“It was a test, obviously, to see how we’d cope under pressure. And, you know what, Remus? I cracked. I’ve been trying so bloody, bloody hard with everything. I’d even improved on sodding Stealth and Tracking, which I’m crap at. Moody was watching as I came out of that test and almost smiled, so I knew I’d be okay. Then I’m told to wait in this side room. I wasn’t quite naive enough to think the tests were over, but I was expecting a Boggart or something.”
“What happened?” he said gently.
“There was a Dementor in the corner. I saw it glide towards me and I knew what I had to do, I knew I had to produce a Patronus, or else get out the room. I decided to stay and fight.” She stopped.
“Go on,” Remus whispered in her ear.
“Well, that was my first mistake. I’ve never been that good at producing a Patronus. I’ve been able to produce silvery mist and an indistinct form of something, but never a Patronus with a corporeal form. And that mist was produced in a brightly lit classroom on a summer’s day, not in a darkened room in the Ministry with a real life Dementor bearing down on me.”
“It was your first time facing one, Tonks,” replied Remus soothingly. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
But he doubted she’d heard his words as shuddered again. “And then the thing was moving closer and I could feel the air get colder. I wracked my brain for a happy memory, but all I could think of was my ninth birthday and my parents taking me to Diagon Alley for an ice-cream.” She laughed bitterly. “Another mistake, as that particular birthday treat ended abruptly with my mum getting spat at for being a Black.” She stopped and gulped down the fresh air.
“But I still stood there, not willing to give in, and tried another memory. All the while, I could hear this laughter, this manic laughter, in my ears and I couldn’t pinpoint where I’d heard it before. The Dementor got closer, and I remembered it was Sirius laughing as he was dragged away to Azkaban. I started crying then.” Tonks’ voice had faded to a whisper. “I tried - oh, Merlin, I tried - to summon another happy memory, but everything seemed to have gone. Finally, Quidditch floated into my head, so I stood up and remembered the last goal I scored to get the record, and, at last, something emerged from the wand. It was just mist, and not enough to repel the Dementor for long, but it gave me time and I fled the room.”
Tonks clutched her knees to her chest even tighter and began to shiver. Remus put his other arm around her and tried to warm her.
“What did Moody say?” Remus said after a while.
“Not much,” admitted Tonks. “In fact, he barely spoke to me, and I left for Romania the next day.”
“Well,” said Remus, a slight smile on his face, “if Mad-Eye didn’t shout at you for being foolhardy or careless, then you can bet he’s impressed.”
“Impressed?” she said, sniffing. “With my failure?”
“You didn’t fail, Tonks. You stood there and attempted to fight. I think that was the test,” Remus replied. He placed one of his hands under her chin and lifted her face up. With the other hand he gently wiped her tears away. Then something flickered in his consciousness. Instead of the kiss he wanted to bestow on her mouth, he gave her a peck on her forehead and moved away slightly. “Come on,” he said. “I want to dress that dragon bite before I go to work.”
“Oh, sure,” Tonks replied, accepting his hand. He led her up the steps and they Apparated back to the pub in silence.
“I must change out of these things,” said Tonks when she got to her room. “I’m squelching!”
“Okay,” replied Remus, grateful for some breathing space between them. “I’ll be back in five minutes.”
He walked away and shut himself in his bedroom. Horribly aware that his heart was beating fast, he tried to make sense of what had so nearly happened with Tonks. She was pretty, true enough, but he’d met prettier. She was smart, but he’d met smarter. There was just something about her that seemed to burrow under all his highly attuned defences. He walked over to the basin in his room and splashed some cold water on his face, all the while thinking that a cold shower would be more effective.
Ten minutes later, having assumed his normal facade, Remus knocked on Tonks’ door. She’d changed into a dry T-shirt and a pair of faded denim shorts. She held a towel in her hand and was drying her hair with it. She let him in and sat on the edge of her bed whilst he sat beside her and removed the dressing.
“You shouldn’t swim, really,” he said, pleased his voice was sounding steady. “Not until this has had a chance to heal.”
“The dragon handlers are down there all the time. You’re not telling me they never get bitten, are you, Remus?”
“They always wear gloves, Tonks. Something you forgot about last night,” he reproved.
“Hold on,” she retorted indignantly. “You weren’t wearing gloves, either.”
“You are infuriating!” he said through gritted teeth.
