The Malfoy Manor was a sprawling estate, covering acres of land. The exterior was made mostly of black stone occasionally dotted with ornaments of sleek silver and steel. The wall that surrounded it was high enough to obscure most of the building from view, but a few towers rose upwards, outlined against the sky.
Sirius sighed as he stared at it. He had inherited enough money from his deceased uncle to live comfortably and without any real need to work, but it was nothing compared to the lavish inheritance that had been bestowed upon his cousin. With Lucius Malfoy dead, she was the sole owner of the family fortune, though one day it would pass along to her son, the young Draco.
The gate was made of iron, wrought in the shape of twisting serpents and a fierce dragon, complete with emerald eyes. Sirius reached forward, his fingertips gently resting on the stone that comprised the dragon’s eye. He drew back sharply, heat scorching his fingertips, his skin turning pale pink.
The stone had burned him.
He almost laughed. It was not something Narcissa would have done “ charming the gate to burn anyone who tried to enter “ but more likely an idea that could be attributed to her late husband. Lucius Malfoy had always been a mixture of paranoia and haughty arrogance, and would have definitely been worried about intruders.
Sirius had rarely been to this particular Manor, seeing no real reason to venture into Wiltshire. He saw Narcissa a handful of times each year, usually at some Ministry event, and they would exchange strained pleasantries. Unlike the rest of the family, she did not harbor as much obvious hatred for him, but there was certainly no love lost between the two.
He could only imagine her surprise when his owl arrived, requesting a visit. It probably equaled his own surprise when he received her prompt acceptance of his request and invited him to tea.
He looked around. There was no way to announce his presence, no knocker or doorbell of any sort. And yet the gate would not open for him. He wondered vaguely if Narcissa had changed her mind, but then dismissed that thought. There was probably some spell that alerted Narcissa to his arrival, and she was simply taking her time in answering. She certainly wouldn’t rush for him.
Sure enough, the gate swung open a few moments later, silently allowing him entrance.
The path led straight towards the house, lined on either side by tall, perfectly groomed trees. Beyond the trees, the grass sloped up and down in gently rolling hills, dotted with shrubs and statues and bursts of color in the form of clusters of flowers. Sirius glanced left and right as he walked, taking in the sight. He didn’t particularly like it, it was far too organized and geometrical, as though the Malfoys had tried to take all the wild beauty out of nature. As though they wanted to prove that they could conquer everything, including the land.
But thoughts of the grounds left his mind as he stopped in front of the Manor itself. The black stone looked cold and foreboding, and each window was cloaked in a deep green curtain, lined with silver thread. He craned his neck back and looked up at the roof, where several gargoyles stood, frozen in the act of lunging forward, attacking.
He looked back at the double doors just as they began to open, welcoming him into the house.
He curled his burnt hand into a fist, wincing a little at the protest of the skin. His palm was sore, and stung a little.
“If you play with fire, Sirius, you will get burned.”
Narcissa appeared before him, her fair beauty a strong contrast to the darkness of the mansion. Her blonde hair was pulled into a casually elegant twist, and her thin frame was draped in expensive blue robes. She smiled at him, a calm, cold smile that did not reach her eyes.
Sirius pulled out his wand and tapped it against his palm, murmuring a healing spell under his breath. The burn instantly disappearing, and a tingling sensation ran through his hand towards the tips of his fingers.
“Please,” Narcissa said, gesturing with one arm, “come in.”
And she turned and floated away.
Sirius followed her, his footsteps sounding heavy and out of place on the stone floor. They walked through the corridor in silence, encountering no one else. More than once, Sirius thought his cousin might turn aside into one of the many rooms they passed, but she continued forward until they had walked the entire length of the Manor, and found themselves on the back patio.
A small table had been set for them, complete with a teapot, a plate of biscuits, and a bowl of grapes. It was not particularly fancy, but it was still more than Sirius had expected.
Of course, he had expected that Narcissa would refuse to meet him at all.
“Please, sit down,” she said, her voice low and melancholy.
Sirius nodded and slid into the offered seat, eyeing Narcissa shrewdly. She had never been as wild as he and his brother, nor as outspoken and brash as either of her sisters, but this quiet dignity was still always unsettling to see. The death of her husband had changed her, and over the past seven years, she had become little more than a shadow of her once-vibrant self.
