Sitting alone in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Harry stared into the fireplace as he twisted his bottle of Butterbeer in his hands. Since the Battle, he hadn’t spent much time here. At first, he stayed at the Burrow while attending all the funerals and memorial services for the fallen. Then, he, Ron and Neville worked day and night with Kingsley in the Auror Department, to capture the remaining Death Eaters.
Today, Kingsley called the three of them into his office and asked them to officially join the Auror Department. It was exactly what he wanted, so why was he sitting here feeling as he did months ago whenever he came here and the memories swamped him in grief?
“Missing me?” came a voice from the shadows in the corner of the room.
“George, why would I be missing you? I just saw you a couple hours ago,” Harry answered. He didn’t even wonder how George had gotten in or why. The Weasleys had free reign to come and go as they pleased around here.
“For an almost Auror, you’re not very observant,” said Fred as he walked into the light from the fire. “Look,” he said as he raised his hands to the sides of his head, “both ears.”
Fred began laughing at the look of shock on Harry’s face. He watched as Harry carefully turned back to the table and set his bottle down on it, giving it a suspicious look as he did.
Fred continued to chuckle. “It’s not the Butterbeer, Harry. It’s not stress, overwork, or the fact you have haven’t slept more than a few hours a night in the past few months. I’m really here,” said Fred.
As Harry opened his mouth to speak, Fred held up a hand to stop him. “Before you ask, I am here because you needed to see me. How? I don’t really know. It just happens when someone in my family needs me,” Fred said as he sat at the table next to Harry.
“When someone needs you? Are you saying I need you? I wasn’t even thinking about you…No offence,” said Harry.
“None taken, and weren’t you?” asked Fred, raising his eyebrows.
Harry tried to recall what he had been thinking about when Fred arrived. Memories of Sirius and Remus came to mind, and then he realised he had been thinking about Extendable Ears, Doxy Eggs and Venomus Tenacula seeds. He looked at Fred who smiled knowingly.
“But I also thought about Sirius and Remus. Where are they?” Harry asked, looking towards the shadows where Fred appeared from.
“You have accepted their deaths, grieved and to a point, moved on. While you feel guilt over both of them, you have gotten past that. Not with my death. With me, you can’t stop blaming yourself.”
“How can I not blame myself? Not only for you, but for Remus, Colin and even Sirius?” asked Harry angrily. "If I had gone to Voldemort right at the beginning…”
“You’d be dead, and then where would we be?” Fred asked. “More of us would be dead.”
“You don’t know that…”
“Harry, think about it. You hadn’t destroyed his other Horcruxes yet. He was tied to life by them… unlike you,” said Fred.
“Nagini,” said Harry thoughtfully.
“How would Neville or anyone have gotten close enough to kill him? The Diadem, would anyone besides you have known where to look for it?” asked Fred.
“Ron would have figured it out or Hermione,” answered Harry.
“Would they have had the chance before Voldemort killed them? You know he would have killed Hermione and Ron would have died defending her. Merlin’s pants, we all would have died defending her and if we weren’t, we would have been killed for being Blood Traitors.” Fred shook his head.
“So, still think going to Voldemort in the beginning would have saved lives?” Fred asked.
“Maybe, maybe not. Doesn’t matter anyway. Doesn’t change the fact you were killed because of me. Nothing you say can change that fact,” Harry said sadly.
“It was my time, Harry. As crazy or stupid as it may be, it just is. Beating yourself up over it can’t change that one basic fact. It was my time.”
“Well, it isn’t fair. You had so much to live for, so much yet to do,” Harry said emphatically.
Fred chuckled. He wondered if Harry would appreciate knowing at this moment, he sounded exactly like Hermione.
“I didn’t miss out on much…And before you say it, what I had left to do with my life had I lived…” Fred stopped and shook his head, his expression wistful for just a moment. “I can’t be upset over something I never had in the first place.” Fred smiled anticipating Harry’s next response.
“My life was fun, I enjoyed every minute of it. If I can get over being dead, why can’t you?” Fred asked curiously.
“Because it’s my fault you died,” Harry said, anger again in his voice.
“Merlin’s beard, Harry, get over it. Not every bad thing that happened since you were born is your fault,” Fred said. “Bad stuff happens everyday to wizards and Muggles alike. Next thing you know, you will be taking the blame for the House-elf’s suffering, or the way the Centaurs are treated. Life isn’t just about you, Harry.” Fred didn’t like having to be so cruel, but sometimes with Harry, there was no choice.
