Chapter 3: From the River to Bed
Zoe’s father looked down on her with a mixture of anger, shock, and confusion on his face. He too was wearing his wizard attire and Zoe saw him look around suspiciously before looking down at her again. For her part, Zoe just stared at him, sniffling, and feeling her heart rate slowly recede.
Her father took a deep breath in through his nose.
–Besides your lip, are you injured?†he asked.
–I d-don’t--†Zoe started to say as her lower lip trembled profusely, but she caught sight of her ripped robes and saw a hint of blood on them as well. She must have scraped her knee; with the adrenaline of the fight pumping through her, she hadn’t even noticed the injury.
Her father followed her line of sight down to her leg. He said nothing, merely nodded, as he came forward, placed his hands under her arms and scooped her up, pulling her to his chest and looping an arm under her seat to support her as he started quickly back across the expanse of field that separated their back garden from the river.
Zoe wrapped her arms around his neck, laid her head on his shoulder and continued to cry, trying to ignore the pain of her lip and knee. It all seemed so stupid now. The fight and everything leading up to it and now she was going to be in so much trouble. Hadn’t her father just said that he wouldn’t tolerate brawling? Zoe sniffled again.
Her father made his way through the house and climbed the stairs. Once at the top, he entered into the door on the left. Inside the bathroom, he sat Zoe down onto the closed lid of the toilet seat and moved to a cabinet where he removed a flannel. Wetting it under the tap then wringing it out, he handed it to Zoe.
–Wash your face,†he said, his tone neutral.
Zoe did as she was told, rubbing the cool cloth all over her sweaty, tear-stained face. She hissed when it touched her lip and caused it to sting, however, and her father placed his hand on hers in order to pull it away. He cupped her chin and lifted her face up to him to examine the wound.
–Did I not say you could go outside only if you could manage to stay out of trouble?†he asked as he pulled his wand from an inner pocket of his robes. His tone wasn’t admonishing in any way--it was almost teasing--which Zoe found surprising. She thought her father would be angry. –Two brawls in one day…†He shook his head. –I never would have thought such a thing of a little girl.â€
Zoe averted her eyes to the rim of the bath as a feeling of shame enveloped her.
–I don’t know whether to be proud that you seemed to be holding your own in a Muggle duel that was three against one,†he continued, –or astonished that you would be so foolish as to partake in a fight with such abominable odds of victory.â€
Zoe could feel her heart racing faster.
–They started it!†she said loudly, looking up at him once more. She felt angry suddenly, but didn’t know why. Angry and…upset and…worried and hurt.
–Yes, I know they did,†her father said, somewhat resigned. –Hush now for a moment so I can heal this.â€
Zoe obeyed and sat quietly as her father sorted out her wounds for the second time that day. He waved his wand across her face, incanting lowly in a slow rhythm of Latin and, a minute later, the sting was gone and the split was healed. Her father lifted the flannel from her hands and used it to clean the remaining blood from her face.
Soon, he moved on to her knee. After ripping the already-torn fabric of her robes back for easier access, her father crouched down and examined the wound. He waved his wand and Zoe felt the tingle and slight sting of the disinfecting spell before another low chant had the cut sealing itself up. When he had finished, he used the flannel once again to wipe away any excess blood.
Eventually, he stood and looked down on his daughter. He watched her for a moment and Zoe knew her bottom lip was trembling and her breathing had started to hitch again as she tried to contain her tears. But she couldn’t help it.
Laying the cloth aside, her father moved to the bath and turned on the taps. He extracted a tiny bottle from the cupboard over the sink and poured it into the steaming water that was filling the bath.
–Lavender oil,†he said to Zoe’s curious expression.
He waited for the bath to fill completely, tested the water’s warmth with his hand, and then turned to his daughter.
–Take a bath,†he instructed, placing his hand on the top of her head and tilting it back so she was looking up at him. –It will calm you. Though, don’t be long. Ollie will have dinner prepared soon.â€
At Zoe’s nod, he moved away from her and exited, closing the bathroom door behind him and leaving her sitting on the toilet. Confused, but thinking a bath sounded like a great idea, Zoe stood, pulled a towel from another cupboard and undressed. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the warm water.
