Chapter 2: Seashells and Blank Walls
Zoe Snape was in trouble.
And as she sat wrapped in a blanket on a hard chair staring at a very boring stretch of canary yellow wall and pondering over the last hour or so, she might even have to say that she was in more trouble than she’d ever been in all of her six years.
The Snapes’ first full day in the little, cliff-side cottage on the outskirts of the town of Ventnor on the Isle of Wight had started out wonderfully. Zoe’s father hadn’t awoken Zoe too early and, after dressing in the clothes he had laid out for her at the foot of her trundle bed, Zoe had walked into the modest kitchen to see that he had made her scrambled eggs instead of porridge for breakfast. She’d tucked in happily and listened as he talked to her.
–I shall spend most of the day trying to locate moss along the cliffs,†her Papa had said before taking a sip of his coffee. –You may look for seashells or otherwise occupy your time on the beach. I may not always be in your field of vision, but I will hear you if you call for me.â€
–What if I have to go to the bathroom?â€
–Go before we leave the house. Certainly you can hold it until lunchtime?â€
Zoe had nodded her head in understanding. –Can I go swimming?â€
Her Papa had shaken his head. –No. The sea is much too cold for swimming.†Then he had leveled her with a very serious look and told her very sternly, –You are not to go anywhere near the water, Zoe. Do you understand me?â€
Zoe had nodded.
–Yes, Papa.â€
And so, after breakfast, her father had deposited her on the small expanse of private beach in a pair of denims, a warm jumper, and her floppy straw hat to shade her face. Then he had conjured a number of different tools she could use to make a sand castle including a little bucket that could also be used to collect seashells, should she feel so inclined, before pointing out to her where he would be should she be in need of him.
The day was unseasonably mild and the sun made appearances from time to time as the great, grey-white clouds marched steadily across a dull, blue-grey sky. A light breeze blew Zoe’s long, brown locks against her nose, making it itch, and she suddenly wished she had asked her Papa to plait her hair for her or at least to tie it back so it wouldn’t fall into her face so much.
Sighing as she dug the moat for her castle, she looked up toward the cliffs where she knew her father was searching. She spotted him moving around on some rocks in the distance, the blue jeans he wore being the main contrast against the jagged, black rocks of the cliff face.
Normally, her Papa wore all black. From head to toe, his trousers, frock coat, and wizard’s robes showed only a sliver of the white linen shirt he wore beneath them. Today, however, he had donned denim trousers and a black turtleneck instead because he said that Ventnor was full of Muggles and Muggles didn’t wear robes and would think it very strange to see Zoe and her Papa in them. Zoe didn’t mind. She liked her and her father’s Muggle clothes just as much as she liked their robes.
As the morning progressed, Zoe continued to dig and dig. The clouds had spread out a bit and the sun was beating down steadily on her now. The breeze had died away almost to nothing.
Growing bored with the moat that kept caving in due to a lack of moist, malleable sand, Zoe kicked off her trainers and socks, picked up her bucket and started to look around for seashells. There were quite a lot of them on the beach but very few that held up to her exacting standards. She only wanted the nice-looking ones; only the seashells that weren’t cracked or chipped and were a pretty color.
She reached down and picked up a peculiarly colored shell--it was hard for her to describe, some sort of orange. Wiping off excess sand and inspecting it closely, Zoe smiled, deciding that she liked it. She placed it in her bucket, spotted another odd-colored shell sticking up out of the sand, and walked down the beach toward it.
–That’s far enough,†she suddenly heard her Papa’s deep, resonating voice say.
Zoe halted immediately and looked up, perplexed, to see him standing on a rock staring at her. He must have been using a spell for he was much too far away for his voice to have sounded so close. It had been as if he was standing right next to her.
Zoe looked wistfully down at the shell that was still several feet away from her, and then looked up at her Papa with pleading eyes.
–But I just want to get that shell there,†she said, pointing, unsure if her father could even hear her. She saw him shake his head; apparently, he could.
–No. Do not cross into the wet sand. There are more than enough seashells up the beach.â€
Frowning--pouting, really--because she couldn’t have her way, Zoe retreated up the beach to look some more.
