I was eating dinner in the Great Hall. Actually, I was just picking at my mashed potatoes due to the fact that I didn't have an appetite.

Ever since Hogsmeade the previous day, I had felt like I was trapped in a hole that there was no way out of. I wanted beyond anything to get out of my date with Nott, and the fact that it wasn't for a few weeks only gave me more time to worry about it. I tried convincing myself that it was one measly little date and wasn't necessarily going to go anywhere. It didn't help when I thought about this, however, because it made me think of something else ...

Maybe, just maybe, I was hoping it would go somewhere.

I promised myself that I wouldn't fall into that. I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship by any means, not with everything else I had to deal with. I knew nothing about the subject after being an invisible wall my whole life.

This gave me a bit of hope. Maybe Nott would see that I didn't know how to be in a relationship and would let me go.

But of course, that brought me back to the problem on the other hand: maybe, just maybe, I wanted to go somewhere with him.

After dinner I grabbed my broomstick from my trunk in the dormitory before heading to the grounds. It was growing dark outside and hardly anyone was out. I mounted my broom and began to speed across the lake. As always, the feeling of flying through the wind hit me, which I loved. I thought I would never want to face this broomstick after Sirius died, but my mind was completely changed now. Now, it was like a part of him. When I was on my broom, it almost felt like he was right there.

I was out for hours. It wasn't until it was dark that I realized it was far past curfew. Then I began to panic. Not because there was the possibility of being caught, but because there was the chance Nott might come out.

Just as I had figured, the moment I began to retreat to the castle I saw him sitting by a tree at the edge of the lake. Had he seen me flying around on the other side? More importantly, how was I going to get around without him noticing?

As if on cue, he stood up and walked over to me. That answered my question: he had seen me flying.

"Lyra," he said once he approached. "You're out late again."

"Yeah," I replied, my voice dry. "Um ... I was just heading back."

"Oh. Well, okay then. I'll let you go. See you later."

I felt awkward as I mumbled, "You too." He was being far too casual in my opinion, acting as if we knew each other well.

"Hold on," he said, stopping me in my tracks. I turned around. He said, "Are you sure you're okay? You look a little distressed."

I replied with, "I'm always distressed these days. Don't worry about me. I'm going back to the castle."

"Wait, Lyra!" He was running toward me again, and I turned around, trying to keep my frustration under control. "I need to ask you something."

What now?

"What?" I asked out loud, sounding slightly annoyed and feeling sorry as soon as I spoke.

"Listen. The other day in Hogsmeade, you didn't seem so sure about the whole ... seeing each other thing. So if you want to forget about it, I'm willing to ... you know ... break it off."

I sighed as several different feelings hit me at once. "It's - it's got nothing to do with you," I said as my voice cracked with emotion. "It's everything to do with me, and who I am."

"So are you saying we should forget about Hogsmeade?"

I thought for a moment and said, "No. I've just been afraid. My parents haven't exactly raised me, my cousin - though she might as well be my sister - hasn't been herself, and Sirius Black, who was my cousin, is dead. Everyone I love is disappearing, so I feel like ... like isolating myself from the world so I don't have to face losing anyone else. I'm just afraid of being hurt."

"You don't think I would hurt you, do you?" he said gently.

"No," I said again, holding back tears with all my might. I wasn't about to cry in front of him. "I don't. But if I became close to you, there's always the possibility that I'd lose you too ... or anyone, for that matter. It doesn't matter who, but everyone disappears ... somehow."

Well, I had failed at preventing the tears from falling. I sat on the ground and began to weep into my hands as silently as possible, trying to stop them. I felt like a complete idiot, knowing he was standing right over me and staring as I had an emotional meltdown.

Once I finally managed to control the tears, I continued to sit on the ground with my head in my hands. I didn't want to look up at him in case he was laughing, or wearing an expression that clearly said he thought I was a joke.

But when he spoke, his voice was sympathetic. "You haven't said this to anyone else, have you?"

"There hasn't been anyone to tell," I mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

A second later, he was kneeling in front of me, saying, "Come on. I'll help you up."

