"I'm not taking charity," Lily stated flatly.
Damocles Belby glanced up from the book he was perusing and met Lily's determined expression. "Did I say you were?" he asked mildly. He looked down at the book again and frowned, then his eyes traveled sideways, past the book, and landed on a scroll of parchment on which Lily had written several notes for the potion. "I see you have notes on chizpurfle fang? Do you really think that is an appropriate ingredient?"
"What?" Lily demanded, snatching the scroll away from him. "No, no." She shook her head, frustrated both at his blasé attitude and at the fact that something as ridiculous as chizpurfle fang had ended up in her notes. She picked up the nearest quill and scratched it out.
Belby raised an eyebrow.
"It was just something Potter suggested," Lily said, shaking her. Of all the things for him to look at, why did it have to be her notes about that? "He liked the name."
"That's hardly a reason to pick ingredients," Belby said, a mixture of amusement and disapproval in his tone.
"I know," Lily replied. She placed the scroll back on the table and took her own seat across from him once more. It felt uncomfortably weird to have such an important and brilliant man sitting in her flat, looking over her work. She wanted to make sure he understood that she hadn't asked James for this. She wanted him to know that she was talented at potions and wasn't just relying on a friend's money - but she didn't know how to bring up her own accomplishments without sounding like she was bragging.
Belby didn't seem to notice her discomfort at the situation; he was too engrossed in her notes.
James had already left, claiming that he didn't have the potions aptitude to follow any conversation the two of them might have. But Lily knew it was more than that - he wanted to give her an opportunity to talk to Belby alone. To impress him, to convince him that she was worth taking on as an apprentice.
Unfortunately, she still wasn't convinced that Belby cared about her abilities at potions. James had offered him money, after all. What if that was all he cared about? What if everything else was unimportant to him?
"Mr. Belby, sir… I just wanted to make sure that this isn't charity," Lily tried again. "I appreciate your help - I do. I don't want you to think that I am ungrateful. But I can't… won't… take Potter's money. I am not that kind of witch."
Belby gave her a wry smirk. "Then I suppose it is a good thing he is offering the money to me, Miss Evans, and not you."
Lily looked shocked at his words, and Belby's smirk shifted into a grin. It took her a moment to realize that his comment had been a joke. She hadn't expected him to have a sense of humor.
Belby sighed then, his expression becoming more serious, more thoughtful. "This isn't charity, Miss Evans. And it isn't about the money, either." He gestured to her notes. "I am impressed by your theory and the progress you've made in just a few short weeks. You've come up with ideas that I hadn't even considered."
"I'm sure some of that was just luck," Lily replied automatically, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop to think about an appropriate response. She desperately wanted the praise, but was uneasy about accepting it when it came at the expense of his own intelligence. And besides, given how renowned a potioneer he was, she simply couldn't believe that she had made any discoveries that would have eluded him.
"Oh, I doubt it," Belby replied, dismissing her words with a casual wave of his hand. "That is often how research goes, you know. Sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes to find the answers." He gazed at her for a long moment, then said, "Of course, sometimes it is pure luck. Sometimes things happen that you can't foresee. Why, there was this one potion I was working on several years ago, after I'd all but given up on Wolfsbane. It was supposed to ease some of the aftereffects of the Cruciatus curse, but I just couldn't get the ingredients to reach the right consistency. The son of a friend of mine - he was six at the time and had so much enthusiasm for everything, but then I suppose that all six-year-olds do. I could never keep up with them; I haven't the energy for that…" He trailed off contemplatively, then blinked up at Lily, a frown appearing on his face. "What was I saying?"
"About a potion to ease the aftereffects of Crucio," Lily murmured, a chill running down her spine at the thought of that particular curse. She was mildly surprised that he would be working on such a potion given how uncommon the curse was. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even heard of it being used, though she supposed Aurors might be in danger of getting hit with it.
Belby seemed to read her thoughts, because he said in an uncharacteristically hard tone, "It may not be common now, Miss Evans, but it was during the war. Grindelwald and his followers enjoyed using it."
