Abby knew it was too soon to hear back from Sirius, but she still rushed to the mailbox when she heard the mailman walk off the porch. She regretted her words as soon as she mailed the letter to him, and immediately written another to apologise.
As she pulled the mail out of the box, her mind wandered to the one passage in the first letter, she wished she had never written.
I don’t understand how you can tell me you love me and then in the next line, tell me you are going to leave the safety of Grimmauld Place. You won’t leave Harry and come here, which I do understand. However, how will risking your life help him? What about me? All I can tell you is I have lived these past years perfectly fine without you. If you choose to do something reckless, then I just don’t care.
Abby’s breath caught as she saw the familiar Hogwarts seal. She rushed back into the house and threw the rest of the mail onto the foyer table as she tore open the letter.
My dearest Abigail,
It is my sad duty to tell you that Sirius was killed last night at the Ministry of Magic. He was battling with Bellatrix Lestrange when one of her spells sent him falling through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries.
He was fighting to save Harry and some of his fellow classmates who were out-numbered. I know it is small comfort to you that he died a hero.
I know Sirius sent you across the pond to keep you safe and I ask that you remain there for the time being. Your coming back here would not help anything and it is at the present time too dangerous and in my opinion, not necessary.
I wish to ensure you that the secret of your relationship with Sirius will stay just that; a secret. I have not confided your location to Remus, though he has asked. If you wish to speak with him I will serve as middleman as I have done these past few years between you and Sirius.
I must also tell you that unfortunately, your last letter did not arrive in time for me to give it to him. I had only given him the first one two days ago, and the second came yesterday.
My deepest sympathies lie with you.
Albus
Abby’s knee buckled. Sirius was dead. Abby lay collapsed on the floor of the foyer for hours, unmoving, unaware of the passage of time. One thought continued to run through her mind, Sirius is dead, Sirius is dead. Over and over, words never changing.
Suddenly Abby stood, she looked down at the letter in her hand. Without conscious thought, she reached out and flipped the table in the foyer over. Her crazed screams rang through the house. The table, which broke apart on impact with the floor, lay in pieces at her feet.
She barely noticed them as she walked into the living room. She walked over to the bookshelves and looked at the pictures she had there. Pictures of James and Lily sat alongside pictures of herself with Sirius. She picked up the one from their wedding day and stared at the man whom she loved more than life itself.
“You lied to me,” she said. “You promised me you would always stay safe. You would be careful. How could you lie to me? How could you leave me, leave your son?” Abby threw the picture across the room. The fact that Sirius did not know about his son didn’t register in her crazed mind.
The small knickknacks sitting along the other shelves were the next to fly across the room and into the walls. When the shelves held nothing but the pictures, she turned and looked around the room with glazed eyes.
As she walked out of the room, she knocked over the coffee table. The kitchen was her next stop. She kept repeating, “You lied to me.” Her anger and grief lead to the total destruction of everything in the kitchen.
The first to go were the glasses and plates in the cabinets. With each crash of breaking glass, her broken heart pounded harder. When the cabinets were emptied, she grabbed each of the kitchen chairs and smashed them against the wall. She grabbed the table with both hands and tipped it over.
As she left the kitchen and walked up the stairs, the tears began. They fell unchecked down her face as she walked into her bedroom. She spotted her diary on her nightstand. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she opened it to the last entry.
Through her tears, she read:
I can’t believe I sent that letter. What was I thinking? To tell him I didn’t care? How could I have been so cruel? My only hope is Albus received my letter asking him to destroy that letter. I can only imagine what Sirius would do if he reads those words. I know Harry is important to him. He feels so responsible for James and Lily’s deaths. I only hope he realises I only said what I did out of anger and frustration. If he only knew about Skylar maybe he would be here with us now. No, I can’t second guess myself. I choose not to tell him, not until we can be together.
Abby grabbed the ink pen sitting next to the bed. She began writing:
My hope Sirius would never read those cruel words was for naught. He did read them. And now he is dead. I told him I didn’t care if he did something reckless. I told him I didn’t care and now he is dead. How can I live in a world where he doesn’t exist? All these years I have survived because he survived. My love, my life. Gone, gone, gone...
