And through his hours of tossing and turning, sometime just before dawn, Sirius realized something. Something new to him; something foreign. He loved her. The way his throat tightened when he thought of her being hurt or upset, and the way he couldn’t keep a smile from spreading across his face when he thought of her laughter. The way he couldn’t picture being with any girl but her. This was love. He grinned at the thought of putting a name to the flutter in his heart every time he held her.
But still, the thought of Snape being anywhere in the school left him so distraught that not even exhaustion could lull him into sleep. He felt protective of her in a way he’d never known. But Remus made him promise that he couldn’t tell anyone of Nell’s story. Snape was there to stay, at least until the end of the year. By sunrise, he had a plan, a way to keep Addie safe from harm.
By late morning, Sirius dragged his stiff and tired body from bed and quickly dressed. He hurried down to the Great Hall, desperately hoping to find Addie there. When she wasn’t there, he sat down, barely once taking his eyes off the door. As he waited, an untouched plate of food grew cold in front of him while thoughts hacked at his mind, the worst scenarios unfolding in his mind.
‘How could I have let her walk back on her own!’ he thought angrily while his heart skipped a beat after every person walked through the doors of the Great Hall, searching for Addie. ‘What if she didn’t make it back to her common room safely?’ ‘I should go look for her,’ ‘What if she shows up while I am gone?’ Thought after thought streaming until finally, Addie entered the room.
Sirius nearly jumped up with joy, ecstatic to see that Addie was alright. He caught her eye and she showed him a quick smile before walking over to him and sitting down. She looked like she had gotten just about as much sleep as he had. Sirius tucked her hair behind her ear and his brow furrowed at the sight of her sullen face. She looked back at him with a weak smile and mumbled, “I’ll be fine, Sirius, just give it time.”
Quickly afterwards, she even seemed a bit better. Though they ate breakfast in near silence, there were no tears running from her eyes and he could see a bit of color in her cheeks and he thought that maybe she would be okay soon enough.
The two of them walked out of the Great Hall and Sirius escorted her to the Ravenclaw common room. When they reached the door, Addie went to enter, but Sirius did not let go of her hand. She looked back at him with a sadness in her eyes that stunned him for a moment. He gently pulled her back towards him, words stuck on his lips. Words he had planned so well the night before were now lost. He wanted to tell her his plan, to tell her that he loved her and didn’t want anything to happen to her, but he could think of nothing to say.
“Did you need something?” she asked quietly, before turning to go back to the common room.
“I, uh… Well, yes,” Sirius said, pulling her towards him again. She waited for him to speak again. “Remus told me what really happened…” He was cautious, and waited a moment to make sure it was okay for him to continue. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t walk around alone anymore. If it could happen to Nell, then it could”” but Addie cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
“I’m not a child, Sirius,” she said, venom in her words.
“I know that, Addie, but neither was Nell and I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt.” She looked away from him angrily and crossed her arms. “Addie,” he said, “Just let me walk you to classes. What could it hurt? I’d feel better AND you’d get to see me more often. That’s not such a tragedy, is it?” He thought he saw a slight smirk play at the corner of her mouth, but she was trying to be angry and he understood her hiding a smile. Without glancing back at him, Addie turned to leave, but he called after her. “Addie…”
“What,” she grumbled at him.
Three words caught in his throat as he stumbled to find his voice. Finally, as Addie began to tap her foot out of impatience, Sirius sighed. “I’ll catch you later.”
Over the next few days, Addie seemed to be avoiding Sirius whenever he showed up to walk her to class. She’d rush out of classes before he got there. Once she even hid behind the door thinking Sirius hadn’t noticed her. He let her believe she got away with it and eventually stopped showing up outside of her classes. Instead, he let her believe that she had won. At the same time, he’d watch her walk to class on the Marauder’s Map, just to be sure she was safe.
The only thing Sirius didn’t like was how Addie didn’t seem to be cheering up at all. He didn’t expect her to be perfect and happy again yet, but she didn’t even smile nowadays.
For days, Sirius planned how he could make his girl smile. He wanted to do something special and romantic. He wanted things to be perfect. A stroll around the lake at night in the moonlight was what he finally decided upon. He’d tell her he loves her and he could see her beautiful smile again.
He waited until Saturday night until he would carry his plan out. He watched through his dormitory window as the sun slowly crept down in the sky. As soon as the sun touched the horizon, Sirius waved his wand creating some beautiful flowers for Addie. He pulled out his map and looked for Addie so he could go meet her. He found her walking back towards her common room and hurried out to go meet her. He watched her dot closely to make sure that was where she was actually headed. The smile on his face faded as he noticed that not too far ahead of Addie, the dot labeled Severus Snape was lurking around a corner. He quickened his pace and watched the map anxiously.
He calmed down for just a moment as she walked past him and still Snape did not move. It was only when Addie was a few paces past him that Snape began to follow her. Sirius’ heart sunk and he shoved the map in his robe and began to run towards Addie and Snape. He couldn’t believe this was happening and prayed that he was just overreacting.
The corridor became empty and his footsteps echoed in the hall, but he skidded to a halt at the distant sound of voices. He dropped the flowers to the ground and pulled out his wand, slowly moving forward and ready to fight.
The voices became clearer, they were Snape and Addie’s, but he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying just yet. He caught a couple words, but none that made sense. He moved slowly closer until…
“I don’t want to hear it, Sev.” It was Addie. Sirius wondered about her calling him Sev, but ignored it when she spoke again. “I told you before; there is no apology you can make to me. I don’t know how I could have trusted you.”
“But you can trust me, Adrienne. I would never hurt you.”
“Don’t you get it?” Addie said, her voice strained, “You HAVE hurt me. You hurt my best friend and now she’s gone. How could I ever have believed you over her? How could you ever do that to anyone? Don’t ever talk to me again, Severus. You crossed a line and things can never go back to the way they were.”
Sirius’ fingers tightened around his wand. ‘The way things were?’ he thought.
“Adrienne, you don’t understand. I couldn’t control it. When she took you away from me… I just lost it. I lost control.”
“And you think that is any excuse? You ‘lost it?’” there was a sting in her voice that even Sirius could feel. He wanted to jump around the corner and end this conversation, but he was glued where he stood. He couldn’t figure out where this was going, how things were before.
“You could have killed her, Sev. Sirius is a great guy, and I cheated on him to be with you and you repay me by nearly killing my best friend.”
Sirius’ breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened. Addie had cheated? To be with Snape? Vile, disgusting, wretched Snape. Snape who had destroyed Remus’ love? Snape who had nearly killed Nell. Snape.
Sirius couldn’t move. His mind was wiped blank of all else but hurt. So much for telling Addie he loved her. His heart was shattered and he was not sure that he was even feeling anymore. There was more talking, but he couldn’t hear past the ringing in his ear. He could do nothing but stare into the empty corridor in front of him.
The voices stopped and Addie turned the corner, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of Sirius, pale and broken before her.
“Sirius,” she said in a near whisper.
“I brought those for you,” he said harshly, pointing to the flowers that lay in a heap on the floor behind him. She glanced at them, then glanced back at Sirius with a hurt expression written on her face.
“Sirius I can explain,” she cried as Sirius turned and stomped back down the corridor, away from her, away from Snape, away from every bit of the disaster his life had just become. He did not stop walking even when he was back among the crowd of friendly faces making their way back to their common rooms and down to dinner.
Sirius walked, fists clenched, all the way out of the doors to Hogwarts and into the brisk evening air of deceitful moonlight.