Lily nodded slowly, and swallowed. The war, horrible as it had been, was just a theoretical concept to her. It had ended years before she was born, and had been fought primarily on the Continent. She'd learned about it at school, of course, but found it difficult to believe that such violence, such horror, could ever happen here in Britain.
Belby looked down at her notes again. "My friend's son had snuck into my work room and started playing with the potion. I, of course, hurried in to stop him, and he told me that I should heat up my potion more because the bubbles were pretty. I ignored that bit of advice, but then, after weeks of trying to get the right consistency, I was finally at my wit's end and decided to play around with the heat."
"But adding too much heat to a potion can cause it to lose its potency," Lily protested.
"Oh, very good, Miss Evans," Belby said with a nod. He sounded surprised and pleased. "Not many potions students remember that. And it is such basic knowledge, I can never figure out why people forget. I've spoken to Horace - Professor Slughorn, to you - about this issue several times and he assures me that he is doing his very best to make sure his students remember the fundamentals, but somehow they keep forgetting." He clicked his tongue in censure and then said disapprovingly, "I suppose they don't pay as much attention to Potions because it isn't as flashy or exciting as Charms and Transfiguration."
"Did the potion work?" Lily pressed, ignoring his tangent.
"What potion?" Belby asked blankly.
"The potion for the Cruciatus curse," Lily replied, wondering vaguely how Belby had become so brilliant at potions research when he could barely form a coherent thought. But then weren't brilliance and insanity just two sides of the same coin?
"Oh, yes," Belby said with a smile. "It did. It was less potent, of course, but the loss of potency was acceptable, given that without the extra heat on the cauldron I couldn't get the potion to work at all." He furrowed his brow. "Why was I telling you this story?" A pause, then, "Oh, yes. The importance of a new set of eyes."
Lily wasn't entirely sure it was a compliment that she had just been compared to a six-year-old, but she let that go for the moment and said instead, "But Potter offered you money." She hesitated, trying to figure out how to delicately ask if he was considering helping her merely because of that, but Belby saved her the trouble of coming up with something to say.
"And, as I told Mr. Potter, I am more than capable of getting my own funding," he replied firmly. "Really, Miss Evans, do you always assume that everyone is only ever interested in wealth?"
Lily flushed. "I…I don't…" she stammered, unsure how to respond. It was, after all, what most people were interested in.
Belby shook his head with a sigh. Then he said, "I don't need an apprentice, I don't need to work on the Wolfsbane potion, and I certainly don't need money. Mr. Potter's perseverance and… well, a rather passionate speech about your talents and the unfairness of the world… that is why I am here. Your friend has bought you an opportunity to impress me. Nothing more, nothing less." He glanced up at her, his eyes narrowing slightly. "And you haven't managed to impress me yet."
Lily opened her mouth to argue, and then forced herself to bite back the hasty words. After a moment of internal struggle in which she debated all the possible answers she could give, she asked, "And what would impress you?"
Mr. Belby smiled. "How about instead of telling me all the reasons why you aren't going to take Mr. Potter's charity, you focus instead on telling me all the reasons why you think you are worthy of working with me?" Lily hesitated, and he said with sympathetic grin, "Don't worry about sounding arrogant or conceited. I can assure you that I will not hold it against you - in the real world, sometimes arrogance is needed."
Peter couldn't help but wish that this was somehow all a dream. A nightmare, really. Something from which he could wake up.
It wasn't.
The dark-haired witch smiled lazily, her heavily-hooded eyes fixed on him. Her dark red lips stood out in stark contrast to her pale skin, and Peter kept staring at at them. It was far easier to look at her mouth then to meet her chillingly insane gaze.
"I'm not…" he stared a weak protest, his voice shaking.
"You are," Bellatrix interrupted before he could say anything. She took a step closer. "We're not done with you, ickle Petey." And she reached out and ruffled his hair the way one might do to a toddler.
Peter felt a shiver run down his spine as he jerked away from her.
"I don't have anything else to tell you," he said, moving backwards, away from her. He hesitated, then added with a level of bravery in his tone that definitely did not reflect how he truly felt, "James is my friend. I won't help you. I won't betray him."
"You didn't have a problem doing that before," Bellatrix cooed, smirking at him. "What would your friends say if I told them about that?"
