It was both easier and harder than Song Feng thought to move from Guangzhou to Beijing. She was allowed a few days to go home and be with her family before she moved, which was more than she had expected from the national team. She got the distinct feeling that it was the last break they would give her for a very long time. The coaches were proud of her and most of the other girls were jealous. It was odd. She had grown up with these coaches as her replacement parents, and the other girls as her sisters, friends and rivals, but suddenly, she would be leaving them all behind and moving over a thousand kilometers north to the capital.
She took a long bus trip home to the village from Guangzhou, staring at the window the entire way. Almost no one was on the bus with her since no one from the cities would choose to go out to the villages and the village people who worked in the city couldn't go back on any day they wanted.
On a grand scale, nothing had really changed; however, it had been five years since she had been home. Everything looked a little bit different, a little bit odd. Her grandmothers made her all of her favorites despite her protests and fussed over her like they would never be able to again. The neighbors all came back to see her again and she obligingly did a few gymnastics tricks for them. Her little brother, Chun-yin was going to school now. She wondered where the years had gone by. She had seen photos of him that her parents sent to her, but still in her mind's eye, she still thought of him as less than a year old. Now he was five years old, walking and talking.
Her parents were mostly quiet. Her mother had held her for a very long moment when she had come back. "We missed you so much," Lin said.
"I missed you too," she said, hugging back.
"I'll make you red bean soup," her mother said firmly, as she let go.
Feng sighed. She knew it wasn't worth it to object to her mother trying to make her food. She would just have to work harder to make sure that she did not gain any weight while she was back home.
"We got you a new stuffed animal to bring up to Beijing," her father said. She looked at him curiously for a moment. "We thought you should have something else from home to bring up. It's in your room, if you want to see it."
"Thank you," she said as she ran for her room. Her parents kept her room the same, but with her winning certificates displayed on the desk. It was an odd feeling to be back in this room which had never really been hers to begin with. On her bed was a stuffed tiger cub. She picked it up and squeezed it to her chest, realizing that it was the first new toy she had gotten in five years. She walked slowly back to the living room, nose buried in the tiger's soft white fur.
"Thank you," she repeated and hugged her father, the toy still clasped in one hand.
"It doesn't make up for all the birthdays and holidays you've missed," Bing said to his daughter. "But while you're home, you should let us spoil you, just a little."
She nodded. "Okay, Daddy."
It wasn't enough time to be home, but she remembered to go out to her grandfathers' graves. She brought incense along with the heaven money and the hell money. Feng had asked to go alone, partially because she wanted to be alone with her thoughts and partially because she wasn't sure what to say to these two men who had died before she was born. She visited her Gung Gung, her mother's father first. Slowly, she counted out the incense: nine pieces, three for each of the three Buddhas of the past, present and future. Then she lit them and placed them in front of the stone. She burnt the money, first the heaven money, and then the hell money.
"I hope you're doing well, Gung Gung," she said finally. "I'm sorry that I haven't been back to pay my respects in so long. I hope I'm making you proud. Please look after me and Chun-yin."
Then she walked to visit her Yeh Yeh, her father's father. Her father and his father had not been on good terms and it was even stranger, wondering what to say to him. Her father never really talked about it, but she knew that somehow they hadn't gotten along. She burnt the incense and the money. "Hello, Yeh Yeh," she said finally. "I'm moving to Beijing. Please look after me and Chun-yin."
For the second time in her young life, Feng moved away from everything and everyone she had ever known. It was December and after a lifetime in the subtropics of Guangdong, she was woefully unprepared for the harshness of a Beijing winter with snow on the ground. Her parents had bought her a new coat before leaving Guangdong, but it didn't really stand up to a real snowy winter.
The national team provided ‘official’ gear - jackets in red and gold with ‘China’ emblazoned on the back in all capital letters or the characters ‘Zhong Guo’ for the Middle Kingdom and warm up pants in red with gold trim. Feng wasn't sure that she had ever worn so much red in her life, but she was definitely sure that she had never been so cold in her life.
The national team trained even longer and harder, but the facilities were nice and new in preparation for the Olympics. Even though Feng still had to share a room with three other girls, the room was significantly bigger. Instead of twin bunk beds, they each had a full sized bed. They even had a TV in their room.
Song Feng was the newest and the youngest, so perhaps understandably, she initially kept to herself. She was over a thousand kilometers from home, and at first, she felt every last centimeter of them. Most of the other girls already had their own groups of friends and she was too shy to ask to tag along with them after practice ” when she even had the energy to want to go do anything.
