Remus sat holding her, for Merlin knew how long. They were silent, apart from his occasional reassurances that things would be all right and her quietening sobs. He glanced up at one point and saw Charity standing at the bottom of the street, but he felt no urge to join her and raised his hand apologetically. Tonks needed him, so this was where he had to stay. It started to rain, but still they did not move. Finally, when his robes were waterlogged and her cries had settled into the occasional sniff, she lifted her head.
“Sorry,” she said. “You’re getting wet.”
“That’s okay,” he murmured softly. “I could see you needed help.”
Her hair, darkened by the rain, clung in tendrils around her sweet face.
“You’re always helping me, aren’t you, Remus. First, you sneaked me back into Hogwarts; then you saved me from a dragon. All I’ve ever done is drug you with Veritaserum and shout at you for telling me the truth about Black.” He heard the bitter twist she gave Sirius’ name. He was not her beloved cousin anymore.
He stood up and held his hand out to her. “I didn’t want to be right, you know,” he said, sighing. “I spent years trying to think of a plausible explanation, but Black has never once tried to explain.” He paused. “I tried to see him once, a month or so after he was locked up, but the Ministry wouldn’t give me a pass. I think if anyone could have found out why, it would have been me.”
She accepted his hand and together they walked back to the main street. “I’m sorry,” she said wearily. “You can leave me now. Perhaps your girlfriend is still waiting for you.”
“I think Charity will have gone back now “ we have been here a while,” he muttered as he tried to avoid the pools of water that had collected in the potholes of the cobbled street.
“Oh, was that Charity Burbage?” she asked.
He nodded. “Mmm, she’s the Muggle Studies teacher. Do you know her?”
Tonks shook her head and smiled slightly “ her first smile since he’d seen her. “No, she was Head Girl the year before I started, but her sister, Patience, was a Hufflepuff prefect in my first year here. The Burbage sisters were constantly held up to me as shining examples of Hufflepuff behaviour. Patience didn’t like me much.”
“Why ever not?” Remus asked.
Tonks didn’t look at him but replied, “Various reasons. I think the fact that I kept losing House points was the main one.”
Remus frowned as he pondered her reply but then asked lightly, “Why were you losing House points?”
Tonks turned around and then, without warning, slipped on the cobbles. “Damn!” she exclaimed. She sat on that pathway clutching her ankle. He sat next to her, little caring that it was still raining and his robes were soaked. Around them people scurried under cover. Remus took her ankle in his hands.
“Does it hurt?”
She nodded and bit her lip as she tried not to cry out.
“It may be broken, so perhaps Poppy Pomfrey should take a look,” he said as his fingers gingerly touched it.
“I don’t want any fuss,” she replied wearily. “Look, I’ll just Apparate home and get it seen to there.” She tried to stand up but moaned as she put weight on it.
“At least let me look at it back at Hogwarts. If it is broken then Poppy can mend it easily,” Remus said persuasively.
Tonks looked up at him and he could see uncertainty in her eyes. He wondered if now that her trust in Sirius had been shattered, she was also unsure of him. Then she shrugged. “Okay, but I don’t want to keep you from Charity.”
Remus checked his pocket watch. “Well, as I’ve been sitting with you for around three quarters of an hour, I sincerely doubt she’ll still be here.” He brought out his wand tapped her ankle and muttered, “Ferula!” Instantly, some bandages appeared and wound themselves tight about her ankle.
She sniffed and took hold of his arm whilst she attempted to stand up. “Sorry, did I ruin your date?”
“It wasn’t really a date. Charity’s a friend,” he said. Then he tucked his arm around her and supported her as they half walked-half limped back to Hogwarts.
As they approached the wrought iron gates, Tonks shuddered slightly at the Dementors gliding towards them and Remus saw her hand grasp her wand. “So, why did you lose House points when you were a first year?” he asked to keep her mind off them. “Charity tells me that Hufflepuffs never break rules.”
It worked. She smiled, albeit a touch sadly. “Ah, well, you see in my first year, I wasn’t too happy about being a Hufflepuff. I was quite convinced the Hat had made a mistake, so I used to try and sneak into Charlie’s common room.”
“You wanted to be a Gryffindor?”
