Sirius’ fingers were interlaced with Addie’s as the slowly walked together through the corridor towards the Great Hall. Sirius watched Addie with his face wrinkled in concern for her since she had looked nervous and distracted all morning. She insisted everything was alright, but Sirius hadn’t bought it. She was a mess, and it bothered Sirius that she thought there was something that she couldn’t tell him.
He slowly stroked his thumb over the back of her hand and silently wished he could think of something to say. He wanted to distract her, to make her laugh, and to take her worries away. To his disappointment, the only words that kept coming to mind were, ‘please tell me what’s wrong’.
He knew that she and Nell had been fighting, but that had been going on for ages and couldn’t imagine it causing her such distress after so long, unless they had fought the night before. It was a possibility; he, James, and Peter had been out the night before with Remus on the full moon. But either way, Sirius figured it must have been a big fight. He knew that Addie always tried her hardest to not let her distress show. The fact that she was failing at hiding her worries made Sirius even more concerned.
Sirius gently squeezed Addie’s hand, trying to get her attention, and feeling comforted himself by the small gesture, knowing her hand was still in his. She made no sign that she even felt the pressure. He let out a worried sigh as they walked through the doors of the Great Hall and just through the entrance, he stopped walking, pulling her around to face him. He dropped her hand and placed his on the side of her face.
He gave a weak smile in an effort to hide his own concern and spoke gently to her. “Can you sit with me this morning?” It was almost unnecessary to ask. She had sat with him for weeks, since her and Nell fought the first time.
Addie sent a quick glance towards the Gryffindor table before shaking her head. “No,” she replied slowly, “I’m going to go sit and wait for Nell.”
Sirius was shocked by her reply. Not only had she told him no, but she was waiting for Nell? Had they made up? If they had, she can’t imagine Nell would be sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Nell would be with Remus. Maybe she was fighting with Lily?
While Sirius wondered what was going on, Addie turned and headed towards the Ravenclaw table to sit alone, as close to the door as she could find. Sirius reluctantly walked over and sat down next to Lily at the Gryffindor table. “Hey, are you and Addie fighting?” Sirius asked, sounding more blunt than he intended.
“Hello Sirius, why, my morning is going wonderfully! Thank you for asking!” Lily teased. Sirius said nothing but gave her an ‘I’m-not-in-the-mood’ look. Lily stuck her tongue out at him before replying. “Not that I know of, why?”
“She says she’s fine, but she’s not fooling me. She’s been a wreck all morning. She’s seemed distracted and nervous, but won’t tell me what’s wrong.” Both Lily and Sirius glanced over to the Ravenclaw table to see Addie sitting alone, plate empty, and eyes glued to the doorway of the Great Hall. Sirius’ face once again wrinkled in concern as he turned back to Lily. “She says she’s waiting for Nell, but aren’t they fighting?” Lily nodded slowly, gazing towards Addie.
Sirius was about to ask her to go talk to Addie, but he didn’t have to. Lily stood up suddenly and muttered quickly that she would be right back and walked over to sit next to Addie. Addie’s face brightened only momentarily at the sight of her best friend before her gaze shifted back to the open doors of the Great Hall. Sirius watched them both from across the room, frustrated that he couldn’t hear what was being said.
Lily leaned into Addie slightly as she spoke, probably trying to grab her full attention, but to no avail. Addie merely shrugged, not even glancing in Lily’s direction. Lily spoke again, and this time, Addie hesitated before slowly nodding, her face sinking into an even more devastating look. Next she closed her eyes and shook her head. One word from Lily, and one word reply from Addie. Sirius stood in frustration, needing to know what they were talking about.
Sirius started to make his way over to Addie, with his focus still on the girls. He wasn’t watching where he was going and walked into someone who had just entered through the door. “Sorry,” Sirius muttered, looking to see who he had walked into. It was Remus, looking nearly as concerned as Addie, though he had an excuse. Turning into a werewolf took its toll on a guy.
“No worries,” Remus muttered, not even looking at Sirius, but scanning the hall, apparently looking for someone. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Addie jump out of her seat and she nearly sprinted towards him and Remus. Sirius was surprised when it became apparent that she was headed straight for Remus rather than him. Sirius shot Remus a quick glance and saw Remus give a slight smile and nod. When Sirius looked back at Addie, he saw her return a smile.
When she reached the two of them, almost immediately Remus said, “Here, come with me,” and he and Addie hurried out of the Great Hall before Sirius could even register what had happened. Lily soon was standing by his side looking just as confused as he was. Sirius looked towards her hoping she would have an answer, but all she said was, “I have no idea… she said she was waiting for Nell.”
