–What the bloody hell is the matter with you?†Tonks shouted.
–We can’t keep doing this,†Remus replied quietly, gathering his clothes from the floor.
–What on earth--â€
–You know very well what, Tonks,†he said, –I’m no good for you. I’m dangerous, and being with me will only cause you trouble. The more this keeps happening, the more it’s going to hurt you, and I can’t stand it any longer. This has to stop.â€
–Remus, I’ve told you a thousand times! I don’t care! I lov--â€
–No,†he said, pulling his shirt on and tucking it in, –I’ve done enough damage. I never should have let things get this far. I’m sorry.â€
–Sorry? You’re sorry!†she shouted again, temper flaring.
–Yes, Tonks, I’m sorry. Sorry that I got involved with you in the first place. I’m way too old for you, and I have absolutely nothing to offer you. There are better men than me out there who would jump at the chance to have a date with you. I’m sorry I ever--â€
–Don’t,†she said, –Don’t say that. I know you don’t mean it. I know you want this just as much as I do. You’re too bloody noble, Remus. I don’t care about any of that. I care about you!â€
He pulled his jumper over his head, and attempted to tame his hair. It was sticking up at odd angles all over the place. His calmness about the whole situation only infuriated her more and he knew it, but he could not allow himself to stay with her. She deserved better.
–I’m sorry, Tonks,†he said gently, –I wish things were different, but they aren’t. You deserve better than me.â€
He turned away from her, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes. She was trying desperately to fight the tears that she felt forming. His head hung low, and his shoulders slumped. He picked his travelling cloak up from the floor, threw it around his shoulders, and left the room. She followed him, tears falling hot and fast from her eyes, unable to contain them any longer.
–Remus,†she sobbed, –please… Don’t do this…â€
He paused for only a moment, hand on the doorknob, but didn’t answer her. The door swung open and he stepped through it, never even glancing back at her. She fell to her knees, right there in the entrance hall. Her spiky pink hair began to fade into a flat mousy brown. She cried herself out, right there on the floor, and stayed there long after there were no more tears inside of her to shed. Why couldn’t he see that none of that mattered to her. Why couldn’t he see that she loved him, damn the consequences.
Eventually she picked herself up, looked in the mirror and tried to change her appearance, morph the bags under her eyes, and change her hair to something moderately presentable. She tried, and tried again, but no success. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve, she thought, obviously mine’s bloody well broken.
***Scene borrowed from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince pg 623-624***
–You see!†said Tonks, glaring at him, –She still wants to marry him, even though he’s been bitten! She doesn’t care!â€
Remus winced at her sudden shouting. This was the last subject he wanted to broach in a room full of people. They’d been over all this before. He’d had sound reasoning for his actions.
–It’s different,†said Remus, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. –Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely--â€
–But I don’t care either, I don’t care!†said Tonks, seizing the front of his robes and shaking them. –I’ve told you a million times…â€
And the meaning of Tonks’s Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she heard a rumor that someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear. It was because of him. He had done this to her. He had driven her to the point of being unable to morph. He felt ashamed of himself. He took several steps back, distancing himself from her, and lowered his gaze.
–And I’ve told you a million times,†Remus answered, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, –that I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…â€
–I’ve said all along you’re taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus,†said Mrs. Weasley over Fleur’s shoulder as she patted her on the back.
–I am not being ridiculous,†said Remus steadily. –Tonks deserves somebody young and whole.â€
–But she wants you,†said Mr. Weasley, with a small smile. –And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.â€
He gestured sadly at his son, lying between them. Remus gazed at Bill, unsure of his feelings. His head was spinning. He had definitely not planned on Tonks publicly announcing that she was in love with him while standing sentinel at the bedside of an injured comrade. His mind was running a mile a minute.
