Lily glanced up from her cauldron as Healer Lanwick approached her. The gaunt witch’s eyes were narrowed in displeasure, and her lips were pursed into a thin line as she studied Lily’s work.
–What is that?†she asked coolly, nodding towards the cauldron.
Lily glanced down at her potion - or, at least, what could possibly some day become an actual potion. Her words rushing together in nervousness as she replied, –Damocles Belby suggested the use of silverweed, but I actually think fluxweed would be better. Its properties make the potion a bit more volatile, but it works well enough in the Polyjuice Potion. Which I know isn’t the same thing, of course, but both potions have to do with transformation… sort of. I mean, well… even if it doesn’t work, I just figured I’d see…â€
She trailed off as Healer Lanwick continued staring at her in silence. Her expression had changed from displeasure to disgust. For a moment, that confused Lily, but then she felt someone watching her and glanced over in time to see Emma meet her gaze for just a second before looking away. The redhead had a sudden sinking suspicion that she knew exactly what had Healer Lanwick so unhappy, and the Healer confirmed her thoughts.
–So it is true, then?†the Healer said. –You’re working on the Wolfsbane Potion?†She folded her arms over her chest and regarded Lily, waiting for an answer.
Lily saw Eliza watching her. The blonde was smirking.
–Yes,†Lily said firmly. –Belby believes…â€
–Damocles Belby is a fool,†Healer Lanwick interrupted. –No one has made any progress on this potion ever, and Damocles won’t, either.â€
–Professor Slughorn said that Potioneer Belby was an outstanding student, and he certainly received quite a bit of acclaim after leaving Hogwarts. He was one of the youngest people to ever…â€
–Pick a different potion, Ms. Evans,†Healer Lanwick interrupted. –Neither St. Mungo’s nor the Ministry will support this waste of time and effort. You are here to learn, Ms. Evans.â€
–This potion is not impossible,†Lily argued swiftly. –A lot of the theory is actually quite sound, even if it is in the beginning stages. I even found a book written by Meditrina Aesculapius. She was a second century Roman Healer…â€
–I know who she was, Ms. Evans.â€
–Oh… right. Well, anyway, I found a book she had written about retaining mental clarity. You know her specialty was mental disorders caused by spell damage… well, I mean, of course you know that because you know who she was and you’re a Healer and she was famous.†Lily winced and wanted to kick herself for rambling on, but she was still nervous and she didn’t like the way Healer Lanwick was looking at her. So she continued, –She had a lot of ideas that I think could really make a difference in this potion.â€
–Even Belby hasn’t worked on this potion for a long time, Ms. Evans,†Healer Lanwick said, again interrupting Lily. –His theory is stalled.â€
–Isn’t the point of this program to work on potions that show promise but haven’t been mastered yet?†Lily questioned, raising her chin in defiance. –I know this is going to be difficult and I won’t actually finish the potion by the end of the summer, but if I make enough progress on the potion then maybe I can apprentice with Damocles Belby because I am sure he’s still interested in this and…â€
–He stopped researching the potion for a reason,†Healer Lanwick snapped. –He had enough common sense to…â€
–I thought you said he was a fool?†Lily retorted, eyebrows raised.
–Lily!†she heard Emma hiss, and knew that she was making a mistake. It was incredibly reckless and stupid to be arguing with the Healer like this, and she was likely sabotaging her chances of succeeding in this program. But she couldn’t make herself stop.
–I want to help people,†she said angrily. –This potion will do that.â€
–You can’t tame a werewolf,†the Healer said firmly.
And Lily realized that her original assessment of Healer Lanwick hadn’t been accurate - she wasn’t anything like Professor McGonagall. She had the same stern look, and she wore her hair in the same tight bun, and she was clearly just as intelligent, but the transfiguration professor had never spoken of werewolves with such loathing in her tone.
Lily assumed that she had known exactly what Remus was. In fact, she assumed that all of the professors at Hogwarts had known about Remus’ condition. And while some of them had stared at the unfortunate student with barely concealed fear and repulsion, Professor McGonagall had always treated Remus fairly.
After all, Heads of Houses were the ones to choose prefects each year, and Remus had been the Gryffindor prefect since fifth year.
–I’m not trying to tame werewolves,†she said finally, brushing a few strands of red hair out of her eyes and noticing with growing unease that the entire class had stopped to watch the argument. –I’m trying to help them. I’m trying to save them from having to undergo…â€
–Save them? Save them?†Healer Lanwick echoed incredulously. –They are not the ones who need saving. It is the rest of us, the potential victims…â€
–They were victims, too!†Lily spat. –They weren’t always werewolves you know. Before they were bitten, they were just like the rest of us.â€
–What they were is unimportant,†the Healer answered icily.