She grinned at him and he found himself grinning back. Carefully, he applied the new dressing and then bandaged it further. As he turned her hand over, he noticed a small scar on her finger.
“Another dragon bite?” he asked, frowning slightly.
Tonks looked at the scar. “Oh, that. No, it’s an animal bite. For some reason, I can’t hide it with my Metamorphic skills, but it’s very small so I’m not that bothered.”
“What sort of animal?” asked Remus.
“A rat,” she replied.
Remus stared at the bite for a few more seconds, and then shook his head. That, Remus, is the most stupid, grasping-at-straws idea you’ve had in years, he thought.
“What are you thinking about?” Tonks asked curiously.
“Nothing,” he said dismissively. “You should be fine now, but I’ll look at it tomorrow “ just in case. Right, I really have to go. I don’t want to be late on my first day.” He looked up, hearing a shout from outside and the sound of footsteps on the stairs.
“Tonks,” shouted the voice “What have you done to upset Catalina, now? She’s downstairs ranting about ‘immoral English witches’, so I assume...,” Charlie appeared in the doorway, “she means you.” Charlie’s eyes found Remus. ”Lupin. What a surprise.”
Remus could see Charlie’s eyes taking in the scene in Tonk’s room. Her clothes, wet from the lake, were discarded in a heap on the floor; they were both sitting on the bed and he was still holding her hand. Hastily, he dropped Tonks’ hand and began to shut his case. “It’s not what you think, Charlie,” he said in what he hoped was an unperturbed manner.
“How do you know what I’m thinking?” Charlie replied quietly. “Catalina is downstairs crashing pots around the place, threatening to send Tonks packing because she spent the night with a gentleman, and now I find you here, in her bedroom.”
“Charlie, for Merlin’s sake, you sound like Professor McGonagall’s maiden aunt,” said Tonks, laughing. She got up and pulled him from the doorway and into the room. “I bumped into Remus last night; he’s just started work at the reserve, and we had supper together in his room. Unfortunately, the lovely Catalina has taken a shine to him and didn’t particularly like it when I turned up to ruin her plans for a shared bottle of wine.”
“So why is he here now, in your room, Tonks?” Charlie retorted. “Or is this breakfast?” There was no missing the insinuation in his voice.
“Hey, hey,” Remus said. He could feel himself getting angry but when he looked at Charlie’s furious face, the anger drained away. He continued calmly, “Tonks got injured last night and I helped her out.”
“What do you mean injured?” Charlie asked in alarm. He looked down, and for the first time he noticed her bandaged thumb. The fight left him.“What in Merlin’s name have you done now?”
Tonks reddened and mumbled that it was nothing. Remus looked at the floor. He wasn’t entirely sure how much trouble she’d be in if Charlie knew she’d been at the reserve last night.
“A bat,” he said suddenly. “It bit her and I know quite a lot about bat bites so I took care of it,” he finished rather hurriedly and then stood up.
“You know a lot about bat bites, Lupin?” Charlie asked. “Are you a Vampire, or something?”
“He’s not pale enough to be a Vampire, Weasley,” Tonks said. She stood up and ushered both men out of her room. “Look, if you don’t mind, I had a really bad night’s sleep “ and before you raise your eyebrows, Weasley, I was alone last night “ so I would quite like to grab another hour or two before Catalina chucks me out. I’ll see you later, okay?” she said, looking at Charlie.
“Uh, that’s what I came to tell you, Tonks,” Charlie said sheepishly. “I’ve got to work tonight as well as today. I doubt I’ll be able to get off much later than midnight.”
“It’s a good job I have my book then, isn’t it?” she said dryly as she closed her bedroom door.
Remus faced Charlie at the top of the stairs. “We honestly didn’t spend the night together, Charlie,” he said gently. “She was in my room when Catalina came in and ... well ... you know what Tonks is like. She rather gave the impression that we were a couple and Catalina took it badly.”
Charlie snorted. “Yes, I know exactly what Tonks is like. She couldn’t keep out of trouble at school, either.” He paused and started to walk down the stairs. “She likes you, Lupin. You do know that, don’t you?”
Remus slowed his pace and looked at the floor. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted to hear at this time, not when he’d almost weakened by the lake. “Nonsense,” he said. “She sees me as a substitute for Sirius, that’s all.” He sighed. “I guess I should go and speak to Catalina or she really will throw her out, won’t she?”
