*blinks*
A/N: Cyber-cookie to whoever can guess the identity of the tiny Beater who has a cameo in this chapter. Hint: descendants are in Gryffindor. Big hint right there. Give me your answer in your review. *koff*review*koff*
"Ah, what a life!" James said happily, reclining in his chair. "Quidditch tryouts on Saturday, my friends, and all I have to do is watch!"
Sirius nudged him. "You and me both, Jamesie. Ooh, great fun, watching the little ones squirm!" He rubbed his hands together and cackled like a mad scientist.
I watched them, a small smile on my face. It was Monday, three days after the Room of Requirement Episode, and all was well between everyone. "What are you two?" I asked.
James grinned proudly. "Chasers, the both of us. Sirius was a Beater for awhile, but had to give up that position because too many fouls were called on him. Mostly against Slytherin, mind." James punched Sirius appreciatively, as if fouling Slytherin was something to be proud of.
"Who do we need for the tryouts?" Sirius asked. "Of course, I have to ask you, Mr. 'It's-Not-Enough-That-I'm-Head-Boy-I've-Also-Got-To-Be-Quidditch-Captain-Too-Just-To-Show-Everyone-Else-Up-What-Am-I-Going-To-Do-With-All-My-Shiny-Badges'." Despite his rather harsh words, Sirius was grinning. "Kidding, mate. I'm proud that one of us at least is being useful. 'Sides, Remus stole one shiny badge from you, anyway."
"I like to think I earned it on my own merits," Remus muttered from behind his book. "Believe what you will, of course."
Sirius had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry, Moony," he apologized, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "You're more respectable than any of us, I shouldn't have said that."
"It's all right," Remus murmured absently, turning a page.
"Anyway," James plowed on doggedly, "we need another Beater and a Keeper. Shame that Byron Brown graduated last year, even if he was a bit of a pompous git. He was the best Keeper we've ever had. Seiri, d'you play Quidditch?"
I glanced up and smiled incredulously. "I hope you're not suggesting I try out, James."
"I most certainly am!" he said, grinning. "Come on, I'm sure you're a great hand at it."
I paused, thinking. Truthfully, I had thought about trying out, but then worried that I wouldn't be good enough. Back when we had been on reasonable terms, Walden let me ride in the backyard on his broomstick. It had to be done in secret so that my father wouldn't find out, but we managed to keep it a secret from him for three years. Then he discovered it. That was why he backhanded me with his ring on, leaving the long scar across my jaw. Walden was untouched.
In the time we'd had, we'd learned that I was a fairly decent hand at guarding our makeshift goal-hoops. Walden, as Chaser for the Slytherin team, would throw a ball at me to block. More often than not, I was successful.
Still…that was many years ago. Would I still have enough skill left?
You'll never know if you don't try.
"Well," I said cautiously, "maybe I could try for Keeper. I used to be passable when I played with Walden…"
I bit my tongue at the furious expression on Sirius's face. "You actually used to play Quidditch with him?" he spat, disbelieving.
"Yes," I replied, somewhat annoyed. "He was all I had. He wasn't always like he is now, you know. He once was the only person I could count on."
"Sad, that you'd have to rely on Walden," Vicky murmured wryly.
I made a face. "Seems so now. We're twins, remember, and that means as children we had some loyalty, anyway."
"Yeah, well, we know who he's loyal to now," Sirius muttered darkly under his breath.
I shot him a warning glare and went back to the Potions essay I was writing. "Much as I dislike them, I'd appreciate it if you stopped declaring that sort of stuff about my family. We all know quite well what they are, thanks."
James chuckled. "She's got you there, Padfoot."
Sirius mumbled bitterly under his breath for awhile, then subsided into stormy silence. I hid a small smile and worked diligently on the essay for another half hour, then stretched and put aside my quill, smiling with satisfaction.
"Finished it?" Remus inquired absently.
"Indeed," I answered. "I love finishing my work early."
"Never known that feeling," Sirius commented.
"You would if you'd work up to your potential," Vicky scolded him.
Sirius shuddered. "Oh, Godric, don't. That reminded me of the dulcet tones of McGonagall scolding me for not applying myself enough."
We laughed. "Seiri, d'you mind helping me a bit on the essay?" Remus asked. "I can't for the life of me get my mind around it."