–This potion would protect us, too,†Lily continued. –If werewolves can keep their minds when they transform, they won’t attack us…â€
–How do you know that?†Healer Lanwick demanded, her cheeks flushing slightly as she glared at Lily. –What makes you think that those monsters won’t be just a blood-thirsty with the potion as they were before it? Who cares if they keep their minds when they transform? They’re werewolves.â€
–The human isn’t the monster! The wolf is, and…â€
–You have no idea what you are talking about, Ms. Evans!â€
Something inside Lily snapped. –Neither do you! They are people, too, and you can’t treat them like they are inherently evil!â€
–Lily,†Emma hissed again, a warning clear in her tone.
Eliza Greengrass snickered.
Healer Lanwick took a deep breath and said in a tone of forced calm, –You will not succeed at this potion.â€
–It doesn’t hurt to try!â€
–You won’t be selected to proceed to the next stage of this program,†the Healer said. –Not with the Wolfsbane Potion.â€
–Even if I make great progress on it?†Lily demanded. –Even if I deserve it?â€
–You wouldn’t understand,†Healer Lanwick answered. –You’re a Muggleborn, your only experience with our world is Hogwarts. Things are different here, and you simply do not seem to be able to grasp that.â€
Lily felt anger surging in her chest at the incredible arrogance and unfairness of those words. But before she could say anything, before she could argue the point, Healer Lanwick turned and swept away.
Lily bit her tongue. How could a Healer - someone who had taken an oath to help people - be so adamant that working on this potion was wrong?
–Lily, cool it,†Emma whispered urgently. –You don’t want to argue with her.â€
–She’s wrong,†Lily snapped back.
–Maybe,†Fenwick said, joining the conversation suddenly, but –Vance is right. It’s not worth it. She can make this summer miserable for you.â€
–Not worth it? Not worth it? Did you hear what she said about werewolves? Did you hear what she said about Muggleborns?†Lily growled, still glaring at Healer Lanwick.
–If you keep arguing with her,†Fenwick said, –she will keep you from getting anything done. You can still work on this potion, but you can’t get her mad at you. You can’t pick a fight with her.â€
–Just by working on this potion, I am picking a fight with her,†Lily replied, casting another frustrated look at the Healer. –At least, that is the way she is going to see it.â€
Fenwick gave a half-hearted shrug in reply.
Emma sighed. –Lily, you want to help werewolves by making this potion, but you aren’t going to be able to do that if you infuriate Lanwick enough that she spends the entire summer trying to ruin your chances of completing your work. And she will do that.â€
–She shouldn’t be able to say whatever she wants just because she has the power to get away with it,†Lily responded angrily. –I can’t just sit here and do nothing.â€
Emma shook her head slowly, then said, –I just really hope you know what you’re doing.â€
–Merlin, it’s like Sev all over again!â€
–Uh… how’s that exactly?â€
–It just… it just is!â€
Mary rubbed her eyes wearily and nodded. Lily was in one of her moods, and it wasn’t really worth arguing with her. It wasn’t worth pointing out that this was nothing like Snape, that she wasn’t in danger of losing a friendship that had mattered so much to her. This was just the normal prejudice she would face for the rest of her life.
But the redhead clearly didn’t notice Mary’s reluctance, and continued pacing angrily. For her, any sign of bigotry that hurt her this much was exactly like what had happened with Snape. It was the underlying emotion, not the actual events, that seemed to matter.
To Mary, it made no sense whatsoever. So Healer Lanwick was a prejudiced. That was hardly a surprise, and couldn’t be the same as having your best friend call you a Mudblood in front of half of Hogwarts.
–I just hate it,†Lily ranted, breaking into Mary’s thoughts. –I hate all of it. The prejudice… it’s everywhere. And people actually believe these foul lies they’re spewing.â€
–Of course they believe it,†Mary said quietly. –It’s propaganda. It only works if people believe.â€
Lily didn’t appear to have heard. –It’s so pervasive. It’s worked its way into every part of our society and we can’t get it out. There’s no… it’s not like we are at war. If we were, then maybe it would be easier. Maybe there would be an actual enemy to fight.â€
–Are you saying war would be a good thing?†Mary asked skeptically.
