*
I’m sick of summer and this waiting around
Yeah it’s September and I’m skipping this town
Hey it’s no mystery, there’s nothing here for me now
I’ve got to get back to Hogwarts,
I’ve got to get back to school
I’ve got to get back to Hogwarts
Where everything is magicoooool
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts
Goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
It’s all that I love and all that I need
At Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I’m going back.
-A Very Potter Musical
The following two days leading up to her departure for Hogwarts dragged on for Cedrella. As bored as she was though, and as much as she longed for the castle on hot nights when she sat in her dark bedroom alone, staring out the window, she kept reminding herself that she was incredibly fortunate to be going to Hogwarts at all this year. Indeed, it was highly unusual for a girl of her blood (not to mention beauty) to attend school past her O.W.L. year. On these nights, Cedrella would close her eyes and remember back to her fourth year, when the murmurings about finding her a proper husband had begun. Cedrella had not caught on immediately, but it wasn’t long before she realized that the fine new clothes, the parties, the introductions to so many important people, and her mother’s careful questioning about the boys at school were all pointed towards one goal: finding her the richest purest eligible wizard possible to marry at the first opportunity.
As soon as fourteen-year-old Cedrella had drawn these conclusions, she fell into a minor panic. She remembered her older sister leaving Hogwarts after her fifth year, to spend sixth months around the house learning to be the perfect wife to Harfang Longbottom, who she married days after she turned seventeen. Cedrella had thought of the pureblood girls, especially the richest and prettiest ones, leaving Hogwarts in droves after their O.W.L. exams and never coming back. And she, Cedrella, was about to be one of them. She was a prime candidate.
Cedrella remembered clearly how suddenly, her good looks, her manners and reputation, and everything she had proudly and carefully cultivated to please the family name, felt like a curse. She couldn’t leave Hogwarts now, she just couldn’t. It was the place she was the happiest, and above all the freest. She wouldn’t leave.
And so, fourteen-year-old Cedrella had devised a plan. She first of all refused to let herself think of her eligibility as curse, for it was all she had, everything she could count on and be proud of outside of her schoolwork. (This rule, though the most important, was the one she most often broke. It was much easier said than done). Secondly, she withdrew herself as far as acceptable from all social circles and events. Cedrella had never been outgoing or chatty like Charis, for it wasn’t entirely proper, but now she grew distant and remote. Especially at Hogwarts, where she had mostly kept to herself anyway, she became practically invisible. At parties she was courteous and polite, but never made an attempt at conversation. Cedrella knew it was not realistic to be forgotten completely, just overlooked enough that her betrothal could be delayed a few years.
And then, at Christmastime during her fifth year, Cedrella approached her father. She had planned the encounter for weeks”it had to be just right, a delicate balanced of strength, pleading, submissiveness, respect, and manipulation. She had gone up to his study about twenty minutes after a fairly pleasant family dinner, hoping to catch the tail end of her father’s good mood. Cedrella had knocked three times, her heart in her mouth.
“Yes?” came Arcturus Black’s gruff voice.
“Father, it’s Cedrella,” she had called softly. “I wondered if I might have a word.”
There had been a terribly suspended silence before he replied, “Very well, come in.”
Cedrella entered and curtsied. Her father sat at his desk, and he nodded as gestured for her to sit down. “What would you like to ask me, child? Are you wondering about your engagement?” He chuckled. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll let you know in good time.”
Cedrella had gone ice cold at that, but she hid it well. Her face was an empty mask. “Actually, Father, it’s not about that. I’m sure you’ll make a good decision.” Any decision will be a bad decision, she thought desperately. But she pushed it out of her mind. This was not the time for that now; she had a job to do.
“I wanted to discuss my study at Hogwarts,” she finished.
He had raised his bushy eyebrows. “Your study at Hogwarts?”
“Yes, Father,” Cedrella had replied. “I wanted to ask”I know it’s common for girls to leave the castle after their O.W.L studies, as Callidora did. As I’m sure you know, though, it’s becoming a little more common to continue on to higher qualifications, and I hope… I hope to do so. Stay and complete my N.E.W.Ts I mean.”