About a fortnight after she arrived in Beijing, that changed. After practice, one of her roommates, Li Fei, started mimicking Coach Au-Yeung. The man had a very strong accent which made it a little difficult for Song Feng to understand him and he tended to gesticulate wildly when he wanted to make a point. Li Fei did his voice and mannerisms so perfectly that Song Feng had to giggle.
"I'm glad to see that you're not just made of stone," Li Fei remarked. Song Feng bristled at that but Li Fei was right. She hadn't spoken much at all. "You're from the south right?"
Song Feng nodded. "Guangdong."
"Far south then," Li Fei commented. "I've never been that far south. I've only ever left Beijing for competitions, actually"
Song Feng brightened at that. "You're from Beijing?"
"Born and raised," Li Fei responded, stretching out a long leg and pointing her toes, before bending down to touch her nose to her knee. If ballet was a sport, she might have been scouted for that instead of gymnastics because her legs were long and her ankles strong.
"So what is there to do here?" Song Feng asked eagerly. She hadn't been sure exactly what to do on her time off and the coaches hadn't exactly encouraged wandering around the city.
Li Fei laughed, loudly. "What isn't here, in the capital?" she asked with a grin still on her face. Some of her hair had fallen out of her bun, so she pulled the ponytail holder to fix her hair back into a neat tail, turning thoughtful. "You're a bars specialist, right?" Song Feng nodded, unsure of where Li Fei was going with that idea. The older girl seemed awfully excitable though. "Do you like roller coasters?"
"I've never been on one," Song Feng confessed.
Li Fei gasped, eyes widening. "Never?" She didn't wait for Song Feng to confirm. "Then this Sunday, we're gonna go ride the biggest roller coaster in the city."
Song Feng's eyes widened. "Are you sure?" Sure it was a good idea, sure it was the biggest in the city, sure of anything... Feng wasn't even sure what she meant.
"Of course, I am!" Li Fei snorted. "Being on a roller coaster is the closest thing to being on the bars in the world. If you love bars, then you'll love a roller coaster. We're going," Li Fei finished in a way that brooked no argument. "Sunday. Promise?"
Li Fei's face was so earnest, that Song Feng didn't feel that she could refuse. She smiled slowly. "I promise."
When Song Feng actually saw the biggest roller coaster in Beijing, she sincerely regretted promising. "Are you sure this is safe?"
"Positive."
The anticipation made it worse, listening to people's screams and the sound of the roller coaster's tracks.
She shivered and didn't even realize it. “Hey, c’mon,” Li Fei said. “Don’t be afraid. No one’s died on this thing yet.”
Song Feng shot her an irritated glare with as much energy as she could muster.
“I mean, this is checked all the time. They wouldn’t let people go on it, if it were dangerous, right?” Li Fei continued.
Song Feng sighed. “Not helping.” She gazed up at the tangle of metal.
“It’ll be fine, little birdie,” Li Fei responded.
“Birdie?” Feng squawked.
“A phoenix is a kind of bird, right?” Li Fei responded, trying to sound as reasonable as possible, a grin playing at the corner of her lips.
Feng didn’t have time to reply before Li Fei grabbed her hand. “We’re next!” A moment later, they were in the car, pulling the safety restraints down over her shoulders.
The car slowly climbed up the first hill. "It needs to build up momentum," Li Fei said. "Think of it like pre-competition nerves." Song Feng nodded even as she stared stony-faced at the top of the hill ahead.
“Chill out,” Li Fei said a moment later, punching Feng’s shoulder gently. “You’re making me nervous and I’ve been on this thing dozens of times. Just breathe.”
Song Feng tried to take deep meditation type breaths with her eyes closed, trying to ignore the clatter of the wheels on the rails.
“Look,” Fei whispered.
The younger girl opened her eyes. They were at the very top of the hill. Feng opened her mouth and screamed as the car tipped over the edge and dove down the hill. A distant part of her noted that Li Fei was right ” being on the bars was a bit like being on a roller coaster. It was the closest that humans with their too-thick mammalian bones get to the feeling of true flight, of soaring on their own power.
"Wasn't that great?" Li Fei asked, slightly out of break from the screams, as the cars came back to the beginning.
"Yep." For the first time, in what felt like a very, very long time, Song Feng felt relaxed. Even more than relaxed, she felt at peace with the world and her place in it. She had made the national team, she had made a new friend, a new sister. She would be fine, even in these frozen wastes.
As they were walking away from the first roller coaster, Li Fei pointed to another. "Ok, let's ride that one next!" Song Feng blinked at the name.
"It's called the Spinning Batman?" she asked. Wasn't Batman an American character of some kind? Did he spin? Why would they call it that if Batman didn’t spin?
Li Fei laughed. "Who cares? Come on!"
