------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What do you think you’re doing?” His eyes glinted with the malice that he had been attempting to hold back for months. His anger could no longer be contained in the mental barriers he had so carefully constructed for it.
“Why would you want to know? For all the world cares, we don’t even know each other.”
“So you’re pulling the old disownment thing on me, are you? Very rich, little brother.”
“You really should just leave, you know, before the others get down here and see you. It’s impossible to figure out what they want. Every time… they’ll just eat you alive.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow, and Regulus paled considerably upon realizing how much he had revealed. “Would they do this to you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous… it is you who is not one of them. You cannot claim purity of blood. You cannot escape their wrath.”
“I see that my last warning was completely lost on you, then?”
“I am not a child to be restricted in my endeavors.”
“I’m your brother. I have the right.”
“We’re not related, and it’s purely because of your decision.”
“Are you telling me that there’s nothing I can tell you that will make you realize what an idiot you’re being?”
“We have nothing left to say to each other, Sirius. Accept that.”
Sirius glared at Regulus, but his expression mysteriously softened for a single moment.
“Remember, you can hate me all you want, but you can’t possibly believe that what you’re doing is the right thing.”
“It’s the correct thing.”
“They’re not the same.”
“I know.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Oh, sorry…” Lily murmured, not paying attention to where she was going.
“You must be distracted, to pay me an apology,” said an excruciatingly familiar voice.
Lily glanced up from her thoughts to see Severus Snape standing in front of her, looking oddly pained.
“Oh, hello, Sniv”” Lily prepared to say scathingly, but Snape held up a hand to stop her.
“Please don’t. I know you despise me now, but you have to understand that I can’t hate you. And I don’t want to hear the contempt in your voice.”
“What do you think your Slytherin buddies would say if they heard you talking to a Mudblood?”
Snape winced and looked down at the floor. “You wouldn’t believe me, but they can say what they want. I’ve always been the black sheep of Slytherin house; a few more differences between me and the rest of them would fail to change our situation at present.”
Lily was at a loss for words, but even if she had a response in mind, she would not have been able to give it, for James had been approaching the two of them from the opposite end of the corridor. Snape made to leave, but Lily stopped him and gestured for him to stick around. Waiting in apprehension, Lily searched James’s face for some sign of disgust or anger, but none appeared. Instead, he merely glanced at the two of them before continuing on his way. At this point, Lily could not stop herself.
“Wait!” The word slipped from her lips before she could prevent it from doing so.
James turned around to face Lily. “What?”
She searched his face once again. “I… I… Aren’t you going to say something? Do something? Anything?”
“Why would I?”
“Because you’re you! Because you’re James Potter, and you never let a Slytherin off this easy.”
“You’re speaking with him, aren’t you? That would be rude of me.”
Lily stared at him, her mouth agape in confusion. James was not behaving like himself. Or rather, he was not behaving as Lily expected him to. He was acting as the Head Boy should, and Lily was not accustomed to this.
When James realized that Lily was not going to respond, he took it upon himself to explain his actions, while completely ignoring Snape’s presence. Luckily for him, Snape thought it wise not to speak.
“Lily, you need to understand that I’m not the same person you’ve known and hated for the past six years. I have tried to tell you that a countless number of times, but you haven’t been listening to me. I’ll tell you again, now, that I’m not the same person who attacks every Slytherin he sees, and who fails to follow through with his responsibilities. Not everything is about you and what you want to happen. You need to learn that now, or the future’s going to be impossible for you to live. As for him, there “ ” James gestured to Snape “ “don’t break his heart the same way you ripped mine to shreds.”
“What do you mean, I ripped your heart to shreds?”
“Don’t play the oblivious card, Evans. You know how I used to feel about you.”
Used to feel… Used to feel… Used to feel. He used to care about her. He used to. The major implication of that statement that continually resounded through her mind was that he no longer did. For the longest time, she wished for this moment, and now that it was here, she was afraid. She was afraid for the past that she never had, and afraid for the future she might never have. However, she wasn’t about to reveal her fear to James Potter.
“I can’t believe you managed to make this situation about you. You’re so selfish, Potter. I thought you had changed for a moment there, but it’s clear you haven’t. You are such an arrogant toe rag.”
James shook his head sadly. “It’s hopeless trying to make you understand. What you see around you is different from what the rest of the world sees. I try to show you how I’ve changed, I try to tell you how I’ve changed, but nothing is ever enough for the Almighty Lily Evans, now is it? When you lose control of a situation, you find the need to put the blame on someone else, even though it all started with you. Why can’t you ever be happy with your lot in life?”
“Of course I’m satisfied with what I’ve got. What gives you the idea that I even wanted to listen to you rant right now?”
“You told me to wait, and so I did. If you actually wished me to ignore you, you might have chosen a better time to let me know. Later, Evans.”
Without so much as another backward glance, James continued down the corridor, a noticeably new spring in his step.
Still in a rage, Lily turned to face Snape once again. He was looking at her with pity, and she would certainly not condone this. Before she could say anything, however, he spoke.
“You care about him.” It wasn’t a question.
“How could you say such a thing? All those years that we were friends, the first thing you could know for sure about me was that I hated James Potter.”
“You don’t. I wish it weren’t true, but you have to understand what you become when you’re with him. You don’t want to let him leave.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“What I want and what’s best for you are definitely not the same.”
“Then what do you suggest I do?”
“Open your eyes and realize that what you have is perhaps the best gift you could ever ask for. Something I will never have.”
Lily sighed. “I can’t accept a different reality from what I have. You know about Tate, I’m sure.”