They stood there for a moment, looking down the corridor where Addie and Remus had just vanished, but James soon walked through the doors and Lily hurried over to him with a smile spreading across her face.
And there Sirius stood, alone and confused as ever. With Remus, James, Lily, and Addie all missing from the Great Hall, there was hardly even a reason to stay there anymore. Peter had never been the best breakfast companion. So, with his friends all gone, Sirius left the Great Hall in the same way he entered, worried about Addie and trying to figure out what was going on.
He figured that he would go back up to the common room and wait for Remus there. He would ask Remus what was going on when he got back. He made his way up to the seventh floor and just as he approached the tapestry covering the Room of Requirement, the wall shifted into a door and Addie emerged. She didn’t notice him at first as she closed the door and leaned her head against the wall. Sirius didn’t know what to do, he hadn’t even known that she knew about the Room of Requirement. “Addie?” Sirius said, his confusion apparent in the tone of his voice.
Addie gasped and spun around quickly, shock written in her face and tears streaming down her cheeks. Sirius was taken aback by her tears and stood motionless for a second before he got his bearings straight. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he stepped forward and held Addie in his arms. Sirius could feel Addie shake her head against his chest.
He sighed, “Why won’t you talk to me about what’s bothering you?” Sirius pulled away slightly so that he could look Addie in the face. She blinked away a few tears and avoided Sirius’ eyes.
Giving up, he pulled her back into a hug just wanting her to feel better. After another minute, he pulled back again. “What were you doing in the Room of Requirement? Is Remus in--” but he didn’t get to finish his sentence as the wall turned into a door once more and someone else walked through. He saw that it was Nell and glanced back at Addie just before Nell turned to face them. Sirius couldn’t hold in a slight gasp when he saw her, her face and shoulders littered in bruises. Before Sirius could even get a word out, Addie grabbed Nell’s hands and the two of them turned away, quickly walking away from him.
Sirius felt as though his feet were suddenly glued to the floor and couldn’t move an inch. He didn’t even have a guess as to what the heck was going on. What happened to Nell? Maybe that was why Addie was so panicked all morning? If so, where was Remus? He glanced back at the Room of Requirement, betting anything that Remus was in there, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get in. Sirius started walking back towards the Common Room. He decided to check the map to see if Remus was in the castle somewhere. If he wasn’t, then there were really only two other places he would be.
Sure enough, when he checked the map, Remus was nowhere to be found. He quickly stuffed the map back into his pocket and walked out of the dormitories. As he left the portrait hole, he saw Addie walking towards him, tears still running down her cheeks. She stopped when she saw Sirius and wiped away her tears. Sirius didn’t even know what he should do. He wanted to hold her and make her stop crying, but he wanted to give her space if she wanted it. He decided nothing was worth watching her cry and he moved forward to gently wipe a tear off her cheek.
“What’s going on, Addie?” he said quietly, looking into her sad eyes.
“Nell left. Her mom took her home,” Addie said, avoiding Sirius’ gaze as she spoke, looking at the floor.
“What? Why?” Sirius asked, confused. “What happened to her? Is she leaving because of the bruises?” Sirius said, angry that Addie had to lose her best friend like this. Addie nodded slowly, looking back up to Sirius only momentarily to confirm his question.
“How’d she get the bruises, Addie?”
Addie hesitated, staring intently at the portrait to her left. “She got too close to the Whomping Willow,” Addie said quietly. “She’d once seen all of you stop it moving and going into it and was curious.”
Sirius was disgusted that this was all partially his fault. “When did this happen?” he asked.
“Last night,” Addie said, which made sense because they had been out last night. Sirius shook his head and stepped forward, pulling Addie into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Addie,” he muttered quietly into her ear.
She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. “I’m going to miss her so much,” she said, her voice muffled by Sirius’ robes.
“I know,” he said, “we all will.”
He held her for a while, hoping to make her feel better. He pulled back slightly, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “Where’s Remus, Addie? He has to be a mess…”
She shrugged slightly, “Last I saw him he was in that room…”
Sirius leaned in and kissed Addie on the forehead. “I have to go find him. Do you want me to meet you somewhere once I find him?” But before Sirius even finished his question, Addie was shaking her head no. “Alright,” he said, “Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?” he asked.
“No,” she replied, “I’ll be okay. Go check on Remus.”
Sirius nodded and gave her another kiss on the forehead before the both turned in opposite directions of each other and walked away. Sirius did not have far to go before he was standing in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement. Now that he was out there, he was not sure what he was going to do about it. As far as he knew, there was no way in except if you knew exactly what you needed.