"Certainly, if you'd give me some pointers on that D.A.D.A. project," I returned, grinning. "I love D.A.D.A., but that doesn't mean I'm good at it."
We settled on the two-person couch – a fleeting blush rose on my cheeks as I recalled our last incident regarding that couch – and got to work, falling into a peaceful silence broken only by our occasional questions.
Once I glanced up to see Lily watching us, a pleased smile dancing on her lips. I raised my eyebrow at her. She winked at me knowingly and turned her attention back to James, who was talking enthusiastically about something or other to her.
I attributed her smirk to whatever it was James was speaking of, but a nagging worry tugged at my mind. What if she had guessed how I felt about Remus?
Well, I thought disgustedly, I wouldn't be surprised if she did know. I'm not being very discreet. Smiling like a fool whenever he's around, blushing like a strawberry, indeed.
I sighed. Just as long as Walden didn't find out…
Although I couldn't say I'd be very thrilled if Sirius found out, either.
With a sigh, I turned back to my D.A.D.A paper.
James was grumbling about something to no one in particular as he scribbled on a scrap of parchment. "Don't see why I have to have all the responsibility…that means if something goes wrong, everyone blames me…not fair, I say…"
I stifled a snort. "What's the matter?"
He sighed heavily. "Bloody Quidditch sign-up sheet that McGonagall's making me do. I said, 'Why don't we just see who shows up?' 'Oh, no, Potter, we have to be organized.'" James mimicked McGonagall's voice to perfection. "I say we just organize it there on the Quidditch pitch."
"Good man, James!" Sirius said approvingly. "That's the way to think about it."
Remus sighed and shuddered. He's extremely neat and organized.
"Seiri, can I put your name down for Keeper?" James asked, quill poised over the parchment.
"Oh, I don't know…" I said nervously.
"Please?" he begged.
My heart went out to him. "Fine, James. I'll try out…"
Five days later, I was regretting that decision.
"I'm going to do horribly," I predicted gloomily at breakfast, far too nervous to eat.
"No, you're not!" James boomed heartily, patting me on the back. I shifted uncomfortably. "You're going to go out there and show them all!" He was resplendent in his own Quidditch robes of scarlet and gold.
I glanced at the Slytherin table. I knew nearly all those who were in uniform: my brother, Rodolphus, Crabbe, and Goyle. There was a girl as well, the beautiful raven-haired girl with whom my brother and Rodolphus had been flirting at my father's funeral. She was surveying everything with dark, heavy-lidded eyes, her rosy lips curled in a delicate sneer.
Sirius, also in Quidditch robes, followed my gaze. His handsome face twisted into a look of ugly hatred. "Ah. My cousin, Bellatrix. Quite possibly one of the nastiest in our family. Her sister Andromeda is a dear, my favorite cousin, and Narcissa is a right snob, but Bella's just…evil. She manipulates people because she thinks it's fun to watch them writhe in her grip."
Almost as if she'd heard us talking, Bella's eyes met mine, and she smiled a thin, cruel little smile. I shivered and broke the gaze.
"Oh, no," Sirius growled. "Oh, no, you don't…"
I lifted my eyes again. Bella had stood up and was walking towards us with a swaying, predatory step, her head lowered but her glittering eyes fixed on Sirius.
"Hello, cousin," she purred when she reached us. "Having a nice Saturday?" She reached out and ran her silver talons through Sirius's thick black hair.
He slapped her hand away roughly. "Get the hell away from us," he ordered tersely.
The mocking smile spread across her face again. She kept her eyes locked on Sirius. "Say please," she whispered.
"Stop your games!" Sirius roared. I flinched back — Sirius in a temper was a force to be reckoned with.
If I hadn't known any better, I'd say Bella was a bit cowed. Her eyes flickered uncertainly for a moment, then steadied. "What games? I play no games, cousin," she said innocently.
Sirius was on his feet, fist raised. Remus and James jumped up and put steadying hands on his shoulders, restraining him from doing anything drastic. "Get – away – " Sirius panted, rage rendering him nearly speechless. "Go — "
Bella yawned. "You give me no choice. I'm terrified. Honestly." Her sloe-black eyes caught my navy-blue gaze. "Oh, look at this," she hissed, smiling maliciously, showing teeth. "It's Walden's sister."