–No, no… of course not,†Lily answered, waving her hand dismissively, her tone conveying how ridiculous of a notion that was. –I just wish there was an enemy to fight. I wish there was a way to fight. I wish it wasn’t…†She stopped her pacing long enough to look over at Mary. –I just don’t know how to fight it, and I hate that.â€
–I think risking your entire future and everything you’ve been dreaming about for the past few years in order to work on Wolfsbane Potion is a way to fight it,†Mary said sardonically.
Lily frowned. –But it isn’t enough. Don’t you ever want to do more?â€
There was something in her tone, some implied criticism, that made Mary bristle. She could never fully tell what Lily thought of her own desire to avoid confrontations, though she was fairly certain that the redhead didn’t approve of it. But Lily rarely approved of anything that wasn’t done fully and completely and with passion. That was one of her faults - that she could never really understand that sometimes it was better to back out of one fight, to conserve her strength, in order to be able to fight a different battle.
Lily started pacing again. –People just sit around doing nothing,†she muttered. –It’s like they don’t care, like they don’t… they don’t even notice. They can’t be bothered to concern themselves with the troubles of Muggleborns and part-humans…â€
–Not everyone sits around doing nothing,†Mary said defensively. –Some people fight in their own way, and that’s perfectly valid. Even if their way is a lot more subtle than yours.â€
–I didn’t even know who I was supposed to… Severus had all these friends, these Slytherins who were bad influences on him, but I didn’t know how to get him to see that. It wasn’t as though… There was no war, no battle… I couldn’t tell him that they were the enemy. But they were. And they corrupted him, and he slipped away, and I was completely helpless to do anything about it.â€
They were back on Snape again, and Mary didn’t want to listen to it. She and Lily would never agree on that particular Slytherin, although she was willing to admit that Snape had been good to Lily for the first few years of their friendship. But the people he had befriended in his own house, the group he had ended up with…
He had been long past redemption by his fifth year, and Lily had been blind to it.
As usual.
Lily paused in her pacing and looked at Mary again. –I wish it wasn’t this hard.â€
The problem with being friends with Lily, Mary reflected, was that she just had this way of saying things. She would say or do something that made her friends defensive and angry - perhaps even furious - and then she would add on one final comment, and everything would be forgiven. Because her voice would be thick with tears and her gaze would be so bloody earnest that it was impossible not to want to comfort her.
Today was no exception.
Mary let out a long breath, then reached out and took Lily’s hand, squeezing it. –Most of the good things in life are this hard to obtain,†she said. –You’ll make a difference, Lils. I know you will.â€
Lily smiled sadly. –But will I make a difference in time?â€
–In time for what?†Mary asked, bewildered.
–For whom,†Lily corrected softly, her voice only barely audible. She shook her head slowly, a faraway look in her eyes, and didn’t elaborate.
Mary reflected silently that she would never fully understand her redheaded friend.
–Lily, darling,†Mrs. Evans said in surprise, opening the door of her house and allowing Lily to enter. –Whatever are you doing here?â€
–I’m sorry, Mum. I know I should have rung ahead to tell you that I was coming,†Lily apologized quickly, glancing beyond her mother to make sure she wasn’t intruding on some other company.
–Oh, nonsense, dear,†Mrs. Evans said quickly, enveloping Lily in a hug. –It is always wonderful to see you. Your father is still at work, and Petunia is shopping with Vernon and Marge.â€
Lily just barely managed to refrain from wrinkling her nose at the mention of her soon-to-be brother-in-law and his sister. She disliked Vernon, but Marge was even worse.
But Mrs. Evans wouldn’t hear anything against Vernon, and Lily had to respect her mother for that. She was fairly certain that neither of her parents were too thrilled by Petunia’s choice of fiancé, but Vernon would be family soon, and they were determined to treat him as such.
–Come in, come in,†Mrs. Evans continued, pushing Lily lightly in the direction of the kitchen. –You would like a spot of tea?â€
–Yes, thank you,†Lily replied, wandering into the kitchen and settling herself down at the table. Mrs. Evans followed behind her, bustling about the kitchen happily, a wide smile on her face. She had no idea why Lily was there, but it was also quite obvious that the reason didn’t matter to her. She was merely happy to see her younger child.
Observing this made Lily feel a bit guilty. She knew that, in her desire to join the magical world and prove her worth there, she had left her Muggle family behind. And she had never intended to do that, even if part of her had known all along that it would happen.
All children grow up, of course, but very few also wander into a world that has no place for their family.
