*”You actually are joking, Perce… I don’t think I’ve heard you joke since you were-”
Sitting straight up in bed, Percy Weasley took a shaky breath. It was only a dream, he thought to himself. Only a dream.
Night after night, he had the same nightmare. Night after night, he awoke just as the wall came crashing down. Night after night, he tried to convince himself it was only a dream.
Percy wiped the tears from his eyes before standing. He quietly opened his bedroom door and carefully walked downstairs to the kitchen. He made his nightly cup of tea and sat at the table to drink it.
A nightly ritual he had started after George moved out. He thought back to that day.
They had gone to the memorial for the fallen at Hogwarts, one month after the Battle. When they returned home, George had gone to his room. This was nothing unusual as he spent all his time in his room since Fred died.
A week later, George had come down for breakfast and announced he was moving back to the apartment he and Fred had shared above Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Of course, Mum cried and tried to stop him. But, in the end, Dad had convinced Mum it was probably for the best. His reasoning had been if George could open the shop again, then perhaps he could start living again.
Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked out that way. The shop was still closed, and George hadn’t been home in the month since he moved out.
He had moved back to the Burrow after the Battle. He felt he needed to be here for his family, for his mum and dad. Since it was his fault Fred had died, it was the least he could do. And now with George never around, it was even more important he be here.
“Are you ever going to stop blaming yourself?” came a voice from the shadows.
Startled, Percy jumped to his feet, spilling his tea across the table. He had always been able to distinguish the twin’s voices. This voice however, sounded suspiciously like Fred. But… Fred was gone.
“You better clean that mess up before Mum sees it,” said the voice chuckling.
“George, go back to bed. I want to be alone,” Percy said sternly. He was so deep in his thoughts, the fact George no longer lived here didn't even occur to him.
“Wrong on both accounts,” came the voice as Fred stepped from the shadows. “You don’t want to be alone, and it’s me, not George. See,” Fred said as he turned his head, “both ears firmly in place.”
Percy sank back into his chair. He had finally lost his mind. He was going crazy; Fred was gone.
“You can’t be here, you’re…” Percy stuttered.
“Dead. Say it: Fred is dead.” Fred laughed at his rhyme and the look of horror on Percy’s face. “I am here because for some strange reason, my family just can’t live without me.” Fred once again laughed at the look that crossed Percy’s face.
“Now,” Fred said as he sat down next to Percy, “do you want to tell me why you think my dying was all your fault?”
“Because if you weren’t looking at me, focusing on that one stupid joke I made, you would have seen the wall falling. You would be alive.”
Fred reached out and patted Percy’s shoulder. “No, I wouldn’t. It was my time. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to.”
“It should have been me. I should have been the one who died,” Percy said sternly.
“Oh, that would have been just wonderful. Perfect Percy sacrifices himself for his brother. One more thing you could add to your list of accomplishments,” Fred answered angrily. “You can’t face someone else having a bit of glory, can you? It has to always be about you, doesn’t it?”
“No…no, that isn’t it. That isn’t what I meant,” Percy said shocked. “Mum and Dad were used to me not being around. It would have been easier for them if it had been me. I deserved to be the one after what I put them through.”
Fred looked at Percy. “Do you really believe that?” he asked sadly. “Do you honestly think losing you would have been any easier?”
“Yes, I do,” Percy replied totally sincere.
Fred heard the belief in his statement. Shaking his head, he wondered what he could say to make him understand it was not his time.
“Perce, it wasn’t meant for you to die. It wasn’t meant for any of you to die. It was my time. Had I not died, perhaps Ginny would be dead or Mum. Think about it, would Mum have had the anger to stop Bellatrix if I hadn’t died?”
“It would have worked out the same if it had been me,” Percy insisted.
“Perce, quit being a prat. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t Ron’s, Hermione’s or Harry’s fault either. It was Voldemort’s fault, plain and simple. Trying to change that or to feel guilty because you lived is not what you need to be doing.” Fred looked at his brother.
“But, George…” Percy began, “George can’t even stay in the same house as me. He hasn’t even been home since he moved out. Even he blames me.”
“It isn’t you who George blames,” said Fred. “He blames himself. Seeing you, knowing you think it is your fault, only makes him feel more guilty.” Fred reached out and squeezed his brother’s arm.
“You know I am right, so for once in your life, listen to me,” Fred said as he stood up. “Go back to bed, Percy. Convince yourself this was all a dream. But remember one thing, if you don’t stop blaming yourself, you are going to miss out on a lot of life.”
Fred walked over to the clock, he reached up and moved his hand back to heaven. Percy watched him without saying anything. When Fred looked back at him, he realized perhaps his brother was right.
“Fred, are you happy?” he asked.
“Funny how life works, isn’t it?” he asked ignoring Percy’s question.
“Funny how?” Percy asked confused.
“You turned your back on us, and then came back. You were of course welcomed with open arms as only this family can do. Then within minutes, Mum had lost another son. Only this time, I can’t come back. Mum got one son back and lost another. It isn’t fair, but it is life.”
“When did you get so smart?” Percy asked.
“I was always smart. We just let you take the glory so we could enjoy life,” Fred answered. “It was more fun to get attention for having fun then for being a pompous …” Fred started to laugh at the look of outrage on Percy’s face.
“Things have a way of working out the way they are supposed to. If Voldemort hadn’t killed Harry’s parents, he may not have been able to kill him in the end. If Dumbledore hadn’t died, perhaps Harry wouldn’t have gone off to find the Horcruxes.
“Some things just have to be. My dying then was one of those things. It wouldn’t have mattered who was there, or what any of you had done, it was my time to go.” Fred smiled at Percy. He hoped something he said was getting through to his thickheaded brother.
“Listen, I have to go. Don’t forget to clean up that mess.” Fred threw a towel at Percy. “And remember, Perce, it was never your fault. It happened. Oh, by the way, yeah, I’m happy.”
Visits From Fred by mudbloodproud
Chapter Notes: Summary:
Percy Weasley woke night after night from the same nightmare, the nightmare of his brother’s death.
Night after night, he went down to the kitchen and sat with a cup of tea. Only on this night, he had a visitor.
Could this visitor help Percy come to grips with his brother’s death and help him over his feelings of guilt?
I do not own anything you may recognise in this story. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am just thankful to be able to play in her world for a little while.
Chapter Endnotes: *quote is from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, chapter 31, page 636.