Hi. I'm Mere. I disappear and reappear every now and then, but it mostly all comes down to the fact that I do love to write and I do love Harry Potter.
My OTP is James/Lily, but I have a tendency to ship them with other characters. Lily Evans is my favourite character and I absolutely adore writing her.
If you'd like to know more about me, please visit my livejournal. :)
Darling Jen,
This is a celebratory review – you’re a mod now! Congrats! :)
I’ve always been intrigued by Teddy/Victoire, but I’ve never really read much of them. They way you wrote them, though, is almost exactly like I imagine it would be. They would be best friends, of course, when they were younger.
She never tired of pulling herself up through the leaves, branch by branch, and getting scratched endlessly by stray twigs.
He never did, either.
I love how you captured their friendship in these three lines. You get a sense of Victoire. She’s strong, independent, and does what she wants, not what everyone else is doing. And you get a sense of Teddy. You can tell, from these two lines alone, that Teddy is only climbing the tree because of Victoire. And that’s just uber sweet and adorable. :)
And then, at Hogwarts, they slowly grow apart. Not out of a conscious decision, but because things simply work out that way. The progression of this change is beautiful. In my mind, I can see a montage of scenes in the hallway, with them growing older each time they pass each other, and the enthusiasm slowly being lost from their greetings.
Teddy graduates, goes “home” for the summer, and viola – Victoire’s there. And she’s funny, interesting, clever. And beautiful. And Teddy realizes how much he’s lost by letting go of her friendship.
The way you introduced the idea of him regretting losing Victoire, the slow and subtle way you indicate that Teddy might feel more than just friendship, is wonderful. In fact, I think that’s my favorite part of this story. I love how it’s slow and steady and everything makes sense and seems real. He’s not just going to admit to himself that he likes her and he isn’t going to suddenly be like “OMG VICTOIRE I LOVE HER.” It’s going to take him awhile - Over the next few days - and it’s going to be subtle - For the first time, it hurt a little.
The progression of this story just seems so real and so natural; it has to be happening to someone out there. I really enjoyed it. Fantastic story, love.
--Mere
Hello, Hannah! :)
So right away there are a lot of things I like about this story. I like that you’ve updated the curriculum and have replaced Professor Binns. Not only does this set your story apart from hundreds of others, but it actually makes sense too! Also, I like how you went and gave Teddy a sort of ‘out there’ quality, but were able to justify it so it makes complete sense and wasn’t like one of those tacky personality traits that bad authors randomly add to their characters to make them less Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu –ish (I feel like I can say this to you because you obviously aren’t a bad author who doesn’t know what it’s like to create an actual well-developed character).
So, I totally know what Teddy was feeling, but . . . something feels a little off to me. I think it might be the order of events, actually. It’d make more sense to me if, like, the shiver had been mentioned first and then the fact that he sat up. I also would have liked a little more details there. It seemed a little too random, IMO, because it was come and gone so quickly that even we as readers didn’t really have time to digest it.
Jen!
Okay, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this. I love second person, but it’s very rarely done well. In the beginning, it almost seemed to me that you were writing in second person just to be writing in second person—it didn’t really seem like the story needed to be in second person. That is, until this line
It echoed throughout the silent house, and you startled yourself so much that your teacup fell to the ground and shattered.
It just wouldn’t work if it was in first or third person. The second person makes it seem oddly detached, which supports the you startled yourself so much part. After that, the voice really started to support Remus’s character and emotions, emphasizing his loneliness, his dissatisfaction with life, and his masochistic personality.
The thing I really love about Remus here is that he only blames himself, for what he is, but he never demands of the universe why, he of all people had to be a werewolf. It’s like he’s accepted his fate and has resigned himself to the life of a solitary man, which makes everything about him all that more heartbreaking.
But as the cold air clears and the snow on the ground starts to melt, so do the ice chambers you’ve built around your heart.
This is another line that only works in second person. It’s beautiful and in this line I really get the sense of hope. I feel like throughout most of the story, he has no hope at all and it’s so depressing. I’ve been sitting here trying to imagine a life without hope, without anything to look forward to, and I just can’t imagine. But then in that line there is finally that one sliver of hope and it’s refreshing, just like spring.