Another long silence greeted this speech. Finally Arcturus Black said in a frosty voice, “And why should I allow this, Cedrella?”
Cedrella said nothing. She looked at him, plaintive, waiting. “Soon you will be a wife,” Arcturus said sternly. “Such intellectual knowledge will serve no purpose for you.”
“I know, Father. I know there’s no use to it, really. But it’s not entirely uncommon these days. And Father, I command a lot of respect at Hogwarts. From the teachers and the students, and not just because I’m a Black but because I’m smart. Even students from other houses, even Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, Father, they respect me more than the other girls because I try hard in school, and get good marks, and don’t make a fool of myself. They know I have brains and cleverness, on top of my blood and my looks. It’s counting with more and more people these days, Father. I don’t want to lose that respect by abandoning my studies to get married. They think academics matter to me more than that. They think I’m worth more than that.”
Another silence. Cedrella’s heard was pounding in her chest as she tried to gage her father’s reaction to this pronouncement. But his expression was like her own: stoic and impassive as if it had been carved from marble. His eyes were expressionless, like two chips of blue ice. Cedrella took a steadying, silent breath. She had just been more honest with her father than she had ever been in her life, and while it wasn’t the whole truth”far from it”it was part of it. And that was terrifying. Her father could destroy her when he had her true feelings at his disposal.
“You have done well with your years at Hogwarts, Cedrella, “ he said finally, slowly. His tone had no emotion, just finality. “You have made use of your exposure to the Wizarding youth. I am glad to hear of how highly you are regarded there.” He paused. “You speak of Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors. Keep in mind, Cedrella, that it is what your fellow Slytherins, your fellow purebloods, think of you that matters. Will they care, in the end, about your intellectual prowess? I think not.”
“Prehaps you are right,” she had replied carefully, feeling sick. “I know you will make the choice that is best for me. But please, Father. Please. I would be so thankful. And I won’t be the only one. Eleanor Selwyn is staying as well, and she doesn’t even particularly want to. She told me that her father wants her to because he’s trying to embrace they modern trend of empowerment of women, and move purebloods into the new century. I am at your disposal, Father. But I think something good might come of this.”
Cedrella raised her bowed head slightly and looked at her father pleadingly. This time she saw, not a softening exactly, but a shift in his stony eyes.
“I will consider it.” His voice was tight. “Please go now.”
Cedrella rose and curtsied once more. “Yes, Father. Thank you.”
She left the room as quickly as possible, her heart pounding with fear, relief, and hope. Yes, hope. That interview had gone as well as she could have expected. Cedrella touched her cheek, where she could sometimes still feel the shadow of a wand, slapping against it again and again. She traced the faint scars. Yes, it had gone very well.
Nearly a year later, Cedrella loved remembering that particular triumph. It wasn’t long before she’d been registered for her sixth year at Hogwarts and granted two more precious years of freedom.
**
The morning of September the first dawned bright and clear, without a cloud in the sky. Cedrella watched the sun rise above the rooftops and chimneys of London, turning the sky first pearly white, then gold, then a lovely morning blue.
She dressed in her school uniform, ironed, pressed, and laid out the night before, and tied her long brown hair back with a pair of combs and a black velvet hair ribbon, monogrammed with her initials, C.N.B. Cedrella Narcissa Black. The ribbons, a collection of ten, had been a Christmas gift. Cedrella loathed them.
She gave her room a quick once-over, even though her trunk was already packed and buckled shut by the door. Then she slipped out into the hall, three doors down to Charis’s room.
Her sister was still in her nightdress, cramming books and knickknacks into her trunk, which stood open in the middle of her rather messy room.
“Do you really need all those?” Cedrella asked, slightly exasperated, as she held up a pair of ornately carved bookends.
“Yes,” said Charis unflinchingly, taking them back and wedging them into the trunk again. Cedrella watched her pile a few more books on top of the mess within the trunk, close the lid and then, after a moment’s struggle, heard it snap. “There,” said Charis, slightly breathless, sitting back on her heels. She looked at Cedrella, who was fighting a smile. “I suppose you were packed days ago, and everything is folded and color coded?”