"Don't…" Peter started immediately, than choked off the word. He lowered his gaze, trying to organize his jumbled and frantic thoughts. His heart was hammering in his chest and all he could think of, all he could consider, was how urgently he just wanted to wake up.
Bellatrix smiled and raised one eyebrow challengingly. She knew the right buttons to push, knew the threats that would lodge themselves firmly underneath Peter's skin. He wasn't sure how to fight her, and every time she spoke he found his resolve crumbling just a little bit more, unable to stand upright underneath the full weight of her terrifying words.
"You," she said, "should have been in Slytherin. You have the cunning and the ambition." Tilting her head to the side, she added in a mock-contemplative tone, "And you certainly don't have the idiotically noble bravery of most Gryffindors."
Peter wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a compliment - she was in Slytherin, after all - but he bristled all the same. "I am not one of you," he spat, his anger momentarily surpassing his fear.
"Aren't you?" Bellatrix murmured, leaning forward. Her glittering eyes fixed on him, and he couldn't look away, couldn't tear his own eyes from her piercing gaze. "I understand why you did what you did," she continued, "and I even… admire… it. Manipulation is the first step to success. The first step to showing your supposed friends that you are so much more than they give you credit for."
Peter swallowed. It was true that he wanted success - true that he wanted to matter. He wanted his friends to notice him, wanted to be more than an afterthought in their lives. And he wanted his father to care more about his warnings than about the shop.
But he hadn't betrayed James out of any desire to be better than the other wizard. Right?
When he'd first given Avery information about Mr. Potter attempting to buy Lily a spot in the next stage of the training program, he'd done it out of sheer desperation. He'd had to protect his father because it was clear that no one else would.
There had been some bitterness, too, though he tried not to think about that. His father's shop had gone up in flames, but James and Sirius had been too busy worrying about Remus to even notice until the next day.
He forced himself to look away from Bellatrix. "You're wrong," he whispered, wishing he could feel confidence in his words.
"Am I?" she asked, laughing. In a sing-song voice, she pressed on, "Little Peter wants to be the best of all his friends."
Peter shook his head in frantic denial of her words.
"You have quite the talent, little Peter," Bellatrix said, and his gaze snapped back to her face in surprise at the compliment. "The ability to listen, to remember… So very, very useful."
Peter flushed. It hadn't been enough to merely pass on the information about Mr. Potter's actions. The Malfoys were smart enough to know that a serious allegation without proof could be disastrous for them - particularly if Mr. Potter decided to challenge it. It had terrified a desperate Peter, scared him to think that his betrayal might not be enough to save his father's shop.
But then Lucius had pointed out that they didn't need actual proof of that wrong-doing; they just needed a list of other wrongs. Throw enough accusations at the Potters, and the ones that did have proof would make up for the ones that didn't. After all, if they could prove that Charlus Potter had manipulated the Ministry once, everyone would believe that he had done it several times.
And Peter had provided them with that list.
Laurel Harvin spent Christmas and New Years with the Potter family two years ago, and within a week had a position at the Ministry in the Auror Division. It was entirely possible that that had been a coincidence, but it was the appearance of impropriety that mattered.
James himself had told Peter about his father rescuing Mundungus Fletcher from the Wizengamot. He'd laughed about it at the time, and then promptly forgotten the entire incident.
Peter's father had once mentioned to him - in an offhandedly casual way - that if he had been able to pick the Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation the way Charlus Potter had, his toy shop would be more successful.
Bellatrix smiled at him, and the smile seemed almost… friendly. "Your friends don't recognize that talent, do they?"
Peter frowned. Sirius had called him courageous, but no one had ever called him perceptive or intelligent.
Did they not see it? Did they not understand what he was capable of doing? At this point, the Malfoys, Lestranges, and Averys could accuse Mr. Potter of anything they wanted, and no one would believe that he wasn't guilty. And it was Peter who had done this, Peter who had provided the necessary information.
The thought made him feel sick, but he couldn't stop the flair of triumph in his chest.
Bellatrix tilted her chin up, and asked, "And how do you think they will view you once they learn the truth?"