Tonks turned her head to face him. “Of course I wanted to be a Gryffindor, Remus. I’d met Sirius and his exceptionally cool friends.” She laughed at the astonishment on his face. “Plus I met Charlie on the train and I really wanted to stay with him.”
He chuckled. “So it wasn’t my coolness that persuaded you, rather Charlie’s presence.”
She was silent and as he looked across, he saw a solitary tear sliding down her face. “Sorry,” she said. “I was just remembering my Sorting. The Hat said I was loyal to a fault. I never realised before today that loyalty was a fault.” She shuddered again and this time Remus held her closer.
“Come on,” he said soothingly. “Let’s get you inside and I’ll look at that ankle.”
Remus half supported and half carried her inside, nodding to Filch as they went past. For his part, Filch glowered at the pair and muttered something about puddles on the floor, so Remus quickly cast a drying spell over himself and Tonks before they mounted the stairs. Slowly, they walked up to his rooms on the second floor and there Remus deposited her on the couch, raising her ankle onto a cushion. “How does it feel now?” he asked.
She gave a wan smile. “A bit better, actually. I can move it, anyway.” She wiggled her toes through the bandages.
“Probably not broken then,” he replied. She was lying back against one of his rather tatty cushions, looking pale and still sad. “Why don’t you just rest there a while and I’ll make you a cup of tea. You don’t have to talk or anything “ just relax.”
“Thank you,” she murmured as he handed her a mug. There was a long pause and Remus saw her looking around the room, taking in his meagre possessions. He wasn’t ashamed of his penury; he had long since ceased to be ashamed of the prejudice that stopped him gaining regular work, but for some reason he wished he’d had something more interesting to show this girl than musty books and old photograph albums.
“You take very good care of your things,” she said, breaking the silence. “I don’t know if you remember the state of my room in Romania. I’m an awful slob. It drives my mum up the wall.”
“How are your parents?” he asked, wondering if she would only indulge in polite chit-chat.
“I don’t know,” muttered Tonks. “I haven’t seen them since November.” She took a sip of tea and then took a deep breath. “We had a huge row when news emerged that Sirius had been here and slashed the Fat Lady’s portrait. I told them they were wrong about him, that there had to be a reason he needed to get into the Tower. Dad “ Merlin, I’d never seen him that angry before “ well, he ended up telling me I was a ‘bloody fool’ and I had to stop all my nonsense.” Remus could see tears welling in her eyes again which she angrily dashed away. “He was right, wasn’t he? Everyone was right and I was a ‘bloody fool’.”
“I don’t think you’re a fool,” said Remus.
“Oh, gods, Remus. Stop being so bloody kind. As you pointed out, I based my entire life around a day spent with my cousin and his friends. He took me for one lousy ride on his motorbike, and I was so entranced by him that I spent years looking for answers. And I was so proud every time someone said I was like him.” Her voice started to rise. “I saw it as a compliment when you said I was like him “ a traitorous, murdering “ oh, Merlin, how could I have been so stupid?”
He could see horror and utter misery envelop her face. Quickly, he sat down on the arm of the sofa and took her by the shoulders. “Stop this!” he ordered. “You weren’t at fault, Tonks. We were all taken in. All those years spent at school with him. I should have known. I should have seen what he was becoming. It was only towards the end that I ...” He stopped unwilling to continue.
“You what?” she asked. She moved across the sofa leaving a space for him to sit in.
Remus shifted down next to her and stared at the wall. “There was a traitor in the Order. It was someone close to James and Lily. And Sirius stopped being quite so friendly towards me. At the time, I wasn’t sure if it was to do with his brother “ Regulus had gone missing “ but then I wondered if perhaps he’d turned. Although he was closest to James, we’d always got on well. It was Sirius who made me feel as if being a werewolf was a bar to nothing. He made me feel normal.” He paused and, to his horror, he felt a lump in his throat.
“That’s what I meant about you being like him,” he said at last. “You’ve never once shown any fear or revulsion at what I am “ and that’s very rare.” He felt her hand on his arm and lifted his head to look at her.
