There was a lot of talk after that. I wasn’t able to switch out of Divination, so I was stuck there, but Trelawney never messed with me again after that. Things seemed to be going back to normal; or as normal as they could get, with my situation. People still ignored me, and shied away from my presence, but I was done pretending that I cared. Let them believe what they wanted; as long as it didn’t hinder me, I could care less.
I spent most of my days in the library, an old friend of mine. I read everything I could find about vampire lore, as my resources had been limited at home. Now there was a seemingly limitless number of books for me to pursue on the subject, and I was buried in them.
One Saturday evening in early October, I was sitting in the library, in a dark corner, reading a particularly interesting book on research about the conflict between vampires and werewolves when I heard someone walking behind me. At first, I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when I caught the conversation, I began to listen with interest, all the while pretending to still be buried in my book.
–Has Dumbledore told you what you’re doing yet?†I heard someone ask.
–No; I just have to wait until our first lesson.†I knew that voice- that was Harry Potter. I assumed the other person with him was Ron Weasley, judging by the fact that it was a male. I figured the also infamous Hermione Granger was with them, as well. The three were never far apart.
–Well, it won’t do us any good to think about it too much.†Definitely Hermione. –We’re not going to know until the first lesson, so there’s no point in getting frustrated over it.â€
There was silence for a moment.
–Did you hear about the vampire girl?†Weasley asked.
Didn’t they have anything else to talk about anymore? We had been in school for two months now, for goodness’ sake.
–What about her?†Granger asked.
–Well, there’s a right lot of talk, there is,†Weasley replied. –I heard a few Ravenclaws talking about how they’re afraid to sleep at night and stuff. They said they’re afraid she’s going to kill them. Someone even said they saw her hunting in the Forbidden Forest a few weeks ago.â€
Granger sighed. –That’s pathetic, Ron. I highly doubt that she’s going to kill anyone, and I especially doubt that she’s been anywhere near the Forbidden Forest. I think that if Dumbledore trusted her enough to let her come back, then there’s no point in worrying about her.â€
–I agree with Hermione,†Harry said. –Dumbledore never would’ve let her in here if she was dangerous.â€
–Even though she is a young vampire, it’s been a year since she was bitten, and she had a lot of time to gain some control over herself. And imagine how she feels,†Granger whispered. –Everyone’s been gossiping about her and avoiding her ever since she set foot in the castle. It must be awfully lonely, with no one talking to her or anything.â€
Weasley scoffed. –She’s a vampire, Hermione!â€
–What does that have to do with it?†She snapped. –She’s still just like the rest of us, isn’t she? Yes, she drinks blood and there are a few things she can do that we can’t but she’s still a teenager, too! This has to be devastating for her.â€
There was silence again, as neither one of them said anything. I heard their breathing and heart rates settle down.
I set my book down and quietly walked over to them, which wasn’t hard to do with my new grace and poise.
I leaned against a bookshelf, and crossed my arms over my chest. –Thank you for defending me,†I said.
They jumped, all startled by my presence. Weasley blushed, his ears and face turning scarlet with the blood rushing under his skin, and Hermione blushed slightly, smiling sheepishly. Harry just looked at me.
–No one else would’ve done that, just now,†I whispered. –Everyone’s been avoiding me and all.†I shrugged. –I guess it’s no big deal, though. I’ve never been the social type. But I do appreciate it.†I gave a small smile.
–You’re quite welcome,†Hermione said.
I held out my hand. –I’m Vivian,†I said. –In case no one ever actually bothered to learn my name, and I’m just ‘the vampire girl’,†I smirked.
Weasley blushed again as Hermione shook my hand. She flinched slightly at my cooler temperature, but didn’t voice anything about it. Harry and Ron had the same reaction to my cooler skin.
–I’m so sorry everyone’s treating you this way, Vivian,†Hermione whispered. –It’s really unfair. They should give you a chance.â€
I shrugged again. –It just comes with the territory, I guess.â€
–What are you planning to do after school?†Ron blurted.
