. It's that simple - though apparently not for him. If it makes him happy, I can go out and get bitten as well. I'm sure Fenrir Greyback would be more than willing to do something like that.

I dropped the diary and sat there, stunned. She was willing to get bit for him? How could she be so stupid? If a werewolf bit her, she would probably be killed instead of merely turning into one! And werewolves have a lot of trouble finding work and ... well, finding their place in society.

I was so stupefied to find her thinking like this, but I had to read on.

I've tried to accept that he just doesn't want me. It's not surprising. It happened to me all the time through school. As soon as I was with someone, they left me because I wasn't who they wanted. They used me to get the girl of their dreams in looks. It never lasted.

I know he's lonely. His best friends are all gone and he doesn't have any sort of family left. I wish he would give me a chance. Just one chance. If things don't work out, that's fine. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but he's already damaged me beyond repair.

Maybe not. He could repair me if he said yes. I could ask him again. I could, and maybe the outcome would be different. But maybe it wouldn't. Maybe, no matter how hard I try, Remus Lupin will never love me, no matter how much I love him back.

I felt guilty as soon as I finished reading. It was her personal diary, after all. But it explained everything ...

"Lyra, did you find my wand? You're taking forev - "

Dora was in the doorway now. She saw me in front of her diary and looked petrified.

"Dora, I - " I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry - I didn't realize - it just opened and I wanted to know - I understand if you're mad at me, but ... "

She shook her head, and I realized how bad it was. Not only did she look more depressed today, but her hair was getting worse. It was now an even split between pink and brown and looked like she hadn't brushed it in a long time.

"Dora ... "

"It doesn't matter," she said, and to my surprise, she didn't sound bitter at all. Instead, tears were now silently falling down her face.

"So this is why you've been so upset?" I asked softly. "This doesn't have anything to do with Sirius, does it?"

"Not - not really. I am sad about that. But I don't understand why Remus - "

"Really?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to upset her further. "Because ... he is a werewolf. I'm pretty sure that's why."

I immediately regretted this. She glared at me angrily and said, "That's what you said before! But why does it matter?"

"He's dangerous!" I said.

"Only at the full moon! Remember the Wolfsbane Potion?"

"What if he forgot to take it one night? He could kill you, Dora! Remember what Sirius said about that night - the one in my third year, when he went to Hogwarts to find Pettigrew? Lupin forgot his potion and - "

"Well, forget you then!" she yelled, interrupting me. "And stay out of my room and out of my diaries!"

"Fine!" I yelled. I stood up and pushed past her in the doorway. I entered my room and slammed my door angrily.

I hated fighting with her all the time, but in this case, somebody had to be reasonable.