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Crimson and Clover by Envy_I_May_Be

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Chapter Notes: Sorry this took so long; I've been so busy! Forgive me?
I had never been so happy for Christmas break to be over in my life.

I had passed a note to Harry asking him to meet me on the third floor in an empty classroom as soon as he could. Within a few hours, as I paced inside the room, I heard the door open, and before either of us could say a single word, I barreled into Harry, throwing my arms around his neck and planting a loving kiss smack on his smiling mouth. When we pulled away, he was gasping for air, and sputtered, blushing slightly in surprise and embarrassment, his heart hammering.

–Oh, Merlin, I’m so glad you’re back,” I whispered, leaning into him. –I missed you so much.”

He hugged me tightly, his heart still beating abnormally fast. –I missed you, too,” he whispered, stroking my hair.

I pulled away just enough to look at him and beam.

–I loved my Christmas present, by the way. That rose was beautiful.”

He smiled. –I’m glad you liked it. I thought it fit you. I know it’s nothing fancy, but it was pretty, and I wasn’t sure what to get you. The chocolates were a given, but I didn’t know what else. But when I saw that flower, I decided it was perfect.”

I kissed him. –Well, I loved it.”

He smiled triumphantly. –Speaking of gifts that people love, I really liked that poster.”

I smiled. –I really hoped you would. I went through a lot to get that thing for you.”

–Well, it was brilliant.” He beamed.

–So, how was your holiday?” I asked.

–It was nice. Crowded. Filled with food. The usual.” He leaned down and looked me in the eyes. –How was yours?” he asked softly, his fringe hanging in his eyes.

I brushed his hair from his eyes, and sighed softly. –It was… tolerable, I guess.”

–Are you okay?”

I looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but pure concern. He was just so loving; sometimes, I could hardly stand it.

–You have the biggest heart on the planet, Harry,” I whispered, throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his chest.

He hugged me tightly. –I’m sure there are people out there who are much better than me.”

–Not to me, there aren’t.”
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The next few months passed without much incident. The only thing that was really bothering me was Harry and his love affair with that stupid potions book. He continued to carry it around everywhere, and he was completely engrossed in it. Snape continued to give us ruthless work for Defense Against the Dark Arts, talk of career options was being thrown at us left and right, and Harry still hadn’t managed to get that memory from Slughorn.

–Dumbledore said we can’t go any further until I get that memory, but every time I try to get him alone, he runs away from me. I just can’t get him alone long enough to ask him for it,” he said one evening as we sat in the Room of Requirement, sprawled out on cushions.

–Well, I can’t think of anything.”

He gave me a pointed look. –You’re a Ravenclaw; surely, you have better ideas than I do.”

–I do, but most of them involve lots of complicated wandwork, hidden rooms, and rope. Lots of rope. Slughorn is a big man.” I flashed a grin.

He rolled his eyes, laughing. –This is exactly why I love you,” he said through his laughter.

I froze. Did he just say…

He stopped laughing, his face going serious. –Is something wrong?”

I looked at him, my eyes wide. –Did… Did you just say that you love me?”

We stared at each other for a moment, neither one of us saying anything. Green eyes met blue, and something passed between us. I don’t know what it was, but my God, it was beautiful.

–I… I love you,” he whispered, as if realizing it for the first time.

–You love me?” I repeated like an idiot.

–I love you,” he said again, nodding quickly. –Vivian… I love you.”

I stood, and he stood with me. We stared at each other for a moment, and before either of us could say a word, I was kissing him. Our lips collided in an explosive force, consumed with passion, and longing, and need, and… love. There was love in that kiss; I could taste it. It tasted like muffins; like our first kiss. It tasted like muffins, and roses, and Honeydukes chocolate. It tasted like blood, and butterbeer, and lake water. It tasted like… us.

When we broke away, his eyes were filled with that fire again. They were burning, and blazing, filling my heart with a matching fire. I wondered if it was reflected in my eyes, too. His lips were soft, and slightly swollen. He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat.

–I love you, too,” I whispered, pressing my lips to his neck.

I kissed him, very softly, on the pale, soft flesh of his neck. It was more like a kiss of trust; I was showing him that I would never hurt him. And in that moment, I knew that I would do everything within my power to protect this boy from harm. I knew that I would do anything for him; even if it meant risking my own life. Was I aware that he was at the center of the madness that filled our world? Who wasn’t? I knew that in the end, he would have to face Voldemort, and that he might not make it. But you know what? That didn’t make me any less proud to be his. For him to be mine. In fact, it made me even more proud. My heart swelled with pride for him, because he was the gem of the Wizarding world, and he was all mine.

He may have been at the center of the war that was coming, and in the middle of the madness, but in that moment, I knew that as long as he was at the center of the madness, that no matter how tough things got, and no matter how much pain and how many trying times lay ahead of us, that I would be right there with him, every step of the way. And no one could deter me from that.
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After that moment in the Room of Requirement, we went public. It was actually my idea; even though I was a reclusive type who didn’t like my business to be out there for everyone to know it, I figured there was no point in hiding it anymore. We were completely open about our relationship, holding hands in the corridors, going on the Hogsmeade trip together, and studying in the library where everyone could see us. It was oddly liberating.