/////////////
Half an hour after leaving Zoe upstairs, Severus heard her bare feet softly padding down the stairs into the sitting room. She had opted for her long, summer nightgown--though it was still the afternoon--and had left her hair wet and uncombed, as usual. Severus looked up from the Potions journal he had been perusing and rolled his eyes as he pulled out his wand and non-verbally flicked it toward the stairwell. A moment later, he caught the garment he had Summoned and motioned for his daughter to come to him.
–It’s just me and you and Ollie here,†she complained as he held out the red dressing gown for her.
–You and me and Ollie,†Severus corrected. –And if you insist on wearing your bed clothes downstairs then you are at least going to wear your dressing gown, not only for warmth but decency in case someone was to stop by.â€
She reluctantly put it on (though she refused to tie it, as he would prefer) then she moved toward the sofa. Severus caught her by the wrist and when she looked back at him, he laid his magazine aside and pulled her to sit between his legs on the front edge of his armchair looking away from him. Conjuring a comb, he began to tackle the tangles from her long, dark hair slowly, the Muggle way. He hadn’t done this in quite some time for he felt that, at eight years old, Zoe was more than capable of caring for her own hair after a bath. Not to mention, wand work for such tasks was much more efficient anyway. Currently, however, he had the inclination that his daughter needed tangible reassurance that he was not irate with her.
More than anything, he had been surprised when the tracking spell that took effect on Zoe anytime she left the boundaries of their garden had tugged at his magical core only a few minutes after she had left the cellar. He had designed it to convey to him when Zoe was in a dangerous situation but had discovered that, once activated, it also worked to inform him of when she was in emotional distress.
Feeling the pull, he had immediately vaulted up the stairs of the cellar and out into the back garden, making his way to the stone wall to look out toward the river. He never immediately went to Zoe for, as much as he wanted to help her, to end whatever was upsetting her any way that he could, he knew that Zoe had to learn to fight her own battles. Therefore he tended to stay back until he was certain she absolutely needed him or until whatever disagreement was resolved.
This time, however, he had peeked over the wall and been taken aback as he saw Zoe leap at the redheaded boy, Eric Ibsen, and begin beating the daylights out of him--a child whom Severus was well aware got a thrill from taunting those children who were different. After all, Severus himself had fallen victim to the boy’s father--Walter--on more than one occasion in his youth leading up to Hogwarts. Knowing this was unlikely to end well, he pulled out his wand, disillusioned himself, and then apparated to within twenty feet of the scuffle. Once there, he removed the disillusion--giving the children the very astute feeling that he had appeared out of nowhere--and approached the scene, pulling Zoe out of the fray and intimidating the boys away.
Zoe was quiet now, uncharacteristically so. As Severus worked steadily to get the long, tangled tresses of her hair smooth, he noticed that she seemed very drawn in on herself. She looked down at her lap and sat more still than he’d ever seen her. No doubt, she was worried that she was in trouble (Severus hadn’t quite decided if she was yet) and clearly, something was bothering her.
–I received an owl from Minerva a few minutes ago,†he began in an effort to elicit something out of her. –She will be taking her holidays a bit earlier this summer and was curious if you would like to stay with her in Portree for a few days next week.â€
–Yes, please,†was the response out of the girl. Severus raised a single eyebrow. No flitting about in a fit of joy? No insufferable dancing or singing? Just ‘yes, please’?
–I will owl her in the morning, then.â€
Having combed his daughter’s hair through, Severus pulled it away from her face and parted it into three sections. From there he began to braid it into a long plait down her back. This was the part in the routine when Severus couldn’t help but smirk. If only his old students could see the ‘greasy git of the dungeons’ now. What would Longbottom think to see his most feared professor sitting calmly while delicately plaiting a little girl’s hair? He’d die of shock, no doubt.
He tied the plait off at the end and then lightly pulled at his daughter’s earlobe to indicate that he had finished, but Zoe didn’t move away as she usually did after having to sit still for so long. Severus was about to say something to her when she broke the silence.
–Papa? Why do the Muggle kids think I’m strange?†she asked innocently, looking down at her hands.
Severus frowned. Was that what the brawl had been about?
