~~PART FOUR: THE TWO SIDES OF THE WAR~~

~Chapter 44- Lost in the Chaos~

Within just a few weeks of Dumbledore's death, Voldemort was taking over. Wizards and Muggles alike were dying in brutal ways every day. Everything I had predicted would happen was happening.

... And yet, life went on. It had to. I was back at home for the summer as usual, listening to Andromeda fret over everything and Dora going on and on about Remus. Though it was great to see Dora happy and bouncy again, I didn't see how she could be so cheerful during these dark times.

I was the opposite.

I spent almost every moment in my room, sitting quietly and doing nothing. Depression had taken its hold on me. For the first few weeks, all I thought about were the Daily Prophet headlines, what my parents may be doing, and Theodore. My main question was: Had he really joined the Death Eaters?

Thinking about this made me wonder what would happen to him. About a hundred times a day I thought, he could be killed working as a Death Eater which normally caused me to have a meltdown and end up sobbing loudly into my pillow until Andromeda came upstairs and spent an hour trying to comfort me.

It was awful, and there was no way out of it. Even worse, for every second Dora was happy, I became more upset. I guess I was jealous of her, because she managed to find happiness in this world of darkness. One day she came into my room (I was in tears, as usual) and said, "Remus just sent me an owl and he want me to - Lyra?"

So I stood up and screamed at her, "I don't care what's going on between you and Remus, Dora! Stop acting so cheerful all the time because if you haven't noticed, there's a major war going on and all you ever say is Remus this, Remus that! Just shut up and stop talking to me; I'm tired of hearing about anything you have to say!"

She was quite taken aback, but I didn't care. I was weeping into my pillow again. On top of that, I braced myself, waiting for her to yell back at me, but nothing came. I heard her voice say softly, "Sit up. Let's talk."

Reluctantly I did, but looked at the floor instead of her. I knew I looked a mess these days. I chose to speak first. "What's happening to me?"

"It's to be expected," she said. "I won't say I understand how you feel because I know I don't, but you're suffering from a broken heart. On top of that, you're worried about him and everyone else you love, plus you're torn between two sides because you think he's joined the other one. And you're right; there's a major war going on."

"I don't follow," I told her. "I'm such an idiot!"

I threw myself onto the bed so that I was on my back, staring at the ceiling.

"Why do you say that?" Dora interrogated.

"Why did I have to fall in love with him? I knew it would lead to heartbreak, deep down. I'm so stupid."

"You can't really help falling in love. Everyone falls in and out of love, but ... well, I know it's different for you, since you're kind of dealing with dark versus light ... "

For once, she didn't have any advice on the subject of romance, her area of expertise. Really, she was only making things worse. I retorted to her comment with, "Dark and light? Dora, he's not on the Dark Side."

"But you said ... never mind. I - I have to go. I'm ... er ... meeting Remus," she finished quickly. "See you later, Lyra. And hang in there."

"Yeah, right. Thanks for the help."

Once she was out the door, I repositioned myself so that my head was on my pillow and closed my eyes. Dora's words were stinging me. Thoughtfully, I concluded that we both had dark and light in us, which was why we were connected ... which was why I was in love with him.

After what seemed like infinity, I left my room. Andromeda was cooking downstairs as she often did as a pastime, just to get her mind focused on something. When she saw me, she came over and hugged me tightly, saying, "How are you feeling?"

Dora had explained everything to her, mainly because I couldn't without breaking down and sobbing until my speech was so slurred it was impossible to comprehend.

"Not too great," I murmured.

"Well, here. Take this."

She waved her wand and Summoned a goblet from one of the neatly organized cabinets. She filled it with some sort of steaming drink and handed it to me. I took it, inhaling the warm, sweet aroma.

"What's this?"

"Something I was experimenting with. It's got some potion in it that may make you feel better, but the drink is strong enough to conceal the taste of it. Try it."

I took a sip and immediately felt more revived, even if it was only a little bit. Andromeda turned back to the stove and stirred the pan on top of it. I could tell she looked apprehensive because she was muttering words under her breath that didn't sound like incantations.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

She stopped stirring, but didn't turn around. Looking thoughtful, she said, "Nymphadora tells me that the Prophet is behind on everything. She says the Order knows what's really going on in the Ministry, but more and more Death Eaters are trying to work their way up somehow ... "

Her voice trailed off when the shocking possibility hit me and I said, "Andromeda, you don't think they're trying to take over the Ministry, do you?"

She sighed. "I think that's exactly what they're trying to do."

I nearly splashed the drink-potion mixture onto my robes. "But then ... what will ... what will happen to everything as we know it?"

"That's my biggest fear," she said, and I noticed her face growing paler. "If the Death Eaters are in control, they'll be after Muggle-borns first, mark my words. It makes me worried for Ted ... "

My stomach tightened, and I found I couldn't drink anymore. Would all Muggle-borns be destroyed if the Death Eaters took over and turned the world into some chaotic anarchy? No, that wouldn't happen ... the Death Eaters would reorganize the Ministry so that they had complete control of the government.

"Andromeda, thanks for this," I said quickly, placing my half-filled goblet on the table. "I think I'm going to - "

Before I could bolt for my bedroom, the door swung open and Dora was there, looking more pleased than I could ever remember seeing her. Her bright pink hair seemed to clash with the mood of both Andromeda and me, and I felt slightly annoyed at her once again. What was she so blithe about this time?

"You won't believe what's happened!" she exclaimed, dashing into the kitchen and colliding with the table. My goblet tipped over and the hot brown liquid spilled all over the top, but Dora seemed to take no notice. She could hardly contain her excitement as she grinned and said, "Remus and I are going to be married!"

It took me a moment to realize what she had said. "M-married?" I stammered. "Already?"

"Yes, I know! But we figured that with the war and both of us being in the Order, we might not get the ... "

She didn't finish, and I didn't want her to. I was still rooted to the spot, but Andromeda was already rushing over to her daughter and hugging her tightly. Her eyes were full of tears as she sobbed, "Married! Oh, Nymphadora, how wonderful! I can't believe you're already going to be married! You've grown up so fast! Just yesterday I was - "

"Yeah, yeah, Mum, I know," Dora said. Her face was red and she was attempting to untangle herself from Andromeda's grasp. Something like a smile spread across my lips, and I tried to remember the last time anything worth celebrating had happened.

"Anyway, Remus wants to do something small and quiet, with family and Order members only."

She didn't sound bitter at all, which surprised me. I always thought Dora would want a huge, extravagant wedding. Maybe she still did but was willing to give up that much for Remus and others - maybe Remus didn't want a big wedding because he didn't want to attract attention. It made sense. After all, the worst possible scenario would be a Death Eater attack at a wedding.