You’ve used the seasons as a literary device very smoothly. It doesn’t hit the reader in their head, repeatedly, but rather supports Remus’s moods and emotions. Winter symbolizes death and here Remus has hit rock bottom. Then, in spring, the time of birth and new life, his hope slowly begins to form.
You savour the words, say her name aloud in your empty house. It just makes you feel more alone.
Now this line is just downright depressing and heartbreaking, but wonderfully so. It’s something so simple, yet it is so sad. Remus’s loneliness, sadness, and emptiness practically drip off of this line, it’s so powerful. I think it’s my favourite one in the story.
I quite liked this story, even if it was a bit sadder than what you usually write. The transition from the loss of hope to having hope to his hope coming true made the theme of hope really work and balanced the story.
--Mere
So I’m a bit divided as far as your beginning goes. On one hand, I like it. I like how you clearly defined the differences between the boys and how you shaped them to be what we know of them. But at the same time, I feel like you spent too much time telling us what the boys were like. Surely, through a series of scenes, you could have showed us this same information?
I really, really liked how you developed Peter. It makes a lot of sense—the desire for grandeur and the false sense of bravery as undertones for the qualities that form his friendship with James, Sirius, and Remus, as well as being the ones that define him later in life.
A lot of your dialogue feels forced. I know it’s hard, but try to imagine yourself in that moment, as that character: what would you say? Also, your scenes feel rushed. I don’t think that Sirius would just attack Remus out of nowhere like that. Maybe he would start making fun of him if Remus had ignored him repeatedly or something. And James and Sirius’s friendship seems too well-developed to only be a day old. I think that in this point, they’d still be treading lightly around each other, not wanting to make the other one mad, because they want friends.
I do really like the internal battle of Sirius versus his blood. I like how he’s not just the opposite of them with no questions. But, again, I feel like this was forced and rushed on us, the readers. The scene, his thoughts in particular, don’t feel real. You captured his emotions really well, though.
Overall, I like this chapter. You have some wonderful ideas, a great imagination, and you write well. I just wished you had slowed down a little and let things happen naturally. I understand that you have somewhere you want to go with each chapter, but if you force it on the chapter than it’s going to come out like that.
Good luck!
Author's Response: Wow. Thanks for such an in-depth review. Obviously I'm a little farther in the story now, so I don't know if other chapters are better, but I will look into my diologue, which I know is my weak point. I've always tried to stay away from "what would I say", because I always felt like that was me projecting myself on the character and not letting them be them, but maybe that would work better than what I'm currently doing.
I actually originally intended for the story to just be from James' POV, and that first section was what I had written, but I didn't expand on for the longest time. Then I decided I wanted to do it with all four of the boys, and I loved that beginning too much to change it, so I wrote up one for the other three. I like still like it, but I do understand what you're saying.
I don't want to pressure you or anything, but if you get the time and want to, I would love it if you read and reviewed the rest of the story, because I love it when reviewers read the whole story and comment along the way. It usually helps more than a one time review, because sometimes a chapter is good, and sometimes another chapter isn't so good, and it's nice to have a few consistent people commenting on where the story is going, as opposed to random, new people each chapter.
Carole,
This is a thank you for that push. Also, you hinted. :)
Okay, so I really like this. You have a beautiful balance of funny, sappy, and angsty in this, which really makes your story come to life and seem very real. I’m impressed.
One of my favorite things about this story is how rounded and full each character is. None of them are there simply for the sake of moving the story along—they each have their own story, their own light and their own darkness, and you made sure to show each part. Thus, making the characters seem like actual people, instead of fictional characters who always get the impossible.
. . . which I guess was your entire point with this story. No couple is the perfect couple.
Another thing I really liked about this fic was the point of view. It’s very different and kind of surprising. I like the way it allowed you to introduce the idea of no person having a perfect life before you actually got to the dirt on Harry and Ginny. Also, I love the way it sort of allowed you to gloss over what actually happened and just scratch the surface to prove your point. In fact, that’s another thing that I also really liked: that you didn’t tell us what happened between Dean and Ginny. Keeping it private seems like the most natural and real thing to do; also, it keeps your readers thinking about your story, which is always good.
