The news about the prank pulled on Isaac Smith was already beginning to circulate the next morning when Lily arrived at breakfast, and by the time she arrived in Charms, it seemed as though the whole school knew. As Mary recounted the tale for what must have been the tenth time, Lily found herself smiling, torn between continuing to act surprised and taking the credit. But she soon became distracted by the task in front of her”the teacup that was supposed to be turning cartwheels was resisting her efforts. Occasionally it gave a feeble twitch before settling more firmly onto the table. Frustrated, she glared at it.
“You’re not supposed to jab your wand like that, Evans. It’s more of a flick.”
Startled, Lily looked around, and was only half surprised to see that James Potter had appeared at her shoulder.
“Thanks, Potter, but I can handle myself,” she said coolly.
“I know you can,” he laughed, putting his hands in the air. “I just figured I owed you for all the Potions help.”
She eyed him for a moment before turning back to her teacup, this time flicking her wand. It began to cartwheel across the table, and she was both gratified and annoyed.
“Nice,” James said appreciatively.
She looked back at him. “Why are you over here?” she asked, but there was no bite to it, and he winked at her.
“Well,” he said, “I’ve heard a funny rumor going around about Isaac Smith being stuck to a spider web in a corridor somewhere. Thought you’d be interested to hear about that.”
Lily put her wand down and turned to face him, leaning against the table. “Really,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“Yep. And no one seems to know who did it. They’re all dying of curiosity.”
“Pity. There’re probably a lot of suspects, you know. I mean, bloke like that. He had it coming.”
“That he did,” James said, easing himself onto the table beside her. He leaned back and his elbow brushed against her arm as he did so. Flustered, she jerked away slightly, involuntarily remembering those moments in the broom closet before Sirius’s signal had come. If James noticed her sudden unease, however, he didn’t mention it.
“You know,” he was saying instead, “the hardest part about pulling off a prank is keeping a secret. I mean, if it’s going to be a real success, you have to stay quiet. No going around to everyone bragging about how brilliant your idea was. You have to keep mum about the whole thing.”
“That’s the part that James here always has trouble with,” Remus said, suddenly appearing between them.
“Why’s that?” asked Lily, laughing.
“Well, it’s his ego, you see,” Remus said seriously. “He just can’t handle pulling off all these brilliant pranks and getting no credit for them. He’s too much of an exhibitionist. So, you know, he’ll hint something to one person, and then maybe brag a little to another, and soon enough the Kneazle’s out of the bag and whoops, there you go, we’ve all landed in detention.”
James, Lily was amused to see, had gone red. “Shut it, Moony,” he muttered. Remus just smiled vaguely at him.
At that moment, Lily’s teacup cartwheeled right off the far edge of the table. Sighing heavily, she walked around to collect and repair the pieces, and as soon as she was out of hearing, James hit Remus furiously on the shoulder. “Why’d you have to say all that?” he asked angrily.
“Ow. And I’m helping you, you prat,” Remus hissed, rubbing his arm.
“How?”
“How many times have you tried to show off for Lily, and when has it ever worked? You need to be humbled a little for her to notice you,” Remus said. Then he added thoughtfully, “And I think it’s good for you in general.”
James scowled at him.
“Oh, Lily’s back,” said Remus. “Just keep that in mind.” And he glided off.
“Keep what in mind?” Lily asked, taking the space that Remus had just vacated.
James shrugged. “Just Moony being Moony,” he said.
Lily rolled her eyes. “Again with the nicknames! Are any of you ever going to tell me what those mean?”
James just looked at her. “It’s more fun if you guess,” he said.
“More fun for you, maybe,” she sighed.
“Well, yeah,” he grinned, and then paused. “Can I ask you something?” he said, suddenly serious.
She glanced over at him, startled by the sudden change. “Of course,” she said without thinking, and then regretted it”this was James Potter. He could be about to ask her any number of things. She braced herself for the worst, and was, once again, surprised by him.
“Why did you say no to Smith?”
“Are you actually asking me that?” Lily said incredulously. “You heard how nasty he got””
“No, no,” James interrupted hastily. “I meant before that. When he was just asking you out, he seemed nice and normal.”
Lily thought for a moment. “I guess,” she shrugged. “I don’t know though. He was never really my type.”
“Oh, sure,” James laughed, trying not to sound too curious. “If tall, smart, and pretty-boy isn’t your type, Evans, then what is?”