I peeked through my fingers and saw him holding out his hand for me. I peeled my hands from my face and grasped his with my right. He pulled me to my feet and, looking me right in the eyes (which were extremely red and puffy) asked, "Do you want to talk? Or do you want to return to the castle?"

I looked back at him for a second before I made up my mind. Talking about things would possibly give me a clearer head. "I want to talk."

He nodded and, turning away, led me to the spot he had been minutes before: beneath the tree by the lake.

We sat down and he said, "So, what's going on?"

"Everything," I said, and the words began to flow out of my mouth - how I couldn't control my anger, how I kept winding up in Snape's detentions, how my parents were out in the world working for Voldemort (including, but not limited to killing people, blasting buildings apart, and creating terror wherever they went).

It was actually quite strange. I thought discussing these things would be hard, but it seemed to be exactly what I needed. I realized then that I hadn't had anyone to tell this to until now. Maybe that was why I was so enraged all the time.

Nott didn't say a thing as I talked. He listened to every word without any sort of interruption. Eventually I stopped and turned to stare at the lake. I felt really awkward for a second, wondering why I had told him any of this. Then I felt stupid - he was a Slytherin, therefore he could use anything I said against me. How did I know he wasn't secretly thinking I was some idiot who couldn't handle anything?

Then I thought, well, he did ask me out. Was that a joke, too? Or did he really mean it?

"Ugh!" I groaned, and leaned back against the grass. I closed my eyes. I was getting a headache.

"Something wrong?"

I moaned as I put my hands to my face. "I just don't know who to trust anymore!"

I was aware that it sounded kind of out-of-the-blue, but he seemed to read my thoughts. "You mean you don't know if you can trust me?" he asked, a bit hurt unless I was mistaken.

"No, not that!" I amended quickly. "It's the whole Gryffindor-Slytherin thing! Based on the way Draco Malfoy behaves - "

He interrupted me by saying, "Really, Lyra, you can't base all Slytherins on Draco Malfoy. Besides, I have my suspicions about him ... " He trailed off. I sat up abruptly and looked at him. He lowered his voice and said, "Promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you?"

He trusted me enough to tell me secrets that nobody knew. So why couldn't I trust him back? I knew, deep down, that he was really sincere about what he said. So I answered, "Yeah. You can tell me; I won't tell anyone."

"Okay. Well ... I think Draco gave Katie Bell that cursed opal necklace."

"What?" I exclaimed loudly. Katie Bell had been given an opal necklace that landed her in St. Mungo's during the last Hogsmeade trip, but how could Malfoy have given it to her?

"I know it sounds odd, but yes! I told you he's been acting out-of-character!"

"But that's impossible! Katie got that necklace in the girl's bathroom! How could Malfoy give it to her there?"

"Maybe he had someone else give it go her," he suggested. "He could have ... I don't know ... Imperiused a girl to give it to Katie! That way he wouldn't be suspected!"

"True. It's just hard to believe someone our age could obtain such a powerfully cursed necklace and Imperius somebody."

"His father is a Death Eater, remember? Which brings me to my next point: he's been acting strangely over-protective of his wrist lately. It's as if he's trying to hide something. I was wondering - do you think he could have the Dark Mark?"

"The Dark Mark?" I asked in disbelief. "No ... there's no way. He's only sixteen, like us. Voldemort wouldn't let him join."

"You say his name?" Nott asked. "Wow. That's unusual - "

But I interrupted him. "I know what it is," I said darkly.

"What's that?"

"His wrist. It happens to me too. It started two years ago, before Voldemort came back. I don't have the Mark, but I still feel it. Ever since Voldemort returned, it happens a lot. It hardly bothers me anymore, so I don't worry about it. I have a theory, though. Since both my parents have the Mark, it kind of ... got passed down to me, you know? Not the actual thing, but the pain that results when Voldemort touches it. Malfoy probably feels it too because his father has the Mark."

"No," he said. "No, that's impossible." His tone indicated that he knew he was right. "My father has the Mark, and I don't feel it. You probably only feel it because both your parents have it. Otherwise, every child of a Death Eater would feel it, right? Besides, I said he was being overprotective of his wrist, not that it was giving him pain."