Abby’s tears began to fall harder, drops of them smearing the ink on the pages. She shut the diary and threw it across the room. She drew her knees up to her chest and sobbed out his name. Rocking, she repeated his name over and over again.
*****
When Skylar opened the front door, he knew instantly something was very wrong. He yelled for his mother and receiving no answer began to search for her. He paid no attention to the letter laying crumbled on the floor as he rushed into the living room.
As he looked around at the shattered knickknacks, he noticed a picture among them. Walking over, he picked it up. He looked from the picture of his mother and father’s wedding to the shelves. No other picture was moved.
Standing, he again called for his mother. He ran to the kitchen and the destruction he found there was worse than in the living room. As he left the kitchen and crossed through the foyer towards the stairs, he spotted the crumbled letter on the floor. Hoping it held a clue to what happened, he bent and picked it up.
As he read the words, he understood. He stood and rushed up the stairs and without knocking, ran into his mother’s room.
Abby sat on the bed hugging her knees to her chest. She was rocking back and forth whispering Sirius over and over again. Skylar slowly approached the bed. He didn’t know what to do. His mother had always been strong and he couldn’t ever remember her breaking down like this.
“Mom?” he said gently as he sat next to her on the bed.
Abby lifted her eyes to look at him. Her eyes were blank and Skylar could tell she wasn’t really seeing him.
“Sirius?” she asked as she raised a hand to his face.
“No, Mom, I’m not him,” he said softly. Skylar didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he should call his friend, Rick, and ask his mother to come over.
“No, Sirius is dead. It’s my fault, you know. I told him...I told him...” Her voice broke and she began chanting, “He’s dead. He’s dead.”
Skylar was really scared now. His mother didn’t even recognise him. He stood and left the room. He would call Mrs Peterson and ask her to come over. Skylar was thankful his mother had agreed to have a Muggle telephone installed in their house at his and Rick’s insistence it would make their life ‘so much easier’ if they could talk to each other this way.
Mrs Peterson assured Skylar she would be there momentarily. Skylar had barely hung up the phone when there was a Crack behind him and Mrs Peterson was turning him around to draw him into a hug. Skylar leaned into her embrace for a moment before spotting Rick standing next to his mother. He pulled out of her arms.
“Mom’s upstairs,” he said. “I guess I should start cleaning up this mess.”
Mrs Peterson looked around and drawing her wand began repairing the damage. When she finished in the kitchen, she went into the foyer and then the living room. When she was finished, she looked at the two boys.
“Now, put everything back where it belongs while I go up and talk to your mother,” she said to Skylar. “And you help him,” she instructed her son. Both boys began picking up the various repaired items that littered the floor. Neither boy spoke as they worked.
***
Sandra Peterson opened the bedroom door slowly. She quickly took in the scene in front of her. She had expected Abby to be in rough shape from Skylar’s frantic call, but the scene that greeted her shocked her.
“Abby,” she said as she sat on the bed, “look at me.” When Abby didn’t respond, Sandra lifted Abby’s face and tried to get her to focus on her. “I am so sorry about Sirius.”
“He’s dead,” Abby said flatly. “He lied to me and he left me alone.”
“You aren’t alone. You have Skylar, you have to think about Skylar,” Sandra said. Sandra didn’t know if this was the right thing to do, to try to bring Abby back to reality using Skylar, but she was at a loss as to what to say to her friend.
“Skylar?” Abby replied looking towards the door.
“Yes, Skylar. He needs you, honey. He needs his mother,” Sandra told her gently.
“No, Skylar needs his father. He needs Sirius. I need Sirius.” Abby looked around the room. “He’s dead, Sirius is dead.” Tears again started falling unchecked down Abby’s face. She laid back on the pillows and curled into a ball. Her sobs broken only by her chant of Sirius.
Sandra carefully pulled the covers over Abby. She laid down next to her and wrapped her arms around Abby. She murmured words of comfort though she knew Abby was beyond hearing them. When Abby slipped into an uneasy sleep an hour later, Sandra got up from the bed carefully as not to wake her.
She knew she had to deal with a young boy who just lost his father. A father he had never known and now would never know. She also knew he quite possibly had just lost his mother to grief and a broken heart. Sighing, she walked out of the room and down the stairs.
