As he had predicted, Adrian did not sleep that night. Once or twice he dropped off in to a doze, but it was always short-lived and plagued with nightmares of his father and Samuel getting caught and thrown into Azkaban.
The result was that the following morning he was exhausted. He knew he must look a state, but he didn’t really care. He left it as late as possible to go down for breakfast so that he could avoid any awkward conversation and then once he was in class no one really spoke to him anyway. He did catch more than one person staring at him when they thought he wasn’t looking. It was obvious that everyone was wondering what exactly had happened to him the night before.
He wished he could talk to someone about it, but Carrow’s warning was still ringing in his ears and he knew that he definitely couldn’t reveal anything that his father had communicated. He would just have to wait to hear from his mother - assuming that everything went to plan, of course. He couldn’t help but wonder whether his father had even made it home the night before, or if he had been able to get Samuel safely out of school, or made it out of the country yet. There was so much that could go wrong and he had no idea what would happen to them if they were caught.
He hadn’t really stopped to think about his mother a great deal over the last few weeks but now that he did, he realised how awful this would be for her. At least Adrian knew the truth, but she would only think that he had left her. He knew it was for the best - his father would never have been able to convince her to leave with him and this way she would be so angry with him that she would never defend him should she herself be questioned, meaning no suspicion would fall on her. Losing Samuel would be the hardest part though. No matter what else she thought, no one could deny that Theia loved both her sons, and for one of them to just vanish would be heart-breaking.
Adrian just about made it through the day’s lessons in one piece and without getting into any trouble. At lunch he made up a story about detention which seemed to satisfy Hector and Duncan, as well as the people nearby who were eavesdropping to see what they could find out.
That evening he decided to go for a walk. It wasn’t something he ever really thought about doing, but he couldn’t stand the noise of the common room or the silent claustrophobia of the library. He needed to be outside in the fresh air. More than anything he wished he could fly, but of course that was impossible. He hadn’t even bothered to bring his broom back to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays.
The sun was still setting early and there wasn’t much time for wandering. He decided to skip dinner and go out while there would be no one else around. He could always get something from the kitchens later on.
He circled the castle and eventually came to rest by the lake. It was a mild evening and so he sat on the banks for a few moments, just staring out on to the horizon. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear footsteps approaching and so he almost jumped out of his skin when someone started speaking.
–It’s Adrian, right?â€
He looked up to see Bethany, Hufflepuff’s former Quidditch Keeper standing over him.
–Do you mind if I sit down?†she asked when he didn’t reply.
–Not at all,†he said, shifting slightly.
She lowered herself onto the grass next to him, and sighed a little as she looked out across the lake.
–You didn’t fancy dinner tonight either then?†she asked.
Adrian shook his head. –Too many people about.â€
–I know that feeling.â€
Adrian was surprised to hear her say that. He didn’t know her very well as she was two years older than him, but she always seemed to be surrounded by friends, chatting and joking.
–The Carrows treated you roughly, did they?†she asked after a few moments of quiet.
–I…yes,†he replied, not really sure how much to say. Luckily she kept talking, however, saving him from too much awkward conversation.
–Makes you wonder how they can get away with it. But I suppose there isn’t really anything to stop them nowadays. Especially not the headmaster.â€
–What about the Ministry?†Adrian asked, keen to get someone else’s opinion on what was really happening in London.
She didn’t answer him, or at least not directly. –What do you think?†she said instead, sounding genuinely curious.
Adrian sighed. –I have no idea. I thought I did, but I’m not sure anymore.â€
–There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind.â€
–But how do I know if I’m changing it to the right thing?â€
–You can never be sure of that.â€
He was very close to saying too much and he knew it. But Bethany seemed so easy to talk to and for once it was nice to be speaking to someone who knew nothing about him, who didn’t have any expectations and wasn’t judging him for his beliefs.
Neither of them said anything for a while. The sun was beginning to set, and it was getting dark. Adrian knew they would have to back inside soon but he wasn’t ready just yet.
–My mum is a Muggle-born,†Bethany said at last, still staring straight ahead, almost as if she was telling the air rather than speaking to Adrian. –My father is a pureblood which means I’m okay, but she’s in prison. I don’t even know if she’s still alive. She never did anything wrong. She even gave herself up to the Ministry because she thought it would be better for me and Dad.â€
She laughed, bitterly.–Dad lost his job not long before Christmas. He refused to abandon her and no one will hire him now. He’s not worth the trouble. So he’s struggling to pay the bills and worrying about her at the same time.â€
–I’m sorry,†Adrian said, though the words sounded hollow and not enough for the pain she must be feeling. Instead he decided to share his own story.