As far as plausibility goes, I find it very real. Especially that it’s Ginny who slips up. Harry’s far too loyal and his desire for a family far too strong for him to have messed up. And, to me, their relationship has never been as solid as, say, Ron and Hermione’s. I could see Ginny with someone else, seriously, at least for a little while. Obviously, she has to get back to Harry eventually (if you allow the epilogue to exist).
Finally, I love your Lavender/Blaise pairing. I may have to check out Lavender, blue – A Gryffindor True. :)
Fabulous story, Carole!
--Mere
Author's Response: YAY the nudge worked and I get a great Mere review. Thank you for reviewinga nd I am pleased you first of all liked the story and also found it believable. I want people to make their own mind up about what happened between Ginny and Dean; the point being, as you sadi, that no one is perfect. Ahh, I love Lavender/Blaise as well, so I hope you enjoy the fic. Thanks again ~Carole~
You know, I’ve been meaning to review this story ever since you first started writing it.
I think the real strength of this fic is Lily. She isn’t a standard heroine by any means and that makes her all the more relatable. She isn’t perfect, she’s loud and bold and a bit of a troublemaker. She can be a bitch, but she’s completely loyal to her friends and her family and Lysander. It’s obvious that she’d do anything for any of them.
Her voice is strong and brilliant. I can really feel her coming alive on the page…er, screen. This really shows how much your writing has improved from When Worlds Collide. In the beginning of WWC, Rose seemed a little bit like she could have been anyone else. In A Moment, A Love, Lily owns it. Her character is so viable, I almost feel like I could have a conversation with her.
Lysander fighting back was awesome. One, because relationships should be more equal and two, because that shows some underlying turmoil within him. I’m sure he didn’t intend to yell at Lily, but it was easier that addressing his guilt at getting her pregnant and then leaving her.
Also, the strength of their relationship shines through the yelling. The scene in McGongall’s office—Lysander going along with Lily’s story, and then him walking her back to Gryffindor tower. It’s obvious that he cares about her and wants to make sure she’s safe, but he’s kind of running away from his problems at this point. They do seem like a couple that can last. I’m rooting for them!
Another thing I really love about this story is how determined your writing is. You seem to know exactly where you’re going and everything moves at this smooth, fast pace. I don’t know if you’ve planned at all, but it definitely seems like it! Sometimes, when an author doesn’t know where his/her story is going, you can tell from the voice and the pace of the story and it really detracts from it. So, I highly commend you for the way this story flows. :D
*squishes*
--Mere
Albus Potter had what some would call a fascinating job -- working for the Magical Law Enforcement's intelligence department. But when suspicious activity caused the Ministry to think the infamous Knights of Walpurgis were up to something, their leading expert was called into action.
In disguise and out of his mind, Albus embarked on an impossible task, but when things started turning for the worse, why were his only thoughts about the one person he would hurt along the way?
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This story was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Next-Generation Story AND Best Same-Sex Pairing Story
Yay, this review made me squee just a bit. This story has so few review in relation to my other chaptered stories, even though I think it's one of my best. You just got SO MUCH of what I wanted to convey. First off, there is this ridiculous situation, which is compounded by Albus feeling bad about what he was doing, which is then further exacerbated by dealing with essentially re-learning how to be a person. I've always wanted to sneakily show guys just how aggravating it could be to be a girl, because some of them think it's soooo easy to stand there and look pretty. I like smashing disillusion.
I'm glad Scorpius didn't come out looking Gary Stu-ish, because that would've ruined the story. I wanted him to not be like his parents because he's not an idiot, not because he's particularly rebellious. And you just understood Albus so well, not wanting to like Scorpius but understanding that he wasn't one of the bad guys, even if he wasn't quite as smooth as he would have liked to believe and that Albus saw his better qualities.
Anyway, I can't coherently squee to everything, but you are just so in tune with the story and its little quirks. It's been lovely. :D
~Jess
I meant to comment on this in my first review and I can’t believe I forgot. *headdesk* But I just LOVE the title of this fic. Collateral Damage has this thrilling quality to it. Plus, I adore the way it sounds. (If I were alone right now, I’d probably be saying it out loud over and over again, enjoying the way those to words sound together and the way they roll off my tongue)
Hehe, I love that you love this story so much. It's just so deliciously messed up, but it gave me a playground of unique things to work with in terms of themes and character struggles. Unless the story was Albus the Hermaphroditic Auror, that is.