She made a face at him. “Not that,” she said. “It’s just that he always seemed so arrogant to me.”
James snorted inadvertently, and she looked at him, her eyes narrowed. “What?”
“Well,” he said cautiously, “it’s just that that’s, you know, kind of what you say about me.”
“Yeah,” she said absently, flicking her wand at her teacup again to make it cartwheel in small circles.
When she showed no sign of continuing, James grabbed the teacup from the table. Lily made a small noise of indignation.
“Come on, Evans!” he yelped. “You’re not honestly comparing me to Smith?”
“No!” she said, snatching the teacup back. “Not exactly.”
“What do you mean, not exactly?”
She gave a long-suffering sigh. “Well, it’s like Remus said, you know? You are cocky, Potter, you always have been. But it’s a different kind of arrogance.”
He arched an eyebrow at her, and she continued. “You know what you’re good at. And for some reason, you want everyone else to know it, too. So you walk around with this devil-may-care attitude, showing off, and don’t get me wrong, it’s obnoxious. But it’s not condescending like Smith. He’s just so convinced he can do everything better than anyone else, and he clearly can’t take criticism at all. I mean, I never thought you could either, but Remus was over here a minute ago making fun of you, and you seemed just fine with it.”
James looked away. “Well,” he muttered, “only sometimes.”
“It’s enough,” she said seriously. “I mean, really, James. Maybe your head isn’t quite as swollen as I thought it was.”
The bell rang, signaling the end of class. He watched her as she gathered up her belongings, not sure if he felt better or worse.
---
The morning of the last Hogsmede weekend of the term dawned bright but cold. The sun was deceptive”halfway through their walk to the village, Lily and Mary were frozen. They drew their cloaks in tightly, but by the time they got to Hogsmede, they both agreed that the only sensible place to go was the Three Broomsticks.
“Maybe a butterbeer will help warm us up, so we can handle the rest,” Lily said, teeth chattering as she pushed open the door of the pub.
“Maybe there’s no need,” Mary said coyly, walking in the door and eyeing the group of seventh-year Ravenclaws at the bar.
“Oh boy,” Lily said under her breath.
Mary had spotted Marlene Mckinnon at a well-lit table near the middle of the room, and headed towards her, dragging Lily. The older girl greeted them enthusiastically as they sat down.
“So, Marlene,” Mary said, sounding businesslike. “Those Ravenclaw boys at the bar. They’re your year. Tell me about them.”
Lily rolled her eyes apologetically at Marlene, who grinned back at her. “I’ll go grab the drinks,” she said, standing. Mary, who was already involved in a long discussion about the pros and cons about dating outside of Gryffindor, appeared not to notice.
---
A few feet away in a more dimly lit corner of the Three Broomsticks, James, Sirius, and Peter sat together. Peter was fidgeting nervously.
“What’s up with you?” Sirius asked him.
“Full moon always makes me jumpy,” Peter told him. Sirius and James both sniggered.
“Wormtail, you’re not the werewolf,” James pointed out. “Your transformations are completely by choice.”
“Well, yeah,” Peter said. “But it always feels weird without Remus here!”
All three of them looked inadvertently at the empty seat to Peter’s left.
“Yeah,” James admitted. “It does.”
“I hope we’re still going to be able to go tonight, too,” Peter said worriedly. “But it’s so cold out.”
Sirius frowned at him. “We’re not going to let a little thing like cold stop us!”
James elbowed him in the ribs. “Easy for you to say, Padfoot, you’ve got a thick fur coat! Peter and I will probably frozen to death in a snow bank, and you and Remus’ll end up fighting to the death over the first rabbit that runs by.”
Sirius sipped his butterbeer with dignity. “Excuse me,” he said, “but I can control my animal instincts.” Then he choked and started coughing. “Wow, hey!” he said as James pounded him on the back. “Look at that shirt Madame Rosmerta’s wearing! Okay, what do you think? Real or f””
“Hey, look, Prongs,” Peter interrupted, pointing. “Lily’s here.”
“Oh yeah,” James said, not looking. “I saw her walk in awhile ago.”
Sirius smirked. “Of course you did. I’m surprised you’re not over there right now.”
“You’re not giving up, are you?” asked Peter suspiciously. “I mean, you’ve only been talking about it forever.”