"Get away from her!" Sirius bellowed, struggling to escape his friends' strong grips. They held him, although they too looked mutinous by now.
Bella paid him no mind, and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Gwandfather Macnair isn't vewwy happy wif his twaitor gwanddaughter. Fuwious, weally."
I drew back, repulsed by her mock-baby voice. "You heard him," I replied quietly. "Get away from me."
Bella threw back her head and laughed shrilly. "Precious! A blood traitor who has a blood traitor for a protector! Oh, it's too much." She smirked at us, backing away. "I'll see you Quidditch field. Count on it."
"Looking forward to it," James responded calmly, though I could see a vein pulsing in his forehead. Lily tugged him down beside her and said something into his ear. He calmed down, though he still looked somewhat tense, and kissed her lightly. Yvonne, noticing Sirius's anger, had come over from the Ravenclaw table to speak with him.
I was just standing up, ready to follow Sirius and James onto the Quidditch field, when someone laid a hand on my shoulder. I glanced over my shoulder.
Remus stood over me, gazing down into my eyes reassuringly. "Seiri, you're going to do well," he encouraged me. "The worst that can happen is that you won't make the team, and even if you don't, you can still have just as much fun in the stands as you can on the field."
I smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks, Remus." I didn't mention that I was not confident about my chances that afternoon.
Much to my dismay, Gryffindor was the first group scheduled for the afternoon. This meant that if I did badly, not only would I fail, but I'd fail in front of the Slytherins.
"Oh, wonderful," I moaned when Vicky told me this. "Just my luck."
"It's all right," she comforted me. "No one's going to care if you do badly, and no one's going to make fun of you."
I sighed. "No one except my brother and his friends."
Vicky rolled her eyes at the thought of them. "They're arrogant twits," she informed me. "They think they're the best, but we've beaten them in almost every match for the past seven years." She grinned cockily. "After all, I'm the Seeker, and no one's faster at finding the Snitch than me."
I raised my eyebrows but smiled at her joking hubris. "I hope I'm half as good at Keeper today as you are at Seeker."
Her bantering words had fleetingly boosted my spirits, but they diminished again when I walked out onto the field. The sun was too bright, the air too chilly, the world just not right.
I swayed and supported myself on the broomstick that Sirius had kindly lent to me, not before threatening to kill me if I defaced it in any way. It would be just my luck if I keeled over in midair. Judging from the way I felt, this was not totally out of the question.
In the stands, I picked out the Slytherin team, pointing down at the field and obviously laughing at the Gryffindors. A righteous surge of anger welled up within, which only caused me to become even dizzier.
I joined the circle of Gryffindor team hopefuls that had accumulated around James. Sirius was passing out Beater clubs to those who were trying for that position.
"Keepers, stay off to the sides for awhile," James ordered, pitching his voice to be heard above us. "Beaters are going first."
Gratefully, I wobbled over to a bench and sat on it with a thump, feeble-kneed with nerves.
Sirius trotted over to me. "How are you faring?" he asked, radiating casual elegance as he leaned against a stadium wall.
"Not that well," I admitted as the prospective Beaters swooped and soared above my head. "Is it a bad thing that watching others fly makes me feel as if I might be sick?"
"Probably," Sirius said frankly. "Aim for James or the Slytherins, please."
"Thanks," I said weakly. "Thanks very much."
As far as I could tell, most of the Beaters were ridiculously appalling, except for a couple who had a spark of talent. One of them was surprising — he was small and rather skinny, yet he propelled the Bludgers away from him with remarkable force.
I hope I'll do that well, I thought as the Beaters landed.
"All right, all of you Keepers, here's the order…" James said.
I was right in the middle of the pack, which was mixed blessing: I wouldn't have to wait for too long and thus become more nervous, but the others who went before me could be outstanding.
Unfortunately, this was nearly true. They were all above average, at any rate. I felt worse.
"All right, Seiri, your turn!" James shouted. He clapped me on the shoulder as I passed. "Good luck."
Frank Longbottom, the third Chaser on the Gryffindor team, was already in the air when I flew up to the goal hoops, fighting back panic. I wasn't comfortable at all on the broomstick. Without hesitation, he threw the Quaffle.