He had never imagined she would have taken the loss quite so hard.
“I was surprised to receive your owl,” Narcissa said, pouring a cup of tea for her cousin. “I suppose it is too much to hope that you have finally realized the error of your ways and decided to rejoin the family?”
Sirius raised the tea to his lips and took a sip, almost expecting it to be poisoned. With narrowed eyes, he said, “The family has nothing than I want anymore. I am perfectly content with my life.”
“Still running around with Potter?” she asked, her own cup of tea poised at her lips. When Sirius nodded in the affirmative, she added, “Well, at least you have enough common sense to choose a pureblood as your best friend, even if he happens to be a blood traitor. Now if only Potter would settle down with that little McKinnon girl he works with…”
“I don’t think James and Marlene are going to become an item any time soon,” Sirius said, biting off the words.
“Well, with a bloodline like the Potters, who else could he be after?” Narcissa asked, quirking an eyebrow. “I know he was in Gryffindor,” and she spat the name as though it tasted foul on her tongue, “but surely he has enough common sense to know that he has to marry someone… acceptable.” She regarded Sirius gravely as she added, “Something you would do well to remember, too.”
Sirius put his tea down, shoving the cup onto the table with a little more force than absolutely necessary. “Spare me the lecture, Narcissa,” he snapped. “I did not come here to have my views mocked.”
The sparkle of personality that had flickered through Narcissa’s eyes during their brief conversation dimmed almost immediately, and her expression was once more politely disinterested. She looked away from him, and he followed her gaze. The patio overlooked a garden, a burst of cheerful color that stood out against the overwhelming green. Whites and blues and pinks overlapped each other, mixing about in no particular order. A gentle wind blew over the ground, carrying the overwhelming scent of flowers with it.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair and looked back at his cousin. She was staring down on the table, her hands folded in her lap.
“It hurt them, you know,” she said stiffly. “When you left. Your mother, your father… and Regulus.”
Sirius slammed his hand down on the table, causing it to shake under the force of his anger. “Regulus made his own choices,” he spat.
He had not seen his brother in years. The last time their paths had crossed, it had been at the funeral for their mother. He had gone, not out of any sense of obligation to the woman, but because, with her dead, he was now the eldest Black and the head of the family. It had been expected “ in fact, required, according to wizarding custom “ that he be present to accept the mantle of leadership.
He had scoffed at the very notion of wanting any part of the family leadership, quarreled savagely with Bellatrix, and spared only enough time to tell Regulus that, should he ever come to his senses and want out of the family, Sirius was still willing to accept him.
Regulus had punched him hard enough to knock loose a few teeth, and that had been the end of the conversation.
“Of course,” Narcissa said softly, and with just a little bit of spite in his voice. “He made his choices, and you made yours. Don’t act like you are the only one who was hurt by it, dear cousin. I know what it is like to watch a sibling walk away.”
“And you should have gone with Andromeda, rather than waste your time with Bella,” Sirius retorted fiercely. “Insanity runs in this family, and Bella certainly has more than her fair share.”
“So do you,” Narcissa answered. “Why are you here, Sirius?”
“James wanted me to speak to you,” Sirius answered. “He wanted… he wanted to know about…”
“Lily Evans?” Narcissa supplied when Sirius hesitated. Her eyes were momentarily lit with a fiery hatred, but that soon melted away, and her entire countenance sagged underneath a sense of resignation. “Yes, I guessed that might have been the case. I assumed it could hardly be a coincidence that you requested to visit around the same time Potter chose to defend that murderer.”
“She was acquitted on all charges,” Sirius said firmly.
Narcissa laughed coolly. “She was guilty. Everyone knows it.” And she leaned back in her seat, hands folded and resting on the table.
“Yes, you seem to have made it your life’s mission to ruin her,” Sirius sneered.
Narcissa shrugged gracefully. “I’ve only done what any devoted wife would do to avenge her husband’s murder.”
“Why was Lestrange so desperate to have her found guilty? Why did he hold onto that loss for so long? Seven years to cling to a pathetic grudge?”
