“You know, we don’t really fit under here anymore,” Remus said.
“Well, you can get out and get caught by Filch anytime you want, Remus,” James replied. “But I’m personally going to use the cloak.”
All four Marauders were huddled under James’ invisibility cloak. They shuffled along down the hall on their way to an empty classroom they could use while they treated Sirius’ fear of squirrels.
“It’s only Filch, James. What’s he going to do if he sees us? Give us detention? Detention’s nothing to be afraid of,” Sirius said.
“And squirrels are?” Peter teased.
“Watch it, Peter,” Sirius growled and poked Peter with the tip of his wand. A few orange sparks singed a hole in Peter’s robes, enough warning to keep him quiet.
“Well, Sirius, if you’re so brave, why don’t you step out from under the cloak and give the rest of us a little more room?” Remus interrupted. “It’s only Filch, you know.”
At risk of damaging his pride, Sirius huffed, “Fine, then. I will get out.” He pushed the cloak off and slipped out from underneath. “I wanted some fresh air, anyway.”
They continued on down the hall for another minute until they reached an open doorway to a classroom.
“Let’s go in here,” James said.
As soon as he spoke, however, a cat appeared out of the classroom. It was a scrawny little creature with a mangy coat of fur. Its bulging eyes swept the hall and landed on Sirius. Normally, such a look from such a decrepit-looking cat would not threaten many students who were breaking rules, but Sirius gasped as he saw Mrs. Norris staring at him. With a flick of her tail, she slipped off down the corridor, no doubt in search of Filch.
“Let me in! Let me in!” Sirius frantically cried as he reached his arms out to find his friends under the cloak.
“Hush up, will you?” Remus hissed. “We’re right here.” He lifted up the edge of the cloak and threw it over Sirius just in time.
Filch had arrived around the corner. Mrs. Norris ran ahead of him, her eyes glowing eerily in the dim light. She stopped a few feet from the huddled boys and sniffed the air. Filch skidded to a stop behind her and glanced around hungrily.
“They have to be around here somewhere,” he wheezed.
Mrs. Norris hissed in agreement and entered the classroom. With one last look down the corridor, Filch followed her to search the room.
James lunged forward and pulled the door closed. Sirius quickly locked it with a tap of his wand.
“No!” Filch yelled from inside. The doorknob rattled but would not turn. “Open this door this instant!” The doorknob continued to rattle. “I’ll string you up by your thumbs if you don’t let me out! I’ll get Dumbledore to expel you for this!”
Snickering, the boys turned and ran as fast as they could before Filch could break down the door with his fury.
Hearing their footsteps, Filch shouted after them, “Come back here, you troublemakers! I’ll track you down and make you wish you never lived!”
Mrs. Norris yowled along with her owner, as if adding her own threats to his.
~
Soon, the Marauders were two stories away from Filch’s shrieks and far out of earshot of Mrs. Norris’ persistent yowls. They slowed to a walk and entered a cat-free classroom. Chairs and desks were stacked against the back wall. The room had clearly not been used for some time since a thick layer of dust coated the ground.
James used his wand to direct a few chairs into the middle of the room and took a seat. Sirius and Peter followed him to sit down. Remus, however, walked to stand in front of the classroom with the heavy book on phobias. The others waited as he began to flick through the pages.
“Why do books have such long acknowledgements and title pages?” he questioned no one in particular. Finally, he stopped to a page almost a quarter of the way through the book. “Ah, here it is! Curing Irrational Phobias and Snake Bites for Dummies, Chapter one: Identifying the Snake Bite You May or May Not Have.” Remus paused for a moment, apparently confused. “I guess the part about phobias must be farther along into the book.”
“Judging by the title of the chapter, I would say that is a reasonable conclusion,” said Sirius from his seat. Peter began to giggle beside him. “Men don’t giggle, Wormtail,” Sirius said to him, completely serious.
“Oops. Sorry.” Peter immediately hushed, remembering Sirius’ hot temper.
Once Peter was again quiet, Remus flipped through more pages of the library book, searching for a useful chapter. Finally, he stopped almost midway in the book and read, “Chapter 16: Beginning Treatment for Your Phobia.” He smiled. “Now this sounds like what we’re looking for.”
“Great!” James exclaimed. “What do we do first?” He pointed his wand at Sirius’ face and smiled eagerly. Sirius, however, looked less than reassured.
“Wait a minute! Watch where you’re pointing that stick, James! I don’t want anyone testing out spells on me and ending up giving me extra toes or anything,” he protested.
“Put down your wand, James,” Remus intervened. “Most of these steps are non-magical.”
“Most? Can we start with the magical ones, then?” James’ eyes lit up with excitement.
Remus shook his head. James pouted but stowed away his wand nevertheless. Once it was safely away in James’ pocket, Remus began to skim the chapter.
“It says here that there is an easy five-step process to cure any fear,” Remus said.
“Well, get on with it! If I don’t fix this thing, then I’m gonna have to sing to McGonagall!” Sirius shouted, impatiently.
