Chapter 6 Too Numb To Cry
Harry and Ginny stood there alone by the staircase, exchanging quick glances at each other and feeling very embarrassed and confused. Now that they realized they had to explain themselves to each other, it occurred to them that dealing with Ron and Hermione’s questions earlier weren’t that difficult after all. A ray of sunlight had lit up the room at this point, lighting up their faces more. Both could now clearly see how very red and flustered they both were. The silence was becoming more awkward and choking by the second.
Finally, Harry took a very deep breath and blurted out nervously, “So…Hmm…Rough night? Couldn’t sleep either?”
“……………” Ginny stood there with her head down, motionless.
“You were there, too?” Harry continued.
“……………” She didn’t answer.
Thanks for saving me back there,” Harry mumbled.
“……………”
Harry gave her a quick glance and then continued hesitantly, his voice weakening and his face started to contort, “At the church, weren’t you…and me…and we…”
Ginny quickly raised her hand and covered his mouth. She gazed deeply into his sparkling green eyes as she carefully adjusted his glasses back on his face, and proceeded to stroke his bangs gently to the side, revealing his lightning scar. He gently placed his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.
Then images of his parents’ death and what happened to godfather Sirius suddenly crashed into Harry’s mind, as well as the chilling and terrifying screams that were piercing his ears. He broke off their gaze, released his hold on Ginny, and walked away. Ginny stood there bewildered and began to blink very quickly. She was speechless and numb but she could foretell the disappointment that was about to follow.
“I am sorry, Ginny. I…can’t…” Harry stuttered, pulling his face down and turning his back towards her, trying to sound assertive, ”I…just can’t…Sorry.”
Biting his lip, he stormed past Ginny and ran upstairs. She could hear a loud bang from his slamming the bedroom door shut. Too numb to cry, she found herself by the staircase under the mistletoe, standing alone next to a ray of sunlight.
For the next few days, Ginny managed to surprise herself by not shedding a tear over what happened. It was very much business as usual, except for the fact that she kept replaying what happened at the church that night. These visions and sensations were pure in her mind; she could still see how handsome Harry was without his glasses, the feel of the aroma from Harry’s skin against her cheeks, and his warm arm gently caressing her back. She still believed it was a dream but then why did she have his broken glasses and clothes, she thought to herself. She knew she wasn’t mad at Harry, but more like indifferent towards him. Her mind was still confused though. Occasionally she would wonder why he rejected her in such a cruel way that morning even though she was pretty sure he had feelings for her, judging by the way he looked at her. Perhaps he was embarrassed with what happened at the church, she thought to herself. For her, what happened at the church, regardless of whether it was real or not, would now be her most memorable and beautiful experience she had with him. However, although that experience would forever be imprinted in her heart, she had decided that it would also be her last. She knew she had to move on because clearly they were not meant to be. She also wanted to keep her sanity intact too.
“Still hurting from the fall the other day? Why are you still staring at the map?” Ron asked Harry, who was lying in his bed, “The school is practically deserted.”
“Oh, nothing in particular,” Harry replied, staring at the footsteps labeled, “Ginny Weasley,” who was in her room. Hermione was there too.
“Listen, I know you were hurt so you didn’t come down with us for Christmas. But Hagrid invited us all to his place for New Year’s Eve today. You have to come with us this time. Hermione is worried about you, especially after what happened that night with the nightmare and your accident. It is unlike you to fall that bad and injure yourself like that. She thinks it is a curse or jinx or something. Fred and George will be there, Ginny too…Hagrid said even Dumbledore is coming. Harry, Harry, are you listening to me?”
“What? Oh, you go ahead. I’ll catch you later.”
Ron took one last look at him, sighed, and left the room, shaking his head.
At least on the surface, it was clear that Harry had not been able to cope with this situation with as much success as Ginny. He knew he was in no condition and mood to party. It wasn’t the physical injuries that were bothering him; he had far worse injuries before. But he found himself very distracted and confused, constantly thinking about Ginny. He couldn't put into words to convince himself why he rejected her the way he did that morning; it just seemed like the right thing to do at that moment. But then he felt he wasn’t ready to see her at this time either, especially after storming past her and leaving her standing alone by the staircase like that.
The past few days he just kept replaying the images at the church and similar to Ginny, was also debating whether the dream was real or not. Questions just kept popping up, like why she had his glasses and clothes, his injured hand... Pulling out the ragged blue cloth from inside his Firebolt box, he wondered whether she really saved his life that night or not. The cloth was still unwashed and stained with dry blood. Staring at it, he could still remember the pure scent of her red hair as she rested her head on his chest at the church. Shaking his head, he couldn’t get more confused and overwhelmed at this point now. Perhaps a breath of fresh air will clear his mind, he thought to himself. He tucked the cloth in his pocket, grabbed the firebolt, and flew out of the room.
My Guardian Angel by gossipweaver
Chapter Notes: Dawn usually symbolizes happy beginnings, but Ginny finds herself too numb to cry.