John Lupin had assured his son that there was no place in the world safer than Hogwarts, but the comforting words didn't enter Remus's mind when he glanced up at the small lunar clock sitting on Professor Armistead's desk on Monday. Next to the time floated a small white orb, and the reality of what it meant came crashing back down on him in an instant.
"Remus?" asked Armistead, and he jerked his gaze away from the clock to meet the professor's eyes, and saw that Armistead was looking at him with some concern, "What is one of the Keys of Combat that Mr. Baers lists in Chapter 1?"
"Um, short spells are most effective, especially if the battle lasts longer than ten spells," Remus said, then glanced down at his notes to check his answer and for somewhere else to look besides the clock.
"Very good, Remus. Can anyone tell me any others?" he asked, and several hands went into the air. Remus tried to concentrate on the answers, but his eyes were drawn up to the small orb more often than they were drawn to his notes, and he only noticed that the class was dismissed when Tonks and Adam stood from their seats next to him.
The rest of the day felt hazy, and Remus barely touched his food at lunch or dinner. By the time the common room filled up with various Gryffindors studying or lounging around, Adam and Tonks were exchanging nervous glances as they watched their friend, hunched over his Transfiguration textbook and scrawling hurried notes over a spare piece of parchment in between long looks out the tall windows at the rapidly darkening sky.
Shortly after ten, Remus put away his textbooks and quill, but instead of packing up and heading to bed, he just pulled out one of his ever-present books, a battered copy of The Phantom Tollbooth, and settled back into the armchair. The room had mostly cleared out by now, the fire dying down, but he quickly lost himself in the familiar book. The moon was a far distant thought until he glanced up from Milo's adventures to see Tonks and Adam sitting across from him, both lit from behind by the orange light of the fire and their features pale in the white light of the moon. Adam was playing solitaire with a pack of worn Muggle cards, Tonks alternating between helping Adam with his game and staring intently at Remus as he read.
"I'm sorry, guys. You can go on up if you want. No need to wait around for me. I'm just getting to the good part," he said, but neither of them moved except for Adam turning over another card.
"What's going on?" asked Tonks, and try as he might, Remus couldn't keep his eyes from straying towards the tall windows, and she caught on immediately.
"It's the full moon, isn't it?" she said, and Remus studied the page in front of him.
"I know it's stupid, to be afraid of a day, to be scared of something so far away, but it's just force of habit, I guess."
"'S not stupid," said Adam, considering his options before relocating a stack and looking up at Remus, blue eyes very pale in the moonlight as his spikes cast an orange halo around his head.
"You guys don't really need to stick around though, seriously. I'm just going to read a little bit longer, and then head up," said Remus, but no one moved. And then Adam spoke.
"'S okay. This is what friends are for," he said, and silence came over the three of them. They had, of course, known they were friends before- ate meals together, sat by each other in class, studied in the common room together. But none of them had ever acknowledged it like Adam just had, hadn't spoken it out loud that they were friends, and were there for each other beyond questions about Transfiguration and discussions over whether the Sheppard's pie was any good. And it seemed so simple, the words, but they were still a little stunned at how easily this friendship had happened without really much effort on their parts. The three of them sat in quiet, the fire crackling softly, a clock ticking somewhere, letting the words sink in, before Tonks spoke, carefully, cautiously.
"Why'd you stand your ground? Why didn't you just run?" she asked Remus, eyes locked on his, and he could see the real question in them: Were you terrified?
He considered it for a moment, thought about lying, telling her some story about how he hadn't been terrified out of his mind, but friends tell each other the truth, so he said, "It didn't feel right. To look him in the eye, and then run away. I was terrified," he continued, and he remembers the frantic escapes, the explosions of pain in his arm, his shoulder, and those huge green-brown eyes, "I was more scared than I've ever been in my entire life, but it didn't feel right to run. There was just," he paused for a second, searching for the right word, but not finding it, "Something. There was just something that said 'Don't run.' This gut feeling that running was wrong. I couldn't run anymore than I could just stand there and let him attack me. I had to fight. I don't know, that probably sounds foolish."
"It doesn't. There's a reason you ended up in Gryffindor, isn't there? The house of the brave, if occasionally stupid?" said Adam, scooping the cards up and reshuffling them. He dealt the cards between himself and Tonks, and the two engaged in a spirited, if quiet, game of War while Remus went back to his book. But he found himself glancing up every few pages to watch his friends' silent victories and defeats as they turned their cards over again and again in the dying firelight and glaring moonlight, and thought about what that word friends meant, now that it had been acknowledged out loud.