“Nah, don’t worry. Catalina may not like Tonks much but she does like her money. She won’t chuck her out. And I guess if she thinks you two are a couple, she’ll leave you alone, too.” He laughed, slightly bitterly, at the obvious relief on Remus’ face. Then he sighed and gave a wry smile. “Come on, we both need to get to work.”
Work at the reserve was hard, Remus discovered, but very satisfying. The camaraderie between the permanent dragon handlers was strong and although they viewed the new intake with suspicion, perhaps knowing that most of them would leave very soon, they were welcoming enough. At lunchtime, Charlie pulled him to one side and they sat down together, breaking off great hunks of bread and topping them with wedges of cheese.
“Why are you here?” Charlie asked.
“I need the work,” Remus replied bluntly.
“No, you misunderstand me,” said Charlie. “I mean, why Romania? Why aren’t you settled with a wife and kids, and a job at the Ministry or something?”
Remus paused and helped himself to a bottle of the local Butterbeer. After taking a swig he looked at Charlie who hadn’t taken his eyes off him. “Itchy feet, Charlie,” he replied lightly. “I don’t like being in one place for too long.”
“And the lack of a wife?” asked Charlie.
“Never met the right one. How about you?” asked Remus, glancing across to Alexa who was sitting with another woman and kept glancing across at Charlie. “Is she your Miss Right?”
“Who, Alexa?” Charlie asked, smiling. “Very early days, but...,” he stopped and smiled, “you never know. I could do worse.”
“She’s not Tonks though, is she?” said Remus sagely. He looked across and saw the younger man flush. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”
Charlie stared at Remus for a moment and then spoke. “No, she’s not Tonks, but I gave up on that idea a long time ago.”
After a while, when Charlie had finished his food and was opening a bottle of Butterbeer, he began to talk again.
“Will you tell me why you turned up at Hogwarts during that Quidditch match, Remus?”
Remus swallowed his beer and replied, “You know, don’t you, about the Veritaserum Tonks fed me?” Charlie nodded. “Mmm, you helped her steal the ingredients, I believe.” There was a pause as Charlie grinned sheepishly. “Well, she turned up on my doorstep desperate to hear me confess to betrayal and murder “ which of course didn’t happen. To tell you the truth, Charlie, I was worried for her, so I came to see Dumbledore. She’s so blindly loyal to Sirius. She has this image in her head of the handsome cousin she met when she was six and it doesn’t tally with the reality. Even if she’s right and he’s innocent, Sirius wasn’t this demigod that she reveres. “
“What was he like then?” asked Charlie.
“Now you’re asking,” said Remus and he laughed. “Sirius Black was brave, handsome, reckless, and enduringly loyal.”
“You sound as if you’ve given him demigod status yourself,” said Charlie half mockingly.
“Let me finish,” said Remus. “He could also be irredeemably arrogant, sharp-tongued, and bloody-minded. He and James were like twins torn apart at birth. They were possibly the two most troublesome, yet also the two most highly talented students at Hogwarts. Peter and I were grateful, I think, to be towed along in their wake.”
“So what happened, Remus?” Charlie asked in a low voice. “Why did Black turn bad?”
Remus stood up abruptly and made to walk away. Charlie caught his sleeve and tugged him back. “Why do you think he betrayed them? Or do you think he’s innocent, too?”
Remus gazed into distance. From here, he could just about see the pub; he wondered if Tonks was awake yet. “I don’t know why he betrayed them, Charlie, but we all have secrets in our lives. Sirius came from a long established dark family. Perhaps he cracked? Or maybe he was always dark, but we couldn’t see it?” He sighed and began to walk away. “As for your second question: no, I don’t think he’s innocent, but, by Godric, I wish he was!”
They went back to work in silence. Charlie had explained to Remus that his duties mainly consisted of dragon dung clearing. It was dirty, hard and back-breaking work, even with the aid of magic, but Remus was just glad to be occupied with something that approached honest labour. Unfortunately, it could not distract him from his thoughts which seemed to be drifting more and more often to Tonks.
When he was halfway through clearing one of the enclosures, Charlie jumped down and started to help him. “You were in the Order of the Phoenix, right?” he asked Remus suddenly.
Remus stopped and wiped his brow. “Yes, I was in the Order,” he replied.