“Well, she did murder his brother-in-law,” Narcissa answered. “Or did you forget that Rodolphus married my sister?”
“It’s hard to forget that,” Sirius answered. “But still… does Lestrange really care about you or your darling Lucius that much?”
Eyes flashing, Narcissa answered through pursed lips, “The rest of us don’t so easily forget the ties that bind a family together.”
“Ah, yes… because, certainly, no one in your family simply refused to acknowledge Andromeda after she married Ted…” Sirius drawled. “You and Bellatrix both forget the bonds of family just as quickly as the rest of us if it suits you. If it is in the name of pureblood fanaticism.”
“She forgot us, too,” Narcissa murmured.
Sirius heaved a sigh. This argument was getting him nowhere, and he didn’t really want to stay in this gloomy Manor for any longer than was absolutely necessary. But he had promised James…
Which meant he needed to get to the point. Quickly. Before Narcissa drove him crazy.
“Then let’s try a different question,” he said. “Why would Evans have wanted to kill your husband?”
“She didn’t like him,” Narcissa answered. “Hated him, actually. What other reason did she need?”
It was at that moment that something appeared in the sky over the garden, hurtling recklessly around, buffeted by the wind. Sirius shaded his eyes against the sun and blinked a few times before he was able to make out the silhouette of a young boy “ perhaps seven or eight years of age “ clinging to a broom.
Narcissa’s lips curved into a fond smile, her expression softening.
“Draco,” she explained in a low murmur. “I just bought him the new Cleansweep and he’s been practicing on it ever since.”
Sirius watched as the blonde boy flipped his broom upside down and dangled, nearly losing control. It seemed to Sirius as though Draco wasn’t so much flying the broom as holding on for dear life.
But Narcissa did not seem particularly concerned. “He’s showing off,” she said. “He always does, when he knows I’m watching. I think he’s trying to scare me with his reckless antics.”
Sure enough, a moment later, Draco righted the broom and went into a spiraling dive, plummeting towards the ground.
Narcissa averted her gaze, lifting one hand to shield her from the sight of her son moving at breakneck speed.
“Boys will be boys,” she whispered.
Sirius watched, unwillingly impressed, as Draco pulled the broom up sharply just before colliding with the ground. Keeping the same speed, he raced towards the sky, climbing higher and higher until he was just a speck far above them. He might be only a child, but he certainly had a talent for flying.
“I hired a flying instructor for him when he was little, you know,” Narcissa continued, looking over at Sirius with a smile full of happy remembrances. “He’s loved it so much. I try to give him the very best of everything… because I can’t give him his father.”
The light was gone entirely, drained out of her, and Sirius couldn’t help but gape at the change. Her features practically aged before his very eyes, her face becoming lined with grief and exhaustion.
“Why did Evans hate your husband?” Sirius questioned.
Narcissa swallowed uneasily. “It was because of me,” she admitted. “Lily didn’t like it when Lucius and I stated dating.”
Sirius’ mouth dropped open. “You knew Evans? You were friends with her?”
“No,” Narcissa said sharply, but then deflated. “Maybe. I don’t… I don’t really know.” She looked up at Draco, who was now flying close enough that they could see his outline, if not his features. “We were in the same year at Hogwarts, you know,” she said.
Sirius nodded. He hadn’t known that, actually, but he did the math, and determined that Narcissa’s comment meant that Evans was only a few years younger than both James and himself.
“We never spoke. Why would I waste my breath on a Mudblood?” the blonde aristocrat asked.
“Don’t say that word,” Sirius hissed.
But Narcissa ignored him and continued thoughtfully, “Then, in my sixth year, we were in Potions together. Only a few of us passed the OWLS, and there wasn’t an even number of Slytherins or Gryffindors… I was partnered with her.” She turned her gaze to Sirius and said bluntly, flatly, “Imagine my surprise that she was actually good at it. Slughorn had always praised her in the past, but this was the first time that I really saw just how talented she was.”
“Yes,” Sirius said sarcastically, “who knew a Muggleborn could actually be good at magic?”