“I know a bit about prejudice, Remus,” she said softly. “A Metamorphmagus is still considered a curse in some families “ you know that. I met Narcissa Malfoy last year and she was quite sure I was going to infect her son if I got near him.” She laughed bitterly. “Do you know why we’re so rare?” Remus was silent. He knew the stories but also realised she needed to speak. “Because in the old days a Metamorphmagus was considered a danger to the Magical Secrecy Act, so they were either locked away, or were unable to marry and have children. That, of course, was a drain on a magical purse to have your child always living with you, so some families got rid of their troublesome child “ very discreetly “ and the Ministry turned a blind eye.”
“Not now, though,” he replied after a while. “I mean, look at you, Tonks. You’re nearly an Auror. You’ve made it in spite of everything.”
“Mmm, I know and I suppose if we’re going to debate over who has the hardest life, then you’ll always win “ goddamn you.” She grinned at him and Remus laughed unable to believe that she’d been able to turn this into a joke. Then she sighed. “I think it explains, in part, why I was so attached to Sirius. He didn’t make me feel abnormal. He just thought I was cool. Despite him being in Azkaban, I turned up at Hogwarts feeling proud of my uniqueness. More fool me.”
“Why?” he asked curiously. His tea was cold now and he picked up her empty cup from the floor and levitated them to the hearthside.
“Oh, nothing, really. I was in Hufflepuff “ you know the House that accepts anyone “ but not everyone was happy that I’d been placed there. Prejudice is everywhere.”
Various reasons, she’d said when he asked why Patience had disliked her. He’d wondered what she meant at the time. He opened his mouth to ask, but as he looked across at Tonks, he noticed how tired she was.
“Would you like me to take you up to see Poppy now?” he asked.
Tonks flexed her foot. “I think it’s fine,” she said, yawning. “I should leave you in peace. You probably have lots of hideous marking to do.”
Remus shrugged. “I don’t have anything that pressing, actually, or I wouldn’t have been in Hogsmeade. So, you can rest a while if you want, and then we’ll see about getting you back to London. ”
“Thanks,” she said and yawned again. “I’m not sure I have the energy to go anywhere at the moment. I’ll leave before dinner, though.”
“Would you like me to ask Albus Dumbledore if you could stay? I’m sure he’d be delighted to see you again. I get the impression he’s rather fond of you,” said Remus.
She shook her head. “I’d really rather not see anyone at the moment.” She did a double take. “Does he talk about me?”
“Mmm, he mentioned something about you helping him last year. You looked into some archives or something?” Remus replied. He stopped as he saw a look of shock and guilt cross her face. “What’s the matter?”
“Oh, gods, Remus. I’m sorry. I’ve been so selfish. All this time we’ve known each other and you know everything about me. I rattle on and on about my family and I’ve never once asked you about things, have I?” Remus watched as she became more agitated, her hands pleating the fabric of her robe.
“Tonks, what are you on about?” he asked in bemusement.
She took a deep breath. “Last year, when all those pupils were petrified, Professor Dumbledore asked me to do some research in the Ministry archives.” She paused and then swallowed hard. Remus saw her hair turning a faint shade of blue and he smiled because it was the first time she’d changed her hair colour all afternoon. “I spoke to the librarian.”
And then he understood. “Mrs Goodbody,” he replied wryly. “I expect she told you about my father.”
Tonks looked at the floor. “Err, yeah, she did.” She looked up at him and tentatively touched his arm. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Remus sighed. “Why would you? It was a long time ago and ... well ... I don’t really like to talk about it.”
Tonks flushed and he realised he must have sounded harsh, but then she spoke again. “What about your mum? Is she still alive?”
“Mmm, I don’t see her that often, but she’s alive and remarried. It’s ... awkward,” he said lamely
“Oh, don’t you get on with your stepfather or something?” she blurted out, then gasped. “Sorry, that’s very nosey of me. Just tell me to shut up.”
“No, that’s okay, Tonks.” Remus sat back on the sofa and nestled himself into a cushion. He raised his eyes to the ceiling, conscious, while he was speaking, that her hand had not left his arm. “Did you know my mum was a Muggle?” he asked at last. She shook her head. “Well, she is, and she married my dad when she was very young “ only sixteen. You can imagine it, can’t you? Not only does she have to cope with the magical world, then her six year old son gets infected with lycanthropy and finally her husband is killed “ probably by Death Eaters “ although that was never proved.” He paused and Tonks squeezed his hand.