“Don’t even tell me you believed all that nonsense surrounding The Chosen One label they put on you. After all…we both know you were once thought of as The Heir of Slytherin,” Fred said and then began laughing.
Harry joined Fred in laughing. “Only by you and George. You two were the only ones who dared call me that.”
“At least to your face,” said Fred. “It doesn’t matter what they called you, you did what you were destined to do. Destined not by your choice, but by Voldemort. Without you, who knows how many wizards and witches would be dead. You saved countless lives, and a complete way of life.”
Harry looked at Fred. He had never thought about it in that way. “But, too many died, too many families were torn apart. If I had been quicker…” Harry’s voice trailed off at the look on Fred’s face.
“Harry, can you honestly say, you expected everyone to survive? Even you knew going in, there would be losses. We all knew the risk and were will to take the chance that we would not make it. Do you think I didn’t know as I walked down that tunnel, I may not be alive come morning?” asked Fred.
“Do you think George, Bill, Mum and Dad didn’t know it was a possibility one of us wouldn’t live?”
“You should not have been put in that situation. I should have told all of you to go home. It was my place to fight him, not yours,” said Harry.
“And just who are you to make that decision? What gives you the right to tell any of us what we can fight for and what we can’t?” asked Fred angrily.
“It was my destiny, my place-”
“Yes, it was, but it was also our place to choose what we wanted to do. We wanted to fight and stand beside you in defending our way of life, our freedom,” countered Fred.
“Harry, we weren’t just fighting beside you, we were also fighting for our families, our way of life, and our freedom. We made that choice. You are not responsible for any of the deaths. It is time you realised that.”
Fred didn’t speak as he watched everything he had said sink into Harry’s mind. He knew Harry was beginning to understand the deaths were not his fault.
After several minutes, Harry looked again at Fred. “Are you really okay with being dead? No regrets?” he asked.
“I’m really okay. Regrets?” Fred thought for a moment before shaking his head. “Nope. I don’t regret anything I did in my life, except perhaps…no, not even that,” said Fred smiling.
“Except what?” asked Harry.
“Nothing, nothing at all. Forget I said anything,” said Fred.
“Fred,” said Harry, “tell me.”
“It was a mistake, a lapse in judgement, but damn, it could have been fun,” he said. He saw Harry lift his eyebrows in question. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me you won’t ever tell Bill.”
At Harry’s nod, he continued, “I made a pass at Fleur. It was during the Triwizard Tournament, the night of the Yule Ball. She was standing in the Great Hall waiting on that pretty boy, Roger Davies. He had gone to get them something to drink, or at least that is what he told her he was going to do. Personally, I think he had to go fix his hair or something.
“Anyway, I went over to talk to her since George was dancing with Angelina, and it just happened. She seemed to enjoy it, at least until Davies came back.” Fred smiled at the memory.
“You never told Bill?” Harry asked.
“Would you have told him?” He saw Harry shake his head. “I didn’t think so. I don’t know if Fleur ever told him, but I doubt it.”
“Well, no value in telling him now. You’re not around to hear about it,” said Harry.
Fred stood up, knowing it was time for him to leave. Harry seemed to finally be okay. “It is time for me to go,” he said.
Harry looked at him. “I won’t see you again, will I?” he asked.
“No. You’ll be okay now. Just remember next time you are feeling guilty. It wasn’t your fault. It was our choice to stand beside you against Voldemort. Life isn’t always about you, Harry. Sorry to be the one to break that to you, but… that is the way it is.” Fred began walking towards the shadows of the room.
“Oh, Harry,” he said as he began to fade, “don’t hurt Ginny. If you do, then I will come back and I won’t be so nice the next time.”
Harry listened as Fred’s laughter faded. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he wondered if he had just had a very clear hallucination or if he had just had a conversation with a ghost. Deciding it didn’t really matter; he stood and went up to bed, feeling better than he had in the past seven months.
Visits From Fred by mudbloodproud
Chapter Notes: Chapter Summary:
Even since Harry was eleven years old and found out the truth about his scar, he had felt responsible to protect and save those he loved.
In the seven months since the Battle, he felt overwhelming guilt over the death of those lost.
Could a late night visit from one of the dead make him see the truth?
Once again, I would like to thank my wonderful beta, Alyssa, (Harry4lif).
I do not own anything you recognise in this story, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am just thankful to be able to play in her world for a little while.