–My brother is a Squib,†he started. The words sounded strange in his mouth, he was so unused to saying them.–I always thought he was a wizard without magic and that perhaps he’d had his magic taken from him in some way but I don’t think that’s true anymore. He’s a Muggle really and that’s what he wants to be. He told me he wants to go to Muggle school, but the Ministry found out and won’t let it happen.
–I think my father has taken him out of the country but I suppose I may never know for sure. He was worried about what they might do to Samuel if he tried to go to Muggle school. I always thought the Ministry were supposed to protect us and that they would look after people like my brother but they’re only really interested in keeping them hidden away in an Institute. Suddenly they seem like the enemy.†It was the first time he had allowed himself to say the words out loud and it felt strange to finally acknowledge the doubts that had been plaguing him for weeks.
–You’re not the only one who thinks that, Adrian.â€
–I know, but for so long I was so sure they were right. How can I just change my mind now? No one would believe me, and even if they did they would think I was only doing it because of Samuel, not because I really care.â€
–Why does it matter why you’ve changed your mind so long as you have? Everyone has a reason for believing what they do. Would I hate the Ministry so much if my mother wasn’t a Muggle-born? Probably not. Would I be doing more to fight if I wasn’t worried about the impact it would have on my father? Yes, maybe. We all have our reasons, Adrian. I’m sure your friends would understand that. It doesn’t mean you care any less.â€
He thought of Gemma and Dorian and wasn’t so sure. He still believed that too much had happened between them for things to really change. But perhaps they weren’t the only people he could talk to. There was Hector and Duncan as well. Maybe he could talk to them and explain how he was feeling.
–I don’t know if my friends will ever forgive me,†he said.
–They might, if you give them the chance. They probably have their own reasons for acting how they do. I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been affected by whatever is happening at the moment.â€
Adrian thought of Gemma’s worn appearance and how quick she was to argue against anyone who supported the Ministry. He knew Bethany was probably right. He had just been too blind to think too much about anyone else’s problems until now. All he had seen was someone who just seemed determined to cause trouble in any way they could.
–It’s dark,†Bethany said a few minutes later. –Do you want to get some food?â€
–Sure,†Adrian replied. –Thanks for, you know, chatting.â€
–That’s okay, kid. Anytime. We all need people to talk to now and then.â€
The wandered up to the castle in silence and headed down to the kitchens. The elves were as obliging as ever and soon Adrian was completely stuffed. When they had both had had their fill, they made their way back to the common room. He was glad that it was late and there weren’t many people there to see them arrive. Hector and Duncan weren’t in the room, nor were the fourth years, so Adrian was able to slip off to bed without too much attention. He felt a lot better after his conversation with Bethany but he still struggled to sleep yet again. He kept thinking of his father and brother and wondering where they were, and then wondering how his mother was handling it all. He wondered if the Ministry would come back asking more questions once they’d disappeared or whether they’d believe from his previous interrogation that he didn’t know anything. He wasn’t convinced he would be able to lie well enough a second time around.
The night seemed to pass agonisingly slowly and yet again he was up well before breakfast time. He may as well not have been in his lessons that day, and the final straw came when he actually started snoring in Charms. Luckily, Professor Flitwick took pity on him and sent him to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Promfrey didn’t ask any questions and simply put him straight into bed with a dreamless sleep potion. His last thought before he fell asleep was relief that for yet another evening he could avoid the common room and the risk of any awkward confrontations.
The next evening he was not so lucky, however. He slept straight through until breakfast, at which point Madam Pomfrey woke him up and discharged him, with instructions to come back that evening if he was still struggling to sleep.
Duncan waved him over when he got to the Great Hall.
–Are you okay, mate? You’ve hardly been around the last couple of days.â€
–Yeah, I’ll tell you about it later,†Adrian replied. At some point he had decided that he was going to tell the boys as much as he could about Samuel and the situation in the hope that they might be able to understand.
He watched the post owls anxiously that morning, hoping to see his parents’ tawny among them, but there was nothing. He thought about the way the Ministry had intercepted his letter to Samuel and wondered if the same thing might happen to his mother’s. Or maybe she just hadn’t written it yet. She may even wait until Easter to tell him though he hoped not. He needed to know that his mother was at least okay and that his father had left as planned.
It was a good day in that there were at least no lessons with the Carrows, which meant Adrian could relax a bit. By the time evening came he was feeling a little bit more like himself and ready to finally have a proper conversation with his friends.
He wasn’t really sure how to bring it up but luckily Duncan saved him. –What were you going to tell me earlier?†he asked at some point after dinner, when the three of them were sitting alone in a corner of the common room, supposedly working on their homework.
–It’s quite a long story,†Adrian began.
–That’s okay, we’re not in any hurry,†Hector replied. –There’s obviously something going on with you.â€
–Well, it’s my brother. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you before, but he’s a Squib.â€
And with that the story began and for the next half hour, Adrian just talked without any interruption. He told them everything, going back to when they were growing up and Samuel had broken his leg falling out of a tree trying to prove he had magic and how he had cried when Adrian had started Hogwarts.