–Did they call you strange?â€
Zoe shook her head. –They called me a freak.â€
Severus rubbed his forehead as the sound of that word briefly warped him back to his own childhood. Children could find some very horrid things to say to each other and, apparently, the neighborhood children had changed little from when he was a boy.
Severus put some gentle pressure against his daughter’s back to make her stand. When she did, she turned to face him and he took her hands in his. She had silent tears running down her cheeks. He used his thumb to wipe them away.
–You are not strange and you most certainly are not a freak,†he said to her in what he hoped was a tone of consolation. –You are a witch. The Muggle children don’t understand and therefore see your abilities as an oddity. It is their problem, not yours. Do not dwell on it.â€
–Can’t I just tell them that I’m a witch, Papa?†Zoe asked in a pseudo-whine. –Then maybe they won’t think I’m strange.â€
Severus sighed heavily. –I’m afraid that would do little to change their opinions of you. Besides, you know that is not possible. The Statute of Secrecy is in place for a reason.†He paused as Zoe nodded her head in resignation. –Tell me what happened by the tree,†he instructed then, pulling one of Zoe’s hands so that she was now leaning against the inside of his thigh.
–Am I going to be in trouble?â€
Severus smirked slightly. Always curious what she could get out of a situation while wary of any negative repercussions--his little Slytherin.
Severus shook his head.
–I suppose that depends on what it is that caused you to retaliate so violently.â€
–You won’t like it,†Zoe informed him in a small voice, looking down.
Severus frowned.
–I don’t imagine I will. However, regardless of whether you’ll be in trouble or not, you are going to tell me what happened. I had to use three memory charms out there and I think I deserve an explanation as to why they were necessary, don’t you?â€
–I suppose so,†his daughter responded quietly as she pushed her fingers into the fabric on the armrest of his chair. After over a minute where his daughter said absolutely nothing, Severus delicately stilled her hand.
–Explain,†he said.
Zoe took a deep breath. –It was stupid. They made fun of my clothes and said that I was a freak and told me to go away and that it was their tree. But I was there first so I told them all to sod off and then they said nobody could sit under the tree but them and I said that their names weren’t written on it. Then one of them hit me and pushed me down. I don’t know which one and I just got so angry, Papa, and they laughed at me and that’s when I jumped on Eric.â€
Severus stared at his daughter, trying to take in the whole story element-by-element in order to piece together a series of events. His nearly nine years of experience in fatherhood had taught him that this was the easiest and most efficient way to decipher the often-discombobulated tales that children told. Between Zoe and his godson, Scorpius, he’d become something of a master at it.
Feeling he had the general sense of what had transpired, he gave his daughter a stern frown. –First, young lady, I don’t know where you could have heard the term ‘sod off’, but I don’t ever want to hear such inappropriate, rude language out of you again,†he scolded. –A little girl with a dirty mouth will find herself very familiar with the taste of soap. Am I clear?â€
Severus watched as his daughter blushed and fidgeted.
–Yes, Papa,†she said meekly.
He nodded.
–Secondly, you have been told time and time again to wear your Muggle clothing when you play outside the garden. We are the only magical people for miles and Muggles are unaccustomed to the fashions of the Wizarding world.â€
–I know. I just forgot,†Zoe mumbled.
–Next time, remember.†Severus took a deep breath. –Now, although I truly regret what those boys said to you, Zoe, you must learn to control yourself. The temper is highly unbecoming and how you conduct yourself when faced with provocation tells a lot about...â€
Severus trailed off when he noticed Zoe wrinkle her brow. He wasn’t quite sure that his attempt to convey the moral complexities of one’s character would really register with his daughter. She was intelligent, but she was also only eight years old.
Of course, Severus didn’t really want to scold her either, but that was the only way he could think of that would possibly make some sort of impression. In all honesty, he was actually rather relieved that the girl had only had a fit of rage and that her magic hadn’t wreaked havoc on the Muggles instead--aside from her eyes, that is. That was a very intriguing talent on its own. Apparently, the change of iris color he had witnessed at Christmas over a year before hadn’t been a trick of the light, after all...
That’s where the memory charms had come into play. Upon briefly glimpsing into the minds of the boys using Legilimency in order to ascertain what had transpired, he had seen the image of his daughter’s eyes changing from blue to red in a blink. Severus had expelled himself from one boy’s brain with the impression that the boy thought she was some sort of evil demon or an alien. He had adjusted the memory more for the benefit of the boy’s sanity than for the Statute of Secrecy.