Peter shook his head. This wasn't what he wanted, he reminded himself firmly. This hadn't ever been what he wanted. James was his friend, Mr. Potter had only ever been nice to him - he couldn't… wouldn't…
He'd betrayed James once to protect the shop. He'd done it once to help his father. He'd done it once because he'd been scared and desperate and there just hadn't been another way. Sirius was too rash and James was far too caught up in Lily and Remus' troubles, and neither of them would have been able to help and…
He shook his head again. He hadn't wanted this. He couldn't be happy about it, couldn't be happy because his actions had harmed people he cared about, people he called friends.
But…
Sirius had called him brave. Sirius had raised his cup to Peter's bravery. Sirius had noticed him, had complimented him, had maybe even admired him. For the first time in as long as Peter could remember, he had more than just Sirius and James' friendship - he had their respect.
And now Bellatrix was threatening to take that away. He couldn't let that happen, couldn't let her do this to him. He couldn't let her take away what he had finally achieved.
"Why are you talking to Lucius Malfoy about me?"
Vanessa's expression was a mixture of surprise and guilt, and even though it only lasted for a brief second before being replaced by an unreadable mask, James saw it.
Something inside him broke.
He'd honestly hoped that Lily had been wrong. When he'd left her flat, giving her time to talk to Damocles Belby on her own, she had pulled him aside and whispered quickly to him that she'd heard a rumor about Vanessa and Malfoy. He'd refused to believe it at first - but this was Lily, and what would she gain by lying to him? She didn't care that he was dating Vanessa. In fact, she was probably happy about it because it meant he wasn't annoying her with his constant propositions. She had no reason to try to cause trouble for the relationship.
He'd consoled himself with the possibility that Lily was wrong, that the rumors had been just that - rumors. Who knew what lies his opponents would spread in an attempt to dishearten him?
And Vanessa was a target as well, he had reminded himself. After the article the two of them had written, people like Malfoy would be thrilled by any damage to her reputation. An accusation like this one was probably merely intended to cause her distress and make it even more difficult for her to continue her work.
But Lily hadn't been wrong.
Vanessa smoothed her hands along the stiff material of her skirt and asked mildly, "Who told you that?"
"Evans," he said sharply, and her eyes narrowed. He wasn't sure why she was so annoyed that this knowledge came from Lily and he didn't care. This wasn't about Lily, and it wasn't even really about him. It was about Vanessa and Lucius Malfoy and what could she possibly say that would make anything alright?
"I didn't realize you and Evans were such good friends," Vanessa said acerbically, a definite bite to her words.
James pursed his lips, feeling irritated at her deflection. "Who cares if we are?" he demanded. He knew enough about girls to know that they didn't like competition, but Vanessa had always known exactly where he stood on this particular issue. He'd never hid his feelings for Lily from her.
Vanessa shrugged and averted her gaze. Her tone reverted back to one of mild curiosity as she asked, "When did you see her? And how did I come up in conversation?"
"I convinced… well, bribed may be a more accurate… never mind…" James shook his head. He didn't need to explain himself to her. Vannesa was the one who had to defend her own actions, and he wasn't going to allow her to turn this on him.
But she was still staring at him expectantly, so he said succinctly, "I brought Damocles Belby to talk to her about continuing work on the Wolfsbane potion, and she mentioned what she'd heard to me right before I left."
Vanessa's eyes narrowed and she asked thoughtfully, "Did she say who had told her this?"
"Would you stop making this about Evans?" James snapped, his patience wearing thin. "She didn't do anything wrong."
"I was just wondering. It is… odd… that she would know something like that," Vanessa said with a shrug. Her voice was strained, as though she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. She was silent for a moment more, a contemplative look in her eyes, and James was just about to snap at her once more when she said, "You're risking a lot for Evans."
"You knew I was doing that," James answered, frowning in incomprehension. "You knew I wanted Evans to have a fair chance at her program."
"Yes," Vanessa agreed, and a slightly bitter smile curved the corners of her lips. "A fact I found out from the Daily Prophet. Not you."
"So that's it? You're jealous?" James demanded incredulously. He almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. It didn't make any sense because Vanessa had never acted jealous before. And jealousy was hardly an excuse for… whatever… she was doing with Lucius Malfoy.