–He says now that he doesn’t care and I think he’s happy but I saw how difficult it was for him growing up, trying to understand that he wasn’t the same as us. I saw how angry it made my mother when people in Diagon Alley would stare or talk about us behind our backs. I think we all wanted someone to blame, except Samuel perhaps. He didn’t notice other people in the same way that we did.â€
The story continued until eventually he reached that year. For once he was honest about his fight with Gemma and how he and his mother had celebrated the Muggle-born laws.
–I thought it was the best thing for Samuel. I thought they wanted to help him and I thought that no one else could really understand because they hadn’t been through what my family had.â€
Then he tried to explain how he had changed his mind, how his father had helped him realised that perhaps the Ministry wasn’t always right.
–And now, I can’t say how I know, but my dad and Samuel have had to leave the country, before they got arrested. Samuel told me at Christmas that he wanted to go to Muggle school and I was angry with him. I tried to apologise but I don’t think he even got the letter, so now he’s somewhere far away and he doesn’t even know that I’m sorry.â€
At this point he stopped talking and took a minute to steady his breath, hoping that he would not start crying. He could barely look at his friends. He was so worried that they would get angry with him, or refuse to speak to him ever again. After a minute though, he felt an arm on his shoulder and he looked up to see Hector.
–Sounds like you’ve had a rough time, mate.â€
–I…don’t you hate me?†Adrian asked, confused. –I mean, your aunt, I used to think it was better for Muggle-borns and people who helped them to be in prison.â€
–You had your reasons. We’ve all had our reasons for believing what we do and yours were good reasons. It’s not because you hated people or thought less of them. You just wanted to protect your brother and I’m sure most people can relate to that.â€
Duncan was nodding. –I can’t believe you’ve been keeping all this to yourself. Did you really think we wouldn’t want to speak to you again?â€
–Well look at my old friends. I’ve known Dorian since we were kids and he doesn’t even really look at me anymore.â€
–Have you ever properly spoken to him about this stuff?â€
Adrian thought back to the fierce arguments from the beginning of the year, the occasional hushed conversations in the silence of the dormitory and the quick glances during lessons or at meals. –No,†he admitted.
–Well maybe you should. They might surprise you.â€
Adrian shrugged. One conversation had been enough. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle another one as draining as this.
–I don’t know,†he said. –I think it might be best to leave it for a while. I might go to bed.â€
He said goodnight to the boys and made his way up the stairs. Though he was exhausted, the relief of having finally spoken to someone about everything was huge. He hoped that he might sleep a little easier that night. He had been careful to leave out the details of the trip to the Ministry; he worried that the Carrows would have some way of knowing if he told anyone, but other than that, he had told the two boys everything and he already so much lighter.
He had only just climbed into bed when the door opened and Dorian came in. He changed in to his pyjamas in silence, as always, and Adrian was almost asleep when the other boy spoke.
–Is it all true?â€
Adrian was startled awake by the sudden sound. –Is what true?†he asked, his mind a little hazy.
–Everything you said to those fifth years.â€
–How did you hear that?â€
–I was there. I had to finish my Potions homework so I tried to find a quiet place to sit. I didn’t realise you were there until it was too late to move. I wasn’t trying to listen in.â€
–Did the others-?â€
–I was on my own. No one else heard. You should tell them though.â€
–Gemma already knows about Samuel, why would it make any difference telling her stuff now?â€
–She would know you’ve changed your mind for one thing, and perhaps she would understand it better if she heard you speaking. You’ve never really told us that stuff before, about Samuel breaking his leg or the people talking about you.â€
–Gemma wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say at the beginning of the year. I could have done with a friend then so why should I go crawling to her now?â€
–Gemma’s had her own stuff to deal with, Adrian. I know sometimes you think there is nothing beyond your own family but surely now you can see how much trouble this has caused for everyone? Just look around you - we’re the only two people here and that’s not because the other boys are on some sort of holiday.
–She would support you now, I know she would, especially if you told her everything you told those two boys, but you’d have to support her too. She wants to be your friend again, Adrian. I know she does. She was worried when you disappeared with Carrow the other night and I know that she got you in detention on purpose but she still felt guilty about it. Please, just speak to her and I know you could be friends again.â€
–Maybe,†was all Adrian could say in reply. He thought back to Bethany’s words a couple of days ago. They were all trying to deal with some sort of problems that year - had he really just been too selfish to care?
I’ll speak to her tomorrow. He wasn’t sure if he said or only thought these final words because moments later, he was fast asleep.
Stolen Magic by coolh5000
Chapter Notes: Thanks as always to Kara for betaing. I'm working on the next chapter so hopefully it's not too far away!
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought in a review.