I can't remember exactly when I settled on the title, but I think it was from an episode of Doctor Who, the one where Jenny, the Doctor's 'daughter', called Martha 'collateral damage' when she was separated from them and assumed to be dead. I said the phrase a couple of times (much like you did, hehe), and thought, "Well, I quite like that." Plus, it's very apt in terms of relevance.
I really like that you found my 'easter eggs'. That Scorpius was indeed attracted to the hints of Albus buried inside the Melinda caricature (since Albus's portrayal of her is in essence every female cliche he could concoct) instead of HER. And yes, I so understood your multitude of Albuses example. I'm glad you picked it up.
One of my main concerns was making it seem like Scorpius was likeable only because Albus liked him. I ran into that snag before, where readers don't understand the appeal, but this Scorpius really isn't a bad guy. At first, he's ridiculous with the way he tries to pursue Melinda, but considering his male role models in life, he's freaking Prince Charming, lol.
I tried not to slip into omniscient at any point, even though I had a clear idea how each character feels at any given time, but I suppose I did boo boo a bit with Harry. I guess I'm so used to thinking in his head (I seem to write him quite a bit), so it was a natural jump. Later, when I'm not up to my eyeballs in stuff, I will go back and clean that up. Thanks for pointing that out.
And Albus... silly boy. He put up so much front, blaming his altered physicality for his emotional instability. He never once considered that HE was changing, not just his body. And really, he's a decent bloke with a conscience, but I wanted more than that from him. I wanted him to be Harry Potter's son (still himself, but his genetics are important not to forget), but with a snarky little twist.
Anyway, this response is long, rambly, and highly disorganised, so I'm going to stop now. This was a lovely review, and I'm glad you enjoy the story in all of its weirdness. :D
~Jess
Hello, there! :]
I quite like this, you know. I’m not normally a big fan of Ginny, but you’ve definitely hooked me. I like how real this seems at first—I definitely thought it was actually happening, but then when I read the last line, it made complete sense. It has this quality that makes it not too real, so the dream part is believable. Like, you give no reason for why either of them are there, in the Great Hall, and it doesn’t seem possible that they’d be alone and that makes it very dreamlike. Also, the vague questions like "You will come home soon, right?"
The gift was the exact size of a ring box from a jewellery shop. One glance at it had been enough to send a chill down Lily's spine and almost enough to make her say, "You shouldn't have." She loved James, she just wasn't ready to get married.
I think my favourite thing about this story is that it’s warm, not fluffy. I feel like there’s this general feeling of happiness and love that just radiates from it. It makes it the perfect Christmas story because it embodies everything that I, at least, think Christmas should be. Family, friends, food, gifts, everyone getting along even though they don’t like each other—you’ve got it all in this story. :)
Thank you for such a wonderful review! You'd be lovely poster girl for SPEW because you have a gift for productive praise that goes to the heart of the story and emphasizes both art and craft. You notice details, descriptions, and characterization that's shown instead of told, helping writers by highlighting skills they can continue to build on. All praise is supportive, but yours goes beyond that. It's motivational--and very much appreciated.
Thanks, buddy!
*hugs*
Oh, Carole, I love this! I honestly didn’t know what to expect going in, mostly because I wasn’t sure how you could conceivably get Hermione and Lavender together, but wow. It went beyond my expectations. :)
I like how bold your writing is. It doesn’t feel like you’re trying to be light or sensitive since it’s a “controversial” topic, it’s just like you have a story to tell, so damnit you’re going to tell it. It also gives your story this kind of confidence that makes it seem real and natural.
The beginning is really cute and has a very slumber-party-slash-getting-ready-for-a-school-dance feel. It’s nice to see Hermione acting a bit more—like a girl, I guess. I particularly liked it because it wasn’t what I was expecting at all (not that I knew what I was expecting) and it provided a good foundation to build their relationship off of.
“Do you like him?” Hermione asked, and from her tone, Lavender knew she didn’t just mean ‘like’ as in a friend, but ‘like’ as in fancy, or ‘want to snog’.