As Milo, Tock and The Humbug encountered Alec Bings, Adam gave a yawn that seemed about to dislocate his jaw with its sheer magnitude, and Remus closed the book and said to his two friends, "I think I'm heading up now. I'm at a good stopping point." Adam gathered up his cards and Tonks stood to stretch while Remus slipped the book into his bag.
He remained by his chair though, bag slung over his shoulder, watching his best friends head up their respective staircases and didn't know why it was so hard to find what he wanted to say, why his brain and his throat and his lungs wouldn't cooperate, but at the last second it seemed, his voice came out, quiet and more like a breath than actual words, but Tonks and Adam both stopped on the stairs at his soft "Thank you."
Adam just smiled sleepily and said, "No problem, mate. See you in a few hours, I guess. G'night, Tonksie," before he disappeared up the staircase. Tonks remained where she was, sending an exasperated eye roll at Adam over the nickname, but then returning her gaze to Remus.
"He's right, Remus. It's what friends are for. It's not a problem. Besides, I still owe you from the train," she said, looking unsure, McNair's words still biting even now.
But Remus smiled slightly, moving to the bottom of the girls' staircase, "What are friends for if not for sticking up for you when you need it? It's not a problem," he said, grinning up at her, and she returned his smile.
"Night, Remus."
"Night, Nymphadora."
"Don't call me that," she tossed over her shoulder softly before disappearing around the curve of the staircase, but Remus just grinned, heading for his own staircase.
The dorm was still bright with moonlight, and Remus could see it casting a glow off Adam's remarkably spiky hair from where his friend had collapsed on top of his covers, and recalled the other boy's earlier words as he quickly changed and climbed into his own four-poster. Staring up at the canopy, he remembered that night.
He remembered how he'd stared into the werewolf's hateful eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but must have been only seconds, remembered diving towards it to avoid it, the power of it as it attacked again and again, the splatter of blood and silver as he'd slipped. But mostly Remus remembered how most of his brain had been screaming, absolutely screaming, for him to run, to get away, but his heart had said Stay, Fight, this is where it happens, and he had no idea what it was, but his body had followed his heart, and he was still here, unbitten.
There were some days when he wished he had just run, had escaped into the safety of his home and his parents, when he wished that his right shoulder bore no mark at all because he had chosen immediate safety over some sense of bravery and destiny. And almost every day he wished that Greyback had never emerged from those woods, that he had never really been concerned with werewolves a day in his life except as some anonymous threat that was in no way related to his daily life.
But on nights like this, with these friends, with those words spoken aloud, Remus found he wasn't really that concerned with the moon at the moment.
--
The next morning, Remus woke up tired, but happy. As he moved to his trunk, he kicked at Adam's mattress and said, "Morning, mate." The other boy just groaned and didn't move. Remus rolled his eyes and kicked again.
"I don't want to," came the muffled voice from his pillow, "Why did I stay up so late again?"
"Because that's what friends are for," said Remus, pulling his clothes out of his trunk as Adam sat up.
"I've decided I no longer want to be friends. It now feels like a bad life decision."
"Too bad. Now hurry up and get dressed or we won't get anything to eat."
"Because the Hogwarts kitchens so often run out of food for us."
"Just get dressed and stop tempting fate so openly," said Remus, and Lewis, looking nearly as tired as the other two boys as he entered the dormitory, laughed and sat on his bed to wait for the other two, as Win and Jeremiah had already headed down. Once they were all dressed, and Remus had dragged Adam from his bed again, they headed down the stairs to where Tonks waited for them.
When they reached the table, the owls were just starting to arrive, and as Remus grabbed himself some toast, Shaaro landed beside his plate and snatched a piece of his own from Remus's hand to nibble at as another owl landed with The Daily Prophet. The big black owl glared at Remus's, but Shaaro continued to eat his breakfast, not bothered by the other owl's presence. Remus was still occupied with Shaaro and his own food, so he handed the paper to Lew, who began to read silently before Jeremiah poked his arm with a spoon.
"Care to share with the group, Lo?" he asked, using the nickname Win had given him during their first week, because he had felt weird being the only one who didn't go by his full name, and Jeremiah had threatened immediate and terrifying violence upon being called 'Jerry' the first time.
"Uh, negotiations on track for new Goblin legislation, increased pressure on Flourish and Blotts from new bookshop in Diagon Alley, and, oh, hey, robbery at Gringotts last night! Four ounces of centaur ashes were stolen from a medium security vault, owned by an unnamed apothecary owner."
"This guy had four ounces of centaur ashes? Those are about as rare as any potion ingredient on the planet," said Win, and Jeremiah laughed at his best friend.
"Yeah, because the most amazing thing about a break in at Gringotts is what was taken, not the fact that Merlin himself wouldn't be able to break into Gringotts on a good day. Wonder how they did it?" he said, but Win just rolled his eyes.