Closing his eyes briefly, frustrated by the complexity of parenting, Severus found himself pulling Zoe up onto his lap. He rested his cheek upon the top of her head after he had brought her back into the crook of his arm for a moment so he could think. She smelled of the lavender he had put into her bath and she smelled like Zoe--his little girl.
He knew that she knew that what she had done wasn’t right, that solving issues with your fists was neither acceptable nor decent, but he was also well aware that those boys had come looking for a fight. Perhaps they had even come hoping that Zoe would exhibit another display of –freakishness†that they could regale to their other friends later. Severus had put an end to that with the memory charms, of course.
He also understood his daughter’s anger wholeheartedly. He, too, had been on the receiving end of a bully’s taunts on more than one occasion as a child--first in this dirty, old town and then later at Hogwarts. He knew the frustration that built up, the sense of helplessness that threatened to take over until the sudden, unbearable urge to fight back pushed forth, but was then squashed by the overwhelming fear of further retribution. It was this that had typically caused him to internalize his struggles rather than retaliate. Zoe, apparently, had inherited little of that fear.
As a young child, he’d had nobody to defend him--not until Lily and her even-tempered, kind personality came along--for his parents had always seemed to turn a blind eye to Severus’s troubles, even when he’d come home bruised, crying, and sometimes even bloody. By the time he was Zoe’s age, he’d stopped trying to bring it to their attention entirely. By then, he’d become a loner, avoiding contact with almost everyone he encountered. It wasn’t until he’d started to watch the little, auburn-haired girl manipulating blooming flowers and launching herself from swings in a fit of giggles that he realized he wasn’t alone in this town and, once he befriended Lily, everything started to look up. She was the one that had encouraged him to stand up to bullies, had wanted him to fight back.
But Zoe didn’t have any friends like that, not from what Severus had observed anyway. There were children that tolerated her, of course, for she was an amiable little girl, but they feared receiving the same taunts that his daughter had to endure and were not keen to spend long periods of time in the presence of anyone who was too different. It pained him that such a sweet girl was left out because of her –oddity†and a sudden sense of guilt overcame him as he wondered why he had chosen to stay in this horrid, Muggle town when, in reality, he could have chosen any place steeped in magic.
‘You didn’t want to be bothered, remember?’
Severus mentally shook himself. He was getting off-topic in his own mind and needed to stick to the facts in this situation. Yes, those boys had started it, but Zoe also knew it was wrong for they had just had a conversation not half an hour before regarding brawling. And, though she may not have had any friends to confide in, Severus was far from an apathetic father. Did Zoe know that? Surely she must for he’d come to her aid, healed her wounds.
His mind a bit clearer, he repositioned her so that he could look at her properly.
–Zoe,†he began firmly, but not harshly. –Just because the boys said something horrid to you, doesn’t mean that you can punch and hit and generally attack them--you know this. Brawling is not the proper, respectable way to settle a disagreement. We had this discussion earlier today.â€
–But, Papa, I was so angry.â€
–It is still not an excuse. From now on, I want you to walk away and come to me if someone says something that you don’t like. We will talk it through. Do you understand?â€
Zoe nodded her head, but that wouldn’t do.
–Zoe…†he said with an edge of warning in his voice.
–Yes, Papa. I will.â€
Severus nodded his own head just as Ollie walked into the room and announced that dinner was waiting in the kitchen.
–Thank you, Ollie, we shall be in momentarily,†Severus said before leveling Zoe with his best stern father look. –I think after dinner you could benefit from a bit of quiet time in the study.â€
Zoe’s shoulders slumped as a pained expression took over her features.
–No, Papa, please. I won’t ever do it again, I promise,†she whined.
Severus wasn’t surprised. If there was one thing Zoe couldn’t stand, it was sitting quietly by herself. After all, –quiet time†was merely what she preferred he call it since, at the advanced age of eight, she felt that she was much too old for –time outâ€. Both, however, involved her sitting silently on a chair facing the wall of his study and thinking about her behavior. He also understood why she was reluctant for such a punishment now when she had already spent nearly two hours on restriction in her bedroom earlier in the afternoon for her display at Malfoy Manor and been assigned two extra chores--one for brewing the potion and one for disobeying him about the ploys against Scorpius.