Charlie handed him a cup filled with cold water. He gulped half of it down, and then tipped the rest over his head.
“Did you know the Prewetts?” asked Charlie. He refilled the cup, and offered it again to Remus.
“Gideon and Fabian?” replied Remus, accepting the cup. “Yes, I knew them well. Oh,” he said, pausing, “your mother’s Molly Prewett, or rather Weasley, I should say, their younger sister.”
“Yes, they were my uncles. I don’t remember them that clearly. I was probably seven when they died, but I remember Christmases when Gideon would turn up with pockets full of Chocolate Frogs. And Fabian would turn candy canes into miniature wands for us to play with.” He smiled at the memory.
“I never noticed before, but you look a lot like Gideon,” replied Remus. “They were both very brave, you know. True Gryffindors. I’m not sure if that’s of any comfort to your mother, but...” He left the rest unsaid. Charlie nodded acknowledgement of the tribute to his dead uncles and then returned to work.
At seven that evening, Remus finished work. Reeking of dragon dung and sweat, he limped out of the enclosure towards the water butts set up on the edge of the compound. There he filled a large bucket with ice cold water and emptied it over himself.
“You look as if you needed that,” said a voice behind him. He turned to see the young Dragon Handler, Alexa, who’d shown him around yesterday. She was carrying the parchment of duty rosters in her hand. “Not used to the hard work, I think?”
“It’s been a while,” Remus admitted, “but I’ve worked in places like this before.”
Alexa sat on the edge of the water butt. “Yes,” she agreed. “I can see you’ve worked hard before. You don’t complain like most of the new people. It makes a change.”
He smiled at her but didn’t say anything.
“I think you would rather be doing other things though, yes?” she asked him.
Remus shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“Charlie tells me you are friendly with his friend Tonks. Is she your girl?” she enquired.
Remembering that this was Catalina’s daughter, Remus bit back the automatic denial. “Not exactly. It’s ... complicated,” he said, conscious that she was watching him very closely.
“You should join us at the lake one evening, and then she will not need to leave so early,” said Alexa. She jumped off the water butt and began to walk back to work. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?”
“Err, yes,” replied Remus faintly. He walked across to a large hut where he could get an evening meal. He helped himself to a large bowl of meatballs and potatoes and sat down to eat, savouring the taste even more than usual because he was so hungry.
Deciding to walk back to the pub rather than Apparating, Remus took delight in the meandering stream that showed him the way. He entered the pub through the side door and hastily ran up the stairs to avoid Catalina’s interrogation. He paused outside Tonks’ room, wondering if he should knock on her door to see if she was all right, but thought better of it and moved on.
“Not coming to see me, then?” said Tonks, appearing suddenly from a door opposite her room and wearing only a purple towel and a striped bathrobe.
He jumped back and laughed nervously. “Oh, hello. I thought you might still be sleeping,” he said feebly.
“At this hour?” she said, laughing. “I didn’t have that bad a night’s sleep. How was work?”
“Fine,” he said, “but exhausting and...”
Tonks leant forward and sniffed. “And quite dirty, by the smell of you.” She grinned at him and pointed to the room she’d just left. “Bathroom’s that way, Remus.” She began to let herself into her room then stopped and turned back to look at him. “Um,” she began, and Remus noticed she was fiddling with a strand of her wet, and now long, blonde hair. Then she looked him straight in the eye. “Would you help me with something later?”
“What do you need help with?” he asked suspiciously.
She smiled faintly at the expression on his face. “Nothing illegal, I promise. I’d just like some help with...,” she dropped her voice and suddenly sounded ashamed, “my Patronus.”
A voice inside his head screamed at him to say no, to turn away and refuse to help, but before he could act on that voice he found that he’d taken her hand and squeezed it tenderly. “Of course I’ll help, if I can,” he replied softly. “Give me a chance to get clean and I’ll be right along, okay?”
She nodded, looking grateful, and walked into her room. Remus sighed. He’d been looking forward to a long hot soak in the bath tub and an early night, but he remembered her utter desolation last night and didn’t feel he could let her down.
Half an hour later he knocked on her door. She answered the door and ushered him in. He looked round the room. Clothes littered the floor and she had several books spread out on the table. A bottle of pumpkin juice and a half eaten sandwich had been placed on the floor. She looked at him perusing her room.