“No!” James said indignantly. “I’m not giving up. I’m just…giving her space. You know. Don’t want to seem too eager.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Right,” he said. “Well, while you’re doing that, there’s a whole bunch of Ravenclaws going in for the kill.”
“What?” James asked sharply, swiveling around to look. The table that had, moments ago, contained just Lily, Mary Macdonald, and Marlene Mckinnon was now swarmed with a bunch of seventh-year Ravenclaws, among them the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain. Feeling slightly threatened, James sat up straighter.
“Sure,” Sirius muttered. “Not eager at all.”
---
Lily was bored.
Mary, surrounded by boys, was in her element, and even Marlene, despite her level, Head-Girl personality, could turn on the charm and flirt with the best of them. But Lily had simply never grasped the concept.
Boys were interested in her, she knew that”she had been asked out quite a few times, and she had dated a little bit. But for the most part, she had never really been interested back, and had no desire to actively pursue anything. Most of the time, she just wondered what the point was.
She had a momentary flashback to the other night, waiting in a broom closet to prank Smith, trapped under James Potter. Momentarily bewildered, she shook her head to clear it. Why on earth am I thinking about that? she thought irritably.
She glanced over at her friends. Mary wasn’t showing any signs of wanting to leave, but Lily couldn’t take it anymore. She downed the last of her butterbeer, feeling warm enough now to brave the outside.
“I’ll meet you back here later,” she murmured to Mary, who waved dismissively at her. Feeling only slightly annoyed, Lily stood, pulling her cloak around her shoulders.
Either it had gotten slightly warmer outside or the butterbeer had done the trick, since Lily could now handle the chill of the outside. She wandered around the village, not really sure about where she wanted to go. More out of distraction than anything else, she ended up by the Shrieking Shack, watching the dilapidated building, so stark against the snow, with unease.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps crunching on the snow behind her, and her heart leapt into overtime. She was frowning at the building”normally, she didn’t scare so easily”when she heard an all-too-familiar voice behind her say, “I know what’s in there.”
---
After nearly twenty minutes of listening to Sirius and Peter debate which one of them had a better chance of dating Madame Rosmerta, James got restless. Privately, he thought neither of them would have any luck, ever, but he kept that quiet, instead saying, “She’s too old for either of you.”
“Nah,” Sirius said, considering. “She’s like, mid- to late-twenties. Tops. And I’m””
“Not even legal yet,” James said. Peter snorted. “And neither are you,” James reminded him.
Both of them looked at him murderously.
“Okay!” James said quickly, standing. “I’m about finished here. I need to go to Zonko’s before we head back up to school, so, uh, I’ll just meet you back here later!” And he scooted off into the cold.
Once at Zonko’s Joke Shop, however, James remembered that he didn’t actually have anything he needed to buy. He browsed the shelves for a few minutes, but nothing really sparked his interest. Bored, he left the store, thinking vaguely about the night that was to come. Despite what he had said to Sirius about the weather, he was itching for a good run, and was looking forward for the night’s full moon. In this mindset”and not without a fair amount of wry amusement”he started off towards the Shrieking Shack. He was so used to seeing it from the inside that he’d almost forgotten the effect it had on people who didn’t know its secrets.
---
“What are you doing here?” Lily asked rudely.
“Oh, sure,” scoffed Severus Snape, staring her down. “Forgotten all about me, I see.”
“Go away, Severus,” Lily said, turning back towards the shack.
“Just because you say so? I don’t think so,” he said, coming to stand right next to her. “If me being here bothers you, then you leave.”
She was actually starting to get cold again, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of leaving. “I was here first!”
The argument sounded childish as soon as she’d said it, but there was no way to take it back. She winced as he smirked at her.
“Of course you were,” he said. She looked away as he continued loftily, “I don’t see your guard around anywhere, Evans.”
He spat out her surname with, it seemed, as much spite as he could muster.
“What are you talking about?” she asked wearily, darting a glance at him.
“Black. Potter,” he said, even more scornfully. “Everyone heard about how they came to your rescue the other day, after Smith apparently insulted you. Gallant, aren’t they?”
“Shut up,” she said, flushing. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, so you’re not friends with them then? Because from what I’ve heard, you’re practically inseparable now. Going to be tying the knot with Potter any day now. You’ve changed, Lily, you really have. And not for the better.”