"No," Vanessa shot back instantly, her face flushed. James raised one eyebrow, and she paused, took a slow breath, then said in a calmer voice, "Fine, maybe a little. But that's not the point, James. We're dating. You can't… you have to think about how things will affect me. Particularly after the article we wrote."
"I didn't think this was any of your business," James said bluntly.
"Ah… yes. Because every girl likes to hear that her boyfriend is risking his neck for some other witch."
"Is it that you don't trust me?" James asked angrily. "Is that it? Do you think I'm going to cheat on you with Evans? Because that's ridiculous."
Vanessa sighed. "I trust you," she replied, irritation once more creeping into her voice. "But this is Evans. On the very first day we met, you told me you were in love with her, but that she didn't love you back. In fact, you said she hated you. Then a few weeks go by and you are suddenly friends with her. Then another few weeks go by and you are risking your own reputation for her. Surely you can see why I would be a little… wary."
"So you decided to talk to Malfoy about me?" James asked skeptically. That didn't even make sense.
"No. No, this wasn't even - it wasn't about Evans. Not really," Vanessa tried to explain. "She just got… dragged into it. But I wasn't talking to Malfoy because…" She trailed off, bit her lip. "It's complicated, James."
"I've got time," James answered, practically spitting out the words. "Explain it to me." She had finally verbally admitted that the rumors were true, and James was somewhat proud of himself for not immediately yelling at her. He wanted to give her the opportunity to explain… and then he would tell her just exactly what he thought of her actions.
"Rabastan Lestrange approached me with an offer," Vanessa answered, sinking into a chair opposite James and resting her elbows on the table separating them. "If I helped him, he said he could get Evans out of the picture."
That simple phrase could mean almost anything, but James' first thought was that Rabastan was threatening Lily with physical harm. The thought sent a shiver down his spine. Rabastan might not be as powerful as his brother, but his connections with the seedier aspects of the wizarding world made him just as dangerous.
"I thought…" Vanessa paused, shook her head.
"You thought what?" James asked in a growl, leaning forward, his palms pressing flat onto the table. "That Evans deserved whatever Lestrange would do to her? That I wouldn't care if you went behind my back and made deals with my enemies? That your own insecurity was an excuse for…"
"Would you just shut up?" Vanessa snarled, fury breaking through the calm façade she had worn for most of the conversation. It was the first time James had seen her loose control so thoroughly, and he was momentarily taken aback. She was glaring at him, spots of red appearing on her cheeks, eyes blazing.
James felt at a complete loss for words.
Then he remembered what Vanessa had just admitted to, and his own fury came back in full force. "How could you do this? I thought you were different - better!" he spat. He couldn't understand how Vanessa could get so wrapped up in her own petty jealousy that she would actually put Lily in harm's way.
"And I thought if I could talk to Lestrange, maybe I could get some information from him, something you could use against Malfoy!" Vanessa shot back, surging to her feet once more.
James blinked. "Huh?"
Vanessa rubbed at her eyes with one hand and said, "Lestrange came to me and I saw a perfect opportunity. But after the article we wrote and the stunt I pulled with Morrison, the only way Lestrange was going to trust me was if I made him think that I wanted Evans out of the way. But then Lestrange told Malfoy - who is much more intelligent and much less trusting - and Malfoy approached me. I had to convince him, too, and that was… challenging."
"Challenging?" James repeated numbly, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden amount of information that Vanessa had dumped on him.
"Lestrange doesn't seem to understand much besides ambition and revenge," Vanessa murmured quietly. "At least, that was the read I got off him when we talked. And… I've met people like that before. They believe that everyone else thinks the same way they do, and can't comprehend that some people care about other things. Or they believe that those people are fools… and Gryffindors. I am neither."
"So Lestrange thought you would ruin Evans life as revenge for her interference in our relationship?" James questioned doubtfully. He knew Vanessa was remarkably brilliant at reading people, but was Lestrange actually that dense?
Vanessa was silent for a long moment, then said icily, "Well… you certainly believed that just a couple minutes ago."
James ignored the statement and instead prompted, "But Malfoy wasn't as easily convinced?"