There was truth to their words, but he still wasn’t sure. She did deserve better, that was no lie, but she had said time and time again that she wanted him; and he wanted her. He had determined that ages ago. He wanted nothing more than to pledge himself to her for eternity. But he could never find the courage to admit it. He had always taken the noble stance, telling himself that she deserved better. He never for a moment thought that it would be fair of him to ask her to be with him. He shook the thoughts from his mind. Now wasn’t the time. He was quiet for a moment, and then spoke, albeit a bit uncertainly.
–This is… not the moment to discuss it,†said Remus, avoiding everybody’s eyes as he looked around distractedly. –Dumbledore is dead…â€
***^***
The conversation seemed to drone on for hours, unaided by the fact that Remus was barely listening. He wanted nothing more than to get Tonks alone so that they could speak more privately, but that didn’t seem to be likely in the near future.
Until Tonks stood abruptly and strode from the room. She wanted to be alone; she couldn’t handle being in a crowd, let alone a crowd that included Remus Lupin. She needed to put some distance between them. Being so close to him, while feeling like she was still miles away was torture.
Remus followed Tonks as she walked briskly through the halls, attempting to evade him. He wouldn’t let her however, because now, after this, he knew what he wanted to do.
–Dora!†he said forcefully, and she stopped dead in her tracks. No one had dared call her anything other than ‘Tonks’ in years. She spun round, intent on hexing him, until she saw the softness in his eyes. She froze, hoping beyond all hope that her words had finally penetrated his thick skull. They’d been trying to make a go of things for nearly two years now, but he kept putting her off. Telling her that they couldn’t be together, even though they always managed to wind up in each other’s arms time and time again. This look in his eyes however, was new.
–Dora,†he repeated, more gently this time, –can we talk?†He took her hand. She nodded in response, and entwined her fingers with his.
–Why me?†he asked, raising one eyebrow in question. –Why wouldn’t you want someone more your own age, someone who can--â€
–Because I love you, Remus,†she answered quietly, –and nothing you say is ever going to make me stop. I don’t care that you have a furry little problem. I don’t care that you think you have nothing to offer me. You have a lot more to offer than you think. And I’m not going to give up.â€
–I was hoping you’d say that,†he said gently, and kissed her. The moment their lips met, it was as if a dam had broken within her very being. The mousy brown hair she had been sporting for quite some time turned the most vivid bubblegum pink. When they parted and Remus opened his eyes, he was completely sure of the decision he’d made only moments before.
–If this is really what you want, Dora,†he said, and she nodded in response so he continued, –I just want you to be happy,†he finished.
–Then marry me,†she said, a smile creeping slowly onto her face.
–Isn’t that supposed to be my line?†he asked, the corner of his mouth giving away the slightest hint of a smile.
–You always have been a bit slow on the uptake, Remus,†she said, the small smile turning into a grin.
A cheeky look crossed his face, and mischief flashed in his eyes.
–Nymphadora Tonks,†he said and she cuffed him lightly around the head for the use of her first name, but undeterred he continued, –Your unconditional love for me has been the greatest gift I could have ever received. Somehow you see the man beneath the exterior, and love me anyway. I love you, Dora, and even though you’ve just asked, I think I should make it official.â€
Her eyes went wide. This was the absolute last thing she’d been expecting. Her comment moments before had been completely off the cuff and however much she’d meant it, she had intended it as a joke. Still holding her left hand in his, he lowered himself down to one knee, looked her in the eyes and said, –Will you marry me?â€
Her eyes filled with tears, and she wrapped her arms around him. –Yes,†she whispered into his ear.
–I’m sorry that I don’t have a ring--â€
–The promise of having you in my life forever is more than enough, Remus.â€
~*~
It was a Saturday afternoon, late summer. Remus Lupin pulled nervously at the collar of his dress robes, his tie seeming to strangle him, at least in his mind. He wished that more people could be present for the occasion, namely Harry, but there was nothing he could do. It had to be a small quiet affair. With Dumbledore’s passing, and the new laws enacted against his kind, he wasn’t entirely sure that this was even legal anymore, but he didn’t care. Today, this day, he was marrying the woman who had stolen his heart. Rather forcibly, he might add.