Over the next hour, Sandra tried her best to comfort Skylar. She had finally overrode his objections about leaving his mother and going home with Rick. She took both boys by slide-along Apparation home and quickly explained the situation to her husband. Once she reassured Skylar again that she would stay with his mother, she went back to Abby.
When she walked into Abby’s bedroom, she sensed something was different. Abby still lay in bed, but it was clear she had been out of bed in the time that Sandra was gone. Abby still lay on her side, curled into a fetal position, but she held a picture frame in her arms and was staring blankly at it.
As she approached the bed, Sandra could see it was a picture of Sirius. She sat down on the opposite side of the bed and called Abby’s name. There was no response from Abby. Sandra reached out and carefully brushed Abby’s hair away from her face.
“Abby?” she called again. There was still no response. Sighing, she wondered what she should do. She knew Abby was in shock, but the unresponsiveness was beginning to worry her.
“I told him if he did something reckless that I didn’t care. It’s all my fault he is dead. And I never...he never knew...about Skylar.” Abby’s voice cracked on her son’s name. Abby suddenly reached out and grabbed Sandra’s arm, her eyes burning with intensity.
“I need you to promise me something,” she began, “I need you to promise me you will take care of Skylar. He will be alone now, and I need to know he will be taken care of.”
“Abby, what are you talking about? He isn’t alone, he has you,” Sandra answered quickly. She was getting more scared by the minute by her friend’s strange behaviour.
“Promise me,” Abby implored as she shook her head.
“I promise, but-”
Abby cut her off, “He will be safe with you. Help him to understand, I can’t live without Sirius. He was my life, my heart and soul. I am so empty, so empty now.” Abby’s voice trailed off and her eyes once again stared at the picture of Sirius.
Sandra was scared. Had Abby taken something? Did she intend to commit suicide? Sandra stood and looked around. She rushed to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She breathed a sigh of relief when she found nothing in there that could be taken to commit suicide. She rushed back into the bedroom and began going through the dresser drawers starting with the nightstands.
When she was certain there were no medications anywhere in the room, she left and went to search the rest of the house.
***
Abby turned her head and looked across the room. Standing in the middle of the room was Sirius. She knew logically he couldn’t be standing in her bedroom, but her heart reacted instantly.
“Sirius, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed as she looked at him. She wanted to rush to him, but strangely her body felt heavy and she couldn’t move.
“I know, love,” he answered simply and held out his hand to her.
Abby’s body suddenly felt light and she didn’t hesitate to rush to take his hand. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said as she lifted up onto her toes to kiss him. As they kissed, they faded from sight.
***
Once her search was complete, she went into the kitchen. Just as Skylar was thankful for the telephone earlier, she was now. She called a friend of hers who worked as a grief counsellor.
She quickly explained the situation and her friend agreed this was something to worry about. Sandra was instructed not to leave Abby alone and was told her friend would be right over to help. Hanging up the phone, Sandra went back upstairs.
The first thing she noticed when she walked into the room was Abby’s eyes were closed. As she approached the bed, she realised Abby had a small smile on her face but she wasn’t breathing. Sandra raced back down the stairs to call an ambulance. After receiving instructions on how to do CPR, she raced back up the stairs.
When the ambulance arrived and took over Abby’s care from Sandra, she knew it was too late. Abby had given up and died from a broken heart. Sandra now had to go and tell Skylar what had happened. She was grateful to her friend who had shown up just after the doctor that the ambulance had called left.
Together, they went to Sandra’s to tell the young boy, he was now an orphan.
A Broken Heart Stops by mudbloodproud
Story Notes:
The suicide warning is not for intentional but for mention of possible suicide.
Chapter Notes: I wish to thank my friend and beta, Alyssa (harry4lif).
Credit must also go to Garth Brooks and his song Beaches of Cheyenne for inspiring this story.
Anything you may recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling. I can only take credit for Abby and Skylar. I am thankful to her to be able to play in this world for a time.
Chapter Endnotes: Remember, you can read more of Abby's story with Sirius in Love Beyond Forever and Skylar's story in The Unknown Heir.
Thanks for reading.