–Good girl,†she heard her Papa say softly.
The sun had really started to heat up now and, having put many shells and rocks and other sea souvenirs into her bucket, Zoe sat down in the sand and swiped at her forehead. Her jumper was starting to stick to her and, as she pushed the sleeves up her arms, Zoe suddenly wished that she had worn a t-shirt beneath it. A light breeze blew past her, but it wasn’t enough to assuage her uncomfortable temperature. She looked longingly toward the sea. If only she could put her feet into the water, she bet she would cool down immensely.
‘Papa said no,’ she told herself.
‘But it’s only your feet,’ she countered in her mind.
Zoe sighed heavily and looked back behind her. Up on the hilltop she could make out their little cottage. She was starting to get hungry. Perhaps her father would come back soon so they could eat.
As that thought crossed her mind, Zoe glanced over to the cliffs again. Her Papa was gone. More than likely, he had traveled up the coast a bit and therefore the rocks were blocking her view of him. This was the first time, however, that she had looked up and not been able to see him. Zoe suddenly felt a little scared.
‘He said that sometimes you wouldn’t be able to see him. Don’t be such a big baby,’ she internally scolded herself.
Steadying her breath and blinking back tears, another thought popped into her mind. ‘You could just put your toes into the water. He won’t see; he’ll never know.’
Zoe bit her lip and looked toward the waves cascading into the beach. Just past where the wet sand began, the water was so calm and there was so little of it compared to the great big sea beyond it. It couldn’t hurt to just… see how it feels, just for a second. Then she’d come right back and her father would be none the wiser.
Glancing back to the rock face where her father was still conspicuously absent, Zoe walked tentatively toward the water. As she reached the wet sand, she noticed an immediate difference in the temperature under her bare feet. She continued forward until she saw the line where the waves started to recede and stopped, waiting for the water. She saw the wave coming and then the water rushed up and, where she had hoped it would merely nip at her toes, it progressed instead up to her ankles.
‘Cripes! That’s cold!’ she thought, but giggled as the feeling of the water rushed over her skin.
Looking down, she frowned. The very bottoms of the legs of her trousers were wet. Her father would never believe that she had stayed away from the water now.
Shoulders hunched and resigning herself to her imminent doom, she started back up toward the dry sand and hoped that the heat of the sun would dry her trousers before her Papa came to collect her for lunch. However, as she started back up the beach, an object caught her eye.
A wave had just receded and, as the water fell away, back into the sea, a sea star was clearly visible clinging to the wet sand upon which it had washed. It was only a little ways down the beach from where Zoe stood and, if she hurried, she knew she could collect it. It would make any trouble she got into for disobeying her Papa somewhat worth it.
Chancing one last glance toward the cliffs, Zoe ran down the beach and scooped the sea star up. Looking down at her prize with glee, she didn’t notice how close she had gotten to the actual surf and in an instant, a huge wave came in and the force of it knocked her off her feet.
Everything seemed to altogether slow down and speed up at the same time. Zoe struggled in the water trying to right herself, but it was little use for she didn’t know how to swim, not really--she had only ever paddled around in shallow water before--and the strength of the ocean was too much for her as it pulled her farther and farther from the beach. It churned her about in such a manner that she could hardly tell which way was up, but every time she came to the surface, she sucked in a great breath of air and called out, –Papa! Papa!â€
Despite her cries for help, Zoe thought there was no way her father would be able to hear her over the roar of the waves. Struggling to keep her head up and ingesting what felt like buckets full of salty water, Zoe suddenly felt herself pulled up into the air by an invisible force. She was flying toward the beach. It had to be a dream or maybe she had passed out. She couldn’t fly.
As quickly as everything had gone wrong, however, everything suddenly felt just as right as she came back down to the ground and found herself enveloped in her father’s arms. She was shivering and her whole body seemed to ache from all of her efforts in the sea, but her Papa had saved her.
–Thank Merlin,†she vaguely heard him say through her crying.
He was on his knees in the sand and he looked Zoe over quickly before conjuring a blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders, and pressing her tightly against his warm chest. He started to rub his hands up and down her back and arms vigorously.
