‘Malfoy!’ Albus Potter yelled, striding through the Hogwarts grounds furiously. He was now just metres away from our spot near the lake and I could see no way of avoiding him other than diving into the lake’s cold depths and swimming for my life. I decided I’d rather have to face Albus than be eaten by the Giant Squid.
So I remained stationary behind Lily, watching him come further into view at an exceptionally fast pace. ‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” he thundered as he ran.
I opened my mouth to speak, to inform him that it wasn’t me who was doing anything, but Lily’s shrill voice forced me to close my lips instantly. ‘Go away, Al! This is none of your business!’
But Albus has reached us by now, and was already shoving past her. He stepped right up to me, his body heaving. ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’
I stepped back slightly, not appreciating the closeness between us. ‘Believe me, mate,’ I said, ‘I couldn’t explain this if I wanted to.’ This was true, I’d barely been given the time to process the fact that Lily Potter had just kissed me.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he fumed, and then turned back to Lily. ‘What’s he on about?’
Lily looked distraught, and I suddenly felt a strong need to comfort her, but that would be impossible with Albus around. ‘Al,’ she pleaded, ‘just get out of here, will you?’
As Albus shook his head, I noticed a small group of people heading towards us. I recognised them as Albus’ little gang of friends. My heart seemed to skip a beat as I saw that Hugo Weasley was amongst the approaching faces. What if he had seen, too? Rose couldn’t find out about this, not when things were going so well between us.
‘What’s goin’ on, Al?’ asked one of the boys that had joined us.
Albus turned back to me, his emerald eyes narrowed. ‘I’ve just seen Malfoy here getting a bit too close to my sis-’
‘Albus!’ Lily screeched, her cheeks a flaming red. ‘Shut up, now.’
I lifted a hand and ran my fingers through my hair tensely and quietly said, ‘You should probably calm down, Albus. There’s really no need to cause a scene.’
Albus’ mouth snapped open immediately to retort, but he was once again cut off. ‘Hang on,’ I heard Hugo Weasley shout over the chaos. ‘I though you said Malfoy was with my sister?’
I heard numerous agreements with this statement, and felt my frustration starting to build up. Bloody Gryffindors, I thought to myself. There wasn’t a chance in hell that this wouldn’t get back to Rose. And I had to admit that the situation Lily and I were found in must have looked bad. But I hadn’t wanted to kiss Lily, though I supposed they’d think I only pulled away because Albus saw us. It was an infuriatingly impossible situation, and I couldn’t think of a way to escape it.
‘You’re right, Hugo,’ Albus said. ‘I was under that impression, too.’
His eyes didn’t leave mine, they stared cold and hard. And he really had just started to like me. I supposed any chance of a friendship with him was now sufficiently ruined.
‘Look,’ I began slowly, looking between Albus and Hugo, ‘whatever you just saw, it isn’t what it looked like.’
Both pairs of eyebrows shot up immediately; each face showed that they were expecting me to explain it all. But that I could not do “ at least not with Lily around.
I took a moment to glance at her then, noticing that her expression was similar to those of her cousin and brother. Expectations for answers I could not give.
I tried desperately to keep the sympathy from showing on my face. I didn’t want to hurt Lily, but it seemed that now it was inevitable that I would. I liked Lily... but just not in the way that she wanted me to.
My efforts were clearly wasted as Lily read my expression and, I could have sworn, my mind. She nodded her head once, but the movement was so slight that I was sure I was the only one who noticed it. Lily then turned away from me and strode quickly through the small crowd of Gryffindors, lifting a hand to her face as if to wipe away tears.
And I found that I was beginning to feel angry.
I turned back to Albus Potter, not bothering to conceal my emotions now. ‘I hope you realise, Potter,’ I seethed, ‘what an absolute idiot you are.’
He stepped forward, as if he were begging for a fight. Potter’s little gang had also closed in on me slightly, and the younger one, Hugo, even made to reach for his wand.
I laughed darkly. ‘You don’t have the nerve to hurt me, Potter. Nor do you, Weasley. Don’t you think you’d both be better off taking a moment to apologise to Lily for embarrassing her?’ They were both silent. ‘That’s what I thought. Now, if you’ll excuse me...’
I stepped to the side, out of Albus’ way, and walked out of the situation that could have potentially had me hospitalised.
I didn’t plan on speaking to Lily again that day, knowing I’d made myself fairly clear without having to speak at all. And although I still wanted to clear the air with her, I decided to prolong the amount of time the air would be hazy “ sensitive conversations were not my specialty.
I did, however, plan on finding Rose fairly quickly. It would be best that I informed her of that morning’s events, rather than her having to hear it from jump-to-conclusions Albus.
I didn’t exactly know where to find her, but it was now around lunch time, so I headed for the Great Hall.