–No tea leaves, I’m afraid,†Mrs. Evans said with sigh, pulling a tin of teabags from the cupboard. –I haven’t been able to replenish quite a few things in the kitchen lately. It seems that all my free time is going towards planning Petunia’s wedding.†She turned around and smiled at Lily. –I don’t have your favorite biscuits, dear. I’m sorry.â€
–Don’t worry about it, Mum,†Lily said quickly. –The tea is fine.†She hesitated a moment, then asked, –How is the wedding preparation going?â€
For a brief moment, Mrs. Evans looked unsettled. She regained her composure quickly, however, and said, –Well enough, I suppose. Marge is helping a lot, of course, and she wants everything to be absolutely perfect. She has quite a few interesting ideas.â€
Lily bit back a smile. Reading between the lines of that statement, she knew that her mother did not like any of Marge’s ideas, and did not like her constant interference with the planning.
Still, Mrs. Evans hurried on in a determination to be charitable to the other woman, –It is very considerate of her to care so much about the wedding. Vernon is her only sibling, of course, so it does not surprise me that she would be this invested.â€
Lily knew the intention of that comment was not to make her feel guilty for her own absence in the planning, but she could not help the flush that spread to her cheeks. Vernon might be Marge’s only sibling, but Petunia was Lily’s only sibling as well, and yet she wasn’t the one shopping with the betrothed couple.
Mrs. Evans didn’t seem to notice Lily’s discomfort. She had her back turned to her daughter and was lifting the kettle of tea from the stove and pouring the hot water into the two mugs standing on the counter. Lily watched silently, idly thinking how easy it would have been to point her wand at the water and make it come to an instantaneous boil instead of waiting for it to heat up.
She shook her head to clear the thought. She was hardly in a rush at the moment and there was no need to do things by magic now, simply because she could. She was from the Muggle world, even if she didn’t belong to it now, and didn’t need to rely on magic for every little thing she did.
Her mother turned around and carried the two mugs to the table. She set one down in front of Lily, then surveyed her daughter for a long moment.
–Now, Lily, tell me what’s wrong,†she commanded.
–Nothing’s really… wrong… per se. I just… fancied a chat, Mum. That’s all,†Lily answered.
Mrs. Evans raised an eyebrow. –You’re a rubbish liar, darling,†she said lightly. –I could tell form the moment I opened the door that something was bothering you. So out with it.â€
She sat down across from Lily and waited.
Lily sighed. –I… it’s complicated. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.â€
–That’s easy, dear. Start at the beginning and keep going until you reach the end.†Mrs. Evans glanced at the clock on the wall. –Your sister won’t be back for another few hours, so we have plenty of time.â€
There was an implicit request in that statement; if this was a magical problem, they needed to have finished discussing it before Petunia returned home.
It frustrated Lily to no end that she had to hide so much of herself around her sister, but Petunia was under a lot of stress at the moment. The wedding would be in September, and there was still so much to do and only a few months left to do it.
The redhead sighed and nodded, more to herself than to her mother. She would make sure that her problems did not encroach on Petunia’s life, at least for now.
–There is a lot of discrimination in the magical world,†Lily started, wondering silently how she was going to condense everything she had learned about bigotry in the past seven years into something that her mother could understand in a very short conversation.
Fortunately, though, Mrs. Evans said, –Yes, you told me this the summer after your fifth year. That some people think less of you because you… because your father and I are… what is the word you use? Muggles?â€
Lily nodded. She had glossed over the details of what had happened between herself and Severus, but she had given both her parents a vague explanation. She’d had to, because they had noticed that she was no longer spending any time with the Slytherin and had asked about him. She wasn’t sure how much her mother remembered of what she had said two years ago, but apparently she remembered enough not to be surprised by the fact that Lily was encountering prejudice now.
–Yes,†Lily murmured. –Muggles.†She paused, collecting her thoughts, then continued, –There is quite a bit of prejudice against others, too, though. Part-humans… like werewolves…â€
–Werewolves?†Mrs. Evans interrupted, eyes going wide. –They’re real?†She looked aghast for a moment, then said in a more businesslike tone, –Well, I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised by that. There are so many things in your world that I had always assumed were imaginary, why should werewolves be an exception? But… are they dangerous?â€
–No!†Lily answered immediately, her tone emphatic. Mrs. Evans looked startled by the response, and Lily winced. –Sorry, I just mean… most of the time, they aren’t dangerous at all. Once a month, when there is a full moon, they become a… a monster. A wolf.â€
–Oh. That sounds… terrifying, actually.â€
–They don’t know who they are when they transform. They lose their mind. They… they have no conscience, and they attack anything and anyone. If there aren’t people around to attack, they attack themselves.â€
Mrs. Evans lifted a hand to her mouth. –Oh…†she whispered, looking pale and sick.
