Here I am, this is me.
There's no where else on earth
I'd rather be.
Here we are - we've just begun.
And after all this time - our time has come.
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong.
-Bryan Adams
For what felt like the hundredth time that night, Cedrella bent her knees into a curtsy. One, two, three, smile, rise, two, three, she counted inside her head, feeling her muscles tighten and listening for the gentle whispering of chiffon on velvet as her skirts brushed the carpet.
“Miss Black. A pleasure, as always.”
“And yourself, Mr. Selwyn,” Cedrella said courteously, dipping her head once more. She did not like Robert Selwyn”he had oily hair and an equally oily look in his eyes whenever they were directed at her”but it hardly mattered. He was the host, and at any rate his moronic son Rodney was already betrothed, so she had nothing to fear from him, as long as she kept out of dark corners when he was around.
“Mr. Selwyn, have you met my younger sister, Charis?” Cedrella gestured for Charis, who had been hovering behind her all the while, to come forward, and watched carefully as her sister swept Robert Selwyn a curtsey, counting in her head once again. One, two, three, smile, rise, two, three. She silently let out a breath she’d been holding, as Charis completed perhaps not as graceful a curtsey as her own, but certainly an acceptable one.
“Another young Black. Delighted, Miss Charis, delighted… so you must be fourteen now?” Cedrella watched Robert Selwyn’s eyes. He was still looking at her, even though he was speaking to her sister. Scumbag, Cedrella thought viciously, and then checked herself. She hitched a serene smile back onto her face.
Charis did not seem to have noticed the nonverbal exchange between her sister and the older man, or perhaps she had too much sense to comment on it. “Yes, sir, I turned fourteen last week,” she told him proudly. “You must have seen the notice in the papers, we had the most grand party…”
Cedrella took the opportunity to vanish into the crowd, though she kept an eye on her sister from a distance. It was, after all, Charis’ first formal party, and Cedrella would feel responsible if anything went wrong. Especially with the curtsey, the perfect curtsey that all Black women carried off with such elegance and ease. Cedrella herself had been taught the curtsey, right before her first formal party by her older sister Callidora. And she had understood, from the way her dark-haired and imposing sister had presented it, that she was learning a sacred bit of family lore, one of the many little things that set Black women apart in grace, style, and manners... Cedrella had tried to convey the same significance to bubbly, airheaded Charis when her turn came, but quite frankly she was glad that Charis was the youngest, because she wasn’t sure her sister had picked up on it.
For the next hour, she milled about the guests, greeting them when she had to, avoiding them when it wasn’t obvious, and sipping at a tiny glass of red wine that she plucked from one of the trays carried around like roving tables by the house elves. She kept an eye on Charis all the while, focusing all of her thoughts on her sister so that they wouldn’t stray down other paths, such as "my dress is so tight I can’t breathe" or "this is dead boring." If she was honest with herself, Cedrella knew that she disliked these parties, and she also knew that everyone else probably did too. However, Cedrella was rarely honest with herself. It tended to lead her thoughts down dangerous paths.
A string quartet, hired for the night, began to play, and the evening’s dancing began. Cedrella accepted the proffered arm of Edward Potter, and they danced a slow waltz around the ballroom, Cedrella maneuvering carefully she wouldn’t tread on the clumsy older boy’s shoes. As the evening went on, and Cedrella danced with Rodney Selwyn (idiot), Harfang Longbotton (Calidora’s husband), Robert Selwyn (slime ball), her father (an obligation), Caspar Crouch (tolerable) and several other faceless purebloods, Cedrella tried to fix her troublesome thoughts firmly on one thing: her departure for Hogwarts in two days time. She would start her sixth year, and sometimes Cedrella thought that it was the only thing keeping her going. She loved Hogwarts: it was peaceful, simple, a place where she was free to study whatever she liked, to stimulate her mind, to be outdoors, to see the owls… No, she mustn’t think of that now. She would not. By Salazar, why could she not keep her blasted thoughts in control? She was so good at everything else.
**
That night after the party was over at last, Cedrella, her sister, and her parents returned to their manor house in London. Her father headed straight to his study without changing out of his stiff, high-collared robes. Her mother, an aging woman with grey streaked hair and a large nose, told her daughters they had been good and swept quickly off to her rooms, calling for the house elf. Cedrella had a suspicion that her mother was quite eager to remove the extremely tight corset she wore. Cedrella herself climbed the two flights of stairs up to her bedroom. Charis followed without speaking.
“Well, how did it go?” Cedrella asked her sister, the moment they had closed the door.
Charis dropped onto Cedrella’s vanity chair with a dreamy expression. “It was wonderful.”