It was a mess, a complete and utter mess. I had been right and the others wrong: I was absolutely dreadful. Out of the ten passes he lobbed my way, I only caught three. The worst person before me had at caught five.
The trial seemed to take forever. When James finally blew the whistle, I slumped over, head in hands, hovering in midair.
Frank flew over to me, which I thought was very nice gesture, considering that we didn't know each other at all. "You weren't that bad," he said consolingly.
I laughed derisively. "Right."
I soared to the ground, trying to ignore the jeers of the Slytherins and failing.
James and Sirius walked over to me, looking more awkward than I've ever seen either of them. "Look, Seiri…" James started.
I shoved Sirius's broom at them blindly. "Take it back," I snapped. "I don't know why I let you talk me into that." Then I stormed off.
I purposely went around the long way so I could avoid the sympathetic faces of Lily, Yvonne, Ella, Vicky, and Peter. My breath was coming in short, sharp, pained gasps, and my chin was quivering uncontrollably. I hated failing at something, especially in public.
Especially the sort of public that was there, I thought, remembering Team Slytherin. They're never going to let me forget it. And all the others are going to try to make me feel better, and I don't want to feel better…
I was wallowing in self-pity and loathing by the time I reached the common room. Safely inside, I paced for a moment, then turned and kicked the sofa violently. Seething, I picked up someone's Charms book and slammed it on the floor. Then I let out a roar of frustration and collapsed on the sofa, burying my face in my arms and crying for the second time in my life.
A male voice said, "Oh, dear."
I had forgotten about Remus.
"Remus, go away," I pleaded, my voice muffled.
His answer surprised me. "No," he said firmly. I felt the cushion next to me sink down slightly under his weight. "I won't." He pressed something into my hand. I lifted my head a little and saw that it was a handkerchief.
I gave a watery chuckle. "I don't want to ruin your handkerchief…"
"I have others," he insisted immovably. "Now. What happened?"
I scrubbed at my face hopelessly. "Oh, Remus, it was a disaster," I moaned pathetically. "I caught three out of ten. Three. Even the third-year who said she'd only been on a broom twice in her life caught five! I knew I wasn't going to do well, but I didn't think I'd do that badly. And all the Slytherins were there, and all our friends were there, and it was…oh, Godric, public humiliation!" I hid my head in my hands again, feeling the hot tears trickle through my fingers. The handkerchief slipped to the floor, forgotten.
I sensed his slight form reaching across me to retrieve the handkerchief. Then he sat still, obviously unsure of what to do next.
Lads hate it when girls cry in front of them. It makes them feel silly, I thought drearily. Wonderful. No doubt Remus's opinion of me had sunk a few notches.
I finally lifted my head with a quivering sigh and raised abjectly miserable eyes to him. "I made a fool of myself," I whispered sadly.
Remus regarded me thoughtfully for a moment, then raised his hand and wiped a solitary tear away with the corner of the handkerchief. "No one is ever a fool for trying," he said quietly.
Distress and exhaustion lent me courage. I laid my head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Remus," I murmured peacefully, gazing up at him through tear-damp lashes.
He was giving me the sort of look you use when a butterfly lands on your arm: a sort of wondering amazement, tempered with reluctance to disturb the moment. In this case, he also appeared adorably unsure.
I smiled inwardly. No matter how good a kisser he was rumored to be, I had the feeling that Remus was a bit insecure with intimate moments such as this one. Rather like me, in fact.
He shifted uneasily, and a pang coursed through me like lightning. Obviously, he didn't want me to be this close to him, a girl near a boy as opposed to a friend near a friend…
So I made a fuss about throwing my head back against a pillow and staring at the ceiling. "So," I said lazily.
"Mmm," he agreed.
I yawned. "What do we do now?"
He smiled slightly. "Sit inside and revel in the silence, being insufferable bookworms while the others are going mad for trivial sports."
"I just tried out for that trivial sport, you know," I shot back playfully.
"I won't grudge you for it." He stood and held out his hand gallantly, helping me to my feet as well. "We've still got Transfigurations homework, don't forget, and this time James isn't here to help us."
I grinned wryly. "Well, I suppose I can settle for this instead of Quidditch."