That night when she called home, Feng was much more talkative than she had been since moving to Beijing. Her parents could hear her happiness even a thousand kilometers away and they were relieved. When she trained in Guangzhou, they could come and visit her some Sundays. In Beijing, it would be next to impossible to visit her ever. In a little less than a month, on the first of February, it would be New Year's ” another New Year's with her away from home. Even as they missed her all the time, it was worse during New Year's, when the entire family is supposed to be together, supposed to be whole and she was far away. They kept their thoughts to themselves though. They didn't want to distract her from training.
Their daughter sounded more vibrant and determined than ever, and they were not about to hold her back from her dreams, not as long as she still believed that they were achievable.
Song Feng would have been happy with just having Li Fei as a best friend, but she had a curious streak... and someone down the hall had great taste in music. After a few days of asking around, she discovered that the girl who always played music was named Chan Mei-ling. She was tall for a gymnast and pretty with high cheekbones. Instantly, Song Feng was nervous about talking to her. Chan Mei-ling seemed like the absolute epitome of cool. Feng had never been embarrassed about being a village girl before, but in comparison to Mei-Ling, she felt exactly like a village bumpkin.
Still, one day after practice, Song Feng gathered her courage and went and knocked on Chan Mei-ling's door. The music, which she could faintly hear through the door, abruptly stopped. Song Feng's heart sank at the sudden silence.
Then Chan Mei-ling called, "The door's open! Come on in."
Song Feng turned the knob slowly, pushing the door open. Then she realized why Chan Mei-ling hadn't answered the door herself. She was busy painting her nails. Song Feng stood there for a moment and blinked. Yes, Chan Mei-ling was painting her nails. She had never seen a gymnast with such brilliantly colored nails. There wasn't much point since they did so much work with their hands, the likelihood of the paint staying intact for even a day were pretty low. Chan Mei-ling followed her gaze. "Do you want me to do yours too?" she offered with a slight smile.
Song Feng shook her head. "I just... wanted to ask you about your music," she said in a rush, feeling stupid.
"You like it?" Chan Mei-ling asked, blowing on her nails to help them dry.
Song Feng nodded.
"It's called 'Hey Ya!'. It's by Outkast." Chan Mei-ling pronounced the English words carefully, trying to pronounce them correctly. "I can make you a copy if you want."
"Thank you," Song Feng replied, feeling so very awkward in front of a very cool, older girl.
"And sit down," Chan Mei-ling ordered, waving at a chair. "Stay for a bit, we can listen to the rest of the album." She turned the music back on. Song Feng listened to the foreign words, not understanding a single word of it, but wishing desperately that she did. Chan Mei-ling soaked her nails in a dish, making them dry more quickly.
"You're Song Feng, right?" The younger girl nodded. Chan Mei-ling turned to her bottles of nail polish for a moment, then back to Song Feng. "What's your favorite color, Song Feng?"
Song Feng blinked at that. "Are you going to paint my nails?"
Chan Mei-ling shrugged. "If you want. Why not? What's your favorite color?" she repeated.
"Purple," Song Feng said firmly.
Chan Mei-ling laughed a little. "Tired of wearing red and gold for the team? Don't blame you."
She plucked out a bottle carefully, making sure not to smear her polish. "This one has sparkles. I think it would suit you. Here." She gestured for Song Feng to come closer. The younger girl hesitantly put out a hand, and the older girl carefully painted one nail. "What do you think?"
It was a very pretty purple and it had silver glitter in the paint. It reminded Song Feng of her favorite leotard. "I like it."
"Good. Hold still, let me finish."
Over the weeks and months, Beijing became home. Even as she made other friends, Li Fei and Chan Mei-ling remained the most like the sisters she had never had. Even closer than her teammates from the provincial team. Her parents got used to hearing about Li Fei's tricks and pranks and Chan Mei-ling's beauty experiments and music along with how their own daughter's training was going. Even as Song Feng missed her family desperately for the New Year, she was invited to Li Fei's house to celebrate with her family. Even as the coaches were hard, she was rarely singled out for poor performance. Everything was going well. Even when she woke up in pain, it was tolerable. She knew her place in the universe and she was happy with what it was.
For a few glorious months, everything went great. She learned new and harder stunts and performed them consistently, the difficulty of her routines was just going up and up. Her coaches seemed proud of her. She had two best friends who she trusted to introduce her to new, cool things like Szchewan food, though that was more hot than cool. They had laughed when she took her first bite and then desperately gulped her entire cup of tea. Then they taught her how to avoid the chilies and make the spicy food closer to tolerable for her Cantonese palate. She tried new foods, explored Beijing and experimented with make-up. She believed that nothing could go wrong. She would make the Olympic team with her two best friends, they would win gold for China and everything would be fine. Better than fine. Everything would be perfect.
Then the letter arrived.