“She grabbed the chance to get out of this strange world and married a Muggle. I’ve met him and they’re happy, but obviously he knows nothing about all this and just assumes I’m a scruffy weirdo who can’t be bothered to work,” he finished.
“Scruffy’s a bit strong,” Tonks said after a while, and grinned impishly. “Although he may be right about the weirdo bit.”
Remus laughed loudly “ the first time he’d felt like laughing for ages. What was it about this girl that even when her own life seemed to be falling apart, she could find something to joke about? “You, Nymphadora Tonks, are incorrigible.”
“Oy! Less of the Nymphadora,” she cried and whacked him on the head with a cushion.
Reaching for his own cushion he playfully whacked her back but the old cover ripped and suddenly the room was flying with goose feathers. Giggling hysterically, Tonks stood up, but she’d forgotten about her ankle and fell forward on top of Remus. He stared at her, feathers stuck in her hair, wincing slightly at the pain in her foot, and then he kissed her. She responded instantly and he knew this was right. There was no hesitancy, nothing forced in her actions. Her fingertips delicately traced one thin scar that ran to his neck and he felt as if he were drowning under her caress. He ached to be with her.
Not like it was with Charity.The thought was like cold water and reluctantly he pulled away.
“Don’t stop,” she said. She clasped him round the neck and simply gazed, “Please, Remus. I’m not too young. You’re not too dangerous or any of the millions of reasons you’re about to lecture me about.”
He unlocked her hands from his neck and clasped them in his own. “You are too young and I am too dangerous, and there are more than a million reasons why this isn’t wise ... but the main one is that you’re upset about Sirius, and I won’t take advantage of that.”
She let out a muffled sob as he pulled her to his chest. He could feel her tears soaking through his robe and slowly he began to pull soft feathers out of her hair. There was something else, something she hadn’t told him. Something in her heart that she couldn’t bear to utter and he thought he knew what it was.
“Tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me what you’re most upset about.”
She shuddered convulsively. “I want my cousin back. I want to be back in that flat with all of you laughing, and me asleep on his chest and James carrying me up to bed. And ...” her eyes widened in horror, “Oh gods, Remus, he’ll be given the Dementors Kiss,” she cried, her sobs wracking through her body.
“I know, I know,” he muttered soothingly as he placed a light kiss on her brow. He had wanted his friends back for years, but had long since stopped believing in miracles. He hated Sirius for what he’d done, for how he’d torn apart all their lives, but the thought of Padfoot’s soul being sucked from his body made him shiver with cold dread.
After a while, he felt her breathing slow and peering round he saw she was asleep. In repose, her face lost its anguish and she looked again like the seventeen-year-old girl who’d camped on his doorstep. Carefully, he laid her back on the sofa and covered her with a blanket from his bed. Then, after settling himself into an armchair, he continued with his marking, checking every now and then that she was at peace.
The sun was slowly climbing down the sky, its rays catching his window and casting long shadows when there was a knock at the door.
“Remus,” he heard Septima call. “Are you there?”
Hurriedly, he answered the door, glancing back to see if Tonks had been disturbed, but she was still asleep. He opened the door to see Septima and Charity standing there.
“Charity wondered if you were all right,” Septima began stridently. “She said you’d been caught up in some crisis, with your sister, perhaps?”
He noticed Charity flushing at Septima’s words, clearly uncomfortable at being here.
“I don’t have a sister,” Remus replied. He could see both women trying to look in his room through the crack in the door. “Can I help you with something?”
“I-I just wanted to check that things were okay,” stuttered Charity. “That young girl seemed very distressed. She “ she’s not a student is she, because if she is, Remus, she really shouldn’t have been in Hogsmeade and you should report her.”
“She’s not a student,” he replied sharply. “Look, ladies, if that’s all then I really would like to get back to my marking. Perhaps I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
Raising one eyebrow, Septima turned on her stiletto heels and pulled Charity by the arm.
“Remus!” He closed his eyes as he heard Tonks’ tired and slightly anxious voice. Septima and Charity swung back around, just as Tonks reached the door and stared out over his shoulder. Her hair was still stuck with feathers, and she‘d wrapped herself in the blanket. “Ohh, sorry,” she mumbled and then looked at both of them with interest. “Hello, Professor Vector.”