A silence. I had hurt him. It sounded as if I wanted to play Quidditch more than be with him.
I winced. "I didn't mean it like that." He didn't look at me. "I'd much rather be in here, reading dusty tomes, that flying and acting like a right idiot out on a field. Trust me."
He ran a hand through his hair and smiled a bit. "I believe you." He gave me a sidelong look as he sat at a desk. "Are you going to be all right?"
I dropped my eyes and smiled sadly. "I'll be fine. Don't worry."
We sat together in companionable silence, reading our textbooks and scratching out our essays.
Perhaps, I thought with growing hope, perhaps not making the team won't be so bad…
Dare you to move, dare you to move,
Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.
Dare you to move, dare you to move
Like today never happened,
today never happened before…
~*~
I hadn't been planning on going to the first game of the season. I thought that would be a bit too much for my sorely wounded pride.
In the end, I went, only to cheer on my friends. Also, I admitted to myself, Remus is going — and that means the common room would be empty. I refused to admit that it was for any other reason, even though I knew perfectly well otherwise.
Sirius and James had been highly apologetic and bashful when they came and informed me that they wanted me for Keeper, but it was voted down. I had masked my hurt and told them that it didn't matter much. Inside, however, I vowed to stay away from the Quidditch field at all costs.
October passed pleasantly but uneventfully, save for the growing tension between Remus and me. The first Saturday of November dawned, and still I wasn't planning on going.
"Excited for the game?" Vicky asked me that day at breakfast.
I frowned at her, confused. "What game?"
She was slightly taken aback. "The Quidditch game, of course! Gryffindor versus Slytherin. We're going to flatten them," she announced proudly.
My stomach lurched, but I forced a laugh. "Not with me there, you won't," I disagreed jokingly. "I think I'm bad luck. I'll stay away from this one?"
If only Vicky had heard, she likely would have understood and dropped the subject. However, Sirius and James were listening in.
"What?" James was horrified, aghast. "You can't stay away from Quidditch!"
Sirius nodded vigorously. "It's a sin, it is!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Sod off, you two. Seiri, of course you don't have to go if you don't want to."
I chewed my bottom lip. "Well…is everyone going?"
They all exchanged long, doleful looks, but eventually everyone affirmed this.
"I'll stay back with you, if you want," Ella offered. "Quidditch doesn't have such a godly shine, for me."
I glanced at Lily and Remus. Lily shook her head regretfully. Of course — she couldn't let down James like that. Remus jerked his head at Sirius and James and mouthed, 'They'd kill me.'
I sighed helplessly. "No, that's all right. I'll go."
Sirius whooped and flung his arms around me. Accustomed to this by now, I sat through his embrace calmly and a little forlornly. Just because I'd agreed to go didn't mean I was going to have fun.
Vicky, Sirius, and James left for the locker room, beaming energetically and waving at supporters from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I watched them go, tugging one of my curls wistfully.
Lily yawned and stretched, looking for all the world like a cat, her green eyes jewels in her narrow pale face. "We should probably head up to the field if we want good seats," she said, hopping off the bench.
I stood automatically, falling in step between her and Remus. We didn't say anything for awhile.
Then: "I'm really sorry, Seiri," Lily said quietly. "Really. Sirius and James have no tact at all."
I hitched a grin onto my face, almost wishing that I wasn't so passive. "No, it's perfectly fine."
"At least you'll be warm in the middle of March when they have to be practicing in the rain," Remus offered, trying to bolster my spirits.
"Mmm," I agreed dejectedly.
More silence. By now we were out the doors and crossing the lawn.
"Seiri, I admire you for what you did," Remus suddenly spoke up softly.
I squinted at him and screwed up my face in bewilderment. "You admire me for being an ass?"
"No. I wish you wouldn't call yourself an ass, by the way, because you're not," he added, as vehemently as possible for Remus to be. "No, I admire that you actually tried out, instead of taking the safe way out and closeting yourself in your dorm. When we were in third year, James told me that I'd be a wonderful Seeker — I was quick, light, and clever, with excellent eyesight besides. But I was far too frightened to try out."
Lily made a noise of agreement. "I've never been one for Quidditch, but Flitwick tried to convince me to run for Charms Club Chairperson. I didn't, because I was afraid I'd lose. You did a really brave thing, Seiri." She grinned. "True Gryffindor spirit, I'd say."