I like this line because it again shows the Hermione that we don’t see from Harry’s point of view but had to be there. You characterization of Hermione is really good—I’m impressed with how well you balanced her logical, rational, intelligent side with the teenage girl side. But. I guess, I just always saw her being a bit more opened-minded and not “This is wrong.” I feel like that since she’d had to face prejudice for being Muggleborn, she’d be more accepting towards everyone and everything else—like Remus being a werewolf, Hagrid being half-giant, house-elves, etc. That’s just my opinion, though.
One of the things that makes this story really believable is how close you stuck to canon—especially Hermione and Ron (“Ron Weasley is an utter arse!” heehee). I guess, though, Hermione’s conflicting emotions between Ron and Lavender could explain why she hesitated and the “this is wrong.”
Parvati had been excited when she’d left, a girl in thrall to the endless possibilities of love; Lavender had felt hollow inside.
This is possibly my favourite line from the entire fic. I love the juxtaposition of Parvati’s whirlwind feelings and Lavender’s emptiness. It emphasizes her lack of feeling. It’s just really beautifully put together.
(Had something happened? She wasn’t sure of anything except that her arms were covered in goosebumps and her heart was still pounding inside her.)
Then again, this might be my favourite line. I particularly like the way this one was positioned in the paragraph, as just a tiny little aside. It felt like Lavender was trying to ignore it and just carry on.
“Why don’t you just put less on?” Hermione asked.
This is so Hermione; it’s brilliant. Also, I love the way Lavender is helping Hermione get in touch with her feminine side, for lack of a better phrase, in more ways than one. I enjoy the irony of Lavender introducing Hermione to all these stereotypical girl things while also introducing her to something that is not a very stereotypical girl thing at all.
Her expression lost its irritation and she smiled again. “Ron’s totally clueless.”
So I know I’m supposed to be rooting for Hermione/Lavender and I am! But. Just. AWWWW. Seriously. That’s so cute.
Lavender waited for Hermione’s fingers to remove the dust, but instead she stiffened when she felt Hermione’s breath on her cheek. She opened her eyes in alarm as a shivery sensation coursed down her spine. Hermione was close now, so close, and with her lips pouting as she blew away the shadow.... Lavender shifted – just a touch – and then it happened. Their mouths were a hair’s breadth apart. Hermione’s lips, painted a dusky pink, shimmering, enticing and far too close. Without fully realising what was happening, Lavender uttered a small moan and then planted her mouth on Hermione’s.
I couldn’t just pick one line. This entire paragraph is just really amazing and there’s so much going on in there. Lavender’s desire and what she feels is so palpable and beautiful. I love how you used punctuation to convey her emotions—the ellipses and the dashes have so much longing and wanting and curiosity in them. It’s amazing how much you’re saying without saying anything at all.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, and yet it felt as if this was how it should always be.
There are a couple of things about this line. For one, it really shows the way Lavender was raised—boy and girl, not girl and girl or boy and boy, and they way she doesn’t care because of the way she feels. I like the slight sense of internal conflict that we get here. I kind of feel like there should have been more, that Lavender wouldn’t have just been “well, that’s interesting, okay!” right from the beginning.
Another thing about this line is that it’s really beautiful and I love the parallel structure of it. The structure kind of becomes a metaphor for her emotions—two parallel lives she could live, one the way she was brought up, the other the way she feels.
“Night,” Lavender replied, tears trickling down her cheeks.
While this line is really sad and tugged on my heart, it seemed kind of weird to me. I guess because I never really get the sense that Lavender was more than physically attracted to Hermione. It seems more like she wants to kiss Hermione because she likes the way kissing Hermione makes her feel, rather than she wants to kiss Hermione to kiss Hermione.
And that’s when she knew that there was nothing happier. And it was no use, the memory was so fleeting that she’d never be able to conjure a Patronus.
She stopped trying after that.
This says so much about Lavender’s life with general, not just her interactions with Hermione, and that’s what makes it really heartbreaking.
This was -- not wrong, these feelings could never be called wrong -- yet it was unreal.
I really, really like this line. I could say more than that, but I don’t really want to. I mostly like this line for the words themselves and the emotions they carry, so I’m just going to leave it at that—I really like it.
Then very casually she said, “You’d better make sure you get in there then, Hermione. You wouldn’t want another witch snapping him up.”