Again, Narcissa ignored what he had said. “We weren’t friends, but we weren’t enemies. She was… smart. Brilliant, really. Bellatrix had graduated by that point, but when she found out I was spending time with Lily, she was furious. Wrote my all sorts of nasty letters, but I… NEWT level Potions was a challenge, and I wanted to do well. And Lily was good at it.”
“So you decided to be friends with Lily because it would help you pass Potions?” Sirius demanded, torn between being disgusted at her ideas of friendship and surprised that she would ever admit to the possibility of a Muggleborn being smarter than she was.
“We weren’t friends,” Narcissa corrected. “We were… friendly. And I will admit that I felt some fondness for her. I occasionally sought out her company even when we were not studying. But Lily was… and probably still is… too self-righteous for her own good.” She was looking at her son again, watching as he drifted away, disappearing behind a row of trees. Her gaze was hard and angry, but there was still the resignation, the sense of acceptance that Sirius struggle to reconcile with the cousin he had once known.
Narcissa had once hexed Regulus after he had stolen her diary. She had been nine at the time, and Regulus had been covered in itchy boils for hours before any of the adults could figure out how to undo what she had done. Bellatrix had been proud, Andromeda had been disgusted, and Sirius had done his best to hide his laughter, not wanting anyone to think he was actually having a good time.
It was one of the few holiday dinners that he could remember enjoying. And it had only been enjoyable because he had been able to watch his brother hopping around in pain and mortification for several hours.
On a whim, he said, “Do you remember that time Regulus stole your diary?”
Narcissa frowned thoughtfully, then smirked. “Yes,” she said, faint laughter in her voice. But it was gone quickly, and her expression sobered as she added, “We were quite childish.”
“But never self-righteous?” Sirius asked pointedly.
Narcissa’s eyes hardened. “Not like Lily was. She couldn’t understand why I still clung to my views on blood purity. I explained to her, several times, that I was a Black, a member of an elite, wealthy, prestigious family. She didn’t understand. She didn’t know what it meant to be a Black. She… she always spoke so callously, so cruelly, about my family. The words she would use to describe them…”
“Like you called her a Mudblood?” Sirius interjected.
“…as though they were fifth. Not fit to call themselves witches and wizards. As though she was superior to everyone. Smarter, prettier... more... honorable. She went on and on about prejudice against Muggleborns and part-humans, about the need for tolerance. But she was prejudiced, too.”
“How so?”
Narcissa drew a deep breath. “I started dating Lucius in my seventh year. She baited him. She baited all of them, Bellatrix and Rodolphus as well the few times she met them. They were purebloods, they were Slytherins. So they couldn’t have any problems in their lives, could they?” She rolled her pretty eyes, her voice becoming positively glacial, “For Lily, Slytherins were always in the wrong. Myself included. We were never victims, we could do nothing right. Not to her.”
Sirius leaned forward and said emphatically, “How many lives does our family ruin, simply because we can? We look down upon Muggleborns and half-bloods as though they are not worth our time or consideration. As though they are not even human. Our family, Narcissa, has been mixed up in the Dark Arts for centuries. Maybe Evans was prejudiced against you all because you were always wrong.”
Narcissa’s pale face drained of color, becoming even more white. For a moment, Sirius thought she might simply disappear before his eyes.
But then she said fiercely, “She didn’t understand how hard it was for me to be friendly to her, that it was straining my relationship with my family. With Bella and my parents. With Lucius, the man I loved. She just… she wanted me to choose her over them. Over my own family. She kept saying I should do it because it is right.”
“It is right,” Sirius nearly exploded, jumping to his feet. “How can you justify these people? Your own sister, who used the Dark Arts on younger students at Hogwarts, who supported legislation banning Muggleborns from holding a position in the Ministry, who tried to get Gringotts removed from goblin control. And your husband…”
“Leave Lucius out of this!” Narcissa snarled, rising to her feet as well. Spots of red appeared on her cheeks, a sign of her fury, and Sirius took an involuntary step backwards. “How many people did you bully at Hogwarts, Sirius? You took great pleasure in pranking Slytherins.”
“That was just for laughs…”
“Was it?” Narcissa asked, cutting across his defense. “I seem to recall several of them ending up in the Hospital Wing. They didn’t seem to be laughing.”