Remus felt his insides drop, remembering the confrontation with Catalina. Please, behave, he thought.
Septima’s mouth curved into a delighted smirk. “Why, it’s Nymphadora Tonks, isn’t it? Remus, you never told me you knew possibly my most challenging pupil. What are you doing here?” she asked and pushed her way into the room. Charity followed, her eyes darting from the floor to the room, not looking at Remus.
“We’re old friends,” explained Remus. Tonks, he was pleased to see, had regained some colour in her cheeks and her hair, which was turning pink.
“Hmm,” murmured Septima dangerously, “I can see that. Been indulging in pillow fights with Nymphadora, have you, Remus?”
“It’s Tonks,” replied Tonks automatically, before adding. “I’m not your pupil anymore, so I’d appreciate you not calling me by that name, now that we’re both adults.”
“Still as touchy, I see.” They stared at each other; Septima lowered her gaze first and then turned to Charity. “Tonks here, was a pupil of mine when I first started teaching. An experience for both of us, I think it can be said.”
“I think we should go,” mumbled Charity. She turned towards the door. “Sorry we bothered you.”
Oh hell, thought Remus. He knew he should go after her, to explain what had happened, but he was sick of having to explain his every single move, sick of having to be so defensive about his life. “Septima,” he said and gestured to the door. “If you don’t mind, Tonks and I were having a private chat.”
She smiled sardonically. “I quite understand.” She walked to the door, her stilettos tapping at the floor. “Lovely to see you again, Nymphadora. Enjoy your ‘chat’.”
As she closed the door, Tonks stuck her tongue out childishly. “Bitch!”
Remus laughed. “I take it she wasn’t your favourite teacher then.”
Tonks scowled and began folding the blanket up. “Merlin, no. She was a right cow to me, just because I wasn’t good at Arithmancy. Stupid subject anyway.”
“I rather liked Arithmancy,” Remus replied as he took the blanket from her. “Why did you take it if you didn’t like it?”
Tonks shrugged and waving her wand, she started to clear up the feathers, but her attempts were patchy at best and soon the feathers were floating around the room again. She sneezed as they flew in her face. Remus blew them away with a jet of air from his wand.
“My mum,” she said when the last of the feathers had been cleared away. “She loved Arithmancy and I suppose I followed her advice. I could have given it up at the end of the third year, but I’m a stubborn witch “ didn’t want to admit I’d made a mistake. I got an Acceptable in the end. ” She sighed. “I should get going. I’m supposed to be on surveillance with Kingsley this evening.”
Remus picked up her cloak and draped it over her shoulders, then Summoned his own from the door hook. “I’ll walk you down, just in case that ankle gives way again.” Tonks smiled gratefully and together they walked out of his room and down the three flights of stairs to the Entrance Hall. The pupils were heading down to the Great Hall for dinner, and he could see Tonks looking around avidly, perhaps hoping to catch sight of Harry.
“You’ll miss your dinner,” she said fretfully as she just missed the trick step. “You really don’t have to come with me.”
“I happen to be on very good terms with the house-elves here, who are only too pleased to load me up with food and drink,” he replied, smiling. “Besides, I’ll make it for main course, I’m sure.”
Tonks turned around, and bumped into a small boy who was racing to catch up with his friends. “Ooops,” she said as he nearly sent her toppling down the stairs.
“Careful, Colin,” Remus called after him. He held Tonks’ arm. “You could always stay for the feast. You know Dumbledore would only be too happy to see you. And Pomona still gets a glint in her eye when she remembers thatmatch.”
“Uh, I don’t think I’d be a particularly popular guest with all your colleagues although it would be fun to see Professor Snape again,” she replied and then giggled. “When I was here, Septima always seemed to make a bee-line for him. Your arrival must have put his nose out of joint. I never knew you were such a witch-magnet.”
“You got on well with him, didn’t you,” said Remus, ignoring her last comment.
They reached the main doors and hurried out. The evening was drawing in, and a cool breeze fluttered through her hair.