"Like I said, he's smarter." Vanessa sat down again, and James took the seat opposite her. "He would never believe that I would just turn on Evans… that I would side with him… particularly not after that article. I had to make him think that I wasn't changing my opinion about Muggleborns or that awful legislation his family supports, that I wasn't going to side with him on anything in the future… this was a one time thing - I would help him and he'd help me, and then our dealings would be over."
"What did he want in return?" James asked.
Vanessa shrugged. "He didn't say, but no doubt it had something to do with you." She shook her head. "I don't know if he bought it. He was going to contact me, let me know…" She trailed off thoughtfully, then said, "I think he was suspicious."
"Of what?"
"If I made this deal with him, he could very easily blackmail me. All he would have to do is threaten to tell you what I had done, and I wouldn't have much of a choice except to do whatever he wanted in order to buy his silence. He'd have a hold over me for as long as you and I continued dating. I don't think he believed that I was desperate enough to overlook that."
"But if Malfoy did believe you… what would you gain from all this?"
"It wasn't supposed to be Malfoy," Vanessa said, practically seething in frustration. "If it had been Lestrange, I could have regained his trust, then maybe gotten him to admit to something damaging, something you could use to get Malfoy to back off Lupin. He would have been much more easily fooled."
James accepted all of this is silence. It took him a moment to fully wrap his head around what Vanessa had been trying to do, but when it finally all made sense his anger flared once again.
"You were trying to trick Lestrange into revealing damaging information? I told you I didn't want that sort of thing. I'm done with this kind of fight."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, James, grow up!" Vanessa hissed back defensively. "This is how the world works. This is how you fight people like Malfoy!"
"This is not how I want to fight them," James retorted, flushing in anger and embarrassment at the derision her tone.
"You don't have a choice!"
"There is always a choice," James said in a tightly controlled voice. He ran a hand through his hair, "And I choose to fight this fairly, out in the open. It's the Gryffindor way to do things."
Vanessa rolled her eyes. "There's a reason people with ambition end up in Slytherin," she snapped.
"What's that supposed to mean?" James demanded. How could she possibly think that only Slytherins had ambition? Or that the Slytherin way of doing things was the only right one?
Vanessa inhaled slowly, then let out a long breath. "James," she said in an even tone, "I know you think you're doing the right thing. But do you really want to take a stand on this if it means that you're going to lose? Think about how much is on the line."
He couldn't argue with that. Sirius and Remus' futures were at stake here, and who knew what Bellatrix Lestrange and Avery would continue to do to Peter? If he didn't win this fight, they would suffer, and James couldn't honestly say that he was alright with taking that risk.
But what else was he supposed to do? He didn't believe in these underhanded maneuvers and secretive manipulations. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life doing this, and if he didn't take a stand on the issue now, it would just get harder and harder to detangle himself from this brand of politics.
"I can't," he said. Anger colored his tone as he continued, "I can't do it, Vanessa, and you knew that. You had no right to do this."
"This is how I fight them," Vanessa answered stubbornly, refusing to give in.
"And what would Malfoy have done to Evans?" James retorted. "Your plan might have gotten useful information, but you were selling her out."
"I wasn't actually going to let him go through with what he had planned," Vanessa snapped back, eyes narrowed. "Do you truly believe that I would hand her over to someone like him? Do you really think so little of me?"
"What makes you think you could stop him?" James countered pointedly. "Or that, once he figured out your trick, he wouldn't go after her as revenge?"
"I'm good at what I do," Vanessa answered self-assuredly.
"It was a risk."
"Everything is a risk. You're dealing with men who want to destroy what you believe in, and are willing to use their considerable power and influence to do it. It was a calculated risk and…"
"It wasn't worth it. The risk wasn't…"
"Of course not," Vanessa interrupted bitterly, rolling her eyes.
"What are you talking about?" James asked sharply.
Vanessa didn't answer the question. Instead, she said, "This is how you fight them, James. This is how you win."
"It isn't how I fight," James answered. "I don't want people to agree with me just because I am a Potter and I have money. I want them to agree with me because they think I am right. I want them to listen to what I am saying and actually think about it. I want everything out in the open where people can see that I am being honest and fair, that I am not just using my money and family name to trample all over those who are less fortunate."