Sirius forced himself to stay calm. It was true, he had been a bully in the past. Although, in the case of the Slytherins, many of them had hexed him as well, and he felt little remorse for his actions. But he did often think with regret on some of the pranks he had played on hapless members of the other Houses.
Still, it wasn’t the same as torturing people. It wasn’t the same as killing them.
And he had grown up, he had stopped bullying people. And the rest of his family… they hadn’t .
Narcissa sank back into her chair and Sirius followed suit, both of them silent.
Sirius could not help but feel a slight amount of admiration for Evans, though. She may be a murderer “ although that had yet to be proven “ but she had at least had the guts and determination to fight against bigotry and discrimination. To see the good in Narcissa, and do her damndest to help her friend overcome the bad.
But in the case of a Black, the only way to get rid of the bad traits was to walk away from the family entirely, and it was clear that the blonde witch would never do that.
But Sirius had done it. And it had hurt. By the time he’d left, he hadn’t cared about his parents or most of his cousins, but it had hurt to walk away from his brother. To face the reality that his brother was going to turn out like their parents, that he was going down the wrong path, and there was nothing Sirius could do to stop it. He could only save himself, and doing that, breaking away from them, had meant giving up on Regulus.
But if he hadn’t, they would have forced him to become something he wasn’t, something he loathed.
It had hurt. And it filled him with regret and horror and disgust. But it had been the right thing to do. If there was ever a way to save his brother, he would be there to help. But until then, he had to save himself.
There were things more important than family. Not many of them, but a few.
“When Lucius and I started dating,” Narcissa said suddenly, “I could ignore Lily’s comments. But when it became serious, when I realized that this was the man that I loved, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with… it was harder. And Lily had no compassion for me. She wasted it all on other Mudbloods, on part-humans, on her precious charity cases, and she had no understanding, no sympathy, no comprehension of the fact that I was in love with Lucius. When we left Hogwarts, I thought it would be over. We would no longer need to interact at all, and I would be free from her. But she didn’t let go, didn’t… she kept trying to convince me to…”
Narcissa trailed off and was silent for a long moment, thinking. Sirius watched her, waiting to hear more.
“She didn’t want me to marry Lucius, but I did. Then I had Draco, and she was so angry. She said Lucius would be a bad father, that he would teach Draco all the wrong things. Did I really want that for my son? She went out of her way to bait Lucius when she saw him. And sometimes, I think she went out of her way to find him, just so she could argue with him, mock him… She threatened to kill him, even.”
“Yes, I read about that,” Sirius said.
“That was seven years ago. Two years since I had married Lucius and one year since Draco was born. She threatened to kill him… and a few days later, he ends up dead.”
“She said she didn’t do it,” Sirius protested.
“She did it,” Narcissa answered firmly. “I do not particularly care what the Wizengamot decided. She was guilty, and everyone knew it. Even Frank and Alice Longbottom, and they were suppose to be her friends.” Her voice was tired again, filled with weariness. “Only Remus Lupin believed she was innocent… and now she’s killed him, too.”
“She hasn’t been proven guilty for that, either,” Sirius argued. “But you don’t care, I presume?”
Narcissa laughed coolly. “Think what you want, Sirius, your opinions means nothing to me. The Wizengamot let her go, but I could not. She murdered my husband, and then I am left alone with a child and she gets to continue her life as though nothing has changed? I couldn’t allow that.”
“So you decided to get even with her. And Lestrange and Bella were all too happy to help,” Sirius concluded.
“I wanted her to know what it felt like to be alone. I wanted her to know what it felt like to lose everything that mattered. I wanted her, for once, to feel the way I did every time she called me a bad friend, every time she looked at me with that disapproving gaze, like I was beneath her.”
They were quiet again. Narcissa sat there, looking out over the garden, the small explosion of color in the otherwise dreary grounds. Somewhere beyond the row of trees, Draco raced back and forth on his broom, his laughter caught up in the wind. And Sirius wordlessly cursed James for asking him to do this. He had never wanted to talk to anyone in his family, never wanted to face more proof at just how calculating and vindictive they could be.
The tea had gotten cold.
Fool Me Twice by Dawnie
Chapter Notes: This chapter takes place before the end of the last one; we get to see the conversation between Sirius and Narcissa.