He took his place at the head of the small aisle they had constructed. Standing next to him was Kingsley Shacklebolt, a dear friend to both him and Dora. On the other side of the Aisle stood a friend of Dora’s from the Auror academy. She was rather striking in her gown of sapphire blue. But Remus only had eyes for one woman, the one seeming to float down the aisle toward him. Her smile was radiant, and her white gown, a strapless, floor length number, accentuated her features beautifully. Her shocking pink hair had not been sacrificed for this occasion, and it accentuated her smile.
He had never seen her so radiant, or so happy. The butterflies in his stomach rivalled those she had given him on the day they had first met. The only difference was, after today, they would be bonded for life. He smiled at her as she approached, and took her hands in his. Their eyes met, his kind gentle blue, and her deep brown.
–We are gathered here today, to celebrate the union of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks,†A short balding wizard began, and the room fell silent. Remus smiled at Tonks, and took a slow steadying breath. He never thought that he would find a woman so wonderful, let alone one who would consider marrying him. He had always thought that his condition would drive anyone even moderately acceptable away; she was much more than moderately acceptable. She was everything he’d ever wanted, and now she was about to be his.
–Please repeat after me,†the official stated, –I, state your name, bond my magic, my soul and my love to you, from this day forward, until the end of time.â€
–I, Remus Lupin, bond my magic, my soul and my love to you, from this day forward, until the end of time.†He smiled, and placed the ring upon her left hand, and she repeated the same words back to him.
–I, Nymphadora Tonks,†she made a face upon stating her first name and he had to suppress a snort, –bond my magic, my soul and my love to you, from this day forward, until the end of time.†She placed the ring on his hand and their eyes locked on each other again.
They closed the short distance, and his lips met hers. His arms found his way around her waist, and her hands entwined in his hair. This kiss was like no other that they had shared. He felt as though their souls were combining. The tingly feeling in his chest had not left him, even after their lips parted.
The small group in attendance applauded them, and he escorted his bride from the makeshift altar, to continue that kiss somewhere more private. They thanked everyone for being there for them, and expressed their regret that it couldn’t have been a grander ceremony, then hastened to return to the home that had previously belonged to Tonks, that now belonged to both of them.
~*~
They barely made it though the front door before falling into each other’s arms. Their lips crashed together, pure passion taking over any rational thought. They stumbled, joined at the lips, hands roaming, knocking over furniture in their wake, only one destination in mind. His robes, tie and shirt were scattered between the entrance hall, the kitchen and the sitting room. Her dress found the floor feet from the bed. The rest of their clothes joined the dress not long after. The world could have fallen apart outside their very door, and neither of the Lupins would have noticed, for they were completely consumed with each other.
~*~
***Taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pg 46***
–Harry, guess what?†said Tonks from her perch on top of the washing machine, and she wiggled her left hand at him; a ring glittering there.
–You got married?†Harry yelped, looking from her to Lupin.
–I’m sorry you couldn’t be there, Harry, it was very quiet.â€
–That’s brilliant, congrat--â€
***End Quote***
Remus Lupin paced nervously round what had become his home. He had just returned from his attempts to recover Mad-Eye’s body, without success. Remus normally wasn’t one to pace, but upon returning home, he had expected to find his wife waiting for him. Pacing, it seemed, was her thing to do when normally anxiously awaiting his return. He had taken up her past time upon returning to an empty house this afternoon.
There was no explanation for her absence. She knew that he was to be returning home after the search for Moody had ended, and it was now late afternoon. He had no inclination of where she could possibly be, and if she didn’t return shortly, he would have no fingernails left, having taken to that nervous habit as well upon returning to find her gone. He knew her to be a capable witch. She was an auror after all, and had saved his arse on numerous occasions. But that didn’t stop him worrying. He’d become even more protective of the normally pink haired woman after they’d wed, thus driving her mad on occasion, and prompting a good natured argument about her capability to look after herself. He knew that she secretly enjoyed his protectiveness, but that didn’t stop her taking the mickey out of him for it.