“Is that what’s got you acting like this?” Lily said furiously, whirling on him. “That I talk to James Potter? Because no, Snivellus, I’m not friends with him. That will never change. He’ll never change. He’s a cocky, immature bully, and I know that now, like I’ve always known that.”
The words felt wrong. She was talking about the James Potter she used to know, the one that existed when she and Severus Snape were still best friends, meeting in secret to practice Potions in deserted corners. The James Potter she knew now was still lofty and proud, but she’d also seen him be kind to house-elves and joke with his friends. She’d helped him with Potions and been helped by him in Charms, seen him emerge from a broom cupboard with his hair even messier than usual and his glasses askew…
But still. Still. She kept going, kept ranting about James Potter the way she used to, because it was so familiar, this conversation with Sev. For a second, despite her anger, it was like having their friendship back. She hadn’t missed him for a long time now”she barely thought of him, really”but right now, she felt a pang for what she had lost. And then she remembered why they weren’t friends anymore, and how much things had really changed.
“But I’m not friends with you anymore either, Severus,” she said, her voice dangerously low, and was gratified to see him look away. “You have no right to make judgments on my life, because you aren’t in it.”
“Yeah,” he said fiercely, looking back up at her, his black eyes unforgiving, “but I’m not the one who ended it.”
“Yes,” she said levelly, “you are.”
He held her gaze for a moment longer, and then dropped it. “Yeah,” he muttered again, but this time he sounded defeated. “I guess you’re right. You usually were.”
The past tense stung her, more than she’d like. She didn’t respond, and he didn’t leave.
After a long, awkward moment, she peeked at him. He was staring stonily at the shack. “So,” she began tentatively, “what did you mean about knowing what was in there?”
He looked at her sideways, and she could have sworn he grinned. “Oh, that,” he said. “Well, yeah, actually, I found out pretty recently. And by the way, I was so right about this. You’re going to owe me money or something.”
She almost laughed, but restrained herself.
“Okay,” he started. “So you know what tonight is, right?”
---
James was almost to the Shrieking Shack when he realized he could hear voices. Angry voices. He hesitated for a second, not wanting to get in between anything, but also pulled by his natural curiosity. He crept a little closer, and suddenly he realized that one of those voices belonged to Lily Evans. His curiosity intensified”for a moment, he even considered transforming into the great stag, since the deer not only had better hearing, it could move through the woods in silence. He resisted the temptation, however, knowing that it was risky, and crouched down into the snow, inching closer.
He could see them now, through a gap in the foliage, and with a start he recognized Severus Snape. His lip curled involuntarily at the sight, but he was oddly gratified to see that Lily was yelling at him. However, he was even more surprised when he heard his own name.
“”to James Potter?” Lily was shouting. “Because no, Snivellus, I’m not friends with him. That will never change. He’ll never change. He’s a cocky, immature bully, and I know that now, like I’ve always known that.”
Stunned and hurt, James rocked back onto his heels. He had thought that they were getting along better this year, had thought that she may actually be starting to like him, that maybe”but no, apparently it didn’t matter what he thought, did it, because he was wrong. Her words hit him harder than he would ever admit to anyone. He knew he was cocky, he did, but he thought that he’d matured this year, that he’d changed. Apparently not.
Not sure if he was more disgusted with her or with himself, he turned to go. But as he started to walk away, he heard Lily ask Snape about the Shrieking Shack. And he remembered, suddenly, that Snape knew all about Remus and his transformations. James couldn’t believe he’d forgotten, however temporarily, what Snape had discovered at the end of last year…that he himself had saved Snape from the werewolf that was normally Remus Lupin…couldn’t believe he’d been foolish enough to think that Snape would keep his promise to Dumbledore and tell no one…
“So you know what tonight is, right?” Snape had just asked Lily.
Full moon, thought James desperately, not knowing how to stop him. If Lily guessed even that much it was all over. She was smart, she’d figured it out. In fact, they were lucky she hadn’t already. And no one could know, no matter how much James did or had liked her.
His wand was in his hand. He didn’t even remember pulling it out of his pocket, but as Snape opened his mouth”to give Lily a hint, or to tell her out outright, James did the only thing he could think of.
He leapt forward, crashing through the brush, startling them both. Raising his wand, he pointed it at Snape and cried, “Silencio!”
Snape’s voice stopped. James locked eyes with him, his hazel staring into Snape’s black, and in them he read reproach and loathing and, maybe, was that fear?