"Oh," I said, admitting defeat. "Well, then ... all right. Maybe you're right. It's possible, I guess."

"You're still not convinced?"

"Not totally. But if something else weird happens - like a repeat of Katie and the locket - then I'll reconsider it."

I felt a lot more comfortable now. My headache and stress were gone, and for the first time in weeks I felt relaxed and at peace. I stared out at the lake with my arms wrapped around my legs, thinking that I could probably reconsider Theodore's request.

It was silent for several minutes. Finally he said, "Lyra?"

"Yes?" I asked, still looking at the black water.

"I think we should head back. My watch says it's half-past one. We do have class tomorrow."

"You're right," I said, and though I was shocked to realize it, I actually felt disappointed about going back to Gryffindor Tower. I wanted to stay right where I was, on the lakeshore talking with him.

"Well? Are you coming?"

"Oh ... " I looked over and saw that he had already stood up. He offered his hand again, so I took it and let him pull me to my feet. We began to walk back to the castle without saying anything. When we reached the castle doors, he said, "I have one more question, if you're willing to answer."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I know this isn't my business, but ... the first night on the lake, when you had the nightmare - what were you dreaming about? It's okay if you don't want me to know."

"Oh, that. Well, I'm not exactly sure what it means. But in my dream, I was falling into a pit of darkness, and the thing is, I'd had that dream before. Only this time I kept falling, and then I hit the ground, and I was in the forest, and all these bright green snakes began to crawl all over me, and then the giant one ... started to eat me."

I looked into his eyes, waiting for him to laugh. It sounded ridiculous when I said it out loud, something I'd just realized. But he didn't laugh.

"Did you say bright green snakes?"

"Yes. Any idea what they mean?"

"No. I thought I might be able to explain it, but ... it could simply be a dream."

"Well, yes ... and dreams can be weird. Only this one seemed so real. I could still feel the snakes crawling on me and - " I halted my words. I was more comfortable with him, sure, but I couldn't share every personal detail with him.

"We should go inside." He pushed open the castle door; we walked across the entrance hall to the Grand Staircase. We would have to part soon, because his dormitory was in the dungeons.

"Well ... I'll see you," I said.

"Yes. Wait, Lyra ... about the whole ‘going out' thing ... do you still want to end it, or do you want to see each other again?"

"Oh," I said, beginning to blush. "Um - I - I'm really sorry for sort of ... changing my mind awhile back, I guess - I mean, I didn't mean to make you think I didn't want - I guess I kind of wasn't thinking ... " I honestly had no idea how to put my answer into words. He gave me that look - the one where he raised his eyebrow - and said, "Is that a yes or a no?"

Blushing fiercely, I said, "It's ... a yes. We're still on ... for Hogsmeade."

I looked down, biting my lip and continuing to blush. Did I really have to make a fool of myself like that? Why, why, why? It was bad enough that I had already almost rejected him after agreeing. What kind of person did that?

He seemed to forgive me, though, and understanding was in his eyes when he said, "That's great. Well then, I'll see you tomorrow in class."

"Yes. See you tomorrow. You're right, it's awfully late. For now ... goodnight."

That was when I was supposed to go up the stairs and he was supposed to depart for the dungeons, but before I had even placed my foot on the bottom stair, he said, "Lyra, one more thing."

I turned around. "Yes?"

"Tonight should be known as our official first date." He took my face in his hands. "Do you trust me now?"

"Yes," I said quietly, feeling my heart pound loudly. Where this was probably going was making me more nervous than I had ever been. "I'm sorry if you thought I didn't. I was just-well, with everything changing and Voldemort - "

"It doesn't matter why."

And I saw it coming but was still surprised when it happened: when he moved closer and kissed me gently on the lips. After a few seconds, he pulled away and simply said, "I'll see you tomorrow." He turned and walked to the dungeons, and as soon as he was out of sight, I went up the Grand Staircase and headed toward Gryffindor Tower, feeling happier than I had in days. Maybe even weeks.