Sirius paced back and forth, trying different ways to get into the room and find Remus. Maybe if he was desperate enough, he could find a way in. He tried a few things, ‘show me Remus’, ‘I need to find Remus’, ‘I need my friend’, but no luck with any of them. He walked forward and banged his fists against the tapestry in frustration and was shocked when the stone wall behind it gave off a hollow noise. He was even more surprised when a door started to appear beneath his hands.
Within moments of the completion of the door, it cracked open and Sirius saw Remus standing just inside the door. Sirius pushed the door open and walked in cautiously, watching Remus walk back across the room to sit down on the couch on the far side of the room.
There was silence for a moment and Remus sat on the couch elbows resting on his knees and head hanging in sadness. Sirius walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. “Addie told me you were here…” Sirius said cautiously, wondering if Remus even took comfort in him being there.
Remus said nothing; he didn’t even acknowledge that Sirius had spoken. Sirius waited for Remus to respond, and when he said nothing, Sirius spoke again. “I saw Nell when before she left,” Sirius said, and Remus’ face wrinkled, obviously trying to hide how upset he was at the mention of Nell. “Addie told me what happened…” Sirius mumbled.
Remus’ features hardened, looking almost angry. Maybe Sirius shouldn’t have mentioned that. “It’s a funny feeling,” Remus said, his voice monotone, though it had a slight quiver, “I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone so badly before…” Sirius remained silent, unsure of who Remus was talking about. “I mean, I really want to hurt him. If I saw Snape right now, I don’t think I’d stop myself.” Remus just stared down at his hands as he spoke.
Sirius was confused, “What has Snape got to do with this?” Sirius asked and Remus looked up at him instantly.
For a moment he just looked at Sirius, but then looked back down and shook his head. “I thought you said Addie told you what happened.”
“She did,” Sirius replied, still confused. “She told me that Nell saw us go to the Whomping Willow and she wanted to try for herself, but got too close. I saw the bruises…”
Sirius saw Remus tense up instantly. “She blamed it on us?” he said, anger clearly in his voice.
“Not exactly,” Sirius said hesitantly.
“She blamed it on us…” Remus repeated, “I can’t believe she blamed it on us when a lot of the blame lies with her…”
“What do you mean the blame lies with her?” Sirius asked, shocked, “And what does Snape have to do with any of this?”
“Without Snape, none of this would have ever happened.” Sirius waited silently, not knowing what to say because he was still confused. Remus continued. “It wasn’t the Whomping Willow that hurt Nell. It was Snape.”
Sirius’ mouth fell open. He hated Snape, but he would never have guessed that. He shook his head, trying to figure things out. “What did she ever do to him? Why Nell?”
“That’s just the thing. That’s exactly why I want to hurt him so badly…” Remus stood up off the couch and walked across the room over to the wall of windows. “Nell never did anything to him.”
“Then why her?”
“Because this wasn’t the first time he hurt her,” Remus quietly answered.
“When did he hurt her before?” Sirius inquired, looking over at Remus.
“Does it really matter? He hurt her, and now she’s gone. All because of him.”
Sirius still couldn’t understand all that Remus was telling him. “If you knew all of this, why didn’t you tell anyone? Why did you just let it all happen?” Sirius was angry. Why hurt Nell and those around her by keeping all of this a secret?
“She told me I couldn’t. I regret not doing it. I hate myself for not telling. But she said I couldn’t tell, and it wasn’t my secret to tell, so I listened to her. I suppose Addie’s right then, it kind of is my fault.” Remus spoke quietly, almost to himself, and Sirius thought he saw a tear run down Remus’ face. This ordeal was tearing him apart, and Sirius could tell.
Sirius stood and walked over to stand next to him and placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “It’s not your fault. You did what you could to keep her happy.” He forced a smile for Remus.
The two of them stood in silence together for a while before Remus spoke. “I don’t want the whole school to know. There’s a reason Nell didn’t want me telling anyone… Don’t tell anyone else?” Remus requested, and Sirius nodded his head in agreement.
The two of them left the Room of Requirement together as the sun set and walked silently back to the common room. Naturally, people would realize Nell was gone, but the only people who knew why wouldn’t tell, so it’d be a mystery why she left. I suppose she’d prefer it that way.
The others had heard Nell left and no one asked any questions that night when Remus didn’t say a word to anyone before he went to bed. No one spoke much at all, and everyone followed Remus to bed shortly after he went up.
The Pain of Passion by BeautyInTheBreakdown
Story Notes:
Not quite following the plot? Try reading the last few chapters of my story, Alone. This is a sequel! :)
Chapter Notes: Not quite following the plot? Try reading the last few chapters of my story, Alone. This is a sequel! :)
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! Please review!