Sure enough, Rose was seated at the Gryffindor table with a friend that I didn’t know the name of. Thankfully, neither Albus nor Hugo were anywhere in sight. Breathing in slowly, I approached Rose before I could think of an excuse not to. I leaned down over her right shoulder and quietly said, ‘Could I have a quick word?’
She turned to face me, and I watched in pleasure as her face seemed to light up somewhat. She quickly masked this, though, transforming her face into a straight expression. ‘Of course,’ she said.
Rose informed her friend that she would be back in a moment, and together she and I exited the Great Hall. I was careful not to stride too closely to her, afraid that Lily would turn a corner and catch us.
I paused once we’d reached the outside courtyard, and she did the same, causing our bodies to be closer in proximity than what would have been ideal. But, looking down at her, I almost didn’t care.
Standing now with Rose nearly allowed me to forget about Lily and the rest of her crazy family. However, I soon remembered why I had asked Rose out here in the first place. It was easy to be distracted while standing so close to her, it would be so easy to lean down and kiss her...
I shook off those thoughts. ‘Rose,’ I began, ‘there’s something you should know.’
She shifted her weight from foot to foot uneasily. ‘What is it?’
I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t avoid this. Not if I really wanted things to work with Rose. ‘Your cousin tried to kiss me today.’
Rose’s mouth fell open instantly, but she quickly closed it “ she was always trying not to reveal her reactions, her feelings. ‘Which cousin?’ she asked after a moment.
Her question, of course, took me by surprise. Who else could it have been but Lily? I was hardly an invitation for homosexuality.
‘The girl cousin,’ I said simply.
‘Oh,’ she said, as if she were slightly disappointed. And this was the first moment I was able to decipher her reaction. It was Lily who kissed me, and out of all of her cousins, Lily was the only possible one I had a chance of falling for. In Rose’s eyes, at least.
‘I stopped it, though,’ I continued. ‘I don’t see her that way. But then Albus came...’
‘Al saw you?’ she interrupted quickly. ‘I’m sure that didn’t go down well.’
I smiled hesitantly. ‘Not really, no.’
Rose didn’t speak for a few moments, though she appeared to have a lot to say.
‘Tell me what you’re thinking,’ I told her. I needed to know.
She stared at my face, but not into my eyes. I watched hers closely, the brown orbs were mesmerising. ‘You don’t like Lily?’ she finally asked.
I shook my head. ‘No, not like that. She’s a mate.’
Rose nodded, and again there was silence.
I sighed. ‘Albus is mad because he thought you and I were supposed to be together.’ I hoped saying this would open a train of conversation, get Rose to open up so I didn’t have to.
She eventually took the bait. ‘And... are we?’
I smiled, though I was hesitant to answer that question. ‘It’s up to you, I suppose.’
Rose looked down at her feet, her cheeks stained with pink as she failed to hide her grin.
For a moment, she stayed like that, but she soon looked up with that blank expression of hers. ‘Lily obviously likes you.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘It sure seemed that way.’ But where did that leave us?
‘I’d never want to hurt my cousin,’ Rose said, finally allowing her eyes to view mine. ‘But I also... Well, I like this - you and me.’
I couldn’t help but breathe a long sigh of relief. ‘I like it too. And we can take things easy, for Lily’s sake.’
Rose nodded. ‘I’d like that.’
We both began to smile, and her eyes quickly darted away from mine. I desperately wanted to kiss her right then and there, but we were supposed to be taking things slow “ plus, this place was full of nosy Gryffindors. So, instead I touched my hand lightly to hers and held it in my palm. I leaned in closer, taking in her sweet scent, and kissed her softly on the cheek. It was almost impossible to pull away, but I somehow managed it.
We even managed to whisper goodbye, and I reluctantly turned away and headed back to the Slytherin common room.
The next few days were far more difficult than I expected them to be, as it turned out that I really didn’t want to take things easy with Rose. It was infuriating to be with Rose, but never really be with her. Everywhere we turned there was a bloody Weasley or Gryffindor who anticipated a kiss between us that they could run off to tell Albus about. But those kisses rarely occurred, because both Rose and I knew that something like that could easily get back to Lily. I almost hated Lily for making things so hard.
So, while I was ecstatic that Rose and I were finally “together”, the effect soon wore off as I realised I wouldn’t so much as be able to hold her hand in public, or join her at the Gryffindor table for breakfast.
There had been, of course, a few stolen moments together in corridors while no one was around. But those times, those taste tests of what could really be if the rest of Rose’s family weren’t around, were almost as hard as not being with her at all.