“Then, I suggest that you listen up,” Remus calmly replied. “Okay, it starts with, ‘Curing your phobia will take time and effort. It will not disappear in one session or overnight.’”
“Well, that’s out the window, then.” Sirius made to stand up, but James pulled him back down and signaled for Remus to go on.
“‘You need to prepare yourself for the long, difficult journey ahead before you begin. Determine not to give up until it’s obvious that there’s no hope left for you.’”
“I’m done. It’s already obvious I have no hope for tomorrow.”
“‘Also, a positive attitude will be necessary for success. You will especially need one when your goal seems absolutely impossible and unachievable, which will be until you miraculously achieve it against all odds.’”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “That makes me feel really positive.”
Remus continued to ignore him, scanning through the rest of the preliminary paragraphs. “Finally! Here we go. Step one: Identifying your fear. ‘Oftentimes, you may realize that your fears are much greater than you first thought. If it seems like too much of an ordeal for you alone to handle, professional help may be useful.’”
“Squirrels, obviously, but I don’t know if you count as a professional, Moony.”
“Well, I’m as good as you’re going to get,” Remus replied. “Let’s continue, then. Step two: Emotional support. ‘Make sure to keep a close friend or loved one on hand when facing your fear. They may need to also restrain you if panicking ensues. Check that they know how to properly perform the body bind curse.’”
“Oh! Can I do it?” James asked, jumping to his feet.
Sirius immediately yanked him back down, vigorously shaking his head at Remus.
“I don’t think that would help right now, James,” he said in support of Sirius. “For Sirius’ good, you’re a little too quick to cast a spell.”
“But I’m in the mood for hexing and Snivellus isn’t around.”
“What?” shouted Sirius indignantly and leapt from his chair. “You want to start hexing me just because you can’t find someone else? I thought we were friends!”
“We are, Padfoot. It’s just that I haven’t gotten the chance since I hexed Snape this morning and my wand hand’s getting itchy.” James calmly looked at Sirius as if this were the most natural thing in the world. Remus simply stared between the two, at a loss as to what to say.
Suddenly, Peter exploded into unrestrained laughter. He could not hold it back any longer. “‘Judging by the title!’” he gasped amid hysterical fits. “Merlin’s beard! ‘Reasonable conclusion!’” He fell off his chair and hit the stone floor, but he barely noticed. He continued to cackle, rolling on the ground and covering himself in dust.
“If you want to jinx someone, why don’t you jinx him?” Sirius suggested to James, stabbing a thumb in Peter’s direction.
James shrugged. “Okay, then,” he replied and waved his wand.
Peter rose into the air just as suddenly as he had started to laugh. As if a giant, invisible hook had grabbed his leg, he jerked to the ceiling upside down. Peter wheezed heavily, trying to regain his breath.
“James!” he gasped between strained breaths. He gulped down oxygen like a fish out of water. “Let me “ down! You “ know I “ don’t “ like heights!”
“Bloody hell,” Sirius said, watching as Peter’s face slowly turned to a bright shade of blue. “Maybe you should put him down now, James. I think he’s hyperventilating.”
Remus nodded vigorously. “He is. If you don’t drop him soon, he’s going to pass out!”
“Right,” James replied, still shocked as to Peter’s reaction, and quickly flicked his wand to end the spell. Peter fell to the ground in a heap with an ominous crunching sound.
His friends rushed to where he landed and rolled him onto his back. Peter let out a quiet whimper before falling unconscious.
“We need to get him to the Hospital Wing,” Remus told the others while he prodded what felt like a broken wrist.
Sirius frowned. “After curfew? Madame Pomfrey will know we broke school rules, then, won’t she?”
“Not if Peter had his accident in our dormitory,” James said with a wink.
“But he didn’t fall in our dormitory,” Sirius responded, looking confused.
“No, he jumped off his bed and broke his wrist when he fell,” James insisted.
“No, no, no. We weren’t in our dormitory, James. You were right here with us when we saw him fall. In fact, you were the one who lifted Peter into the air and dropped him.”
Frustrated, James covered his face with his hands.
“I think what James meant,” Remus interrupted, “is that we tellMadame Pomfrey that Peter fell out of his bed even though he never really did.”
For a moment, Sirius stared at Remus dumbly. Then, his mouth formed a silent “oh” in understanding. “Now I get it. You want to lie to Madame Pomfrey and tell her Peter broke his wrist when we were up in our dormitory rather than down here where we could lose house points for wandering around the school at night.” He paused for another moment, letting the plan sink in, before continuing. “Well, if we get caught and let Slytherin get ahead for the house cup, I’ll blame you, James.”
With that, he levitated Peter out the door and headed for the Hospital Wing with James and Remus on his tail.
Sirius' Serious Squirrel Secret by The Scribbler
Chapter Notes: What happens when you take four Marauders, an empty classroom at night, and a book for curing phobias and snake bites? Read and find out.
~