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Snape and Sirius’ certain doom waited on the other side of the heavy wooden door.
“We could skip class and pretend we’re sick,” James suggested for the seventh time.
Sirius stood with one hand on the handle, debating whether or not to enter the classroom. On one hand, Snape would reveal his secret to the school if he didn’t. On the other hand, serenading McGonagall in front of the class would be almost as humiliating. He was tempted to take James up on the offer.
He set his jaw and shook his head. He would not “ could not “ wimp out. Snape had given him a dare and as sure as he despised his mother’s cooking, he would fulfill the dare. With a heroic effort, Sirius swung the door wide open. He strode in with his head held high, the breeze from the door’s motion blowing through his hair. Several girls in the room sighed at the sight. One fainted. All eyes watched him and his entourage walk to their seats. Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, feeling as if he had power over the entire world.
“Twenty points from Gryffindor.”
His eyes snapped open. Everyone took their eyes off of him to see Professor McGonagall standing at the front of the room. She glared dangerously at the Marauders.
“Twenty points? From your own house?” Sirius barked at her, a bad choice on his part. The other Marauders were wise enough to sit down without question.
McGonagall’s expression became even more threatening. “Enough of the theatrics, Mr. Black. Five points each since you boys are late. If you would like to debate, I would not hesitate to mark more.”
Peter tugged on Sirius’ sleeve, silently pleading with him to sit down. Sirius grudgingly complied.
“Good,” McGonagall said. The girl who had fainted moaned, regaining consciousness. “Miss Toppin, kindly escort Miss White to the Hospital Wing.” Toppin wrapped one of White’s arms around her neck and stumbled out of the room with White barely managing to walk beside her. As soon as they had left, McGonagall returned to her desk. “Today, you will read chapter 27 in your textbooks. Make sure to memorize the different methods to transform various objects into drinkable water.”
James poked Sirius hard with his quill once the classroom was silent except for the flapping of pages.
Sirius grabbed the quill from him. “I don’t need a scar to match yours from Tic-Tac-Toe,” he hissed. “What is it?”
“Now’s the perfect time,” James whispered back. “Get going and be done with it.”
Sirius chewed his lip, wondering what he would sing. With a deep breath, he pushed back his chair and walked up to McGonagall’s desk. Before she even looked up from her planned curriculum, he fell to one knee and burst into song… literally.
Best to embarrass yourself as loud as possible if at all, Sirius thought and sucked in air until his lungs were at full capacity. “Oh!” he cried at the highest decibel he could manage. A few more and he might have been able to shatter James’ glasses. “You’re the one for me! Listen to my song! My only true love, no other could be!”
McGonagall sat in shock, plastered against the back of her chair by Sirius’ voice. Sirius took another lungful of air and continued onto the next verse. “With your stiff brown bun and flowing green robes! Your wrinkly white skin, it shines like the sun!” The class stared in dumbfounded silence. Many of the girls, who had previously admired Sirius as he walked in, covered their ears.
“Oh!” Sirius started again, ignoring McGonagall’s expression. “With spectacles shiny and a cute round “!”
“Mr. Black!” Professor McGonagall shrieked, finding her voice. She jumped to her feet in case force would be necessary to prevent him from resuming the song. “Cease the racket at once and return to your seat! Twenty more points from Gryffindor!”
Furious, Sirius clamped his mouth shut and tried to act calm while everyone else in the class laughed. Twenty more points for singing! And the entire class laughing at his ridiculous stunt! He glanced in Snape’s direction. Snape could hardly breathe from guffawing along with the rest. Good, Sirius thought. Maybe he’ll suffocate and this whole mess will be over with. While McGonagall tried to quiet the class again, Sirius watched Snape a few minutes longer. Alas, no matter how hard he wished, his dream simply did not come true.
Sirius spent the rest of the class listening to quiet giggles and hushed whispers from the other students. Once they were free to leave, he jumped out of his chair and rushed for the door, the other Marauders trailing behind him. He slipped behind a nearby tapestry onto a hidden staircase. He wanted a few minutes of privacy before his stunt was spread throughout Hogwarts. As the four of them walked up the stairs, Remus pulled the phobia-breaking book from his bag.
“Oh, not that again!” Sirius complained.
Remus began flipping through the pages. “If you don’t want to repeat a public stunt like that, then we’re going to have to cure you somehow. If you have any other suggestions, you better speak up. Otherwise, this is our only solution.”
“He’s got a point,” James said.
Sirius let his shoulders droop in defeat. “I know. So, what’s the next step?”
Remus found the page he wanted and started to trace the words with his finger. “It says for step three that you need to start by imagining your fear in your mind,” he said.
“Do I have to?”
“Stop complaining. Now, visualize a squirrel as a big, ugly monster.”
“Well, that’s not too hard.” Sirius closed his eyes and promptly tripped on the next stair. Peter, who was following a little too closely, fell on top of him. “Ugh! Get off of me, you git!” Sirius growled to Peter before glaring up at Remus.
“That went well,” James piped up mockingly. “Don’t you think so, Moony?”
“I knew Sirius was stupid, but I didn’t expect him to be that stupid,” Remus replied, rolling his eyes.
“Hey! I’m laying right here, you know,” Sirius said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll just wait until I can talk behind your back, then,” Remus teased. He slammed the book closed and started up the stairs again. “Come on. We can’t afford to lose points for being late to Charms, too.”
At that moment, a young boy tore open the tapestry at the bottom of the stairs. “There you are!” he yelled far too loudly and rushed up toward the group. He stopped in front of Sirius who was just standing to his feet. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
“And who are you?” Sirius asked him.
The boy grinned and thrust a folded piece of parchment toward Sirius. “I brought you a message.”
Sirius gingerly took the note as if it could explode without the proper caution. “Er… right.” The boy stared at him, still bearing a wide grin. “Well, if that’s all….” The boy did not respond. Sirius stared back at him, quickly becoming uncomfortable. “Thank you?”
With those final words, the boy turned around and disappeared behind the tapestry. Sirius looked to James, Remus, and Peter and shook his head. “I swear the First Years keep getting weirder every year.”
“If I remember First Year correctly,” Remus said as he continued up the stairs again, “you were worse.”
Sirius bit back a retort and opened his note. Immediately, he groaned. James grabbed the paper from his hands and read it out loud.
You call that singing? Pathetic. This isn’t over.
Meet me in the dungeons after dinner.
Severus Snape
“Looks like you’re going to miss that hot date tonight,” James remarked. Sirius groaned louder. “Aw, don’t worry, mate. We’ll go with you and get that sniveling little rat. Then you can meet up with your Ravenclaw blonde.”
“I still can’t help thinking meeting Snape won’t end well.” Sirius shook himself and headed up the stairs.
Sirius' Serious Squirrel Secret by The Scribbler
Chapter Notes: With no alternative, Sirius finally has to carry out Snape's immature orders and serenade Professor McGonagall. Can he stomach the humiliation?