–You’re…squee-squeezing too t-t-tight, Pa-Papa,†Zoe chattered.
–Hush,†he said softly but didn’t relinquish his tight grasp of her.
Eventually, Zoe calmed, her breathing felt less labored and her teeth stopped chattering. At about the same time that she realized it, apparently her father had too. He jerked her away from him so quickly Zoe was startled. He held her at arm’s length and Zoe could see that his eyebrows had knitted into a very big frown and his eyes, though still exhibiting relief, had started to show a glimmer of anger.
–What the hell were you thinking?†he asked harshly, shaking her slightly.
Zoe opened her mouth to explain but he didn’t give her the chance. He stood then and took hold of her wrist, pulling her toward the steep trail up to the cottage. They didn’t speak and, once inside, her father took her into the bedroom. He seized the wet blanket from around her shoulders and magicked it away before swirling his wand over her and drying her from head to toe. He put a hand between her shoulder blades then and led her to the chest of drawers where he pulled out fresh clothing.
Normally, Zoe would have protested being stripped out of her cold, dirty, and sandy clothes and changed like a baby, but the fearsome look on her father’s face made her bite her tongue. Once she was in clean, warm clothing, her father took her wrist once more and pulled her into the sitting room, grabbing one of the wooden chairs from the dining table as he walked.
Coming to an expanse of wall with no décor, he placed the chair facing it and then leaned down to Zoe’s level.
–You’ll sit here and think about the consequences of your disobedience,†he said and then lifted her and sat her on the chair. A moment later, he placed a dry blanket around her shoulders again and walked away.
Zoe heard the door out onto the wooden observation deck creak open and then blow closed. She leaned back against the chair and let out a breath of air.
Yes, she was definitely in trouble.
All that had been ages ago, though--to Zoe anyway--and her father was still outside. She hadn’t cried a lot, as she sat in time out, not really. She tried to think about everything that had happened--her disobedience, as her Papa had told her to--but it was all jumbling together and all she could really think about coherently was how angry he was with her.
Thinking about these things was enough to bring tears to her eyes again. It was only once she brought her hand up to swipe at her nose that she realized she was still clutching the sea star. She looked down at it, amazed. How had she managed to keep hold of it? Zoe didn’t know.
Just then, the screen door of the deck opened and admitted her father. Zoe didn’t dare turn around and look at him, though she desperately wanted to. She could hear her Papa sigh and then slowly walk to the sofa and collapse onto it. Then he stared at her; Zoe could feel it on her back. After what felt like an eternity, she mustered up enough courage and said softly:
–Papa, I don’t want to look at the wall anymore.â€
There was silence at first, then:
–Come here.â€
Zoe paused. She had never heard that kind of a tone from her Papa before. It was low and resigned. It was scary.
Slowly, she slid off her punishment chair and made her way toward the sofa, focusing her eyes on her bare feet.
*******SS*******
When Severus had left Zoe on the beach earlier that morning, he hadn’t been foolish enough to believe that she would simply obey. His daughter had spunk and an adventurous spirit and he knew that, though she would do her best to do as he said, inevitably, her willful curiosity would win out and she would find herself in trouble. And she was only six years old; she was still very much learning the world while simultaneously testing her boundaries.
Therefore Severus had done what any wizard with a young child would do: he had placed charms--over a dozen of them--that would allow him to monitor the girl while he went about his work searching for the rare moss that clung to the black rocks of the cliffs. He used all manner of spells to track her along the beach and let him know if she moved too close to the water. He had even devised a little spell that allowed him to speak with her over a distance as if he were standing right beside her--a variation on the Sonorous charm and an auditory enhancement charm.
He had thought his spellwork was fail-proof, that he would be able to stop any catastrophe before it occurred… He had been foolish, complacent even.
He had been wrong and Zoe had nearly--
He shook his head; he didn’t even want to imagine it.
That morning had primarily been spent climbing over every inch of the nearest cliff face to their cottage using a combination of a very mild Point Me spell and simple searching, but with little luck. He would have loved to have used more advanced magic to seek out the moss that worked so well in a number of memory enhancing potions, but raw magic from a wand tended to decrease the potency of the moss and so Severus had to be careful.
