~
“Yeah, we got the whole ‘best plan’ part,” James said.
“It’s simple. We just need to get Beverly’s stuffed squirrel,” Sirius said.
“Larry?” Remus asked. He narrowed his eyes and wondered how exactly Sirius planned on getting the squirrel.
“Exactly,” Sirius continued. He began to walk down the hall with the Marauders tailing after him. “We get the squirrel. Then, we find Snape. We show him the squirrel and pretend that it’s real. Then, I pet the squirrel. When I don’t freak out, he’ll know that I’m not afraid of squirrels anymore.”
“But you are afraid of squirrels,” Peter stated, confused.
“But he won’t know that. So he won’t be able to blackmail me.”
“But he will still be able to blackmail you because it will still be true.”
“But he won’t know that it’s still true, so he won’t still blackmail me,” Sirius insisted.
“But it’s still true.”
“But I’m right, so quit it!” Sirius shouted, rounding on Peter. He stood there for a few moments, practically growling at Peter’s cowering form. Then, just as suddenly, he backed off and turned to the other two instead. “Now,” he continued, “we just need to find Beverly and convince her to let us borrow Larry.”
“How do you exactly plan on doing that?” Remus asked.
“I have my ways,” Sirius replied in a mysterious whisper.
Remus glanced at Peter, who was still recovering, and wisely chose to not push the subject.
~
They soon found Beverly in the library. She sat at a table near the back with her pet squirrel. It seemed from a distance that she was talking to herself. When they approached her table, however, they realized that she was talking to Larry.
“I can’t believe that mean girl would say her shoes made better pets than you. You don’t smell like those trainers of hers. Professor McGonagall gave me so much homework today. I think she hates me. You’re lucky that the teachers don’t assign pets homework,” she rambled on.
As the Marauders walked closer, she looked up from her textbook. “Oh, hello,” she said. Beverly then turned to the squirrel next to her. “Say hello, Larry. It’s polite.” She smiled cheerfully and turned back to face the Marauders.
Sirius fought to not gag and succeeded with a horrible grimace. “Hello, Beverly,” he choked out. “Could I ask you for a favor?”
Beverly smiled wider, if possible. “Anything for you, Sirius.”
James, Remus, and Peter looked away and pretended not to listen. Sirius found this lack of support less than reassuring. He rubbed his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t mind if I borrow Larry for a little while, then, right?”
Shocked, Beverly jerked back in her seat, her eyes wide. “Borrow Larry? What for?”
“I need him to help me with something.”
She looked at the stuffed squirrel. “What do you think, Larry?” She waited for a response, nodding her head along to whatever Larry was presumably saying. “I thought so, too.” Beverly looked back to Sirius. “We want to know why I should let him help you.”
Sirius leaned towards her and put on his best girl-fainting smile. “Remember our… great… date a few months ago?” He barely caught himself before saying “catastrophic” instead.
Beverly smiled again. “I’m dating someone else, now, Sirius.”
Peter collapsed on the floor, gagging. Sirius nimbly blocked Beverly’s view of him and held her chin to divert her attention.
“Are you sure about that, Bev?” he asked in the most charming voice he could muster. His smoldering eyes locked with hers. She couldn’t possibly look away. Within moments, his hypnotizing stare had mesmerized her.
“Well, now that you mention it…” she whispered feebly.
Sirius grinned. “I’ll bring Larry back before you know it.” He let go of her chin and reached for the stuffed squirrel. His fingers were only centimeters away when its nose twitched.
Sirius jerked his hand back with the reflexes of a Quidditch player and stumbled backwards. Beverly burst out laughing loud enough to attract Madame Pince’s attention. At her evil glare, Beverly blushed and shushed herself as best as she could. James, meanwhile, helped Sirius regain his balance. Remus took a closer look at Larry, and Peter gasped for breath on the ground.
“The Animatrix charm,” Remus said in awe.
Beverly finally stifled her laughter and nodded. “That’s the one. I could only make his nose twitch, though.”
“So, it’s not alive?” Sirius asked.
“Of course he’s alive!” Beverly replied indignantly.
James grabbed Larry from the table. “Of course he is.” Before Beverly could say anything else, he spun around and rushed out of the library with the other Marauders.
“That girl’s insane,” Peter finally managed to splutter on their way out.
Sirius nodded energetically, staring at the animated squirrel. “You got that right.”
Peter hugged himself. “I think I’m gonna need another painkiller.” All the retching had created a stitch in his side.
“Nevermind that,” interrupted Remus. “Sirius, what are you going to do about Beverly? You have a date with Claire tonight and you’re already wooing other girls. Besides, I thought you hated your last date with Beverly.” He planted a severe look on his face, perfected from his time as a prefect.
Sirius held up his hands, faking innocence. “Give me some credit, mate. I only asked Bev if she had a boyfriend, nothing more.”
“Yes, but you implied something more,” insisted Remus. “I don’t like it. What if you break her heart?”
“Don’t worry about it, Moony,” Sirius said. He turned to James. “You don’t think I’ll break her heart, do you?”
James stared down at the squirrel in his hands. “Don’t ask me. I’ve only ever loved one girl.”
~
There was a clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight. The trees were covered in bright green leaves. Birds were singing in the branches. Flowers were just beginning to appear. All in all, it was a beautiful spring day lost on the Marauders. They did not stop to enjoy the weather. Instead, Remus and Peter waited on the edge of the courtyard while James and Sirius walked up to a group of boys huddled together. It was time to put Sirius’ “best plan ever” into action.
“Snivellus!” James shouted, hiding Larry behind his back. The group of boys turned to look at the two Marauders. One stepped forward out of the throng.
“What now, Potter?” Snape asked venomously, already reaching to draw his wand.
“We have a surprise for you, Snivelly,” Sirius said.
Snape stopped and folded his arms. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. I’m not afraid of “” He stopped and glanced around at the Slytherins surrounding Snape. “I mean, I’m not afraid of… you.”
Snape laughed, and his friends laughed along. “Really? Prove it.”
James pulled Larry out from behind him and balanced the stuffed toy on the palm of his hand. Sirius took a deep breath. He reached out his shaking hand and gently petted Larry’s fur. The squirrel twitched its nose, but Sirius resisted the urge to yank his hand away.
For a second, it almost seemed as if Snape had bought the stunt. That is, until a smug look appeared on his face. “Black, you do realize that that’s a stuffed animal?” Snape asked.
A look of horror overcame Sirius’ own face at his plan’s failure. “Time to go,” he said to James and then, grabbing his friend’s arm, bolted for an quick escape.
“I hope you’ve been practicing your singing!” Snape shouted for everyone to hear.
With the Slytherins cackling behind them, James and Sirius sped past Remus and Peter out of the courtyard. Peter chased after them, but Remus merely shook his head, grinning to himself as he followed his frantic friends. Sirius could devise cunning plans for pranks in an instant, yet he couldn’t plan a single way to save himself when a good plan was needed the most.
Sirius' Serious Squirrel Secret by The Scribbler
Chapter Notes: Sirius hatches a plan to once and for all silence Snape. Will it work? Throw into the mix a girl who likes to play pretend, a stuffed squirrel named Larry and a scoffing Slytherin. You do the math.