Severus shook his head. He could not allow himself to be swayed by her pleas. She had been a right terror that day and had earned all her punishments legitimately.
–Yes, you are going to sit for ten minutes for this second brawl while I write to Mr. Constantine at the apothecary. I would say that’s more than fair considering your atrocious behavior today.â€
Zoe wrinkled her nose and looked generally displeased but she didn’t complain further as she slid off Severus’s lap and headed toward the kitchen, her shoulders slightly hunched.
////////////////
Severus was pleased that it had taken less than the normal amount of effort on his part to get Zoe to adhere to her prescribed discipline after dinner. She’d had a bit of an attitude about it, but only one threat to add five minutes to her punishment if she didn’t sit herself down in that chair post-haste and she had reluctantly acquiesced and turned to the wall. Severus had waved his wand to the magical hourglass on his desk, setting it for ten minutes, and then proceeded to his desk to begin his letter to Aldous Constantine in Diagon Alley.
Zoe was quiet--as was expected of her--but, customarily when they sat through a punishment like this, Severus couldn’t help but glance to his daughter’s back often in order to be sure that she was following to the letter. At the moment, she sat hunched in her chair with her arms folded over her chest, sulking.
–Sit straight, Zoe,†he admonished. She huffed but quickly obeyed and Severus went back to his letter.
This was always how it started. It was that damned attitude. Eventually, she would unfold herself and pick at the wood on the chair, fiddle with her robes, or rub her foot along the baseboard of the wall in boredom as she waited for her sentence to end. It was at this stage that the melodramatic sighing would start and Severus would roll his eyes. The girl always acted as if this was the worst punishment in the world and this didn’t help with the impression that the minutes were only barely dragging by--not just for Zoe, but for Severus as well.
Severus looked down to the hourglass. By his estimations of the swirling sand, they were already five minutes in and good thing too. Zoe was now progressing to the stage where she became increasingly restless and chanced glances over her shoulder toward him and the hourglass when she thought he wasn’t looking.
–Eyes on the wall, young lady,†he calmly reprimanded, still focused on his letter. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his daughter quickly spin away from him.
As she did so, she let out a great puff of air--frustrated with her punishment and the fact that she had been caught turned around--and kicked the wall petulantly in her temper. Severus raised his head sharply and addressed the back of hers.
–Zoe Ophelia Elizabeth. Do that again and I’ll smack your behind,†he stated harshly and immediately regretted it. He closed his eyes--more of a wince, really. He’d snapped again.
Typically, he was rather in opposition to corporal correction, for he thought it to be utterly ineffective in the long-term and a disrespectful form of discipline overall, but there were times when there just didn’t seem to be enough patience in the world. Sometimes, he found himself threatening her or otherwise abandoning that particular parenting principle in favor of the swiftest rebuke to the girl’s oft-trying contrariness; though, he hardly wanted to swat his child--even as a last resort. Most especially here because her offense had been exceptionally mild and his temper was only a reflection of a day’s worth of frustration and over-taxed patience than any real disapproval of her actions.
At her lack of response, Severus shook his head and went back to his writing. Why, of all days, had his daughter decided to push him so? Was she simply trying to stretch her boundaries or, perhaps, testing his tolerance? She was most certainly wearing on what little patience he possessed and his impulsive threat a moment ago proved it.
Severus had only just picked up where he had left off when he heard a sniffle and the all-too-familiar strain of a child’s voice as she tried to stifle the sounds of crying. He looked up at Zoe. She had her face turned away from him, of course, but he could see her shoulders trembling and her hand coming up to swipe at tears.
There were days when Severus wondered if it would have been easier to raise a little boy for, sometimes, this girl’s emotional fluctuations all but wreaked havoc on his good sanity. It had just turned into one of those days. After all, just a moment ago, she was all attitude and temper and now she was openly weeping. He hadn’t even shouted at her.
But what was it now? Had he spoken too forcefully? He shook his head.
‘Don’t be daft; of course, you did. And now, you’ve gone and threatened her with a smack that you have no intention of giving her.’