I wanted to tell Rose, “Fuck it,” but I knew she’d disapprove. The girl really meant it when she said family was the most important thing to her. I really couldn’t blame her, though; I supposed that when you had a family that size with that strength in connection, it was pretty painful to even consider hurting one of them. So I kept my hands to myself, so to speak.
Rose and I did meet up after breakfast on the fourth day of our secret “relationship”, and we even ended up walking to Potions together. I walked especially close to her today, wondering how soon it would be before we had to separate.
Entering the classroom, I walked down the aisle of desks past Albus, who shot me a dark look. I expected to feel Rose peel off to the side somewhere as I continued to walk, but to my surprise, she kept her pace close to mine. I slid into my usual chair, and she joined me at the same desk.
I tilted my head slightly and raised my eyebrows at her. ‘You’re being particularly brave today,’ I muttered.
Her ruby lips spread into a smile. ‘I know,’ she said, ‘and I don’t even feel that bad.’
I grinned and shuffled my chair closer to hers, so that our shoulders were just touching. ‘You should do this more often, a guy could get used to it.’
Rose laughed. ‘What? Arm touching? Scorpius, I think this is moving too fast,’ she mocked.
I feigned an apologetic look, but reached out and grabbed her hand that was placed on top of the desk, entwining my fingers with hers. ‘Way too fast,’ I said.
She immediately jolted her hand to the side, but I had my fingers locked with hers. ‘Scorpius, please,’ she begged. ‘Albus will see.’
I frowned, but grudgingly untangled our fingers and placed my own hands together. I didn’t say anything to her after that, partly because Professor Slughorn had entered the classroom and was giving out instructions for today’s potion.
‘Now,’ the professor said after a brief description of the potion, clasping his hands together and staring around at the class, ‘I’d like one student from each pair to come and collect the ingredients, while the other prepares their cauldron.’
Rose smiled at me tentatively. ‘I’ll go get the ingredients, then.’
I nodded at her, and she turned and headed for the storeroom.
I pulled my wand out of my pocket and leaned over to light the bottom of the cauldron with it. Once the flame was lit, I pulled my arm back, but my elbow then hit something and I heard it fall to the ground. Looking down, I realised that I’d knocked Rose’s bag off the table, the contents of it spilled over the floor.
Hopping off my chair, I knelt down and began to scrape things back into the bag. I looked around as I did this, and noticed that Albus was staring down at me coldly from the next row of desks, ignoring his partner and potion.
I quickly averted my eyes and concentrated on collecting the rest of Rose’s things “ which she seemed to have a lot of; I wondered how she fit it all into this small shoulder bag. Once I thought I’d put everything back into place, I caught sight of something else on the floor.
It was just a short piece of parchment, which I assumed had fallen from the bag as well. So I reached out to retrieve it, but something stopped me before I could put it back in the bag. I could have sworn I’d seen my name on that parchment. I couldn’t help but scan the sheet again, disgruntled by each word I read.
Dear Rose, the untidy scrawl read,
I was recently informed by your uncle that you have become friends with Scorpius Malfoy. You know that I have dealt with the Malfoy family many times in the past, and if he is anything like his father, or grandfather for that matter, he is definitely not to be trusted. Our family has a very unpleasant history with his, and I’d hate to see you have to go through the same things we did. Please, keep this in mind and be careful!
Much love,
Dad.
P.S. Your mother has something she’d like to say.
Then written in much tidier print below was:
Rose,
Please ignore your father, but do remain vigilant.
Love, Mum.
I inhaled deeply, trying to not to let my fury show. I stood up from the ground and placed Rose’s bag on the table where she had left it, still holding the letter in my hands as I sat.
Rose’s father had suggested that I was untrustworthy, and basically advised her not to associate with me at all. How dare he? I thought angrily. Who did these people think they were, warning Rose against me? And all because I was a Malfoy.
I glanced over to the storeroom, and noticed that Rose was heading back to our table. I reached over and put the letter on top of her bag, not bothering to conceal the fact that I had read it. I did, however, try to rid the expression of rage I knew was showing on my face. How dare he? a voice echoed in my head.
Rose sat down, putting the ingredients down next to the cauldron. I waited for her to notice the letter, and it didn’t take her long. She froze, eyes locked on the parchment.
‘Yeah,’ I mumbled, ‘your bag fell on the floor. I cleaned your stuff up for you.’
She turned her head in my direction, though her eyes would not meet mine. ‘You read this?’ She inclined her head to the parchment.
I shrugged slightly. ‘It was on the floor, and I noticed my name.’ I didn’t mean for the words to come out in such a harsh tone, but I couldn’t control it.
‘Scorpius “’ Rose started.
‘Let’s get on with this potion, shall we?’ I interrupted quickly, hardly in the mood to discuss the contents of the letter.
Rose nodded, and together we worked silently to create our potion, too lost in our own thoughts to truly recognise what we were doing.