Hermione shot him a cross look; Harry just continued his silence.
–Probably join a coven,†I said. –I know my family doesn’t really want me around anymore, and I shouldn’t be around humans anyway. I don’t belong here anymore. The only reason I came back to Hogwarts is because I feel compelled to finish my education. It won’t do me any good once I get out of here, because no one will ever hire a vampire, but it’ll bring me some personal satisfaction.â€
–I think it was brave of you to come back.†That was the first thing that Harry had said to me. There was kindness and slight pity in the depths of his bright, emerald-green eyes.
I smiled. –A lot of people disagree with that. They just say I’m mad.â€
He shook his head, and some of his messy black hair fell into his eyes. –Maybe they’re the mad ones.â€
I felt a rush of affection and respect for him. No one had ever said anything like that to me before; not even my mum and dad. They knew I would be treated as an outcast, and even did so themselves, and never tried to comfort me once. But this boy- and Harry Potter, no less- told me he thought I was brave and that everybody else was wrong for shoving me aside.
–I… thank you,†I whispered. –I didn’t think there was a single soul in this school besides Dumbledore who thought of me otherwise.â€
Hermione gently touched me on the shoulder. –Well, you’re not alone.â€
After the little talk with Harry and his friends in the library, my spirits soared considerably. For once, instead of seeing disapproving faces, I saw just regular people. It truly didn’t bother me that anyone talked anymore, because I had that burning hope within me that was restored when I found out that there were people who didn’t think I was scum. It was a wonderful feeling.
I decided that I would try to talk to my sister Eliza about it; I hadn’t seen much of her since term started, but I attributed that to her being a fourth year and the both of us having different schedules.
I was wrong.
I saw her on the grounds, enjoying a book by herself on a blanket. I went and sat down next to her. She smiled, probably thinking it was one of her friends, and when she saw it was me, her face dropped a little bit.
–Hi, Vivian,†she said in a small voice.
–Hey. How have you been? I haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk with you since term started.â€
She shrugged. –You know, the usual. Just busy with homework and such. Planning for the next Hogsmeade weekend.â€
I nodded. –I don’t even know if I’m going.†I rested my chin on my knees. –Maybe I will; grab some Blood Pops from Honeydukes.†I nodded. –Yeah; that sounds good.â€
She looked mortified. –Um, okay.â€
There was an awkward silence then. It seemed to stab at me, telling me the things that Eliza wouldn’t; that she didn’t want me here. It was obvious in the way she turned away from me, and how her palms were sweaty. She was embarrassed, and she was afraid that her friends might see her sitting here with me. I knew she just wanted me to go away and leave her alone.
–You’re embarrassed of me, aren’t you?†I whispered.
She looked at me, and flinched slightly. She wouldn’t say it out loud.
–Just say it. I know you are. Trust me; it won’t hurt me more than it did to figure it out on my own.â€
When she didn’t say anything, I scoffed.
–This is unbelievable,†I said, standing. –You’re just as pathetic as mum and dad; you’re all ashamed of me, but you won’t even admit it to my face. I wonder how many conversations you all had about me when I wasn’t listening. When I was too busy lying in bed with my throat scorching, torturing myself over not having blood because I was afraid of what I would see when I came out? Wonder what you were talking about then? Certainly not the weather.â€
She flinched, but remained silent, not even looking me in the eye.
–You know what, Eliza? I don’t need you,†I said with venom. –I don’t need any of you. You can all go back to your normal, happy lives, because I’m never going back to that cage of a house again.â€
I walked away, and broke into a run. I was a blur; the chilly wind numbed my face as I ran faster than any human could dream. I ran into the castle, away from my sister and the agony that came with her truths; I ran away from the life I had known, and abandoned all reason as I flew through the corridors, not caring if I knocked anyone over.
Eventually, I stopped and leaned against the wall, not even winded from my flight. I just stood there, not sure what to do with myself.
I closed my eyes, and didn’t even flinch when I heard footsteps.