It was only after reminding Zoe that she was to stay to the dry sand of the beach, that Severus had realized that there were no more rocks within Zoe’s line of vision to be searched. Therefore, seeing his daughter dutifully obeying, he put his anxiety about leaving her alone aside and he had moved down into dark crevices and crawl spaces deeper within the rock face.
He had just located the first traces of moss when he simultaneously felt the magical pull of the perimeter he had placed around Zoe being breached and heard a heart-wrenching scream.
–Papa!â€
His blood ran cold. Zoe’s distressful pleas sounded as if they were right next to him. He quickly climbed back up onto a rock to look out across the beach and his heart nearly stopped when he didn’t see her there. He scanned the area wildly and, seeing no signs of his daughter, Severus immediately Apparated to the area where he had last seen her. It took less than a moment for him to spot her straw hat floating in the waves.
Severus panicked.
–Papa!â€
He looked out into the roiling waves and, instantly, his wand was in his hand.
–Accio!†he had yelled over the roar of the sea, focusing all of his magical energy to seek out Zoe and Zoe alone. Relief flooded through him when her small form rose from the water and into the air. He had non-verbally switched from Summoning to Levitation then and a moment later, Zoe was safe in his arms.
Safe, but frightened and half-frozen.
He only vaguely recalled the words –Thank Merlin†issuing from his mouth at the simple consolation that she was alive before he noted her shivering form and blue lips. He dropped to his knees and conjured a blanket. Severus had then brought Zoe’s whole body to his chest in an effort to hold off the effects of hypothermia while rubbing her back, shoulders, and arms to work the blood through them and create warmth through friction. She had complained about his tight hold on her, but he had quieted her with a single, –Hush.â€
It was when Zoe had finally started to warm and calm that he had looked over her shoulder and seen the small set of footprints in the sand where wet and dry met. Realizing it hadn’t merely been an accident, he hadn’t been able to contain his growing irritation at her obvious disobedience.
–What the hell were you thinking?†he had asked harshly before taking her wrist and practically dragging her back to the cottage.
As consumed as he was with anger and worry, the minutes after seemed a haze to Severus as he had dried her, changed her clothing, and then deposited her on a chair to think on her behavior. He was just about to walk away when the afghan on the arm of the sofa had caught his attention. He snatched it up and turned to wrap it around his daughter’s shoulders before striding out onto the observation deck to calm his bubbling emotions.
He didn’t know how long he stood out there staring blankly into the waves as the breeze--which had suddenly picked up again--blew the black tresses of his hair into his face. Any more events like the one he had just experienced and there was no doubt that those tresses would soon be as grey as Madam Robertson had indicated the day before.
The truth was, Severus didn’t know exactly how to deal with his daughter and her foolish actions. He had told her specifically not to go anywhere near the water and she had taken his command and completely disregarded it.
Sighing and feeling considerably calmer, Severus made his way back into the cottage, slowly walked to the sofa, and collapsed onto it. Zoe was still sitting quietly where he had left her. He heard a few sniffles, but nothing that indicated that she had been crying profusely in his absence. Good, Severus didn’t need another reason to disparage himself.
–Papa, I don’t want to look at the wall anymore.â€
At his daughter’s words, Severus rubbed a long-fingered hand down his face. He guessed now was as good a time as any to handle the situation.
–Come here,†he said as calmly as he could, but even he didn’t recognize his own voice.
Zoe slid off her chair and came toward him with her head bowed and pulling the afghan close around her as some sort of security.
–Sit down.†Severus indicated the cushioned Adirondack opposite him. Zoe obeyed. –Are you warm enough?†he asked.
Not looking at him, Zoe nodded. –Yes. But--†she trailed off and then tried to clear her throat.
–What is it?â€
–My throat hurts. It’s all…itchy,†she said in a small voice.
Between her cries for help and the amount of salt water she undoubtedly swallowed, he imagined it did hurt. Severus stood.
–Stay there. I’ll be back in a moment.â€
He walked into the kitchen where his potions travel bag sat open on the table. Rifling through it a moment, Severus found the bottle he was looking for as well as a glass Pasteur pipette and went back into the sitting room. He crouched down next to Zoe’s chair and unstoppered the bottle. He took the pipette, pulled out a child’s dose of potion, and held it out for Zoe.
