–I’m starting to wonder if you’re trying to murder your reputation on purpose,†I said as Harry sat down next to me underneath the birch tree by the lake, the wind whipping both of our hair into our eyes. I brushed away the dark strands of my hair out of my eyes and glanced at him.
–I don’t care what they think of me that much anymore,†he said, looking out onto the surface of the water.
–That’s one of the smartest things you’ve ever said.†I grinned.
He blushed slightly and looked out onto the water again, not saying anything for a moment. He looked at me again, curiosity in his eyes. –How so?†he asked.
–Well, the sooner people realize that other people’s opinions are just a load of rubbish, the sooner they can move on with their lives and actually accomplish something. You’ve finally reached that phase.†I smiled.
He laughed slightly, running a hand through his hair and messing it up even more. –I’m guessing that’s a good thing by the way you’re smiling at me.â€
–I think it is; it’s really a matter of opinion.†I waved my finger. –And here’s the trick: Forming an opinion about opinion itself. A very complex ordeal, for something as simple as words. Well, as simple as words get; let me rephrase that: It’s rather complex for something that seems as f it should be fairly simple. No matter what you’re talking about, no two people are thinking about the situation exactly the same, even if they both have the same view of the subject.â€
He just looked at me for a moment. –Yes, you most certainly are a Ravenclaw,†he said.
I laughed. –I’ve been told.â€
He smiled. –Halloween is tomorrow,†he said randomly.
–It would seem to be so,†I said as I watched the graceful arc of one of the giant squid’s tentacles as it swung above the surface of the water, snatching a bird that was diving for a fish. I looked at him. –Got any pranks up your sleeve?†I asked, gently elbowing him.
He laughed. –No; not this year. That was Fred and George’s job, anyway. No one can outdo them.â€
–That is true.â€
There was silence again, but it was never uncomfortable between us. We both looked out onto the murky surface of the lake, and observed the giant squid snatch a few more birds from the air, the chilled October wind blowing our hair in our eyes, despite our best efforts to keep it away.
I smiled. I could get used to this.
I had new faith in myself; I had decided that other people didn’t matter. I went through each day as if the other people didn’t exist. I went to my classes and did all of my homework, and was never rude to anyone, even when they were less than civil to me. Harry, Ron, and Hermione continued to talk to and hang out with me and, for the first time all school year, I felt like I belonged again. They made me feel human, and I could never thank them enough for it.
On Halloween morning, I was called to Dumbledore’s office. I approached the gargoyle, and gave the password, and went up the spiral staircase. When I knocked on the door, it swung open. I stepped into the office and saw Dumbledore sitting at his desk, smiling politely at me.
–There you are, Miss Moore. Please, have a seat.â€
I did as he said. –You wanted to see me, sir?â€
He nodded. –I was just inquiring about how you’re faring. I know there have been some rumors, and I just wondered if you’re alright.â€
I nodded. –There have been rumors, but they’ve slowed down.â€
–Very good. What about other things? How are you faring with your cravings?â€
I swallowed. –I’ll admit, sir, that it’s rather difficult sometimes. Well, it’s difficult all the time, actually. But I’m managing. I haven’t bitten anyone yet.â€
He nodded. –That’s very good. I’m glad to see that you’re adjusting so well.†He paused for a moment. –Has anyone talked to you?â€
I nodded, which seemed to surprise him somewhat. –Actually, yes. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley have become friends of mine.â€
He smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. –That is excellent news. I’m certainly glad to see that you’ve found some companionship.â€
–It definitely helps.â€
–Indeed it does. And the nice bridging of the House gap is another added bonus.†He smiled.
I returned his smile. –I’m glad we’ve become friends. It makes things easier. And, to be honest, they make me feel… human again. I feel like a normal person when I’m with them.â€
He gave another bright smile. –I’m glad to hear it. Do you need anymore blood?â€
–Yes. I’m running a bit low.â€
–Alright, then. I’ll make sure to procure you some more. You may go for now.â€
I nodded and left the office, feeling happy. I went to the library, as I had no use for being in the Great Hall, and finished up my Potions essay. It was due today, and Snape would be cruel if any of us turned it in late. Satisfied with my conclusion, I rolled up my parchment and placed it in my bag.