Heat crept up my neck and warmed my cheeks like fire. "I – I – well, thank you, both of you." Tears of gratitude threatened to dampen my eyes. I pretended to be absorbed in fiddling with the clasp of my robe. Remus and Lily in turn acted as if nothing was amiss.
It was chilly up in the stands, so by default, we all huddled together, standing close to absorb each other's warmth. As I was still between Remus and Lily, I did not particularly mind this.
It was still cold, however. I never was much of an outdoor person, and hadn't known how cold it was going to be. I went out only in my thin button-up shirt and Gryffindor robes. Everyone else had bundled up and was as a result delightfully warm.
I blew on my hands to warm my fingers and rubbed my cold nose. Again, Remus gave me that pensive, appraising look, then unwound his rather lurid scarlet-and-gold scarf and held it out to me.
The way I was blushing, I didn't even need that: my discomfiture kept me plenty heated. "Oh, no, keep it," I argued breathlessly, for the biting wind took my breath away.
"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer," Remus said obstinately. With that, he draped the scarf around my neck gingerly.
I screamed inwardly. STOP BEING SO SWEET! Almost sullenly, I yanked it off and shoved it back at him. "I don't need it," I lied, sniffing at this most inopportune moment and endeavoring to hide my rosy-tipped ears.
Remus raised one eyebrow and quirked his mouth. "Indeed."
"Don't look at me like that," I muttered, but not loud enough for him to hear. For a moment, I let my guard down. Remus took the opportunity and pounced, wrapping me snugly in the scarf. "There," he announced proudly. "Seiri, honestly, I'm wearing a sweater, while you're wearing a blouse." His gaze wavered, and he cleared his throat sheepishly. "Who needs it more?" he continued.
He was indeed, I admitted to myself, clad in a charcoal-gray turtleneck sweater, and looking extremely handsome besides. Unintentionally, I drew the warm scarf a bit tighter around my frigid nose. "Fine," I mumbled.
Suddenly, a cheer rang throughout the stadium. My eyes darted to the pitch, where the two teams, brilliant in their Quidditch robes, were striding across to face each other, broomsticks in hand and fierce expressions visible even from here. I easily picked out the small, slight form of Vicky from the others, and likewise the strong figures of Sirius and James.
James stepped forward and gripped Rodolphus's hand in his own, then dropped it as if it burned.
"Mount your brooms!" Madame Hooch, the flying instructor, called. Her voice was tinny and barely audible, but we managed to hear her because the stadium had by now fallen into hushed silence.
The two teams straddled their broomsticks and pushed off from the ground, soaring into the air, waiting. The tension mounted.
Remus's hand brushed my own, then quickly twitched away.
Oh, yes, the tension definitely increased…
"Fweet!"
The whistle sounded. "And they're off!" the announcer shouted into the microphone. "Longbottom to Black — Black to Potter — oh, what a catch by Potter, no wonder he's the Captain, and…ahh, well, can't score them all…"
It was an exhilarating game, suspenseful and exceedingly well-played. I threw myself heart and soul into cheering and clapping along with the rest of the Gryffindors, if only to distract myself from the alarming bubbly feeling that had risen in me when Remus's hand grazed mine.
Gryffindor scraped a narrow victory, for Vicky proved to be as fleet as she'd boasted. At the last moment in a neck-and-neck chase for the elusive Snitch, she snatched it from under the Slytherin Seeker's nose.
"Ha!" I shouted triumphantly. "Oh, victory is so sweet!"
Remus smiled. "For you, especially."
I sighed happily. "Yes, it is."
"We should probably get going, you two," Lily said behind us. "Crowd's beginning to jostle me a bit."
Something about the pointed use of the phrase 'you two' caught my attention. I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously. She radiated lamb-like innocence mixed with a cat's devilish smugness. It was too shady for me to ignore.
"Come on, Seiri," Remus murmured into my ear. The soft, low sound sent delicious tingles running through me. "Back to the lovely warm common room and books."
I grinned at him, but inside, my heart ached. Remus Lupin, I do believe you're the only one for me…
Here I go
Scream my lungs out
And try to get to you —
You are my only one…