His mind was running a thousand different directions. Perhaps she had gone looking for him when he hadn’t returned by daybreak, or perhaps she had gone to The Burrow, thinking that he would return there with Bill before coming home. He ran his hands through his graying hair and made his way to the kitchen. On the table lay a piece of parchment. –Of course!†If he’d only thought to look there in the first place. He clapped a hand to his forehead, disgusted with himself for working himself into a panic without even thinking to check. He unfurled the short piece of parchment and read:
Remus,
If you get home before I do, don’t worry, I’ve just gone out on an errand. I should be back by dinnertime. You can stop pacing and worrying now.
Love,
Dora
He smiled and placed the parchment back onto the table. She knew him so well. The feeling of panic had subsided, but the deeper-seated worry wouldn’t budge. The way things were going with the war wouldn’t let him be completely calm until she was home in his arms. He busied himself making tea, and just as he’d sat down and poured himself a cup, he heard the familiar creak of the door hinges, and her familiar footsteps in the entrance hall.
She stepped round the corner wearing a smile of a magnitude that could only compare to the one she’d worn on their wedding day. She seemed to glow with happiness, and in the middle of a war, with both their lives severely in danger this was an odd occurrence. He stood and crossed the distance remaining between them, and pulled her into his arms.
–Hello, Dora,†he said into her neck, not letting go.
–I see you’ve missed me,†she said, holding onto him with equal fervor.
–I was worried,†he admitted quietly, –I always worry now…â€
Normally she would make a joke, or try to make light of the situation, but she could feel the trembling that he was trying to hide as he held her close.
–Sweetheart, it’s okay, I’m home safely,†she said quietly into his ear, before kissing him thoroughly.
He relaxed slowly, falling into her. She’d had this effect on him since the day they had first encountered one another. A simple touch drove him from his thoughts entirely. That particular gift hadn’t ceased with their union, rather, it had intensified. He didn’t need to see her to be aware of her proximity to him in a room. It was as if he could sense her.
Their lips broke apart, partly due to a need for oxygen. His grip on her had loosened, but they had not parted. She smiled at him, and he felt the corner of his mouth involuntarily curving upward.
–I’m glad you’re home,†she said gently, –any news?†Her tone grew more serious as she asked.
–Nothing,†he said equally as serious, releasing her from his grasp. He moved toward the table and offered her a chair as he said, –Tea?â€
–I’d love some,†she said following him and taking the seat he had offered her. He poured her a cup and sat to her left, the fingers of their free hands entwining of their own accord.
–Any news on your end?†he asked before taking a sip of his tea.
The smile had returned in all its radiance, along with the unexplained glow that seemed to be a new addition to her features. He couldn’t quite determine what was going on, but hoped that she would clue him in sooner rather than later.
–Well,†she started, her smile getting even wider, –actually I do have some news.â€
She was positively beaming, and the fact that he was completely clueless seemed to make her smile even more radiant.
–Good news I take it?†he asked, the corner of his mouth twitching yet again. He couldn’t help smiling seeing her so happy. He peered at her through his fringe, raising one eyebrow in gesture of questioning, and she giggled.
–Yes,†she said simply, glancing from him down to her tea and back again.
–Well that’s a relief then, I thought you were about to tell me something dreadful.â€
He found he could no longer fight the smile that had been creeping slowly onto his face. He laughed with her, and even though it should have, it didn’t feel strange at all. Only Tonks could make him laugh like this while a war was waging just outside their front door.
–It’s pretty big news. Are you sure you’re ready?†she asked.
–Just tell me before you drive me mad!†he exclaimed, causing another fit of giggles to erupt from his wife.