I was preparing to leave just as I heard someone walk up behind me. The scent was unmistakable, and I smiled as I turned around.
–Good morning, Harry,†I said brightly.
He smiled, his emerald eyes sparkling. –Hey, Vivian. I just saw you in here, and thought I’d stop and chat.â€
I set my bag down and patted the chair next to mine. –Be my guest. I just finished up my Potions essay.â€
He groaned. –Oh. That.â€
I raised an eyebrow. –You didn’t finish it, did you?â€
He shook his head. –No.â€
–Tisk, tisk, Mr. Potter. I certainly expected more from you.â€
–Now you sound like Hermione,†he said.
I laughed. –I’m just trying to save your skin. Snape will flay you alive for that one.â€
He nodded. –But, mine isn’t due until tomorrow, I have time to finish it.â€
–You won’t,†I said.
He pretended to look taken aback. –How could you suggest such a thing? I always do my work.â€
We looked at each other, and within a few seconds, were desperately trying to muffle our obnoxious laughter. I clutched at my stomach, and had a hand over my mouth, trying not to attract the attention of Madam Pince, who was more than likely prowling the shelves in search of rule-breakers. Tears flooded my eyes, and we were both doubled over in our chairs. One might think we were about to be sick.
After we composed ourselves (which took about five minutes), we sat there and tried to steady our breathing. I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes and tried to calm down. We avoided each other’s gazes for fear of bursting into laughter again. Once we decided we were alright, we looked at each other.
I then realized that his face was mere inches from mine. Suddenly, my breathing hitched, and I was completely overwhelmed by the desire to kiss him. His lips looked so soft and sweet and inviting, and I wanted to know how they would feel against mine. But then another desire overwhelmed that one: the smell of blood. Suddenly, I wanted to press my mouth against his throat instead of his lips, and to bite and tear instead of kiss.
I pulled away, cringing at my own thoughts, and looked down. He seemed confused by my sudden shyness, and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. My fangs slid back into my gums, and I turned to face him.
–Are you alright?†He asked in a soft voice.
–I… I think so,†I said, taking deep breaths and trying to steady myself.
I met his gaze. His eyes were burning, filled with an emerald fire that I had never seen before. Suddenly, blood was forgotten as his lips met mine, and before I knew what was happening, we were kissing.
It was… it was amazing. It was sweet and slightly shy at first, but then he became more confident. He pulled me in closer, and I was surrounded by him; by his arms, his scent, his taste, his touch… he was all around me. His lips tasted sweet, like muffins, and I smiled against his mouth at that thought.
When we pulled away, we just looked at each other. His eyes were still burning, and I thought mine were, too. I gently touched his face and leaned my forehead against his, feeling the blood flow through his veins, his pulse racing. I could both feel and hear it, and it was lovely to know that I had caused it. His breathing was slightly uneven, and I smiled. I met his burning eyes again, and pressed my lips to his once more.
I was always afraid things would go too far. I was afraid my desire for his blood would weigh out my desire for just him, and that kept me on edge.
So, during times like these, I was on my guard.
We were pressed against a wall in an empty classroom on the fifth floor, away from everyone else, our lips locked together, our hearts fluttering wildly, our fingers tangled in each other’s dark hair. I felt like a mess, but just as that thought entered my mind, he pressed his lips against my ear and whispered,
–You’re beautiful.â€
My heart stuttered, and I smiled as I granted him more kisses. After a few moments, we broke away, trying to steady our breathing. I smiled at him, and he paled just a little bit.
–What?â€
And then I realized that my fangs were out. That was why he broke away. I turned around and willed them to slide back in. Once they did, I turned back around to face him, but the magic of the moment was lost.
–I’m sorry,†I whispered.
He shook his head and came closer to me. –Don’t be. You can’t help it.â€
–You’re not freaked out by this at all? This doesn’t make you want to be away from me?â€
He shook his head again. –No.â€
To prove his point, he kissed me. I got lost in the moment, and our conversation was forgotten, our reason abandoned as we lost ourselves in each other once again, the magic returning.