Um. Hello, awkward dorm. How do you sleep at night? This makes Lavender less pathetic in the sixth book, which I kind of like, but it also makes her a bit more vicious and makes me feel extremely bad for Ron (since she was just using him to get back at Hermione) and Hermione (because, well, that would just suck).
The only thing about that end that I don’t really like is I still don’t feel like Lavender was really that emotionally attached to Hermione. I mean, you’ve hinted that she was, but that’s all it was, just hints. I never felt it. It seemed more physical than anything else. I just wish that there had been a little more.
Er, I didn’t realize how long this review was until just now. >.> Basically, I loved it. It was really beautiful and gave a lot more depth to both Hermione and Lavender.
♥
--Mere
Author's Response: Wow! A one shot of a review. First of all, thank you for all the crit and the praise. I do agree with you on the 'It's wrong' comment from Hermione because I don't thnk she is judgemental, or certainly not when she 'thinks' about it. I did think about deleting that line, but instead added her next sentence of 'No ... not wrong.' because I think that summed up the Hermione of my story. She doesn;t think being gay is wrong - but she doesn;t think it's her - plus she was seeing Viktor and confused about Ron at that moment too.
I take your point about Lavender's emotions as well. What I was trying to show is that she's actually not sure how deep her feelings are for Hermione. They're not friends particularly, and I'm not sure she likes Hermione much (I would venture to say she's more attached emotionally to Seamus) because she doesn;t get that much of a chance to like/love Hermione. It's exploration, confusion and attraction between the pair.
Darn it, I think I need to write a blooming follow up now. Your review has really made me think carefully. *adds sequel to long, long list) Mere, Thank you very, very much for this review. It was certainly thought-provoking and gorgeous to read. ~Carole~
It’s a bit embarrassing, really, how long I’ve meaning to leave you a review. A couple of weeks (or more like well over a month) ago, I couldn’t sleep and ended up on the computer in the mood for some good James/Lily. I read one of your stories and one thing led to another and I ended up spending the night reading most (I won’t be so presumptuous as to say all) of your James/Lily stories. Ever since then, I’ve been meaning to go back and review at least one of them. So, here I am!
I want to say something about the first chapter, actually, before I really get into this one. I really love the tone and feel of the first chapter. It’s very storyteller-like and you really create this feeling of anticipation and build up all these emotions. It’s quite exciting. :)
And something about chapter three (I just read them all straight through): I really like how in Arthimancy pretty much everyone except for Anastasia had accepted that he would end up with Lily—the debatable part was how long he would live. It made me giggle.
And now on to chapter four!
I love your characterization of James and Lily. I guess that doesn’t particularly pertain to chapter four or even to this story, but it’s really good. I like how James is always playful and confident (but not arrogant), yet serious in a normal, mature, seventeen-year-old way. I’ve read a lot of James/Lily fics and in some of them the ~change that James ‘undergoes’ seems a bit dramatic and unrealistic. Your James seems very real and natural and is always a pleasure to read.
And Lily! Lily isn’t that annoying Perfect Student and Perfect Prefect and Perfect Person, she’s actually someone that James could fall in love with. She’s mischievous and witty and fun. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but she’s very real. I guess I could say that your James and Lily read like actual people, not like characters that someone is trying to force certain qualities on. Maybe an even better way to say it is that your James and Lily read like they are entirely your own characters that you know inside out, backwards and forwards. In fanfiction, it often reads like someone else’s characters that you know a little bit about and trying to make sure are recognizable and in doing so, forget to create a nice, well-rounded character. Does that make sense?
I think the relationship you’ve built between James and his friends is really interesting. The way James knows that they would try to sabotage anything he planned but he’s really not mad at them, just slightly irritated—it’s almost like brothers. I like the dimension it adds to both James’s character and the story, especially the way you never come straight out and say anything about it more it’s just something the reader feels. And, of course, it’s one more thing in the way. You do like to make it as difficult as possible for them to get together, don’t you? :)
We turned a corner and walked straight into Remus and Elizabeth.
"Hi!" said Elizabeth brightly. "Did you like your daisies?"
Lily burst out laughing; I groaned and turned down another corridor.