–Open your mouth.â€
Zoe did so and Severus squeezed the bulb of the pipette in. He watched his daughter grimace at the taste but then look at him with amazement when she realized that the effects of the potion were immediate.
–Better?â€
–Better.â€
Severus nodded, Banished the potion and pipette back to his travel bag, and went to the sofa and sat once more. Zoe watched him and he returned her gaze.
–Would you care to explain to me how you found yourself so close to the waves despite my specific instructions to stay on the dry sand?â€
Zoe fidgeted and looked down. Severus couldn’t help the annoyance that overtook him then. He was just about to snap at her to look at him when he realized she hadn’t merely looked away, she was staring down at her hand and an object in it. Severus’s brow wrinkled.
–Bring it here, Zoe,†he said.
The little girl stood, leaving her blanket behind, and made her way to him cautiously. Once she was standing before him, Severus moved to the edge of the sofa and held out his hand for her to deposit the object into it. Zoe hesitated for a moment and then placed it in his hand.
Whatever Severus had been imagining, it wasn’t what the object actually turned out to be.
–Asterias rubens,†he stated.
–What?†Zoe asked.
Severus looked back at his daughter. –A sea star, a small one. They are common to the Atlantic Ocean and have a number of magical qualities, though they are most often used in potions to counteract swimmer’s ear.â€
Zoe’s eyes went wide. –Don’t use it in a potion, Papa! Please!†the girl implored almost hysterically.
Severus tried to soften his voice--sound a little less academic.
–This one has been dead for quite some time, Zoe. It would be of little use to me.†He handed the echinoderm back to his daughter. –Besides, you found it and therefore it is your souvenir. It only took a foolish, life-threatening disregard of my instructions to obtain it. That is, if I’m surmising correctly and this is, in fact, what took you so far down the beach?â€
Zoe nodded apprehensively and Severus sighed heavily. He moved his daughter to stand between his knees and placed his hands just above her elbows, locking her in place there.
–What did you promise me yesterday when it was decided that you would accompany me here?â€
–That I would be good,†Zoe mumbled, looking at Severus’s mouth and not into his eyes.
Severus nodded. –Does that not explicitly entail that you would obey me when I tell you to do something?â€
Zoe nodded.
–Then why on earth would you feel the need to go after such a trivial thing after I told you to stay in the dry sand?â€
As his voice rose slightly, Severus saw his daughter’s eyes harden. –I wanted it. You didn’t tell me the waves would do that.â€
Severus’s eyebrows rose of their own accord. ‘Brazen, headstrong child,’ he thought.
–Perhaps you need some more time on your chair to think about this,†he threatened lowly.
Zoe’s manner changed immediately and tears started to fall down her cheeks. –Please no, Papa,†she pleaded, fidgeting in his grasp.
Severus closed his eyes. Gods, this was difficult. How was he supposed to convey to his daughter her wrongdoing while still comfort her after such a traumatic event? He couldn’t just say ‘see to it this never happens again’ and then send her on her merry way. There had to be consequences for her actions that would stick.
He wasn’t going to lie to himself: corporal punishment had been the first thing to come to his mind but, ultimately, Severus knew he would never be able to bring himself to administer it. After all, he’d experienced his own trauma that day and striking his child after nearly losing her to the sea--no matter how disobedient and foolhardy she had been--just might put him over the edge. In fact, if he was honest with himself, he was starting to feel disinclined to disciplining her at all for her disobedience and more inclined to punish her for breaking her promise to him.
–I think I’ll write to the Malfoys and see if I can’t arrange for them to take you for the rest of the week,†he said resignedly.
The tears really started to flow then and it took all of Severus’s available self-control not to pull the six-year-old into his arms and coddle her.