I went through my classes a little slower now, stopping to appreciate the things around me instead of simply working mechanically like I had been. I felt relieved, although I wasn’t sure why I had been anxious. Maybe it was the release of the tension that I hadn’t known was built up inside of me; tension that used to coil my stomach in knots and plague and invade my dreams; tension that had been tearing me to shreds. Only when it disappeared was when I realized it had been there.
Eliza didn’t talk to me anymore. I didn’t receive anymore letters from mum and dad (although they had only sent me one in the first week, anyway, so there wasn’t much of a loss there), and my old friends continued to ignore me. That was fine by me; I had new friends.
I had never expected to be friends with a band of Gryffindors, or even a band of any kind of people. But there I was, sitting in an empty classroom with a group of them, studying and completing our essays. Hermione and I had really become attached; she and I were very much alike. We were both intelligent, and she was the only one of the group that could hold the deep, long conversations that I craved. Topics ranged from rights for house elves, to theories on charms, and translations in ancient runes. I relished being able to be my Ravenclaw self. However, I was more the quiet intellectual, while Hermione wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, which I envied. But then again, I wasn’t a Gryffindor for a reason.
However, despite the happiness that surrounded me, there were sinister things going on in the castle. Just a few weeks before, Katie Bell had been sent to St. Mungo’s when she was put under the Imperius Curse and touched a cursed necklace. Everyone was in a slight panic, no one knowing who had cursed her and given the necklace, or where they would have gotten such a thing. The prospect was rather frightening, considering the fact that weeks had passed and she still wasn’t back from the hospital, and the teachers still hadn’t figured out who had given her the thing in the first place.
I tried to put it from my mind, though. Some days were easier. Days like these when I sat with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were the easier ones.
–Your grammar is atrocious,†I said as I looked over Ron’s essay.
His ears turned pink, and he snatched the parchment away from me while everyone else laughed.
–It’s not that bad!†But he cast an uncertain glance at Hermione. –Is it?â€
She nodded, stifling a laugh.
He narrowed his eyes and began scribbling away again, determined to ignore me and prove me wrong. I rolled my eyes and focused on my own herbology essay, trying to decide how best to write my conclusion. After a few edits, I was satisfied, and rolled it up, placing it in my bag.
–This is impossible; I’m buried in homework,†Ginny groaned. She let her head fall onto the desktop, sighing dramatically.
–You’ll get through it,†Harry said as he flipped through his herbology book, looking for what he needed for his essay.
I pulled out some fresh parchment and began astronomy essay. –Harry’s right; it seems impossible, but if you put your mind to it, then everything will be fine. You’re a smart girl; you can handle it.â€
She gave me a disbelieving look. –My brain is going to implode,†she said as she buried her face in her hands once more.
I laughed and returned to my own essay, wondering how best to write the second paragraph, when the silence was broken again.
–Thanks for helping us out, Vivian,†Hermione said as her quill scratched across her parchment. She turned to me and smiled when she was finished with her sentence.
I returned her smile. –You’re more than welcome. I almost forgot what it felt like to work with other people.â€
She gave a slight laugh. –Well, you’re more than welcome to join us anytime you want. We could definitely use a sharp mind like yours.â€
–You talk like you’re not smarter than me,†I said.
She blushed and turned back to her essay, smiling to herself. I watched, transfixed, as the blood welled under her delicate skin. Oh, how inviting it was! I longed to go over there and gently slide my fangs into her neck. I wondered how she would taste. I could already imagine the blood flowing across my tongue like nectar… My fangs slid from my gums, and I felt my body warring against my instincts. My breathing grew heavy, and I stood up. Everyone watched me as I grappled with myself. I yearned to lunge forward and drink, and I also wanted to run from the room and never go back.
Harry cautiously stood.
–Vivian,†he whispered.
My head snapped to the side to look at him.