“I don’t think anyone gets on with him, do they?” she said as she drew her cloak around her. “He got me through my exams, and I think he appreciated the work I put in. Charlie hated him, but ...” She shrugged. “... I hated Professor Kettleburn.”
Remus chuckled. “Kettleburn was the scariest teacher I had too. I was so pleased to drop that subject. Harry is very lucky to have Hagrid this year.”
“What’s he like?” Tonks asked curiously. “Harry, I mean.”
Remus smiled at her and the sudden image of Harry when he’d first seen him fly sprang into his head. “He looks like James, flies like James and is without a doubt as reckless as James, but there’s a lot of Lily in him. Do you remember them?”
“Remus, I told you, I remember everything about that day. The motorbike, James pinching my fish fingers, Lily teasing Sirius about having a girlfriend, you arriving all dusty from the Floo, and Peter spilling his beer when my hair went green.” Her face fell. “It was my perfect day. As if I’d been drip fed Felix Felicis. Sorry, I shouldn’t talk about this anymore; it hasn’t done me much good believing in him for all these years.”
They walked down the winding path towards the edge of the grounds in silence. He could see, as clear as if he’d been a Legilimans, that she was reliving that day in her mind and he could not bear the bitter set to her expression. At last he spoke. “If you hadn’t thought him innocent, Tonks, do you think you’d have worked so hard to be an Auror?”
She made a face. “Don’t know.”
“What about that Quidditch match when you claimed the record? Would you have attempted that if you hadn’t been so angry with Charlie and that Skeeter article?”
“No,” she admitted quietly. “Probably not. What’s your point though?”
“I’m not saying you wouldn’t have achieved these things, but ever since you crashed into my life, you’ve always had a purpose.” She opened her mouth but he hushed her by taking her hand. “In the end, Tonks, it doesn’t matter that your belief in Sirius was misplaced. It has shaped you into what you are and ...”You’re amazing, he wanted to say, astounding, incredible, remarkable. “... that is someone who’s going to be a bloody good Auror.”
She smiled her wide smile and he felt his heart leap as she leant forward and kissed him on the cheek. “You, Professor Lupin, are a lovely man. I hope your pupils know that.” She sighed with what he thought was regret. “I really do have to get going, Kingsley will be waiting. We’re going to stake out Sirius’ old flat again.”
She smiled at something, a memory perhaps, then looked perplexed. “How,” she asked suddenly, “did the four of you get your nicknames? Sirius never did tell me.”
Surprised at the question, Remus closed his eyes trying to dredge up the reasons they’d always given in the past. “Well,” he began slowly, “Moony ... that’s self-explanatory. Wormy ... Peter was always worming his way out of trouble. Prongs,” Merlin, what was the story behind Prongs? Ah, yes. “... James had a pronged Herbology fork that got badly bent out of shape, and ...” He stopped. Tonks looked at him sadly.
“Tell me,” she said quietly.
Remus sighed. “A padfoot is a name given to a thief, from years ago. Black used to steal our Chocolate Frogs with alarming ease.”
“Ah, I see,” replied Tonks. She looked a bit puzzled still, and he knew his answers were sketchy. She leant over, pulling a last feather from his hair. Twirling it between her fingers, she smiled and then, turning sharply on the spot to Apparate, she said, “A thief, eh? I always thought it had something to do with dogs.”
The word had hit him like a whiplash. ‘Dogs’ Did she know? he thought as he walked back to Hogwarts. Had Sirius told his six-year-old cousin about Padfoot? It would have been unthinkable when they were teenagers with this huge shared secret, but later, perhaps he let something slip to her. Remus shook his head. She couldn’t know. She hadn’t sounded sly, it had been an off the cuff remark. A coincidence. He had nothing to worry about.
“Joining us, Remus?” called Filius from across the hallway. The little wizard was trotting into the Great Hall, late as usual.
Remus paused at the bottom of the stairs. He was tired and wanted nothing more than a quiet meal in his room, and he also wanted to avoid Charity and Septima, but he knew they’d still be there tomorrow, so taking a deep breath he smiled. “Lead on, Filius, I’m so hungry I could eat a Thestral.”
He had wanted to sidle in unnoticed, but Septima had called out to him and proceeded to tell everyone in stage whispers about his visitor, implying Merlin-knew-what about Remus.