–No, Papa,†she sobbed. –I want to stay here with you! Don’t send me away! Please!â€
–You broke your promise to me, young lady. You said you would behave and you haven’t. I have work to do. How am I to get anything done if I can’t trust you to do as you’re told?â€
–I’m sorry, Papa… I’ll be good from now on! Please let me stay! I’ll do anything!â€
Zoe suddenly lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. As she cried onto his shirt, Severus knew there was no keeping his resolve now; she had weakened it with one simple gesture. When had he gone soft? Such melodramatic sobbing and begging would never have gotten one of his students out of their just punishments and yet, here Severus was, losing grip of his firm resolution all because of the tearful supplications of a six-year-old.
Exhaling, he wrapped his own arms around his distraught little girl and did his best to soothe her, rocking her and smoothing her hair with his hand.
–Calm down.â€
–P-please don’t send me away,†Zoe said again softly. –I won’t be naughty again. I promise.â€
Severus said nothing to this (promises, promises, after all), merely sat back on the sofa and brought his daughter up to sit on his lap. A few minutes later, no doubt owing to her exertions in the sea, Zoe was asleep.
Severus carefully took out his wand and levitated to him the afghan from the chair Zoe had occupied earlier and covered her up. He rubbed her back and laid his head against hers. He kissed her fringe and pulled a piece of ocean debris from her hair that had managed to escape his cleaning spell.
–I was panicked, child,†he suddenly heard himself say aloud, softly. –I was panicked that I may have lost you forever.â€
As he said it, he began to realize that he very well may have been more traumatized over Zoe’s little misadventure than she had been and that, at the moment, the last possible thing he wanted to do was send her away. It had nothing to do with her pleas; he just couldn’t bring himself to carry out that threat. If he was completely honest with himself, he wanted her in his sight at all times for several days.
As his daughter dozed, Severus laid his head against the back of the sofa and closed his own eyes. The girl would still need a punishment, but he could figure that out later.
It was rather disorienting when he awoke to the sound of the back door closing and someone moving around in the kitchen. Just as he had managed to maneuver his wand out from between the sofa cushions where it had fallen out of his hand--without waking the child asleep on his chest--the footsteps moved toward the sitting room. He pointed his wand at the intruder, then immediately lowered it upon seeing the boy staring back at him, wide-eyed and horrified.
–Were you goin’ ta--†Matthew started to ask loudly, but cut off when Severus shot him a severe glare and put a finger to his lips. The child needed to learn the concept of an –indoor voiceâ€.
–Were you goin’ ta curse me?†he tried again at a whisper.
Severus rolled his eyes. –No. I thought you were--†There was really no point in trying to explain to a five-year-old. –Where is your mother?â€
–She’s comin’,†the boy said as he came around the Adirondack and took a seat.
Lucky for Severus, he didn’t have to live with only the boy’s presence for long as Madam Robertson entered soon after. She stepped into the sitting room and looked at Severus, surprised.
–Oh, Mr. Snape. I didn’t expect you to be here; I thought you would have been on the cliffs following lunch.â€
–I most likely would have been. However, there was a bit of an…incident…of which has rather fatigued both Zoe and myself.â€
–Is everything alright?†Madam Robertson asked concernedly, looking down at Zoe.
–Yes,†Severus reassured, shifting Zoe’s head onto his shoulder as he stood awkwardly with her in his arms. –As I said, the ordeal was merely tiring.â€
He moved toward the bedroom door, and then looked back over his shoulder at the proprietor.
–Give me a moment.â€
He walked into the bedroom and slowly lowered her down onto the large bed. As he placed the afghan over her, she stirred.
–Papa…â€
–Go back to sleep,†he whispered, tucking her in.
The girl rolled over and was instantly asleep. Severus walked back into the sitting room to find it vacant, but found his host and her young son occupying the kitchen.
–I brought you more food, as promised,†Madam Robertson said when she saw him enter. She bustled about in the cabinets putting parcels away. –Just some eggs and milk and such.â€
–Thank you,†Severus said, leaning casually against the door frame.
–I also brought by the key for the potions shed. I know it’ll be a bit redundant once you put some magical wards on it, but nonetheless, here it is.â€
Madam Robertson took the key from her pocket and placed it next to the sink.
–Well, we’ll leave you be,†she said as she bustled Matthew out the back door. –Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything.â€
Severus gave a short nod. As Adrienne and Matthew Robertson exited, he gave a deep sigh and headed back into the sitting room.