“The books are stacked by subject, too,” Cedrella replied, smirking. “Come along, messy one. Sit down and let me do your hair.” Charis obliged, settling herself onto her vanity stool, and Cedrella picked up the hairbrush. “How do you manage to get knots like this while you sleep?” she wondered aloud, coaxing the snarls out of Charis’ wavy brown mane. “Your hair is just like mine, and I never”“
“That’s because you’re perfect.” Charis interrupted, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know how it happens, I’m asleep.”
“Fair point,” Cedrella agreed. She held out a hand and Charis placed a comb in it. “Now, you’re going to work hard in class this year, right?”
“Yes.”
“Even Transfiguration and Runes? Your fourth year is an important one. O.W.L's are coming up.”
“Yes and yes, and yes I know.”
“And you aren’t gong to gossip or talk to unsuitable boys.”
“Right.” Charis’ reply was a little glum.
Cedrella raised her eyebrows. “Exactly. And you’re going to stay out of trouble?”
“Of course.”
“Why do I not believe you?”
“Because its your job to be suspicious, no matter what.”
“I’m not suspicious, I’m just looking out for you. That is my job.” Cedrella frowned at her sister in the mirror. “You know that.”
“Yes, I do,” Charis agreed. Then she flashed a smile. “I’ll tell you what, Cedrella. If you stay out of trouble this year, so will I.”
Cedrella laughed. “You have yourself a deal, little sister. Don’t go backing out of it.”
Charis smirked. “I won’t.”
***
Lysandra Black condescended to take her daughters to the train station, though it was clear that she thought such a Muggle-filled place below her. Since Charis was twelve, it had been Callidora’s job to deliver her sisters to the platform, and Cedrella knew that once she graduated, she would be the one sending Charis off. This year, however, (and Cedrella suspected that it was on purpose) Callidora happened to have a very important meeting with a jeweler regarding her one-year anniversary ring at exactly eleven o’clock. Of course in her mother’s eyes this was a more important errand that one at a Muggle train station, and so Lysandra, looking frosty and imperious in a high collared velvet cloak, apparated both Cedrella and Charis to the platform. Cedrella’s lighthearted mood from the morning has dissipated; she was both annoyed with Callidora for skiving off her duty to her sisters (something she, Cedrella, would never do both because of familial loyalty and the fact that she actually liked her younger sibling), and frustrated with her mother for being so uptight that she could not even kiss her daughters goodbye, but stood stiffly on the platform like a domineering statue. Cedrella could see the younger children eyeing her in fear.
Cedrella bade her mother goodbye, walked Charis to her carriage, where a few of her chatty friends were waiting, and proceeded to the prefect’s carriage. She endured a brief meeting about patrols, and then sank back into her favorite seat beside the window as the rest of the prefects left to find their friends. Cedrella could have gone and found the other Slytherins from her year”that was who she had rode the train with her first four years at Hogwarts”but she preferred to have this large, comfortable carriage to herself. She gazed out the window, watching the fields, hills, and tangled forests pass by. Her annoyance with her sister and mother slowly disappeared into nothingness. It did not matter. For now, she was headed off into another world where none of that truly mattered. A small smile crossed Cedrella’s face as she thought of her plans for this year. It has been too long, my feathered friends, she thought.
It was dark by the time the train pulled into Hogsmeade station. Cedrella put on her cloak, cast a hover charm on her trunk, and joined the mass of students making the long walk up to the castle. It was a warm night, and the air felt fresh and unbelievably pleasant on her skin. Cedrella thought of her father’s many indignant letters to the school, one of which had demanded some kind of transportation from the station so that the students would not have to make the long walk to the castle, in “any kind of foul weather or gale.” She breathed the night air in deeply, thinking that she could not disagree more. It wasn’t often that she had such a good excuse to be out of doors.
Cedrella turned the bend in the road and got her first sight of the castle. It loomed ahead, its turrets and towers silhouetted black against the dusky sky. The windows gleamed like little fires. A real smile spread across her face this time. Oh, it was beautiful. She was back. She was home.
Soldiers by dominiqueweasley
Chapter Notes: Cedrella contemplates her return to school and her father's authority.