Ron wasn’t too pleased with Harry for deciding to ‘consort with the enemy’, and Hermione seemed doubtful, but never said a cross word to me.

–Do you…. Do you feel uncomfortable about me being with Harry?” I asked Hermione one afternoon in the library.

She looked up from her Ancient Runes book, and bit her lip. –Well, I can’t say that I’m really uncomfortable; I’m just a bit… nervous.”

I nodded. –I know, and I understand your concern. Believe me, there is never a moment when I’m not thinking about Harry’s safety. I’m being as cautious as possible, and other than that accident outside the classroom all those months ago, there hasn’t been any problems. It might be a bit hard to believe, but all of my other feelings for him usually block out the cravings.”

–Usually?”

–Well, I’m still a vampire; it’s natural instinct to catalogue heart-rate, blood flow, blood type, and vulnerability.
However, being with Harry… he makes me forget all of that. When I’m with Harry, I feel… human.” I looked at her. –You can understand that to some degree, right?”

She looked at the table for a moment, biting her lip again. When she looked at me again, her warm brown eyes were soft. She gave a soft sigh, and nodded very slightly.

–I… I think I can see what you’re saying.”

I rested my hand on top of hers. –I don’t expect anyone to completely understand, but if you could just try to empathize a little bit, then that would be really helpful. I know this is hard for you to accept, because he’s your best friend, and I get that. I really do. I just… I need your help. He’ll feel better about this if you open up to how you feel about this. And I think that it’ll diffuse some of the tension.”

Hermione gazed at our touching hands, and her gaze softened. She looked at me, a fierce new determination burning in her big brown eyes. –I promise I’ll try to be more open about this,” she whispered. –I… I want him to be happy. He deserves happiness more than anyone else I’ve ever met.”

–Thank you,” I whispered.

She nodded. –You’re more than welcome.”
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The most interesting thing that happened over the next month was the Apparating lessons that were being held in the Great Hall. Any student that was going to be seventeen within the next few months or already was seventeen was more than welcome to participate in the free lessons. That was all anyone talked about in the common room.

–Did you hear about the Apparation lessons?” Padma Patil asked Sylvia.

Sylvia nodded excitedly. –Are you going to do them, then?”

Padma nodded. –I wouldn’t miss it. Parvarti and I are going together. It’s going to be really fun.”

–Until someone gets splinched,” I said from my armchair.

They turned their gazes on me, their eyes widening slightly.

I shrugged. –What? It’s our first time; it’s bound to happen to somebody. And besides, it’s a room full of teenage witches and wizards trying to Apparate all over the Great Hall, and that just says trouble in itself.”

–Well, what do you know?” Anna McKinn, a girl who used to be a good friend of mine, chimed in from one of the worktables.

–Oh, come on, Anna, it’s common logic. A first year could put it together.”

She sneered at me. –Go stuff it, Moore.”

I stood up, and was in front of her in half a second. –When did I become Moore? I thought we were friends, Anna. What happened to that?”

–I don’t hang out with freaks,” she spat.

I got closer to her, my fangs bared. –You wanna call me a freak again, McKinn?”

Her face went pale, and she backed away against the wall. Now everyone else was staring, their eyes wide and their faces pale. I watched as Terry Boot slowly drew his wand from his pocket.

–Turn that wand on me, Boot, and you’ll be sorry.”

He stuck it back in his pocket and held his hands up in surrender. I turned to face the crowd, and let out a low, menacing hiss from deep within my gut. Several first years jumped and screamed; one girl fainted. Anthony Goldstein caught her, and stared at me. I shook my head and ran out of the tower, my hand gripping my wand so hard my knuckles seemed translucent. I ran all the way to the Room of Requirement, where I ran right smack into Draco Malfoy.

–Watch where you’re going,” he spat.

I hissed, and he looked up at me. His pale face went even paler, and his gray eyes became as round as Galleons.

–Just get out of my way,” I growled.

He stepped to the side, and ran down the corridor like the coward he was. I paced in front of the space where the door would appear, thinking of a place where I could clam down. The door appeared in the wall, and I ran inside, slamming it closed behind me. I walked into a room with huge windows that had sunlight streaming through them. There were floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, filled with all kinds of volumes, and cushions and chairs. There was an ebony piano sitting in the center of the room.

I walked over to it in awe, gently running my fingers across the glass-like surface of the instrument. I hadn’t played the piano since before I was bitten. That was almost two years ago.

I sat down at the bench, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, there was a folder of sheet music; all Beethoven. I flipped over to Symphony Number Nine, and began to play. The music danced around me, and I think that the master himself would’ve been impressed with the angst that I used to fuel my playing. I violently stroked the ivory and ebony keys of the piano, watching my pale fingers move with incomprehensible speed, not even slipping on the tears that had begun to fall onto the keys, making them slick. I played and played and played, tears of frustration and rage spilling out of my eyes and onto the keys. I wished that the room wasn’t soundproof so that everyone could hear me; I wanted the whole world to know that Vivian Moore hated everyone.