Over two hours later, he spied from the corner of his eye a head of tousled brown hair peeking around the door frame of the bedroom, apparently reluctant to make a full appearance.
–Would you like something to eat?†he asked, not looking up from the book he was reading.
There was a pause and then Severus heard a very quiet, –Yeah,†from the doorway where his daughter had suddenly vanished from view.
–Yes?â€
–Yes, please, Papa,†Zoe said a bit louder.
Severus closed his book and stood. On his way to the kitchen, he paused to look in through the bedroom door. Zoe stood there, halfway concealed by the wall, watching him. She looked apprehensive about coming out so Severus held out his hand to her. She hesitated then slowly made her way to him, took his hand and, together, they made their way into the kitchen.
–Just something light,†Severus said as he pulled items from the refrigerator. –Dinner is not far off.â€
Zoe nodded her head and came to stand next to him at the counter. She watched as he made them a cucumber sandwich to share. Once everything was put together and the sandwich cut in two, Severus placed it on a plate and walked out of the kitchen toward the deck. He opened the door and allowed Zoe to precede him outside.
There were more Adirondack chairs out there and, as soon as Zoe had settled into one, Severus handed her over half of the sandwich and took his own seat.
They sat quietly eating their late lunch and listening to the waves crash along the shore and the cliffs. The air was mild and the light breeze was pleasant against Severus’s face. He rather thought this cottage would be nice for a holiday.
Zoe finished her sandwich and sat quietly. Severus chose to stand then. He walked to the railing and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the worn, warped wood. He could feel his daughter staring at him as he looked out upon the serene water. Eventually, she came forward as well, getting just close enough that he could feel her presence beside him. He felt a tentative hand touch his arm.
–Do I have to go away now, Papa?†she asked once he had given her his attention. Her lip quivered and there were tears in her eyes.
Severus was certain that, had he not already made up his mind to let her stay, that face alone would have swayed him to change it.
‘She has you wrapped around her finger, Snape. Pathetic,’ he silently admonished. Severus raised a single eyebrow.
–Do you not think that you deserve to after your behavior today?â€
Zoe said nothing, but her bottom lip shook even more. She bit it as a single tear leaked down her cheek. Severus looked back at the ocean for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts. She needs to understand, he told himself.
Severus looked back at the girl and stood upright. He turned and guided his daughter back to one of the chairs. After sitting, he once again positioned her to stand between his knees and held her in place there. He looked on her sternly.
–Do you understand why I told you not to go near the water?†he asked.
–I didn’t know it was so scary,†Zoe said, her voice low.
–More importantly, it is dangerous. You were told to stay in the dry sand for your own safety. Not only can the waves knock you off your feet, as you experienced, but you can’t even swim. What do you think would have happened had I not been able to get to you?â€
Severus knew his tone was sharp, but the girl needed to know what sort of a position she had put herself in that day. Tears were streaming fully down her face now.
–I’m sorry, Papa.â€
Severus shook his head. –I don’t want to hear that you are sorry. I want you to answer my question. What could have happened?â€
Zoe sniffled. –The water p-pulled me in and tried t-to drowned me.â€
–Drown you, that’s right. And what does that mean?â€
–I would die.â€
–You. Would. Die,†Severus said forcefully, punctuating each word with a slight shake. The girl flinched each time. –You disobeyed me which you already know I don’t tolerate but, in doing so, you put your life in danger. That is beyond unacceptable, young lady. Do you hear me? I will not have it.â€
Zoe was crying full out now, her face twisted in emotional pain. It was killing Severus to see it, but this was part of her discipline. He hoped the guilt of her actions and the fear of what could have happened had he been unsuccessful in his attempt to save her would be enough to reinforce the tangible punishment that was yet to come.
Severus took a deep breath, pulled his handkerchief from his pocket, and began to wipe at Zoe’s face.
–Calm down,†he said evenly, hoping his tone was a bit less fierce now. –You aren’t going away.â€
Zoe’s eyes widened. –I’m not?â€
–No,†Severus stated plainly. –But for the rest of our stay here, you are on probation.â€
–W-What d-does that mean?†Zoe hiccupped, wrinkling her brow.