“It was Tonks,” he said, cutting short Septima’s speech before she mentioned the feathers.
“My Nymphadora!” exclaimed Pomona rapturously. “Such a lovely girl. You remember her, don’t you, Minerva? That match!”
“Of course I remember her,” replied Minerva witheringly, then, turning to Remus, she added warmly. “Delightful girl and a diligent student, why was she here, Remus?”
“Bit upset about recent events,” Remus explained. He could feel Snape’s eyes boring into him, and, thinking not just of Tonks but also Harry, he looked straight at him and said, “Unfair, really, that she gets bogged down by a past that isn’t even her own.” Snape looked away.
The conversation veered away from one student and into the discussion of others. Remus listened whilst Filius and Bathsheba recounted tales from before he was there, Albus occasionally offering his own insights into one particular Gryffindor who had caused him problems when he was the Head of House. It didn’t take a genius to work out who the Gryffindor was when Minerva hastily changed the subject. The only person who did not contribute to the discussion was Charity, who sat three spaces away from him, picking at her food. Remus tried to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him.
It had been an eventful day, even by Hogwarts standards, and Remus was tired. Filius had invited him around for a dram of Firewhisky, but he’d declined as he longed for his bed. He knew there was one thing he had to do before he went to sleep. Climbing up the stairs towards the Ravenclaw Tower, he veered left until he came to Charity’s room. He took a deep breath and then knocked firmly on the door. She was a long time answering and he nearly walked away, but finally he heard her padding towards the door.
“Hello,” she said, slightly sullenly.
“May I come in?” he asked politely. She held the door open and gestured to an armchair by the fire.
“Your friend got home all right, I hope,” she said quietly.
“Yes... yes she did. Look, Charity, I need to explain and ... to apologise,” he said, but she interrupted with a wave of her hand.
“I’m having a drink. Do you want one?” Remus shook his head as Charity walked over to a glass cabinet and began to pour herself a glass of wine. She took a sip then turned back to him. “I don’t really know why you’re here, Remus. There’s nothing to explain. After all, we’re hardly dating are we “ not after last night!”
“No,” he said quietly. “I suppose we’re not. I just feel awful for leaving you there like that.”
“I’m a big girl now, Remus, nearly your age in fact; I think I can get home by myself. Obviously your young friend needed your assistance.” She was swaying slightly as she sat down and Remus realised she’d had more than one sip of wine. She laughed. “And all those feathers. Wow, Professor Lupin, if I’d known ...”
“I should leave,” he said hurriedly. “Perhaps we can talk in the morning.”
“Mmm, good idea,” she said nastily. “We can have a mature discussion ,like grown-ups, about what we want. Oh, let me see, you can tell me how we want different things, you want someone else in your bed for instance ...”
He felt anger surface in him. Why was he on the defensive all the time? He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. “Tonks is a friend “ a good friend “ but that’s all. Today she was in trouble. I’m sorry I ruined your day, but she needed me.”
There was a long silence. Remus got up and walked to the door, but stopped when he heard a small sigh. He turned back to see Charity staring at him. “I thought you liked me,” she said quietly. “We’ve spent time together and we seemed to click, don’t you think?”
“As friends, perhaps,” he replied. He walked back to his chair and sat opposite her. “I think last night showed that we’re probably best off not being anything else, don’t you think?”
Slowly she lifted her head and he was saddened to see tears in her eyes. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I wanted things to work, but then ...” She swallowed. “Maybe when we know each other better ...” She trailed off and he took her hand.
“I can’t change what I am, Charity. If it repels you, then it’s best we know now, don’t you think?”
She held her glass in both hands, staring at the wine as she swirled it around her glass. “It wasn’t just me though, was it?” She raised her head and looked him square in the eyes. “Don’t pretend, Remus. You may say Nymphadora’s just a friend, but I saw you with her. I don’t think you’ll let yourself get close to anyone whilst she’s around.”
Apparently Asleep by Equinox Chick
Chapter Notes: Thank you Alyssa (harry4lif) for beta'ing this for me.
~~~
Chapter Endnotes: OOOH, well, Professor Lupin, what about those feathers? Umm, next chapter is proving hard to write ... bear with me.