There was only one exception to my tirade of hatred, of course. But maybe hate was a strong word. I didn’t care; either way, there was only one person I cared about anymore.

Harry.

I pictured his face in my mind; every line, plane, and angle of that angel’s face. The shape of his almond eyes; his narrow nose; his strong jaw; the lightning scar on his forehead that was always covered by his messy fringe; his thin lips, and how they turned pale when he was upset or angry; how his eyes lit up whenever he was struck with an idea; all of it. I pictured his hands- how soft and gentle they were against my skin; how strong they were around my hands; the texture of the raised words etched into his skin there.

He was perfect, in every way, scars and all, and I wasn’t. I knew he would tell me otherwise if I ever said it out loud, but that was how I felt. But maybe we were perfect for each other; the two broken, rejected souls; the lonely kids; the ones who were stuck on the outside, while being the center of the inside, all at once. The two orphans; the ones who didn’t know their families. We were one and the same, Harry and I; the only major difference was that it turned him into a much better person.

I stopped playing, and leaned against the piano, breathing heavily. After a moment, I stood, and walked to the door of the room. I could have hid in there forever, if I really wanted to. But I had so many things out there waiting for me; and even though some of it was ridicule and hatred, I needed to keep going. If not for myself, then for Harry, because even after everything he’d been dragged through, he was still fighting. And he had been through much worse than I had.

So, with Harry in mind, I took one step at a time, away from my hide-away. With each step towards the door, I felt lighter and lighter, the weight on my chest lifting slowly. My heart swelled with anticipation to greet the rising sun, and I pictured Harry’s face; heard his voice; felt his lips against mine as I left the room, closing the door firmly behind me.
And I never looked back.
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With the rising sun came liberation. I felt better than I ever had before. And even as I walked to Professor Dumbledore’s office, surely to be berated for my actions in the common room the day before, I walked with my head held high. I didn’t need them; I only needed myself. That self-assurance was all I needed to get me through the rest of the school year.

I gave the password to the griffin statue, and stepped onto the slowly circling staircase. When it came to the door, I knocked.

–Enter, Miss Moore,” I heard Dumbledore say softly.

I opened the door and stepped in, easing the old wood shut behind me. I walked over and sat in front of his desk, waiting patiently for him to speak.

He didn’t. I don’t know how long we sat there, but we did so in silence, merely gazing politely at one another. There were small sounds to be heard all around, but between us, there was nothing. The portraits looked on curiously, all wondering what was going to happen. I simply waited.

–You have come through a change, Vivian,” Dumbledore said after a long time.

I nodded. –That I have, sir. And a rather good one, if I may say so.”

He inclined his head. –By all means, feel free to say what you wish about it. Tell me; did this change have anything to do with yesterday?”

–It had everything to do with yesterday, and every day before that,” I said simply.

I heard some of the portraits murmur about me being rude, but Dumbledore merely smiled at me, his eyes twinkling.

–Excellent. I was wondering when this change would happen. You see, Miss Moore, I always had a feeling that something good would come out of this. I would say that your ordeal has certainly changed you for the better.”

–I think, sir, that is too early to tell.”

He raised an eyebrow. –Is that so?”

I nodded. –I believe so. I don’t know if I’m a good person or not yet, but I can assure you of this; I know where I belong.”

–You do?”

–I’ve reached that conclusion, and I’ve decided that where I belong is not here.”

He nodded slowly. –I thought you might say that.”

–There are people here that I care deeply about, but…. This is not my world anymore, Professor. I’m not a human anymore. I’ve accepted that.”

He smiled. –I think, Vivian, that it is safe to say that you are no longer a child.”

–I think I agree with you, sir.”

–Excellent; excellent. I’m glad that you agree with me. I had always thought that something good would come of this.”

–I can’t say that I felt the same, sir, but I’m glad that you had faith in me.”

He smiled gently over his half-moon spectacles. –There is so much good within you, Miss Moore, that there is no way that you shall ever become a bad person. I think there is no such thing as a bad person; only bad decisions. I believe in you, Vivian. I really, truly do.”

I was stunned by his words. I felt tears spring to my eyes at the surprising onslaught of emotion that went through me. I thought I was through with shedding tears, but there was something different about this time. I smiled.

–I could never thank you properly, sir,” I finally managed to say.

He returned my smile. –There is no need, my dear. Just know that your happiness and content is thanks enough. You may go now.”

I nodded and stood, and looked at him.

–I just want you to know, sir, that without you, I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now.”

–Well, luckily, we shall never have to find out, shall we?”

–No,” I said, smiling. –And thank Merlin for that.”
Chapter Endnotes: i know this was on the short side, but I think the content makes up for it... hopefully. Am I forgiven? i would love to know :)

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