“Yeah, I’m a slob. I know that,” she said. “It drives my mum mad. Sorry, I’m looking for the pair to this.” She held up a black sandal. “Ah,” she said as she lifted up a pillow from the floor, “here it is.” She sat on the edge of her bed and began to put the sandals on.
Remus walked over to the desk and picked up one of the books. “Advanced Dark Arts?” he said in surprise. “This looks like NEWT level. Aren’t you beyond that at Auror training?”
“Mmm, I should be, and for most things I am. It’s just the Patronus really. Our last Defence teacher ran out on us early on in the summer term when we’d only just started learning about them?”
“Ran out?” asked Remus. “What did you do to the poor man?”
“It was a witch actually, Professor Goldsworthy. And we’re not sure, but we think she eloped with Madame Pince’s nephew,” Tonks answered. Remus noticed she was still lacing up her sandals in a rather elaborate way. “She was a fairly rubbish teacher actually, but very good at getting books out of the library.” Tonks snorted. “Madame Pince’s nephew was working as her assistant and ... well, let’s just say he disappeared at the same time.” She stood up. “Okay, Professor Lupin, I’m ready. Lead on.”
Remus smiled ruefully. They walked down the stairs together and out of the pub under the eagle eyes of Catalina.
“Where are you taking me, Professor?” Tonks said, joking.
“Well, Miss Tonks,” he said, responding to her jokey tone. “I think it’s best if we go somewhere secluded and fairly dark. Obviously there are no Dementors here, but once you’ve mastered the spell, you’ll get more confident.”
Tonks swallowed hard. “Okay,” she said, suddenly sounding a lot less secure.
They carried on walking. Remus thought about Apparating but decided Tonks needed time to collect her thoughts. Finally, at the edge of the wood, he stopped her. “We’re nearly there. Do you see that small hillock over there?” She looked at the direction he was pointing and nodded. “Underneath is a small underground room. I discovered it last week when I first arrived. I think Muggles built them during one of their wars as shelters. It’s deserted now, obviously, but still useful.”
“Useful?” she inquired.
He smiled slightly at her. “Useful for someone who wants to lock themselves away for a night,” he replied. He saw her redden as she realised what he was talking about. “For tonight, though,” he continued, “I thought it would be the ideal place to practise. It’s dark, damp, dingy, and downright depressing. Perfect!” He laughed, but noticed she didn’t join in. In spite of himself he leant forward and ruffled her hair. “I’m sure you can do this, Tonks. All you have to do is focus on a really happy memory.”
Remus entered the shelter first and held out his hand to help her down. He’d never known her this silent. “Are you sure you want to do this, Tonks?” he asked. “We can leave now, if you wish.”
“No,” she exclaimed fiercely. “I need to do this.” She followed him determinedly into the centre of the room. It was, as he’d said, dark and depressing. She could smell the damp pervading the air. “Merlin. You’re planning on transforming here?” she muttered.
“Yes,” Remus replied. “It’s the ideal place. Secure and sound proofed.”
“But it looks so ... so...” She stopped while she searched for the right word. “Grim! Can’t you make yourself comfortable, with cushions or something?”
He grimaced. “You sound like my mother. The first time I transformed, she locked me up with pillows and blankets. She even gave me a teddy bear. After the first hour its head was ripped to shreds. There’s no point in attempting comfort, Tonks.”
“Sorry,” she said and her voice wobbled. “You must think me incredibly naive.”
“Come on,” he said, unwilling to dwell on the subject any longer. “Let’s get started. Show me what you can do.”
“Oh,” she said in surprise. “Okay.”
She took out her wand and focused on a spot in the distance. As she closed her eyes, Remus could see her summoning a memory. “Expecto Patronum!” she cried. A silvery wisp, barely more than a feather, appeared from the end of her wand. She smiled apologetically and tried again. This time the mist appeared slightly denser. Remus nodded encouragingly and she tried for the third time. But still only mist appeared. Remus could see her frustration mounting and stopped her fourth attempt.
“Come here,” he said. “I think you need to adjust your wand grip.” He stood behind her and manoeuvred her hand around her wand. She winced. “Is that bite still hurting?” he asked in alarm.
She turned her head around to face him. “No, it doesn’t really hurt. You just touched it, that’s all,” she said, smiling up at him. She was so close now; if he’d dropped his mouth an inch he could have kissed her.