–Remus,†she said seriously once she had been able to contain her laughter. His eyes met hers, and they locked, his gentle blue eyes with her fierce brown ones. –You’re probably wondering where I was this afternoon…â€
–You could say that, yes,†he answered, his eyes not leaving hers.
–I was at St. Mungo’s… I’d done the charm myself, but I wanted to be sure…â€
–What? Why? What charm?â€
–Remus,†Tonks said gently, –we’re having a baby…â€
–We’re… What…?†he replied, the shock evident on his face. His face lacked the joy that she had hoped would be portrayed by what was supposed to be happy news.
–A baby, Remus. We’re going to be parents.â€
–Dora, there’s a war on, and, what if…†he trailed his statement off, his expression became pained, –what if the baby is like me?â€
Her face fell. He wasn’t happy. He didn’t share in her total and complete joy of sharing something so fabulous with him. She felt the tears stinging, hot in her eyes, but she fought them off and looked back up at him. His eyes however were anywhere but on her. He was stone faced, staring at the tabletop, the same pained expression, one of dread and fear.
–Remus…†she tried, –I don’t care, it doesn’t matter…â€
His eyes snapped up to her again and he spoke, anger attempting to mask the fear in his voice, –How on earth can you not care, Dora? How can you say that it doesn’t matter? This child could be born afflicted, end up like me. Even if it isn’t, it will always have a father of whom it must be ashamed. Any child deserves more than that.â€
It was the most he’d said since she had given him the news, and it also cut the deepest. She could no longer fight the tears, and they fell hot and fast from her eyes, speckling the dark cherry wood of the table top.
–You would be a father to admire, Remus, not be ashamed of. You’ve done so much, faced so much adversity. You’ll be a role model to our child. It will look up to you.â€
–No,†he stated simply, –A child could never be proud of a father who is an abomination to society. And what if it grows up the same way, afflicted, cursed?â€
–You’re a wonderful man, Remus, you just have a--â€
–I just turn into a monster once a month at the full moon.â€
–Remus!†she shouted harshly, –you aren’t a monster! Will you just listen to me?â€
–There is nothing more to be said, Nympha--â€
–Don’t call me Nymphadora!†she shouted, her hair changing involuntarily from her normal bright pink to a spikey deep crimson. Fire seemed to flare in her eyes, which had darkened at his slip of the tongue. –If you would just bloody well listen, Remus--â€
–Go stay with your parents. You’ll be safe there,†he said simply, his voice void of emotion.
–Remus John Lupin, don’t you dare walk out on me--on us…†Tonks said, more quietly, her hand automatically curling protectively around her midsection.
–I’ve caused you and your family enough harm. This will be for the best. I’m sorry I’ve destroyed everything you’ve worked so hard for, and I’m even more sorry that this child will forever live in shame of it’s father. Staying here will do nothing to solve that. If this child, by some miracle, isn’t afflicted, both of you will be better off without me.â€
He had stood rather violently from the table with those words. The tears in his wife’s eyes did nothing to sway him. He reached for his cloak and strode toward the door. Staying would do nothing but hurt both of them.
–Remus, don’t…†she begged, sobbing.
He spoke not a word as he opened the door and stepped through it. But silent tears fell from his eyes as he disapparated.
~*~
***Taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pg 211-214 American Hardcover Edition***
–I’ll understand if you can’t confirm this, Harry, but the Order is under the impression that Dumbledore left you a mission,†Remus inquired. This would be the perfect way to escape both his feelings, and any opportunity to create further disaster. He’d done enough harm. Now it was time to do some good.
–He did,†Harry replied, –and Ron and Hermione are in on it and they’re coming with me.â€
–Can you confide in me what the mission is?â€
Remus looked at Harry, hoping that the young man before him would be able to trust him. He needed this, needed to escape. He’d already done enough damage.