For good measure, James flicked his wand, hoisting Snape into the air by one ankle, as he had done so many months ago after the O.W.L.s.
Understand? he thought. You keep that secret. You don’t tell anyone.
They stared at each other mutely for a long moment. Then Snape nodded once, sharply, and looked away in silent consent. James gave a brisk nod as well and muttered the countercurses. As Snape fell to the ground in a heap, swearing loudly, James turned away. Only then did he realize that Lily was shrieking something at him.
He ignored her, walking down the path that led back to the village and to Hogwarts, but she followed him.
“What is wrong with you?” she screamed, her cheeks pink from cold and anger, auburn hair loose.
“What do you mean?” he said, looking at her coldly.
“What do you mean, what do I mean?” she shouted. “Why did you do that? You just jinxed him for absolutely no reason! After last year, I’d expect you to have more sense. I can’t believe you did that at all, much less in front of me!”
“More sense?” he yelled back, turning on her, his temper flaring. “More sense? Not like it matters though, does it Evans? Since apparently I haven’t changed and I never will. I’m”oh, what was it”yeah, still a ‘cocky, immature bully’ like always, right?”
She blushed spectacularly as she realized what he’d heard, but she held her ground. “Well you just proved me right, then, didn’t you, Potter?” she spat. “You did exactly the same thing you did last year! I can’t believe I was actually starting to think that you were different””
“Save it, Evans!” he roared. “You may find this to believe, but some things are more important than what you think of me.”
“Like bullying Severus?” she retorted.
He didn’t reply at once, and when he did, his voice was as cold as she had ever heard it, colder than the wind now biting at her exposed face and neck. “I don’t expect you to understand,” he said, suddenly calm.
“You’re damn right I don’t understand, I”” she started to say, but was quelled by the look he gave her. He had never looked at her like that before, icy and proud, with just a bit of hurt in it, and something that looked frighteningly like hatred. Involuntarily, she took a step back, and he turned on his heel and strode away.
---
James went straight back to the castle, not stopping to look in the crowded Three Broomsticks for Sirius and Peter. He was one of the first students back, and Gryffindor Tower was all but deserted. The only person in the common room was Remus, who was preparing to head to the Shrieking Shack for his transformation.
“James,” he said, surprised, as James stormed into the room. “You’re back early. What’s”are you okay?”
“Yeah,” James said, waving a hand and not looking at him. “Fine. Cold out there.”
Remus hesitated, watching closely as James sat on a chair by the fire. Then, his resolve hardened, he walked over and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You sure?” he asked worriedly.
His fears were confirmed as James buried his face in his hands. “I just jinxed Severus Snape,” he said.
“What?” said Remus, shocked.
“In front of Lily.”
“Oh.” Remus exhaled. “Oh, James, why? I thought you outgrew all that stuff, especially now that he and Lily aren’t really friends anymore.”
“I didn’t do it for no reason!” James said indignantly, jumping to his feet. “I did it because Snape was about to tell her about you!”
“Oh,” Remus said again, before sinking heavily into the chair that James had just vacated. “I’m so sorry, James,” he said heavily.
James just looked at him, the fury draining away. “Don’t be,” he said hollowly. “It’s not your fault. And then Lily came after me, really gave me a piece of her mind.”
“I’m sure she’ll get over it,” Remus said, leaning forward earnestly. “I mean, she’s seen as much as I have how much you’ve matured this year, I’m sure she’ll think there’s a good explanation…”
He trailed off as James laughed stiffly.
“Don’t count on it,” he said. “Besides, I don’t care what she thinks, anyway.”
Remus bit his lip. “Did something else happen?”
James looked down, feeling suddenly foolish about being upset. “Oh, not really,” he said, trying to sound light and unconcerned. “I just overheard her telling Snape before I interrupted them, about how I’m never going to change. You know, about how I’m always going to be arrogant and a bully. But it’s fine. She’s always thought that about me, I guess.”
Remus didn’t say anything at first, just cast an uneasy glance outside the window.
“James,” he said finally, “I have to go. It’s almost nightfall.”
James nodded mutely, just stood there and stared into the fire. Remus rose and stood beside him for a moment, before saying, “But she’s wrong, you know.” James didn’t react, and Remus continued. “Lily. She’s wrong. You’re neither of those. I’m sorry to leave you like this, but…you need to know. You’re one of the best friends I have and will ever have.”