Remus moved to one side. “Watch me,” he instructed and pulled out his wand. “Expecto Patronum!” he uttered. At once, a huge silver form escaped from his wand and charged around the small room. Its size took her breath away.
“It’s a lion,” she cried in delight. “Your Patronus is a lion. Oh, Remus, he’s amazing.”
Remus laughed. “It’s the Gryffindor lion, I think. I told you, I was never happier than when I was at Hogwarts, with my friends. We were all Gryffindor Lions and my Patronus reflects that. Also...” He paused as he watched his lion disappear. “I like to think a lion could take on a werewolf ... and win.”
“Right, let me have another go,” urged Tonks with fresh enthusiasm.
“Go ahead, just remember a really happy memory,” he replied as he walked back to the wall to watch her.
“You really are adorable,” Remus heard her whispering over and over again. She brandished her wand and shouted “Expecto Patronum!” This time something that approached a form whooshed out of her wand. She shrieked encouragement but it soon faded. Tonks turned around to Remus. “Could you see what it was?”
“No,” he replied. “Tell me, though, what was your memory?”
Tonks giggled. “I was thinking about motorbikes, and helmets, and Sirius twirling me round until I was giddy with happiness.” She sighed as she remembered that afternoon.
“You may need a different memory,” instructed Remus softly. “I think that one also makes you slightly sad.”
She blinked, shook herself, and thought carefully. “Show me again, Remus,” she demanded.
Remus pulled out his wand and thought of a girl, her eyes shining with excitement, just before she’d jumped into the tunnel in Honeydukes cellar. He thought of the kiss they’d shared. “Expecto Patronum!” He watched as his lion roared into life.
Tonks squared her shoulders.
“Have you got your thought?” asked Remus.
“Yes,” she replied, glancing across at him. Remus could see her eyes dilate and a smile play across her face as she touched her lips with her hand. “Expecto Patronum!” she cried for the fifth time.
This time what escaped from her was not just mist. This time a form rampaged through the room. Tonks and Remus gasped as the creature turned around and they saw its image. As it pounced across the floor, Remus recognised it as feline. Merlin, he thought in horror. Don’t tell me she’s conjured a lioness!
“It’s a panther!” Tonks screamed ecstatically. “It’s a black panther. Isn’t he beautiful?” She watched in awe as the creature faded away and then flung her arms around Remus. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she repeated. “I never dreamt something so agile would be my Patronus.”
Feeling thoroughly uncomfortable at this turn of events, Remus disentangled himself from her embrace. “Well,” he began nervously, “what did you think you’d conjure?”
Tonks dropped her hands to her sides, seemingly aware he’d rebuffed her. “The joke at Hogwarts was that I’d have a chameleon “ for obvious reasons “ or a bull, because I’m so clumsy,” she explained, and then frowned. “People tend to see only those two things about me, you see.”
“Well,” he replied in a hearty tone, “you, Miss Tonks, have just proved them all wrong. You are my top student of the day and I award Hufflepuff twenty house points.”
“If I do it again, can we win the House Cup?” she asked cheekily.
***
Finally, Remus managed to drag Tonks out of the shelter. He sealed it magically and they walked back to the pub together. He watched her now, talking excitedly. Her head was so high in the clouds that he wondered if her feet were touching the ground.
A black panther, he thought. It had shocked him to see something feline emerging from her wand. To be honest, he’d expected her Patronus to be a large dog due to his sureness that her emotional side was taken up with thoughts of Sirius. He’d been comfortable with that. Her need to talk about Sirius, on the occasions they’d met, had helped him too as he’d begun to remember the good times before Sirius had become a traitor. But her panther changed things. She’d seen his lion and changed her memory. He remembered her glancing across at him and touching her lips before casting her spell. She had thought of their kiss and that terrified him. He could not, would not be responsible for someone else’s happiness.
“Are you coming to the lake on Friday?” she asked, her excited voice interrupting his thoughts.
“I don’t know. I probably have to work,” he replied shortly.
“Oh,” she said and sighed. “It’s my last night, that’s all, and Charlie said a few people would be going. Please try, Remus. You know how bad my Romanian is.” She peeped at him from beneath a now pink spiky fringe and a smile tugged at her lips.
Say no, he thought. Tell her you’re busy.
“I’ll see,” he muttered.