–Calm down, okay? It’s alright. Do you need to leave for a few moments?â€
–I… I want… I want her,†I moaned, clawing at my face. –I want her.†I pointed at Hermione, who looked at me with wide eyes. Her heart started beating faster, and I imagined the blood racing through her veins. –Get me out of here,†I whispered, barely fighting myself. –Harry, get me out of here!â€
He dragged me from the room. I fought him the whole way, begging him to let me taste her, but he held firm. He was surprisingly strong, for such a skinny boy. As soon as we left the room, he pressed me against the wall, looking right into my eyes. I fought, knowing full well that I could easily use my superior strength to escape the confines of his arms, but now that I was away from the object of my bloodlust, I was starting to calm down.
–Breathe,†he whispered. –Just breathe, Vivian.â€
I did as he said, unable to speak. I took deep, long, rattling breaths, and felt my heart slow down. He gently kissed my cheek, sending my heart aflutter again.
–That’s better,†he whispered gently.
I bit my lip as he kissed my lips very softly
–Please,†I whispered. –Please don’t.â€
–Why?†he whispered, between soft kisses on my lips.
–Because…†I lost my train of thought as he kissed me some more
I gasped. He kissed me on my cheeks. I sighed as I kissed him back softly, his lips soft against mine. I imagined them covered in blood, and I licked his lips. He seemed surprised by that, but it seemed to fuel him. He parted his lips, and I traced his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue. My fang snagged his lip, and it started bleeding. It wasn’t a lot; it was a very small cut, but I tasted it.
I began to suck his bottom lip, sighing softly. He didn’t know what was going on; he just thought I was doing it as a part of the kiss. I took his bottom lip between my teeth and sucked, the ruby wonder flowing across my tongue and making me shiver.
I moved my mouth to his neck, where I kissed it. I went to bite, and he felt the tips of my fangs brush across his skin. He pulled away.
–No,†He said in a firm voice.
I glared at him. –But… I want it.†I leaned in, grabbing him, using my full strength.
He cried out, and everyone came rushing from the classroom. Ron, Ginny and Hermione looked with wide eyes. I looked at them and hissed.
Hermione pulled her wand out. –I hate to do this, Vivian,†she said. –I’m sorry.â€
I hissed again.
–Petrificus Totalus!†she cried with a wave of her wand.
Suddenly, I was on the ground, and everyone was around Harry. I couldn’t move or speak; I could only blink and watch as they led Harry away. He touched his lip and realized that it was cut. I tried to resist the restraints of the spell, but to no avail. Hermione was standing over me.
–We have to take her to Dumbledore,†Hermione said. –He has to know that she attacked you.â€
–No,†Harry said. –It wasn’t her fault. She was… excited over what happened when she left.â€
She shook her head. –Then why wait so long before she tried to bite you?â€
I tried to break the spell again. They all looked at me and noticed. I pleaded to Harry with my eyes. He nodded slightly. He bent down and touched my hand.
–I’m sorry,†He whispered.
I didn’t understand what he meant by that. But before I knew it, I was being suspended in the air, and Hermione was next to me, her wand held aloft.
–We have to, Harry. We can’t just let this go. She has to be restrained.â€
–Hermione, no!†he cried. –Please, it was an accident!â€
–Why are you defending her?†Ron asked. –She just tried to kill you, and you’re saying to let it go?!â€
–She didn’t do it on purpose. She can control herself. It’s just hard sometimes,†he said.
Hermione shook her head. –I’m taking her.â€
Eventually, we arrived at the office. Harry mumbled the password, and we were on the staircase. Hermione knocked on the door, and it gently swung open.
–What on earth is this, Miss Granger?†Dumbledore asked.
–Sir, Vivian just tried to bite Harry.â€
–Set her down, please.â€
She lowered me to the ground, and suddenly, I was able to move. I stood up and rounded on her.
–Why did you do that?!â€
She cowered away from me, her eyes wide.
Harry touched my arm, and I looked at him. He just looked at me for a moment, not saying anything. But I knew what he was conveying: stop. I sighed and turned to face Dumbledore.
–I’m sorry, Sir. She’s right. I tried to bite him.â€
He nodded, calm as ever. –I understand, Miss Moore, that this is hard for you. Have you been drinking the blood I’ve been providing?â€
I nodded.
–Are you running low?â€
–A little bit. Then again, there never seems to be enough.†I sighed. –I really am sorry, Sir. I know you expect better of me.â€
–How… how are you getting her blood?†Hermione asked.