–I can’t, Remus, I’m sorry. If Dumbledore didn’t tell you I don’t think I can.â€
–I thought you’d say that,†said Remus, looking disappointed. –But I might still be of some use to you. You know what I am and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection. There would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to.â€
Remus could sense Harry’s hesitation. This wasn’t going at all the way he’d planned. He had hoped that they would accept his offer without questioning him, but that wasn’t the case. He glanced at Hermione, and upon seeing the puzzled look on her face, determined that this was definitely not going to turn out well.
–But what about Tonks?†she asked.
–What about her?†said Remus.
–Well,†said Hermione, frowning, –you’re married! How does she feel about you going away with us?â€
–Tonks will be perfectly safe,†said Lupin, –She’ll be at her parents’ house.†She just had to go there, he thought to himself. This was supposed to be simple. Hermione had made things complicated. He didn’t want to have to explain, but he knew that she wouldn’t let it rest now.
There was something strange in Remus’s tone; it was almost cold. There was also something odd in the idea of Tonks remaining hidden at her parents’ house; she was, after all, a member of the Order and, as far as Harry knew, was likely to want to be in the thick of the action.
–Remus,†said Hermione tentatively, –is everything all right… you know… between you and--â€
–Everything is fine, thank you,†said Remus pointedly, attempting to curb this conversation before it went any farther.
Hermione turned pink. There was another pause, and awkward and embarrassed one, and then Remus said, with an air of forcing himself to admit something unpleasant, –Tonks is going to have a baby.â€
–Oh, how wonderful!†squealed Hermione.
–Excellent!†said Ron enthusiastically.
–Congratulations,†said Harry.
Remus gave an artificial smile that was more like a grimace, then said, –So… do you accept my offer? Will three become four? I cannot believe that Dumbledore would have disapproved, he appointed me your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, after all. And I must tell you that I believe that we are facing magic many of us have never encountered or imagined.â€
Remus hoped that they would let it rest and assume that she had decided to stay with her parents so that he could still play a part in the war. His eyes swivelled between each of them in turn, waiting for someone to answer. Ron and Hermione both looked at Harry.
–Just--just to be clear,†Harry said. –You want to leave Tonks at her parents’ house and come away with us?â€
–She’ll be perfectly safe there, they’ll look after her,†said Remus. He spoke with a finality bordering on indifference. –Harry, I’m sure James would have wanted me to stick with you.â€
–Well,†said Harry slowly, –I’m not. I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually.â€
Lupin’s face drained of color. The temperature in the kitchen might have dropped ten degrees. Ron stared around the room as though he had been bidden to memorize it, while Hermione’s eyes swiveled backward and forward from Harry to Lupin.
–You don’t understand,†said Lupin at last.
–Explain, then,†said Harry.
Lupin swallowed, attempting to formulate some sort of response. Harry was no longer the boy who needed his help, he was a man with his own convictions, and Remus wasn’t sure exactly how to explain what had happened. He settled for a slice of the truth, hoping that he would accept it and move on.
–I--I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and I have regretted it very much ever since.â€
–I see,†said Harry, –so you’re just going to dump her and the kid and run off with us?â€
Remus sprang to his feet: His chair toppled over backward and he glared at them fiercely. He could feel the anger coursing through his veins. No one could possibly understand. And here was Harry, acting as if he’d done something wrong by leaving.
–Don’t you understand what I’ve done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I’ve made her an outcast!â€
Lupin kicked aside the chair he had overturned.
–You have only ever seen me amongst the Order, or under Dumbledore’s protection at Hogwarts! You don’t know how most of the Wizarding world sees creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely talk to me! Don’t you see what I’ve done? Even her own family is disgusted by our marriage, what parents what their only daughter to marry a werewolf? And the child--the child--â€
Lupin actually seized handfuls of his own hair; he looked quite deranged. The remorse of the mere possibility of passing on his condition to his child tore him apart. He couldn’t bear the thought of it.