Despite his best intentions, Remus was unable to persuade Alexa to roster him on for work on Friday night. Having fixed her attentions firmly on Charlie, Remus could see she wasn’t about to let him get distracted by Tonks. “You come with us to the lake on Friday, yes?” she told him. Then she leant forwards. “And in return, I will make sure you get whatever day off you want, Remus Lupin.”
And so, because he desperately needed the day after his transformation off work, he felt he had no other option but to agree. Meanwhile, by volunteering for nightshifts and sleeping during the day, he successfully avoided all but the merest contact. He’d say hello when they met, and she’d smile happily, although she too seemed busy and content not to spend all her time with him.
By Friday, Remus had relaxed. The Patronus form meant nothing; he’d been stupid to react in that way. There were hundreds of cats, and her black panther was probably more of a representation of her Black family roots than anything else.
“You are coming, aren’t you?” said Tonks, as he returned to the pub at seven that evening. She was sitting outside, enjoying the last glimmers of sun. Her normally pale face was looking tanned, and she’d changed her hair to a honey blonde. “To the lake, I mean. Alexa said you weren’t working, and I’ve been preparing enough food to feed an army of Weasleys.” She lifted the top off a basket by her feet and Remus could see sandwiches, fruit and local cakes squashed alongside drinks and a rug.
“Yes,” he replied. “Give me some time to wash and change. I’ll meet you there.”
“No, that’s okay,” she said. “Charlie and Alexa aren’t ready yet, so I’ll wait out here for you.”
Twenty minutes later, he joined the three of them outside. Lifting Tonks’ basket, Remus followed Charlie’s Apparating instructions and landed at the side of the lake. Tonks arrived just after him, laughing at something, whilst Charlie was scowling.
“It wasn’t funny, Tonks,” he was saying.
“It was bloody funny, Weasley, and you know it. You just couldn’t bear the fact that I got my licence first.” Tonks began to explain to Remus and Alexa, “When Charlie first took the Apparition test, he ended up five miles south of where he was supposed to and on top of some poor Muggle outside a supermarket.”
She laughed and turned her face directly towards Remus and, suddenly, there it was: that wide smile that could light up a room, or a grown man’s heart. Remus felt his stomach flip over. Merlin! he thought. It would be so easy to fall in love with her.
He didn’t know how he got through the evening. At first, he said little and kept himself just slightly apart from the group who joined them. Tonks herself seemed more silent than usual. She kept casting him curious glances and tried to draw him in to the conversation, but eventually, after he pleaded tiredness, she let him be. He sat back on the rug, watching as she joined the others to swim, but declined her invitation to take part himself. As he watched her standing in the water, the moonlight casting mysterious shadows on her face and emphasizing the slenderness of her body, he was overwhelmed by longing. A longing not just for her, but for his lost youth, for evenings spent splashing in The Black Lake with the Marauders, and Lily ducking James under water.
“What are you thinking about?” asked Tonks as she walked back over to him, her body dripping from her swim. He’d been so caught up with reminiscences that he hadn’t noticed her emerging from the water.
“James and Lily,” he muttered. “I was remembering them. Look, Tonks, I’m sorry, but I really am tired and need to call it a night.” He stood up abruptly, not wishing to look at her longer than was necessary. He held his hand out to her. “I don’t think I’ll see you before you leave so ... good luck with training and everything.”
He saw her looking at his outstretched hand with a look of confusion on her face. “Um, yeah, right. Thanks, Remus, for everything. And...” She paused. “Sorry, I was such a nuisance.”
“You weren’t a nuisance,” he mumbled, and then he Apparated away.
Six days later, Remus entered the Muggle shelter to transform. Using his wand to cast some light, he looked around and did a double take. Someone had been here and that someone had been determined to change this cell into something more inviting. She hadn’t bothered with cushions and blankets, but she had transformed the walls. She had been here, while he worked, and painted the Gryffindor Lion as it emerged from a wand. It was not a magical painting for she did not have that skill, but his lion seemed to roar down from the walls. On another wall, she’d painted herself, alongside a large black cat, and above them, like a banner, she’d simply painted the words ‘Thank you!’
There was a small package in the centre of the room accompanied by a note.
Remus, she had written.
I made you some of that salve you use. I noticed you were running low and I doubt you’ve had time to make some more. This is my own variation. Professor Snape thought it acceptable “ so it should be fantastic!
Thank you for all your help this holiday, St George.
Love Tonks, a damsel no longer in distress.
Xxx