"Unless it is Lily Evans on the line," Vanessa said coolly.
James opened his mouth to retort, then stopped. "What do you mean?" he asked in an equally cool tone.
"You keep talking about not wanting to use your money and influence in a behind-the-scenes manner, but you have no problem doing it when it is Evans you are trying to help," Vanessa said viciously. "You tried to buy her a fair review…"
"That wasn't cheating!" James protested.
"I know. But it was using the Potter money and the Potter family name to get what you wanted. A fair chance for Evans. And that wasn't out in the open and people didn't know what you were doing, and you had no problem with that."
"That's… that's not deceit…" James argued weakly. "That's just…"
"And at the beginning of this conversation you told me you bribed Damocles Belby to work with Evans on her potion," Vanessa pressed on, ignoring James' defense.
"He didn't want my money!"
"You still offered it!"
James opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to find the right words, but nothing came.
"Face it, James, you say you are above this kind of fight but you aren't, not where Lily Evans is concerned. You are such a bloody hypocrite!"
Her eyes were suspiciously bright, but James wasn't sure if the unshed tears were due to hurt or anger. The venom in her words made anger seem the more likely culprit, but understanding women still wasn't one of his strong points.
Vanessa continued, "Nothing seems to apply to her. You argue with me at every turn and you have, on multiple occasions, assumed the worst of me because I was in Slytherin. But when you got into a giant argument with Evans after she called Lupin a monster, it took you only days to forgive her and you haven't brought it up since. You had no problem asking me to risk my reputation and my safety to help you with the Daily Prophet article, but you balk at the idea of putting Evans at risk. And now you tell me that you don't want to use your name or money to manipulate people and events, but you're willing to do it for Evans!"
"There is a difference between tricking someone into revealing harmful information to you and buying someone a fair review," James countered.
Vanessa snorted. "Only because you choose to draw the line there." She leaned back in her chair and said tiredly, "I'm trying to help you, James. I'm continually trying to help you."
"And you're continually neglecting to tell me things," James replied. "Not telling me you were in Slytherin even though you knew I was being targeted by a group of Slytherins, investigating Sirius and I behind my back, and now everything with Lestrange and Malfoy. If you're so convinced that you're doing the right thing, why lie about it?"
"I didn't think you'd understand," Vanessa huffed. "I didn't think you'd really be able to see things from my point of view. Clearly, I was right." She pushed her seat back and stood up once more, turning away from James and walking to the other side of the room.
There was a tense silence, and James quietly reflected back on everything Vanessa had said. The differing views of politics and political games was not surprising, even if it was frustrating, and he could at least admit that she was partially right in her accusation about his House prejudices.
But Lily…
He hadn't given much thought to how Lily's presence in his life impacted his relationship with Vanessa. Had it always put a strain on things? Had he always treated her so very differently from the way he treated everyone else in his life? Had he simply never noticed that Vanessa strongly believed - and despised - that he was willing to break his own moral code for the redhead?
Was he willing to break his own moral code for her?
"You said this wasn't about Evans, but… it is, at least a little bit," James murmured.
Vanessa turned to face him. "Yeah," she agreed wearily. "I guess it is."
There was another silence.
"We're over, aren't we?" James asked, the words sticking in his throat. He wasn't sure if he was upset or angry.
Probably both.
Vanessa stared at him for a long moment, then said, "We've been over since Dearborn and Evans called it quits. We just didn't realize it." She picked up her coat and draped it over her shoulders. "Goodbye, James."
He wanted to run after her. She was halfway to the door and he wanted to grab her by the arms and tell her that this wasn't over, that they didn't need to give up just because of this one fight, that he didn't want it to end this way.
This was the first truly adult relationship he'd ever had, and though Vanessa wasn't his first love - that title went to Lily, even if she didn't return the sentiment - she still meant something to him. She meant a lot to him.
House loyalties, differing opinions on political tactics, and jealousy shouldn't have been enough to destroy the relationship. He was stronger than that - and he'd thought they were stronger than that.
But Vanessa walked out the door, and James didn't stop her.