Rose managed to find me by the lake during lunch that day. I sat by the rocks, attempting to send small pebbles skipping across the water, but only rarely did they not plummet through the surface without bothering to try a second leap.
When Rose reached me, she didn’t try to speak. She simply sat on the ground at least a foot away from me, watching me gain no luck with the pebbles. I eventually surrendered to the fact that I was only concentrating on throwing rocks into water because I was trying to avoid my thoughts of Rose. But now that she was right here beside me, my efforts were useless.
‘I’m really sorry,’ she finally said, and I could tell that she was watching me. ‘My dad... he’s protective, and really doesn’t know when something is none of his business.’
‘Well, yeah,’ I said flatly, still keeping my eyes on the vast lake before me. ‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t agree.’
‘I know.’ Rose sighed. ‘But really, Scorpius, can you blame him? Our fathers were enemies during Hogwarts, of course he’s going to be worried.’
I grumbled something even I could not discern. It didn’t matter to me how our fathers had behaved while they were teenagers, what did it have to do with now?
‘I mean,’ she continued hastily, ‘I have to admit that even I was reluctant to acknowledge my feelings for you at the start. I thought, well, he’s a Malfoy!’
I was finally unable to keep myself facing straight ahead, and automatically snapped my head to face her. ‘Merlin, Rose. What does my bloody surname have to do with anything?’
Her brown eyes were wide with confusion, she stuttered in attempt to recollect the situation. ‘I just meant that... well, because of our families’ history and everything...’
I shook my head and stared back at the lake. ‘I really thought you wouldn’t let that bother you.’
‘But it doesn’t!’ she said, and I felt her inch closer to me. I breathed her in and was suddenly furious that I could want her so badly, but at the same time be upset by the fickle things that she said.
‘Then why must you always mention the fact that I’m a Malfoy?’ I asked bitterly, glancing at her again. ‘I can’t help who I am, Rose. And even if I could, I wouldn’t. I wish you could just forget where we came from and focus on who we are, right now.’
Rose seemed to recognise the fierceness of my tone, and as I suspected, she didn’t plan to back down. ‘There are some things I can’t forget, Scorpius, as much as I’d like to. I’ve heard stories “’
‘From who? I interrupted. ‘Your father, I suppose. Yes, very reliable.’
Rose narrowed her eyes, and this time I refused to look away from them. ‘My father would have no reason to lie about those things. Yours, on the other hand...’
I could have laughed. ‘You really can’t help yourself, can you, Rose? You know, I’ll be the first to admit that my family has taken part in some pretty awful stuff “’
‘Taken part?’ She scoffed. ‘More like organised.’
‘- but nobody’s perfect. Yeah, my family is far from it “ but at least we can be realistic about things. Not everyone’s parents can be war heroes!’
‘Oh, right,’ she cut in again. ‘So you either had to save the world or become a Death Eater, life must have been so straightforward.’
By now, I was entirely sick of this, of her. We weren’t going to get anywhere by arguing, not that I was exactly sure where I wanted things to go “ not now.
I stood up, brushing small bits of rock off my robes. I turned and stared down at Rose, her freckled complexion now red to match her temper. ‘I think your family has created some ridiculous expectation for perfection. And you and I both know this is not something I can live up to.’ I began to back away from her, and she didn’t bother to contradict me. ‘This never would have worked out, anyway. So don’t lose sleep over it.’
I turned from Rose, but not before catching a quick glimpse of her angry expression. But there was something else within that look, something I couldn’t help but hope was disappointment, even longing.
I pushed that thought away quickly, knowing that what I had just done was for the best.
Practically jogging through the Hogwarts grounds, I didn’t once look back to see if Rose was still watching me. As I stormed up the castle steps, I almost ran into someone as another wave of irritation came over me. I glanced up from the ground to see who it was, and possibly apologise, but my face was met with Lily’s.
I couldn’t help but groan upon seeing the look on her face. Lily looked smug, and I could tell that she had just witnessed me storming away from her cousin. ‘Trouble in paradise?’ she asked conceitedly.
A part of me recognised that Lily must have somehow discovered that Rose and I had been seeing each other, but a more dominant part overwhelmed this. ‘Please, Potter, just stay the hell out of my sight.’
Her features that held her smugness didn’t falter, and I determinedly shoved passed her. Bloody Gryffindors, I thought. As I marched down to the Slytherin common room, I realised that not only had I lost myself a girlfriend today, but also a best mate. I slammed my fists against the stone wall that concealed the entry to the common room, but soon realised I hadn’t even given a password. I couldn’t for the life of me remember it, so I started back the other way, all the while trying to convince myself that losing Lily Potter and Rose Weasley was somehow for the best.