–Vivian?â€
I opened my eyes and saw Harry standing there, looking cautious and concerned.
–Oh… hi, Harry.â€
–Are you alright?†he asked, taking a few steps closer.
I slid down on the wall, and hugged my knees to my chest. –Not really. But then again, when will I ever be alright? My family hates me; they’re ashamed of having a vampire for a daughter. My own sister can’t even look me in the eye.†I sighed, shaking my head, and let my dark air hang like a curtain around my face. –I just never wanted it to be this way.â€
He came over and sat down next to me. –No one ever does want things to turn out like this.†He said gently. –Actually, nothing ever really works out the way we want it to.â€
I gave a grim smile. –Prime example number one,†I said, gesturing to myself.
He nodded. –I know what you mean.â€
There was silence between us then, although it wasn’t uncomfortable; just easy and natural. Neither one of us felt the need to puncture the safety of the silence with meaningless words; we had reached an understanding. We just sat there for a while, leaning against the cool stone walls, content with the quiet.
–Sometimes I think that it was wrong for me to come back. Sometimes, I wish I had just left home and joined a coven, instead. I never would’ve had this much trouble if I would have,†I whispered after a moment.
He turned his emerald gaze onto me, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. There was so much behind those eyes; things I wouldn’t understand if I hadn’t lived to see it, emotions I would never feel unless I was exposed to some of the awful things he had, and a quiet understanding and sympathy that affected me the most deeply. The fact that he had taken the time to even ask what was wrong had made a world of difference for me.
–Well, like I said before, I think it was brave of you to come back, when you knew many people would be against it. And if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been very happy. You said yourself that you wanted nothing more than to have the satisfaction of at least being able to say you finished school.â€
I nodded. –That is true, but it’s just so hard.†Tears sprang to my eyes. –I’m trying to be brave and not act like a baby, but my own sister just admitted she was embarrassed by me. She didn’t have to say anything, but I know. I’ve known all summer that they didn’t want me home. I heard some of their conversations; they’re afraid and embarrassed. They don’t know what to do with me, and they were frightened and relieved when I decided I was coming back. They were frightened because they were afraid I would kill somebody, but they were relieved because they didn’t have to be the ones dealing with me anymore.â€
He gently placed a hand on my shoulder, and I instantly felt the rush of blood through his veins, which was ten times worse than having to hear it. That was akin to smelling it; I shied away from his touch, and curled up even tighter on myself.
–Is something wrong?†he asked quietly.
–Just… sometimes it’s difficult to restrain my… needs,†I said.
He paled slightly, but didn’t run away. –Oh. I’m sorry; I didn’t even think about that.â€
I shrugged. –It’s alright.†I gave a humorless laugh. –That’s funny; I don’t think I’ve heard that one yet.â€
He frowned slightly. –I know I’ve already said this, but I’m sorry you have to go through this.â€
I shook my head. –You and Hermione are the only ones who seem to feel that way.†I took a deep breath. –But I stopped caring a long time ago. I’m going to just try and breeze through these next two years with as little confrontation as possible, and when I leave, I’ll join a coven and no one will ever have to see me again.â€
His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment before he met my gaze again. –I’m sorry that you feel like it has to end that way,†he whispered before getting up and walking away, leaving me to contemplate his words and wonder if I was making the right choices.
I seemed to cross paths with Harry a lot from then on. Sometimes it seemed intentional, but other times, it was completely random. We never saw too much of each other, though, as we were in different Houses and we never had classes with each other. I found myself rather enjoying his company; he was slightly awkward at times, but easy to talk to and good-natured. He seemed to have a lot on his mind, though, and sometimes was so distracted by whatever was going on in his head that it was near impossible to hold a conversation with him.
Two weeks after the confrontation with Eliza, the Hogsmeade weekend had arrived. I had decided that I was going, and would like to spend some time wandering through the village, deciding that getting out of the castle for a while would be a welcome change of scenery.
