Lily woke up in a haze, last nights events still blurry. She opened her eyes and saw that she saw James lying nude beside her. She almost shrieked as she saw that she was nude, too. She slapped James and he jumped up.
'What the hell happened last night?' she demanded.
'Did we, you know, do it?' James asked, terrified that Lily might castrate him any second if she got angry enough.
'I don't know! You tell me!' she yelled, drawing her wand.
'Virgo Reprehendo,' she muttered, pointing her wand at herself. It glowed blue, and she lowered her wand.
'It's alright, we didn't,' Lily said, calming down. 'James?' she asked. 'Do you know that your left buttock is bigger than your right one?'
'Yes, I know. I can change that for you if you want,' He replied, reaching for his wand.
Lily grabbed his hand and said, 'Its fine, James. It's rather cute.'
Suddenly, Sirius barged into the room. He was dressed in his 'detective' outfit. (That is, a brown bowler hat, a brown cloak, brown loafers and a pipe.) He blew a ring of smoke and sat down on the bed.
'James, you won't believe what I just saw!' he sat down. 'Hey, Lily. Beautiful day isn't it? Well anyway, I was exploring that place you call a 'library' and let me tell you, it was full of books. I mean, who would ever go there? So I was walking around and I saw Filch snogging that crazy old lady who tried to kill me yesterday!'
'Sirius, as interesting as that may be I would like to inform you that my girlfriend and I are naked,' James said, passing Lily a blanket, as he pulled on a pair of boxers.
'So what? Its not like there is something I haven't seen!' Sirius said simply, as he began to count his nose hairs.
'When have you seen me naked?' Lily demanded.
'Alas, sixty-eight, a terrible number. One more would be very much appreciated,' Sirius finished counting his nose hairs. 'Simple little Lily, remember last year we were teamed up in Charms? The See-Through Charm? Do you remember when you cast it on me I said I couldn’t see through the box? Well, I lied.'
Lily looked horrified, nearly slapping Sirius's face.
'Padfoot? As wrong as it is to stare at Lily naked for a whole day, which I imagine was quite fun, get out now! Or I will throw out my entire collection of joke products!’ James snapped.
'You wouldn't!' Sirius dared.
'Five seconds or I swear on my love for Lily I will!'
With one evil glance at him, Sirius ran out of the room. He stuck his head and said, 'Hey, wait a second! This is my room too!' before withdrawing his head to avoid James' shoe.
'Your girlfriend?' Lily asked as James stepped out of the bathroom.
'Well, are you?' James asked.
Pushing past him into the bathroom, she said, 'We'll see.'
'Um, Lily? You left the door open," James said.
'Does it bother you?' Lily asked as she stepped into the shower.
'Not at all, not at all,' James grinned, silently conjuring a camera.
---------------------------
Apparently, Sirius had told everyone, because when James and Lilly sat down at their seats during breakfast, Filch gave them an evil glare.
'Hey guys!' Tori said, as they sat down.
'Can you believe it? Filch and Pince?' Lupin said.
Sirius was bouncing in his seat, waving his hand.
'What is it, Sirius?' Lupin asked.
'Well, if you must know. I awoke this morning and took my beautiful self down to explore this so-called 'library'. We all know what I saw there. Then, I rushed up to the 7th’s room to borrow James’ camera for proof of this unbelievable event. Cute password, Prongs, because that is exactly what I found these two--' he pointed at Lily and James-- 'doing. I, sexily, strolled into James's room-'
'Strolled?' Lily snapped, cutting him off. 'You ever so rudely barged in! And we didn't have sex!'
'You barged in?' Robin exclaimed. 'That is seriously rude!'
'Don't you mean Sirius-ly?' Sirius teased.
'Honestly Sirius, If I hear that you barge in on anyone again before knocking, I'll... so something that you won't like. I'm serious!' she warned.
'No, silly Robin, I'm Sirius. You're Robin. Get it?' Sirius said, even more teasingly.
'That's it! No sex for a month! I mean it!' she said, carefully avoiding the word 'serious'. Sirius looked horrified and whimpered like a little child who had just been yelled at and seemed to be on the verge of tears.
She stood up and left the hall, with Sirius running after her, pleading for forgiveness.
'So how was it?' Lupin asked.
'You little pervert!' Tori shrieked. 'But really, how was it?'
'We didn't have sex!' Lily shrieked.
'Although, I oddly remember some strangely shaped purple thing being shoved up my-,’ James began, but was cut off by Lily.
'Have you ever slept with someone?' James asked as they left the Hall.
'Promise you won't laugh?' Lily asked. James nodded his head. 'I did it with one other person: with Snape.' She blushed. 'But I didn't shag him!' She added quickly
James froze, but as promised, he didn't laugh.
'How much better was I then Snape?'
'A lot better. But you still need to practice.'
'Well then, let’s practice!' James said, ushering Lily into a nearby broom closet.
------
Peter strolled down the corridor, when suddenly a hand grabbed him and pulled him into a room.
'Did it work?' Sirius asked impatiently.
'No, they don't seem to think they had sex last night while they were drunk or at least thought they were drunk,' Peter reported.
'Damn it!' Sirius exclaimed.
'But...' Peter began.
'Yes? What is it?' Sirius asked hurriedly.
'On my way here, I saw them snogging the life out of each other on a bench that I never recalled seeing before,' Peter said excitedly.
'Hmm, that makes thirty nine this month,' Sirius muttered thoughtfully.
'What, Sirius?' Peter asked confused.
'Benches, thirty nine benches that just randomly appear. I shall look in to it; on your way then, Wormy, you’re late for Charms,' Sirius said, stroking his chin.
As Peter scurried out of the room, Sirius said 'Oh, and, Peter?'
'Yes?' Peter replied.
'I heard your shagging that cute sixth year, Selena Williams. I can give you pointers if you would like, I did her last year.'
'No thanks, I'm fine,' Peter said, running off to Charms.
Noteworthy by Doctor Moo
Chapter Notes: I thank my beta, TwilightHPgirl18. I also thank JKR, for creating Harry Potter and microwavable eggs.
Chapter Endnotes: Please Review!!!