–My kind don’t usually breed! It will be like me, I am convinced of it--how can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risked passing my own condition to an innocent child? And if, by some miracle, it is not like me, then it will be better off, a hundred times so, without a father of whom it must always be ashamed!â€
–Remus!†whispered Hermione, tears in her eyes. –Don’t say that--how could any child be ashamed of you?â€
Remus opened his mouth to respond, but Harry was faster.
–Oh, I don’t know, Hermione,†said Harry. –I’d be pretty ashamed of him.â€
Harry had risen to his feet too. Remus felt as though Harry had hit him. He had always considered Harry to be as good as a son, and to hear him say that he was ashamed of him; that destroyed any self esteem that remained.
–If the new regime thinks Muggle-borns are bad,†Harry said, –what will they do to a half-werewolf whose father’s in the Order? My father died trying to protect my mother and me, and you reckon he’d tell you to abandon your kid to go on an adventure with us?â€
–How--how dare you?†said Lupin. –This is not about a desire for--for danger or personal glory--how dare you suggest such a--â€
–I think you’re feeling a bit of a daredevil,†Harry said. –You fancy stepping into Sirius’s shoes--â€
–Harry, no!†Hermione begged him, but he continued to glare into Lupin’s livid face.
–I’d have never believed this,†Harry said. –The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.â€
Remus drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; fuelled by pure rage, Remus cast a non-verbal knockback jinx. He watched as Harry slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, and then strode briskly from the room.
–Remus, Remus, come back!†Hermione cried.
Remus didn’t pause, he had no intentions of answering her, or returning to the room. He drew his cloak tightly around himself and slammed the door behind him. He took a moment to steady himself on the topmost step, making sure that he wouldn’t be seen.
***^***
~*~
With a loud crack, Remus Lupin vanished into the night. He wasn’t sure exactly where he would go now. He had abandoned his family, been called a coward by the young man that he had considered as good as a son, and to be truthful, he was. He found himself in a dark wood, some distance from where he’d attempted to apparate to. It was true, focus was necessary for successful apparation, and focus was something hard to conceive when your head was so full of other thoughts.
His feet carried him automatically in the direction of the house that he had once shared with his wife. He knew that he wouldn’t find her there. She’d gone off to her parents’ house not long after he’d abandoned her. He made his way inside, shed his cloak, and fell onto his knees in the middle of the sitting room floor.
–What have I done?†he asked the empty house, tears falling freely from his eyes. –My family--my family…†He lay there awhile longer, gathering his resolve. Something clicked in his mind--family. He had a family, a wife, and an unborn child. What kind of husband--father--was he? He’d walked out on them both, because he was scared. –I am a bloody coward.†He had wanted nothing more than for Tonks to be happy, and he took what was apparently the happiest moment of her life and had torn it to shreds, because he, Remus John Lupin, was a bloody coward.
–I have to fix this,†he said, and pushed himself up from the floor. He stood gingerly, and attempted to construct a solution to his stupidity in his mind. After several moments of intense thought that made his head hurt, he decided just to wing it, and hope that she would forgive him, damn the consequences.
Pictures in the Life of a Werewolf by Radcliffefan07
Story Notes:
This story was an idea that sprung into my head late one night riding lights and sirens through the city in my ambulance. It begged to be written and turned into quite a monster of a fic.
I have three people to say thank you to:
Jess: thank you for being there when I needed advice on this fic and for keeping me going on it when I wasn't sure of myself.
Terri: Thank you for teaching me to write the marauders, and for sharing your love of Remus and Tonks with me. Without you this would never have been possible.
Dave: My favorite real life Potter fan! Thank you for being my inspiration. For reading and enjoying my work. For being my mentor, and so much more. You've given me more than I can ever tell you, and I appreciate it more than you know. This story is dedicated to you.
Chapter Notes: Part Two will follow shortly! I hope you enjoy!