Severus laid the handkerchief aside and sat back in the Adirondack. Zoe leaned against the inside of his thigh. –It means that I am going to be watching you very closely for naughty behavior over the rest of this week. If you disobey me so egregiously again, I will contact the Malfoys, you will be sent away until my return, and you will not be allowed to accompany me on an expedition again. Is that clear?â€
–Yes, Papa,†Zoe said softly to her feet.
–You will also not be playing on the beach by yourself again for I can’t trust you to do as you are told. Therefore, you will accompany me into the cliffs where we will find a nice spot out of the wind for you to sit and work on your penmanship and maths while I gather moss. Once I begin brewing, you will stay with me in the potions shed as well. Your playtime is therefore limited to inside the cottage when I rest and can easily keep watch of you.â€
Zoe nodded. –Okay, Papa.â€
Severus stared at his daughter curiously. His lecture must have hit home for the girl was rarely this subdued after being handed a punishment--she tended to bounce back rather quickly. Zoe continued to look down, running a finger absentmindedly over a crease in his trousers. Severus stilled her hand and when she looked up at him once more, he could see her melancholy expression and that her eyes were still swimming in tears.
–I’m sorry,†she said again. –I didn’t mean to make you so cross, Papa.â€
Severus winced briefly at her words.
‘You’ve administered the sting, now it’s time for some honey,’ he acknowledged internally.
He lifted the girl onto his lap and, instead of positioning her in the crook of his arm as he normally did, he brought her back to lay against his chest and wrapped his arms around her in a sort of backwards hug so that they were both looking out onto the sea.
–I was never cro--†Severus shook his head. It wouldn’t do to lie to her. –No. I was cross with you, for a brief moment. But mostly, I was disappointed with your disobedience. You put yourself in a very dangerous situation, Zoe, and I was frightened that--â€
Zoe immediately shot out of his arms and turned to look at him.
–You was scared, Papa?†she interrupted him, shocked, apparently. –But you’re not ‘fraid of anything.â€
Severus arched a single eyebrow, giving his daughter a perplexed look. Did she really believe that he feared nothing? He suddenly found himself trying to think back to his own childhood. Had he ever seen his father show fear?
Yes, of course he had--daily. Tobias Snape had lived in fear of his own wife and son. He had tried to alleviate that fear by instilling fear of himself. Eileen had most definitely shown fear when faced with her angry and drunken husband.
It was so strange to think that Zoe saw him as a man without fear. Was showing one’s fear a sign of weakness as he once thought or a sign of strength and self-awareness? He found that he didn’t know anymore.
–Everyone is afraid of something,†he stated simply.
Surprisingly, Zoe simply contemplated his answer for a moment and then nodded. She leaned back into her position on his chest and sighed. She tilted her head to the side to rest against his right arm. Severus rested his chin on the top of her head. He could smell the salt and fishiness still settled in her hair. She would need a bath before bed, but for now, they could just sit in contented silence.
–Papa?â€
Well, almost silence.
–What is it?â€
–Will I ever get to go to the beach again?â€
Severus wrinkled his brow. He hadn’t truly thought about it.
–I didn’t imagine you would want to go near the water after your incident today.â€
He felt Zoe’s head shake vigorously.
–No. I liked the beach and…I lost all my seashells.â€
Severus sat silently for a minute, taking that statement in. Just a few hours before, the waters had tried to swallow her up and here his daughter was asking to go back, getting right back up on that broomstick to ride again. Apparently, she had not been as traumatized by her experience as he had assumed. He beamed with pride for his brave and perseverant little girl.
–Perhaps that can be arranged,†he said.
Zoe merely nodded and the two of them sat quietly watching the waves until dinnertime.
The Tribulations and Tranquility of Travel by MetamorphmagusLupin
Chapter Notes: I hope everyone is having a lovely day. I know that the timing of this chapter is rather bad and I will not hold it against anyone who abstains from reading fan fiction in order to explore the last few chapters of CoS on Pottermore. I, myself, will be doing just that tonight and probably through the weekend.
As always, Zoe is mine. Everything else belong to JK Rowling.
Chapter Endnotes: Reviews are the key to an author's heart.