So I shrugged on my dark grey pea coat and donned my black gloves, my Ravenclaw scarf tied stylishly around my neck. I waited for Filch to check me off the list before heading into the village on my own, my hands in my pockets, fingering my spending money, wondering what I was going to purchase, if I could muster up the guts to go into any of the major shops. Just when I entered the outskirts of the small village, I heard someone calling my name.
–Vivian!â€
I turned to see a slightly flushed Harry coming towards me, Ron and Hermione soon trailing after.
I smiled. –Hi, Harry.†I inclined my head at his two companions. –Hey, Hermione. Hi, Ron.†I gave him a smile and waggled my fingers at him, making him sputter and blush. It was quite amusing. –I was wondering… would you like to spend the day with us? I would’ve asked you before, but I wasn’t sure if you were going,†Harry said, seeming to bite back a laugh at his friend’s embarrassment.
I shrugged. –Sure. Thanks for offering.â€
He smiled. –No problem. It’s always a little more enjoyable when you have someone with you,†he said.
–That is true. Thanks so much. Where are we heading first?â€
–I think we should go to Honeydukes.†Hermione piped up.
–Ooh, that sounds excellent.†I said. –I’d like to get a few blood pops, and I’ve been dying to see if I can still stomach chocolate.â€
They all seemed a little taken aback by what I said.
–I’m sorry… too much?†I asked.
Harry shook his head, while Ron was still pale and Hermione was trying to fix her expression. –It’s not a problem,†Harry said.
I smiled, relaxing slightly. –Thank goodness.â€
We spent the rest of the day together, going into the shops and ogling over things. I felt like I was normal again. It made me feel… human again, and that was something I hadn’t felt since the day I had been cursed with the bite. Things were looking up, and my care-free attitude from my human days had finally returned to me, making me feel alive and free in a way that I hadn’t felt in over a year. It was like time had turned backwards, and I was just Vivian again, an inconspicuous Ravenclaw who was just like any other teenager. The feeling was liberating.
By the time we made our way back into the castle for dinner, I was smiling and laughing, and all of my worries had melted away, long forgotten in the bliss that came with Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s companionship. After I went to Ravenclaw Tower and shrugged off my coat, scarf, and gloves, and put away my purchases, I waited until the other girls had cleared out.
When everyone else in my dormitory was gone, I pulled out three blood bags from my special storage compartment. Dumbledore had been gracious enough to provide me with bagged blood so that I could sustain myself; he even gave me a special storage container for it that kept it at a normal human temperature. It was human blood, but it was from donors. It wasn’t fresh blood, which I had never tasted, but I had a feeling this was pretty close.
My fangs elongated, and I sank them into the plastic, savoring the taste as the crimson liquid rushed across my tongue, making my senses come to life. It was so good and refreshing after a long day of running about through the October chill and walking around. I drank deeply, and within seconds, my first bag was empty. I set it next to me and tore into the second, and soon, all three of them were empty and shriveled on my bed. I looked at them forlornly, wishing I could tear into more.
I disposed of the empty blood bags, and pulled out my latest book on vampires. It was by Gilderoy Lockhart; he was complete and utter rubbish, but the research was correct, and it enlightened me on the ways of vampire covens and how they worked.
At that thought, I wondered if I should just join a coven in the summer and forget about school. There was no use for it out there for me, because no one in their right mind would hire a vampire for anything. From what I had read so far, they seemed to sustain themselves by other means.
But then there was the matter of where to go to find a coven to join. And not all of them would take me with open arms; they were very selective, depending on who you were dealing with. Of course, not all vampires joined covens, preferring the lone road, but I knew that in order to survive in this new life that it would be necessary for me to join one.
With a sigh, I put my book away. My life was just one big mass of questions; but the thing was, I didn’t have any answers.
Crimson and Clover by Envy_I_May_Be
Chapter Notes: This one's a squick longer than the last; hope you enjoy!
Chapter Endnotes: Reviews are always welcome ;) And, as always, many thanks to my lovely beta, iwannabeanauror, who fixed my many punctuation mistakes :)