James closed his eyes. “Thanks, Moony,” he said softly. Remus clapped him on the shoulder, and departed.
---
Lily finally located Mary in the crowd at the Three Broomsticks. The small girl was surrounded by even more boys, and she was reluctant to leave, but Lily forced her. Mary followed her in a huff, but her mood evaporated when Lily explained to her the events by the Shrieking Shack.
“Wow,” Mary said, stunned. “D’you think there was a reason, though? I mean, from what I’ve heard, they’ve been much better about only pranking people who, you know, deserve it this year. Are you sure Snape didn’t do anything?”
“You just want to blame him because he’s a Slytherin,” Lily said scornfully.
“Or maybe you just don’t want to blame him because he used to be your friend,” Mary countered.
Lily shrugged. “From where I was, it seemed unprovoked,” she said.
Mary frowned. “Still,” she said, “it seems weird.”
Lily didn’t say anything. They had reached the portrait that led into the Gryffindor common room. Mary gave the password and the door swung open. They clambered in, facing a common room that was now full of Gryffindors returning from the village. Mary was showing every sign of wanting to stay and socialize, so Lily touched her gently on the arm.
“I’m beat,” she said. “I think I’m just going to go up to the dorm.”
Mary nodded at her, and Lily started to head towards the stairs when a loud voice said “Evans! Hey, Evans!”
She shut her eyes and turned slowly. James Potter stood by the fire with Sirius Black. His eyes were on her.
“Hey, I think I’ve figured it out,” James said, still in that loud, aggressive voice.
“Figured what out?” she hissed, barely audible.
“Why you’re so stuck-up, judgmental, and alone,” he said harshly. The common room went instantly quiet.
“And why’s that, Potter?” she asked through clenched teeth.
He crossed the room in three strides and stood before her, looking down at her coldly.
“It’s because you don’t know how to handle a real man,” he bit out.
She stared back at him. “Right,” she breathed, “right.” Then she pushed past him, crossing the room to where Sirius Black stood by the fire, trying and failing to look small. Grabbing Sirius by the front of his robes, she stood on her toes and kissed him firmly on the mouth.
She supposed that instinct must have taken over at that point, because to her surprise, he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her back for half a second before jerking roughly away, looking ashamed. She heard a collective gasp from the Gryffindors in the common room behind her before she turned, wiped her mouth on her sleeve, and walked delicately back towards James.
He was standing where she had left him, slack-jawed. She stopped in front of him, not looking at him, and said softly, “You’re wrong.” Then she turned and ran up the stairs to her dorm.
---
The evening in the sixth-year Gryffindor boys’ room that night was awkward. James was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling when Sirius and Peter walked in the door. He glanced at them briefly before returning to his examination of the ceiling.
“James,” Sirius said hesitantly, approaching him.
“What?” James asked flatly.
“Come on, Prongs, I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was going to do that,” Sirius said, almost pleading.
James turned his head slightly to look at him. “Did you have to kiss her back?” he asked quietly.
Sirius fidgeted awkwardly. “Yeah, about that. I didn’t mean to. Just kind of…habit.”
James sat up so suddenly Sirius jumped. “You’ve kissed her before?” he yelped.
“Not her!” Sirius said hurriedly, waving his hands. “I just mean like, in general!”
James lay back down. “Right,” he said, “sorry. Anyway, I’m not mad at you, Padfoot,” he sighed. “I just…I don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to come with you tonight.”
“But you have to!” Peter said unhappily, jumping on the bed next to James. “Like it’s weird without Moony right now, it’ll be weird without you!”
“Sorry, Wormtail,” James said affectionately. “I just kind of want to be alone tonight.”
The other two nodded. “Here,” James said, producing the invisibility cloak from his pillow, “you’ll need this to get out.”
He handed it to Sirius, who ruffled his hair as they passed. James didn’t watch them go.
Hours later, though, he slipped out of bed. He snuck out of the castle, being extra careful, feeling vulnerable without his cloak. Once on the grounds, however, he transformed into a stag and took off alone, bounding through the woods, leaving everything behind.
---
The next morning, Lily woke early with a stomachache. Yawning, she headed down to the common room to see if anyone else was awake”the Hogwarts Express departed later that afternoon, to take everyone home for the holidays, and she was expecting a few people to be wandering around. She hoped none of them would feel to comment on her behavior from the night before.
When she reached the common room, she was happy to see that there were two people there, but her happiness was short-lived as she got close enough to see who they were. She swallowed audibly as Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew stared at her hostilely.
“Um, hi,” she said quietly. They didn’t respond.
She looked directly at Sirius as she said, “Look. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
He snorted and looked out the window.
“Come on,” she said in exasperation. “What more do you want from me?”
Sirius finally turned to look directly at her, his eyes blazing. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to!” he said furiously. “I mean, I’m all for being sexually harassed, Evans, but not when it’s a ploy to hurt my best friend.”
She actually stamped her foot as she said, “You don’t know the whole story!”
“I know more than you think I do,” he said loudly, standing up, “and probably understand this a whole lot better than you do! And I’ll tell you again, I’m not the one you should be apologizing to!”
He sat down again, fuming, and she looked at Peter, taken aback.
“He’s outside,” Peter said coolly.
“And if he kills himself out there, it’s your fault,” Sirius snapped at her.
Surprised and uncomfortable, Lily turned and darted from the common room. She wasn’t entirely sure where to find James, or even what she was going to say”anger and guilt took turns driving her.
She reached the grounds and trudged across them, searching for James. Eventually, as she neared the Quidditch pitch, she saw a small figure on a broom swooping around the goal posts. She hesitated for the barest of moments, and then resolutely walked forward.
“James!” she called, barely registering that she was calling him by his first name now. “Can you come down here? Please?”
She could feel his reluctance, his desire to be as far away from her as possible. How many times had she wished him gone, begged for him to leave her alone, and now all she wanted was for him to come talk to her. She shook her head, barely understanding.
He landed hard in front of her, scattering snow, and she was nervous, almost frightened. “What?” he said, roughly, his eyes boring into hers.
She wanted to look away but she had to respect him for looking her in the eye. Momentarily flustered, she tried to remember what she came here to say.
“I’m sorry.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said, taking a breath. “I overreacted. I’m sorry I used your friendship with Sirius to hurt you. It wasn’t right.”
He sighed heavily, leaning on his broom and breaking their gaze to look off into the horizon.
“I’m sorry too, Evans,” he said, before looking back at her. “I’m sorry I provoked you.”
“Well,” she said awkwardly, “that was my fault, too. What you overhead by the Shrieking Shack…I didn’t mean it. Not like that. I don’t really know why I said it. It’s not true, it isn’t, I just…it just came out.” She looked at him pleadingly, and he tilted his head, acknowledging her. “Although,” she said reproachfully, “you didn’t have to jinx Severus to get back at me.”
He laughed humorlessly. “You don’t get it,” he said. “I didn’t jinx Snivellus to get back at you. It was for a completely different reason”and believe me, there was a reason”that you just wouldn’t get.”
“Maybe if you explained it to me?” she suggested.
“No,” he said briskly. “I can’t. It’s not…mine to explain. Just drop it, please.”
“Okay,” she said, “okay.”
Lily watched him, standing there, his profile hard against the new sun. She had seen do so many things, she realized, some of them cocky, some of them sweet, some silly, and some brave, but she had never seen him upset before. Despite the residual guilt and anger and the lingering awkwardness, she felt a pang at how intimate the situation was. Uncomfortable, she looked away.
“So,” she said lightly, trying to relieve the tension, “did Remus leave already? I haven’t seen him around.”
“Yeah,” James said distractedly, “yeah, he had to go home early to take care of his furry little problem.”
“His what?” Lily asked, not sure if it was something she could laugh at. “Like, a badly behaved rabbit or something?”
He looked at her, and for the first time, cracked a smile. She was surprised at how relieved she was to see it. “Something like that,” he said.
She smiled, shook her head, and looked down. “Look, James,” she said softly, “maybe we can’t be friends. Maybe, I don’t know, too much has happened for us to ever really be friends. But do you think we could try for being civil?”
“I think we could try that,” he said impassively. “For now, anyway.”
“All right,” she said, not sure how she felt about his easy acquiescence. “Well…have a good holiday, James.”
“Yeah,” he said, “you too.”
She turned to head across the grounds, back towards the castle. Behind her, he hopped onto his broom and took to the sky once more, not watching as she walked away.
Trickster by Willow Rosenberg
Chapter Notes: whoah, hey, this is a long one. enjoy!------------