–But they aren’t inherently bad. They’re just like normal humans… some are good, some are bad, some are in the middle. But there is so much prejudice against them. People just… the Ministry just hates them. The responsible werewolves lock themselves up every full moon so they don’t hurt anyone else… but that means that they end up hurting themselves. And the Ministry still sees them as… as monsters. Even the ones that are willing to risk their own lives and safety to make sure they don’t hurt anyone else…â€
Lily stopped talking for a moment. She was breathing heavily and her blood was pounding through her veins, signs that this topic was getting her very riled up. She chewed her lip and tried to calm herself. The last thing she wanted to do right now was start another rant. Her mother wouldn’t be able to follow any of that.
She looked towards the window. They still lived in the same house near the same winding river and the same old playground. It was there that she had first discovered what she was and what she could do. It was there that Severus had first told her that her blood didn’t matter, that she was just as good as everyone else and her heritage wouldn’t get in the way of anything.
She’d believed him.
She missed that innocence.
She looked back at her mother who was watching her expectantly. –There is a potion… or, rather, the beginnings of a potion… that could make it better. It could allow a werewolf to retain his or her mind during the transformation. They would turn into a wolf, but not a monster. They wouldn’t have to attack…â€
–Is that what you are working on?†Mrs. Evans asked breathlessly. –Oh, Lily, that sounds wonderful. Think of all the good that you could do for people with that.†She beamed at her younger daughter. –I’m so proud of you!â€
Something constricted painfully in Lily’s chest. –Oh, Mum…†she sighed. –That’s just the problem. They don’t want me to work on this potion. And Healer Lanwick… she’s the instructor of the course… can make things very difficult for me. She can make the summer miserable and influence the judges at the end of the summer… She could ruin everything, could destroy all my dreams, and she’s threatened to do it. All because of this stupid potion.â€
Mrs. Evans pursed her lips. –But isn’t the potion a good thing?â€
–She doesn’t think you can tame a werewolf,†Lily said bitterly. –They… they all believe that it is the human that is the monster, not the wolf. They don’t think the potion will make any difference and… and there is so much prejudice, anyway, that they don’t want to do anything to help werewolves. It’s such rubbish, but I can’t change it.†She looked at her mother helplessly. –I don’t know what to do, Mum.â€
The stakes were never this high at Hogwarts. When she argued against prejudice and bigotry, she had the support of her entire House. She had the support of most of the Professors, even Slughorn. Even the Headmaster. Yes, the Slytherins would mock her and hex her, but she was always able to stand her ground and fight back, all the while knowing that she wouldn’t be kicked out of the school or given bad marks for her beliefs.
She had even managed to make Head Girl.
But now things were different. Now the stakes were higher, and she didn’t have the watchful supervision of the Hogwarts staff to keep her safe. Fighting back could get her kicked out of the program, and it could ruin any chances she had for the future.
She looked down at the table and wrapped her fingers tightly around her mug of tea. –I don’t want to be the girl who takes the easy road instead of the right one,†she said quietly.
–Oh, Lily,†Mrs. Evans murmured. She reached out and placed her fingers underneath Lily’s chin, raising her daughter’s face so that they were looking at each other once again. –You were never that girl, and I know that you won’t be.â€
–But what if I decide not to continue working on this potion?†Lily asked. –What if… what if I choose something more acceptable?â€
–Sometimes you have to pick your battles,†Mrs. Evans said.
Lily wrinkled her nose. –Everyone keeps telling me that,†she complained.
–And everyone is right,†Mrs. Evans said with a faint smile. –If this truly matters to you, then you will go through with it. But if there are better ways of fighting prejudice, ones that require you to give up this particular battle, then you will do that instead. I can’t tell you what decision to make. I can’t do much of anything for you, Lily, because I don’t know enough about the intricacies of the magical world to even offer advice. But I do know you. And I know that, whatever decision you make, you will do it because you believe it is the right thing to do, and not because it just happens to be the easiest choice. And I know that, no matter what, your father and I will be proud of you.â€
Lily nodded slowly, a lump forming in her throat. Then she said quietly, –Thanks, Mum.â€