That exchange actually made me laugh out loud. This story, in general, is really lighthearted and fun. It’s wonderfully refreshing to read. It’s one of those stories that actually brightens my mood and has me sitting here just grinning with a general kind of amusement.
The ending of this chapter is sweet and hopeful. It’s that odd sort of thing that satisfies the reader yet still leaves them in high anticipation of the next chapter.
This was really fun to read and I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter. :)
--Mere
Author's Response: Mere, thank you SO MUCH. What a lovely, amazing review. What's more embarrassing is how long I've taken to respond just because there was so much here. I've read this so many times because it always makes me smile. It' s just so nice to know someone things you've done something right. I really appreciate it. :)
You touched on so many things. I'm so glad the first chapter set things up for you. I was sure it was too much backstory, since I based this on another fic I wrote! And I'm really glad you enjoyed the Arithmancy bit as well, because that surprised me. I hadn't anticipated something a bit more bittersweet like that popping up in this story. But the comment you made about James and Lily being like my own character that I know inside and out really made me squee the most. Because they are my OTP and I have been writing them for months now. If you've read some of my others, you know it's almost obsessive,lol. I love exploring different possibilities in the pairing, and in many, many ways, I do feel like I know them really well. So knowing that's come across to at least one person is thrilling.
I've posted some more and just finished the last chapter yesterday so it will be interesting to see what people think once it's done. It's mostly lighthearted, but I do like to add a bit of depth and here and there. I do hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for the amazing review! ~Gina :)
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Scorpius Malfoy has avoided Althea Burbage – and everyone else at Hogwarts – for five long years. Who, he thinks, would want to be friends with the son of a Death Eater? Certainly not a girl whose aunt was murdered before the eyes of his father and grandfather.
Unfortunately, Thea doesn't seem to agree.
So, WOW. That’s my first thought upon finishing this. Just. WOW.
I adore the way you write. I’m a bit surprised, actually, at how you managed to keep my interest through this chapter when all it is is an introduction to the characters and the very start of their relationship. But I greedily read this as fast as I could and was disappointed that the chapter was over so quickly.
The tone of this story is really incredible. The point of view is omniscient, yet the tone is very personal. It seems like you know Scorpius and Althea inside and out and they really come to life. It’s been a little while since I’ve felt so connected to characters. It almost seems like they are real people that I’ve met or something.
Scorpius. Just. Scorpius. His characterization is so incredible. I love how unique it is. I’ve read bookish!Scorpius before, but none of them have the complexity of your Scorpius. He has friends, it seems, but he prefers isolation because he’s hiding from his past. He’s respected, but not understood. Despite his past and his anti-socialness, it doesn’t seem like anyone dislikes him. And his eyes! The fact that he has the Greengrass eyes, not the Malfoy eyes says so much about his character and his personality. It tells us readers that he isn’t like his father and grandfather. Brown eyes have a capacity to be warm that just doesn’t seem to exisit in grey eyes, which suggests that he’s not haughty or arrogant and has perhaps a big heart.
Hi. I feel like I need some sort of introduction to this review, but I’m at an utter loss of how to begin it.
I really like this story. I really like your writing style. It’s smooth, natural, and precise. Or perhaps that’s just your characterization of Lucy (it is Lucy, isn’t it? God, you have no idea how long it took me to find that name). The beginning says so much about her, with that exact detailing of how she will get home, how long it will take, and her other options. To me, that says she’s a bit lonely and a bit unhappy. (Enter Lorcan! ;D)
There’s some awkward wording in the third paragraph—So, you’ll understand… This sudden and singular address of the reader threw me a bit. I think you could very easily edit it out and it would make that part flow much nicer. Also, He was just a blur of flesh and clothes, while I do like this whole sentence, there’s something very corpse-like of the word flesh. I think something like “body parts” or even “skin” would create the same effect in the sentence without the eeriness of flesh. Of course, that’s just my opinion.
My initial reaction?
AHH AKLJDGJ *FLAIL*
Perhaps that’s a bit…extreme, but, honestly, it’s how I felt from reading the summary to the last line.
I really love the way you wrote this pairing. It has this balance of emotion and fun that reflects James and Sirius’s characters. There’s desire for each other specifically, but it’s also something that just sort of happened. You summed it up perfectly with this line: