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James and Sirius craned their necks around at the voice and instantly regretted it.
“Whiplash?” Severus Snape jeered as James and Sirius rubbed their aching necks and stared at the infamously detested enemy of the Marauders.
"How long have you been standing there, Snivellus?" Sirius spat out through clenched teeth.
"Long enough,” Snape replied calmly. “The whole school will soon know your embarrassing secret. Really, scared of a squirrel, Black? Pitiful.” He grinned wickedly.
Sirius began to twitch and growl convulsively, subconsciously imitating his animagus form.
"Calm down, Sirius," James said, holding out a hand against Sirius’ chest.
It was too late to restrain him. Shrieking, Sirius tackled Snape. Punches flew. Within moments, Snape lay hog-tied on the floor, bruised and with a bleeding nose. Sirius stood over him, heaving great breaths.
"Where’d you get the rope?” James asked in amazement.
“I have my devices,” said Sirius murderously.
James lifted an eyebrow, but chose not to push the subject. Instead, he asked, “Well, now what do we do?”
The predator hungrily eyed his prey. "We kill him."
"Why are you so hooked on killing things?"
"It’s the only way, James!" Sirius shouted, turning on him.
“Or you could just let me go,” Snape suggested from the ground, giving up on wrestling his way out of the tight rope. Both marauders ignored him.
“I hate him, too, but killing him is harsh. Besides, we’d get more than expulsion if we got caught. We’re talking Azkaban,” James warned. Sirius shuddered at the mention of the wizard prison.
James tapped his chin in thought and suggested, "We could wipe his mind."
"Fine,” Sirius muttered once he finally saw reason. “Go on and erase it then.”
James shuffled his feet nervously. “I don't know how."
"Oh, I remember that day in Charms!" Sirius yelled excitedly. "We were playing Tic-Tac-Toe!"
"Right! I still have that scar."
"You do? Let me see! Let me see!" begged Sirius.
Snape rolled his eyes as James pulled his sleeve up far enough for Sirius to gaze upon the legendary Tic-Tac-Toe scar.
"How does someone get a scar from Tic-Tac-Toe?" Snape scorned. “How pea-brained do you have to be?” He promptly received a sharp kick in the ankles for reply.
"Why would you care, Snivellus?" Sirius growled.
James patted his friend on the shoulder. “The git has a right to ask. It's only natural to be curious about this sort of thing." He winked at Snape. "Besides, I wouldn't mind telling the story again."
Shrugging, Sirius sat down next to the captive to hear the story he knew so well. James joined him, pulling out his wand and idly beginning to poke Snape in the face.
“We were playing Tic-Tac-Toe during one particularly boring Charms class. We had just finished a game and I was rather sleepy because the night before was“” James suddenly stopped and glanced at Snape. "Anyway, I wasn't paying much attention. So, I declared the game a tie.” Sirius’ arm shot into the air, waving wildly. "Err... yes?"
“But I told you I won, right? Right?" Sirius smiled as if he had just managed to actually answer one of Professor Slughorn's questions.
James stared oddly at his friend before answering. “Yes… yes, you did tell me that. But like I said, I wasn't paying attention. You said, ‘What? No, James, I won!' By this time I was about to fall asleep right there in the class. So you repeated it, saying, ‘I won! I won!' until the entire class heard you. Well, except for me that is.” James pulled at his collar. “I had finally dozed off and was too tired to wake back up when Sirius started yelling. That's when it happened,” he ended dramatically. Sirius nodded fervently, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
"When what happened, Potter?" spat Snape, frustrated.
Out of the blue, his hair morphed to a bright shade of green with silver highlights. Still prodding Snape’s nose with his wand, James had accidentally created sparks at Snape’s irritated voice. The boy who had earlier been bent on murdering Snape giggled.
"Oopsies... sorry about that, little Snapey-poo," James followed up in a high-pitch, feminine voice. “But, you know, green really does suit you. I guess that's the reason you're in Slytherin, huh? 'Cause you aren't all that cunning like the Sorting Hat sings about. That's how Sirius managed to tie you up so easily." Snape snarled menacingly, but James continued. "And there's no way you're evil like the rest of 'em. You're just a poor little girl who needs her mum."
”And maybe a cookie, too.” Sirius smiled toothily, pleased with his joke. Snape bared his own yellow, crooked teeth in return. "Ugh!" Sirius yelled and coiled back in disgust. The repulsive teeth curled into a venomous smile.
“Go on, Potter,” said Snape.
“There are charms for teeth like yours, you know,” Sirius interrupted. “Even if you can’t fix them, it’d be better to have no teeth than those teeth.”
“Potter!”
"Oh yes, well, let's see... where was I?" James tapped his chin as he thought, forgetting about where he was pointing his wand.
"Ack! You nearly gouged my eye out, you dolt!" Snape shouted.
“Hush up there! You'll bring a teacher running, screaming like that, and then things will really get bad for you. Imagine getting caught out of bed past curfew, with two well-known troublemakers, and tied-up on the floor to boot. Think of the embarrassment. It’d cost you fifty points at the least. Anyways, I can't think with all that yelling." With a quick mutter and a flick of his wand, James muffled Snape’s voice to a quiet grumble.
“I remember now! I was about to tell you how I got my scar!" James rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “So, Sirius had gotten quite… irate… since I still had not sworn defeat and acknowledged his almighty Tic-Tac-Toe greatness. Finally, he raised his quill high into the air and, screaming, 'I WON!’ brought the quill down in a magnificent arc right onto my arm."
James imitated how he had been attacked, exaggerating just a bit. "The sharp tip cut through my school robes to my very skin... where it engraved a three-inch slash!" James raised his arms above his head for dramatic effect. Snape did not appear impressed. Letting his arms drop back to his sides, James finished, "And that's how you get a scar from Tic-Tac-Toe."
Sirius began to clap passionately. “Bravo! Bravo! Excellent reenactment, James! Amazing! Spectacular! Five stars! Two thumbs up! Extraord--"
“Okay, I get it, Sirius. I did good," James interrupted.
“Correction: You did very good.”
“Well. He did well,” grumbled Snape under his breath. He hated grammatical errors.
"Hmm.… What will we do with this slime ball?" James pointed his wand once again at the captive's face.
“I stand by what I said,” Sirius snarled, all previous cheerfulness gone. “If we can’t erase his memory, then we need to dispose of him. He still knows my secret. We have to get rid of him before he tells someone. Things like that get spread rather quickly around this school. I refuse to allow this git to destroy all that I’ve worked for in the past years. I can't afford for him to ruin my reputation!"
Sirius was serious. If he lost his reputation of ‘Bad boy' Black, the hysterical, prank genius Marauder, then his life would be utterly ruined for sure. None of the girls would want to snog him anymore. None of the Slytherins would ever dread him again. None of his fellow classmates would even respect him. No, something had to be done with Severus Snape before his phobia could get out. Of that, he was sure.
Sirius' Serious Squirrel Secret by The Scribbler
Chapter Notes: Who caught James and Sirius? Read and find out. Thanks goes to my beta, MadEyeMaddy, for putting up with me through this chapter.