Cedrella raised her eyebrows. There many words she might use to describe the Selwyn’s annual Summer Ball”stifling, boring, and exhausting were the kinder ones”but wonderful was not one of them.
Charis laughed at Cedrella’s skeptical expression. “What?”
“Nothing,” Cedrella said, moving to help her sister removed her hairpins. “You always surprise me, that’s all. What was so particularly wonderful about it?”
Charis sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Well”“
“Posture,” Cedrella interrupted, poking her sister between the shoulder blades. Charis pouted at her in the mirror and Cedrella smiled back reluctantly. Her sister was both endearing and naive.
“Anyway,” Charis continued, sitting up straight once more, “it was grand not to have to stay upstairs watching all the babies. Don’t you remember what it was like, stuck being the babysitter when you could hear all the fine music and dancing and smell the fine food from downstairs… its been even worse since you started going to parties because the only girls my age are boring old Dorea and that awful Roselyn Nott. Last time baby Lydia Prince barfed all over my gown and it was disgusting! But today I danced with Caspar Crouch, and Armand Rosier, and Roselyn and Miss I’m-just-going-to-read-a-fat-book-now-thanks Dorea were still stuck up there with all the babies. Ha!”
Cedrella burst out laughing; she could not help it. Charis managed to look offended for a moment, and then she started to giggle too. It took Cedrella two full minutes to stop laughing. She, too, remembered the thrill of her first party with the grown ups, showing off that she was a Black woman of note, not a kid. Of course things had changed since then, and the parties had lost all the fun. But looking at Charis’ flushed, happy face, Cedrella decided not to mention this.
“Well, your curtsies did me proud,” she said. “I was watching you the whole time. Your manners are impeccable”second best, I’d say.”
“And who’s first best, sister mine?”
Cedrella flashed a rare, mischievous smile. “Me, of course. Need you ask?”
Charis giggled. “I suppose not,” she said. “I wasn’t the one with every boy’s eyes on me, after all.”
Cedrella paused in the methodical removal of her sister’s hairpins and frowned. “You say that like it’s a good thing.”
“Of course it’s a good thing, silly. They were all staring at you, even Rodney and Armand, and they’re betrothed! Why, even some of the fathers were looking at you”“
“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Cedrella begged.
Charis giggled. “But they were! Robert Selwyn couldn’t take his slimy little eyes off you”“
“Charis,’ Cedrella said seriously. “You can’t talk like that. Go ahead and think it, that’s fine. I was thinking the same thing, about Mr. Selwyn. I have bad thoughts all the time. But Father would flay you alive for talking like that. It’s gossiping, Charis, and you can’t gossip. Do you want to end up the next Bernice Mulciber? It doesn’t matter what I look like, as long as I’ve got class and manners and pure blood! I’ll be married off to a rich pureblood man no matter what I look like, as long as I’ve got that!”
There was a silence, during which Charis looked cowed and scared and Cedrella cursed herself inwardly for taking her bitter thoughts out on her sister. Discipline was one thing, ranting at her was quite another.
“You’re right, Cedrella, I’m sorry,” Charis murmured at last. Her eyes were big and frightened.
Cedrella sighed, regretting her outburst. She stroked the kinks out of her sister’s hair. “You don’t have to apologize, Charis. I shouldn’t have said it. I’m just trying”I just want us both to succeed. And I worry about you, with your friends and your gossip and your giggling. I know you have more fun than I do, but”oh, Charis, I don’t know. I just don’t want you to end up like Bernice.” She did not say the other reason for her bitterness, that she hated the attention, hated being beautiful, and never wanted to get married.
“I know,” Charis said, still in the same small voice. Then she smiled. “At least I’ll never be as ugly as Bernice is.”
Cedrella bit her cheek to keep from laughing, but she smiled anyway. “Don’t congratulate yourself yet. Its not an incredible feat to be prettier than Bernice Mulciber.”
Two pairs of grey eyes met in the mirror, and they both burst into laughter once more, the tension forgotten. Cedrella felt happy, as she joked and talked with her sister. How she craved this, this camaraderie, closeness, and openness. Neither of them really had to explain anything, for they understood each other perfectly. Cedrella did not tell her sister everything, but all the same Charis Black knew her better than any other human on the planet. They looked out for one another”or rather, Cedrella looked out for Charis. As for Cedrella, who followed the family rules (both spoken and unspoken) religiously and had never had a friend in her life, these times with her sister were happier than any other.
Soldiers by dominiqueweasley
Chapter Notes: Meet Cedrella Black and her sister, Charis. They may be perfect on the outside, but we can already see some turmoil in Cedrella's mind.