–Bagged blood from donors,†I said.
She nodded and didn’t say anything else.
–I see. Harry, are you hurt?†Dumbledore asked, turning his gaze to Harry.
He shook his head. –I’m fine, sir.â€
He looked at me. –Are you alright, Vivian?â€
I took a deep breath. –I’m better now; although I should probably go drink some blood.â€
–That seems like a good idea. I have a few bags here for emergency purposes. Have some of these.â€
He gestured to the bags he had sitting on his desk. I lunged forward and grabbed one, sinking my teeth into the plastic. I sucked at the red liquid inside, rolling my eyes back in delight. It wasn’t very warm, but it did the job, for the most part. I tossed the now empty bag onto the floor and grabbed another one. This time, I savored it, drinking it a little slower.
I looked over as I smiled in content. The smile was wiped off my face when I saw the expressions on Hermione’s and Harry’s faces. Hermione looked revolted, and Harry looked… frightened. We all knew that wrinkled empty piece of plastic on the floor could have easily been him, if Hermione hadn’t stopped me.
When I drained the bag, I plucked the other one up off the floor and made to toss them into the waste bin.
–No need,†Dumbledore said, and with a flick of his wand, they vanished.
–Thank you, sir.†I said. –That’s much better.â€
He nodded graciously. –You are quite welcome.†He turned to Harry and Hermione. –Thank you for helping Vivian and restraining her. I would really hate to see something bad happen to any one of my students, Miss Moore included.â€
Hermione nodded. –You’re welcome, sir.â€
We left the office not too long after that. There was an overwhelming silence between the three of us; but it wasn’t one of the comfortable ones that we used to share before. It was strained and filled with tension.
–I’m just going to go to Ravenclaw Tower,†I mumbled before branching away from them. I would collect my things later; I needed to be alone.
After a moment, I caught a very familiar scent coming from behind me.
–Leave me alone, Harry.†I said.
He jogged a little bit before he caught up to me. He gently took me by my arms and looked right into my eyes. I kind of hated it when he did that; there was so much power within his emerald gaze that it sent shivers down my spine.
–Vivian, listen to me,†he said softly.
I shook my head. –No, you listen to me.†I broke free of his grasp and pointed at him. –I’m no good for you, Harry. As you can see, I’m not worth it. Hermione probably hates me now, Ron was always freaked out by me from the beginning, and I’m a reject.†I shook my head. –I could have killed you back there! You and I both know that if you hadn’t cried out and Hermione hadn’t cast that spell on me then you would’ve been nothing but an empty shell.â€
–I don’t believe that. You would’ve stopped,†He said.
I let out a harsh laugh. –You have too much faith in people, Harry. You have to see the good in everyone. Well, there’s no good here. It’s better if I stay away from you.â€
He shook his head. –No.â€
–You like that word, don’t you?â€
He ignored that. –I don’t care what you think; contrary to popular belief, you do have good in you. It just takes someone with an open mind and an open heart to see it. Something I’ve learned over the past few years is that people see what they want to see. When they thought I was a nutter, then they looked at me and saw a deranged boy who had been through too much trauma. And now all this ‘Chosen One’ business has people looking at me like an effing war hero, when just last year no one took me seriously and shunned me.
–Don’t you see? People are blinded by their opinions and the things other people tell them. Because all of these people have been made to think that all vampires are blood-sucking monsters who kill with no mercy, that’s the image that’s going to come to mind when they think of you. But I know that’s wrong. You’re a good person; you just need someone to see it. You can’t control what your body needs. You need blood, just like I would need food or water, and I can’t blame you for that.â€
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, making it even messier than it already was. –The point is, I know that you’re a good person. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, or what they think. And no matter how many times you tell me to leave you alone, I’m not going to listen, because I’m not going anywhere.â€
I just looked at him. –You are such a Gryffindor; do you know that?â€
He didn’t say anything; he just kissed me, laughing the whole time.
Crimson and Clover by Envy_I_May_Be
Chapter Notes: Sorry for the long delay; but it is up! I know; I'm a bit of a procrastinator. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait.
Chapter Endnotes: So... forgive me? Review and let me know!