"It wasn't even a high security vault. If he'd broken into one of those, I'd be impressed."
"Well, I'm still impressed," said Tonks, taking the paper from Lewis and scanning the article, "Said it was robbed late last night in the waning hours of a gala being thrown for the new legislation. Bold move, going into a crowded Gringotts and walking out with an urn of one of the most valuable potion ingredients in the world."
"True story," said Adam, slapping Remus's hand as it crept towards his plate to snag some of his bacon.
Outside McGonagall's Transfiguration classroom, Remus could feel the exhaustion deep inside his bones, and leaned against the wall, sucking a deep breath through his teeth and trying to relax his sore shoulder muscles, the ache in the scar deep today. Tonks and Adam both looked tired still, but neither of them seemed to be feeling the effects quite as badly as Remus. They were worried, but at Remus's urging, they went down to lunch without him. He slid down the wall in the now deserted corridor and rested his head back against the wall for a few moments.
"Adam and Tonks said you'd be here," said a voice from above him, and Remus opened his eyes to see Professor Armistead looking down at him. He started to push himself up, but Armistead stopped him before settling down on the floor next to him with a sigh.
"This seemed so much easier when I was a student. Must be getting old," he said, earning a tired smile from Remus. "Late night last night?"
Remus nodded, "Got caught up reading my book, didn't realize how late it was getting," he said, "Tonks and Adam stayed up with me, but I guess they must have gotten better sleep than I did when we finally went up."
Armistead was silent for a moment before he spoke, "Full moon was last night."
It wasn't a question, but Remus answered anyway, "Yes."
Armistead was quite for a moment, "I think that's why you're so tired, why you're feeling the effects more than your friends. Think how much tension you had all yesterday, and last night," he paused for a moment, looking at Remus, "It must be hard sometimes, the full moon, and this is your first one at Hogwarts. Your scar really bothers you some days, doesn't it?" Remus nodded, and he paused again, "What did you read?"
Remus was thrown off by the question, his hand having risen up to cover the exposed bit of scar tissue, but answered after a few seconds, "Uh, The Phantom Tollbooth."
"By Juster?" Remus nodded, and Armistead stood up, offering a hand to him that he took gratefully and got to his feet as well, "Good book. Come with me." Remus followed the professor silently to his office. He was wondering what they were doing when they entered the office, and Remus was confronted with the towering shelves of books that covered the office walls. Armistead ran his fingers over the spines of several before he carefully pulled one out and tossed it to Remus.
"You ever read that one?" he asked, and Remus looked at the title: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. He shook his head, and Armistead smiled. "Good. I think you'll like it. Read that next full moon; maybe take your mind off things a little faster. Also, if you can manage to sneak down here, I'm a bit of an insomniac. Not that I'm encouraging any kind of blatant rule breaking," he said, rummaging around in his desk for a moment before tossing something else to Remus.
"Chocolate, sir?"
"It helps, I promise. It'll help you get through the day, at least, until you can get some proper sleep. Now, you should probably get on down to lunch, your friends were worried about you. And don't let that spoil your meal."
"Thanks, Professor," said Remus, and left with a wave as Armistead turned back to his books.
He made it through the rest of the day fairly well, the chocolate helping just as Armistead said it would, though Remus had to reassure Tonks several times that he really was just fine now. After he'd finished the homework he needed to for the night, he read the last bit of The Phantom Tollbooth, but Tonks sent him a rather terrifying glare before she shifted her eyes to the clock as he reached for Tom Sawyer, and he smiled at her and obediently packed his bag and bid her goodnight, and he and Adam ascended the stairs together.
Remus glanced out the window as they passed, and came to a surprised stop when he noticed a figure racing across the lawn, something small tucked under its arm. "Adam," he hissed, and the other boy descended back a few steps to look out the window with him.
"That looks like Linkin," he said, and Remus recognized the stoop and slightly limping gait as well.
"What's he doing headed for the Forest in such a hurry, and so late?"
"I don't know, and with the stories I've heard, I can't imagine anyone hurrying to get there. But, Merlin, I'm about dead on my feet, Remus, let's head up, and worry about him tomorrow at the earliest."
"Sounds like a plan to me," said Remus, but he watched until Linkin disappeared into the cover of the trees before following Adam up the staircase.
Remus Lupin and The Centaur Ashes by discosuperfli
Chapter Endnotes: Here we've established that Remus and Armistead are bookworms, and that Adam and Tonks are awesome friends. And look, there's a little bit of plot in amongst all the good character stuff. Or at least I hope it was good character stuff, and, you know, real plot. Also, I'm sorry for the super long wait. I know you all probably hate me now.