“You’re not happy.”
“I’m not upset, either. Tate’s wonderful. Only you could figure out that life isn’t a fairy tale for me now. We may not be friends anymore, but you know me better than any of the Gryffindors.”
“We’ll never be friends again, will we? And it’s all my fault, too.”
“Friends, no. But I don’t hate you anymore; I hope you’ll remember that.”
“If I forget, I might just do something that I’ll regret.”
“You’ve already done the worst. What more could you do?”
Snape glared at Lily, hurt not by her words, but by the truth in them. He could not believe how well they understood each other, even now. Yet, he would never receive the opportunity to make amends.
“I could lose myself forever, and even Dumbledore couldn’t save me then.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“You did what?” James and Sirius were sitting in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, skimming the Evening Prophet while discussing the afternoon’s events.
“I confronted Regulus today, and even though I didn’t get anything out of him, I learned a lot.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that he’s frightened. He may not have admitted it, but the other Death Eaters intimidate him. He covered up his slip by giving me the usual “you’re not part of the family” speech, but it worries me.”
“Did you see Snape today?” James asked suddenly, not really focusing on Sirius’s words.
“No, why?” Sirius replied, now concerned. James had a faraway look on his face, as though he was lost in some disturbing thoughts.
“I dunno, exactly, but I saw him speaking to Lily today. Well actually, I passed them in the third floor corridor and I wasn’t going to stop, but Lily called me back. I have no idea why she did it; it’s as if she wanted me to hex Snape or bother them or something. It seemed as though she expected me to do something like I would have done in the past.”
“She hasn’t changed a bit. That’s why she can’t tell that you have.”
James smirked slightly. “I never thought I’d see the day. Lily Evans, judging others. And all the teachers think she’s some sort of angel in disguise.”
“You don’t believe a word you’re saying. Are you actually going to act like you’re over her now?”
“What, don’t I seem like I am?” James said bitterly.
“I know I told you to move on, but I don’t like what it’s done to you. You changed for her, Prongs. You can’t forget that. If she isn’t grateful, then she doesn’t deserve you. Nevertheless, she has to realize what you’ve done for her. It was more than what most blokes would have done for a girl.”
“I have Jasmine now.”
“Even she doesn’t believe it. Marlene told me that Jazz is worried “ worried that you’re using her to get over Lily.”
“Well, we are going into Hogsmeade on Sunday “ wait, that’s tomorrow. This first week back has been nice with Jazz. I don’t think she should be worried.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve noticed. You ditched me for her in Transfiguration and Potions! Old Sluggy was thrilled to see you two hitting it off, and McGonagall looked as though the sky was falling down.”
“Maybe it’s time, then. Lily doesn’t care about me, and I’ve found someone who has.”
“You’ve only known Jazz for about a week, Prongs.”
“That’s not true!” James protested. “I’ve known her since first year.”
“But when have you ever shown interest in her?” Sirius shot back.
“What’s got your wand in a knot? Do you have a problem with me fancying Jasmine?”
“I don’t, but I know someone who does. I want you to think about it. If you’re actually into Jazz, then fine. However, there’s someone else who would love to be in your position right now, and if you’re just taking advantage of her, then he’ll murder you. Wait, he’s too nice to do such a thing. But he’ll never forgive you, that I can promise.”
“What are you talking about, Padfoot… I think I would know if one of our friends liked her, too.”
“Well, I guess you don’t know the Marauders as well as you thought, then,” Sirius retorted.
“You’re just upset because of your conversation with Regulus.”
“Oh, don’t act like you were actually paying attention when I was telling you about that. It’s always about you now, but when it conveniences you, you’ll pretend to be attentive. You may have changed for Lily, James, but you’ve changed with your friends, too. Only in this case, it hasn’t been in a good way.”
James was at a loss for words. He and Sirius rarely argued, and even when they did, it was generally never serious. He couldn’t fathom why Sirius was making such a big deal about the situation, and before he could respond to his remark, Sirius had abruptly departed for the boys’ dormitory.
On the other side of the room, by the windows, Remus had been watching James and Sirius’s argument while hiding in the shadows of the curtains. He was touched to see Sirius stand up for him, but disappointed that James did not take the hint. Lately, James did not pay attention to anything, and quite surprisingly, the same could be said about Lily. The two of them had been wandering around the castle during their separate patrols rather aimlessly, acting completely lost to the world around them.
Remus wished they would both just get a grip and get together. James was still clearly crazy about Lily, and Lily was obviously, after six long years, falling for James. He couldn’t believe that he was the only seeing the connection between the two. The worst part of it all (for him, at least) was that in his half-hearted attempt to get over Lily, James had stolen the girl with whom Remus had secretly been in love for the past three years as quick as you could say “Quidditch”. It was so easy for James and Sirius to get whichever girls they so pleased, minus Lily, of course. He didn’t have that luxury, all because of his lycanthropy. Remus wondered daily how different his life might have been, how much easier, if Greyback had never bitten him. Perhaps he would be the one going into Hogsmeade with Jasmine, rather than James. Perhaps he would be the popular Marauder that everyone wanted to know. And maybe “ just maybe “ his friends would never have had to risk their lives for him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tragic Glory by Daughter of the Light
Chapter Notes: Hello, loves! I'm sorry I haven't written in such a long time - school can be such a drag! I'm thrilled to have been able to return to the wonderful world of fanfiction, and I hope you like Chapter 4~
Chapter Endnotes: Well, there you have it! Please remember to review if you have the time - there's nothing I like more than a bit of constructive criticism... except for Harry Potter and chocolate, of course ;). Enjoy!