Severus considered the fact that, despite this being the only time he’d actually threatened her with a smacking for the day’s events, it was the second time it had entered into his mind to do so--and she didn’t know that he didn’t plan to follow through with such an action.
He had threatened to hex her, however, and on top of the other punishments and admonishments that she had received for her various misbehaviors, he imagined that she probably thought she had truly crossed the line this time.
It was just another indication that this had not been the best of days for him or his daughter.
He rubbed his forehead. He felt very tired all of a sudden.
Sighing heavily and internally chastising himself for his quick fuse, Severus closed his eyes briefly and inhaled a deep breath. He laid his quill down. –Come here, Zoe,†he called quietly.
She didn’t turn around, but vigorously shook her head.
–No. I’ll s-sit qu-qu-quietly, Papa,†she said through hiccups.
–You are not in trouble,†Severus reassured, understanding her trepidation. –Come here.â€
There was a pause on the child’s part before she slowly slid from her chair and shuffled over to him. Severus pushed his chair away from his desk and when Zoe was in proximity, he pulled her up to sit on his lap. He positioned her in the crook of his right arm--as he had earlier--and tugged the edges of her nightgown down to cover her legs more completely.
Zoe went limp on her father’s lap and started to cry even more than before. Knowing not what had caused such an emotional upheaval in his child, Severus merely let her cry, as he pulled his arm around her. From time to time, he would softly shush into her ear or lightly pat the side of her thigh, trying to comfort her. It was several minutes before Zoe calmed enough that he felt like he could have a conversation with her.
–Come now, what is this about?†he asked.
Zoe shook her head. –Nothing,†she said, sniffling.
Severus gazed down at his daughter’s dark head. She raised her arm to swipe it across her face, but he stalled her, pulling his handkerchief from his pocket and holding it to her nose.
–Blow.â€
The girl complied and as soon as he had wiped most of the snot and tears from her face, he wandlessly banished the cloth to the laundry.
They didn’t talk, not for a long while. Severus just held his daughter and rocked back and forth in his chair. He had come to understand that, even though Zoe had said it was nothing, eventually she might be forthcoming with what was bothering her. For a moment there, he had assumed it was something he had done, but the girl was allowing him to hold her and dry her tears so perhaps it was something else. Perhaps Scorpius had done or said something earlier in the day that was only now catching up to Zoe emotionally.
Any of these could be true, but Severus was starting to imagine that the real culprit behind her despicable behavior, the temper earlier, and the weeping now was simple fatigue. She had grown out of scheduled afternoon naps, of course, but Zoe could sometimes be quite the bear in the evenings if she had had a long day or if she didn’t sleep enough the night before--even if she had never been quite this unruly when that had been the case in the past… He supposed he could chalk that up to her getting older and therefore more daring when it came to misbehavior.
Zoe was beginning to calm and Severus’s suspicions were proven when he looked down to see her eyes fluttering as she tried to stay alert. She was clearly losing that battle. He glanced briefly to the clock on a nearby bookcase. It was over an hour to bedtime, but that wasn’t entirely ridiculous, therefore Severus stood with Zoe in his arms and slowly strolled from the room.
It wasn’t until he had set her on her feet beside her bed and proceeded to remove her dressing gown from her arms that Zoe stirred enough to realize what was going on.
–I don’t want to go to bed early, Papa. I already had restriction and quiet time today,†she whined.
–You aren’t going to bed early as punishment. It is obvious that you are exhausted. I hardly think that an extra hour or two of sleep will adversely affect you,†said Severus, pulling back her quilt and the sheet beneath. He raised his eyebrows in surprise when his daughter actually crawled under her blankets without further prompting.
–I’m not...†Zoe yawned. –…sleepy.â€
–Clearly,†Severus said dryly. He tucked her in and placed his hand on her forehead, just to be sure.
No fever. Good.
Zoe was already dropping off and Severus brushed his hand against her cheek affectionately and then left the attic to complete and post his letter hoping that tomorrow would be a better day--for the both of them.
A Very Long Day by MetamorphmagusLupin
Chapter Notes: Zoe's mine, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish the rest was as well. Sadly, it's not.
Chapter Endnotes: It kind of feels like it, but this is not the end of this little "glimpse". Stay tuned for one more chapter.
Please review. Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top?