i am 29, from portsmouth, i am a postman and an avid harry potter fan
my favourite music band is kiss
loved this chapter, i like the way you write for james, (like harry with a bit more confidece at his age
Don't read if you are offended with rape and abuse. Contains events that will be quite offensive and possibly "disgusting". You have been warned.
Runner Up in the Dangerous Liaisons Awards and He Had It Coming Awards.
~The story is now Complete!~
Thanks for reading!
ive just read this, now im waiting impatiently for the next two chapters , god what a story, its fantastic keep up the good work
mm good story bit of a cop out ending though
so far so brilliant, right first to the good stuff well done you managed to keep ginny both powerful mysterious and were able to show that underneath it all she is still a fragile little girl (i thought you were maturing her a little too much, but once again you were able to dissolve a criticism before i needed to mention it (a great writers trait) loved what you did with the voices, a plot device which seemed to be going no where but bang it is now, im loving this so far. now to my criticisms, first the whole brother sister thing, don't get me wrong i love this to bits but i feel you are harping on it too much, by this i mean the constant mentioning of it it seems the characters cant go 10 minutes without saying your my brother harry, your my sister hermione, aaaaargh enough we get the point, the costant mentioning of this is slowing the plot, you are a great writer and dont need that crutch trust your instincts, the way ginny and harry react the characters react to each other is just like brother and sister ( to hammer the point home, i have a friend who is like a brother to me, dont need to say it to all than sundry though ) that being said (this is where ill confuse you ) love ginnys nickname for harry(big brother ) that does work, one last thing, dumbledore finding the room of requirements and lying how he found it, i understood that (choc frog cards) but the conversation with harry afterwards was too cryptic, we know dumbledore knows harry knows (hes got too, stands to reason really, by making it cryptic you confused the reader . any way im going back to reading this (Ill read your email on saturday) ill leave you with one compliment (a big one that is ) im going to be dissapointed in jully when ginny doesn't call harry big brother, i really really really mean that
Author's Response: I have matured the characters beyond their years. I have explained my reasons for doing this in my author's notes. I really don't think that Harry actually verbalizes the words little sister to Ginny very often. I am fairly positive he has never used those words in reference to Hermione. Though at this point in the story he is moving past those deeper feelings for her and she is starting to take the place of a sister in his heart. She would by the way be an older sister to him. Big Brother, is Ginny's nickname for Harry and she would use it a lot. Harry and Dumbledores conversation is cryptic. It was ment to be, some things the reader just needs to pay attention and figure them out. I assume by the July comment, you mean JKR will have year six out and Ginny will not be refering to Harry as "Big Brother" in it, and that you like that she does in my story. I agree that JKR will not have Ginny refering to Harry as her brother. I think that in JKR's writing Ginny is ultimately Harry's love interest, and to tell you the truth I am glad of it. Thanks for your review, I really like it when a someone has the guts to say I think this is not quite correct.
if you had trouble reading my last review (i did a bit ) plse tell me
well that's better, much better, the phoenix spell was fantastic, the d.a meeting was cool, not quite sure about how dumbledore tested the spell it was a little reckless, considering there was a safer option, the story seems to be picking up steam, and not so much 'lets all talk about our feelings'.
Now ive got to say ginny is definitley my fave character because she pushes harry to do better just like i try and push you, yep you geussed it heres my complaints, basically your not telling us enough about whats happening outside hogwarts , amelia bones is now taken over as minister and it hardly gets an explanation, o.k its obvious enough why but it could have been mentioned, maybe in a daily prophet headline or maybe hannah could have mentioned it in passing. I have another problem but i'm not gonna tell you yet im going to give you the benefit of the doubt i'm sure you'll prove me wrong (cryptic uh)
Author's Response: I've been waiting for you to show up. First off, thanks for laying off of the things others already mentioned. Yes, the story is picking up steam. You like a lot of action, others like emotion. I like both. Some of my problems from lack of action are the fact that I went with the one big deal a year tried and true scenario that JKR has done with her books. I probably should have had a few more Voldemort related things hapening during the year, but I didn't and it is to late to go back now. I know, you are not hearing anything about what is going on outside of Hogwarts. This is a function of what I decided to do with Harry, and you get the answer to why you hear nothing about the outside world in his and Bridgette's "discussion" at the lake. Harry does not want to know. My version of Harry has accepted that he must be the one to stop Voldemort, and that he is not ready yet. He has decided to do everything in his power to train himself, and is trusting Dumbledore to provide that training. He has also decided that if he keeps himself informed about all the attacks and deaths occuring that he will go nuts and run off to save the world thereby condeming it. None of his friends, like Hermione, who is reading the paper are telling him what is going on because he has made it known he does not want to know. So, that is the reason you don't hear about the world outside of Hogwarts. I know for a fact, though I can't give you the specific spot in my story, but I have mentioned before this chapter that Amelia Bones is the new ministe. Again the reason you don't see a headline about it is because Harry just does not want to know. Hannah's last name is Abbot, so I'm not sure why she would mention it. Sorry, just had to point that out to you. Yes your last comment is cryptic, and I hope I do prove you wrong. Are you going to tell me if I don't? Oh yeah, Dumbledore was only reckless if you don't trust Fawkes. He does, and I as the writer did. Besides it made for a really cool scene.
here it is my review, first this chapter
well it was a little predictable, usually this chapter or the last one would be the place to unveil lots of surprises and twists alas nothing i wasn't expecting didn't happen, but i must admit, i did like this chapter especially ginny and harry, im not big on the whole ginny and harry will get together thing but you did it well.
now for the review of the whole story
i would give it 8 stars, i would have given it 5 as it was average and slightly predictable, but... i give you an extra star for some very clever ideas i thought should be used in the real books
(chocolate frogs, phoenix spells, etc, etc,)
and a second star for your excellent way you handled the characters, (i believed in them more than i did the other storys, that i have read on this site) the final star comes from that hospital scene ( fantastic) any way good luck with that second tale, times a ticking
Author's Response: I've been wondering when you would weigh in. Thanks for all your comments and thoughts. I'm glad you thought some of my ideas were clever. I really think that you are mistakedn about H/G. I place the likely hood of that pairing at %90 or higher from JKR not neccessarily by the end of book six, but by the end of book 7. I know times a ticking for the second of my books. There is no way it will all be up before HBP is released. I have it written, but I can't get it past the mods that fast.
wow, im loving this story, the good things first, chocolate frog cards nice touch, the voices interesting, ginny u go girl, now the bad things, voldermots being too quiet it doesn't make him much a threat , too much centralising other characters but you have explained that though, one last little niggle, fake moody wasnt the last person to put harry under the cruciatius curse as you say, it was voldermort (end of book 4) or should that be tom, nice touch
it's me again, as you know i usualy find something i like in your chapters and something i don't like, and a couple of chapters ago you wrote a chapter where there was nothing i liked, well this time(and this will surprise you) i have absolutely no complaints, from the beginning with cho and harry teasing each other to the excelent quiditch match, the horrific accident (poor cho)
then the bedside vigil, this was when i was worried usualy this is were you get overly slushy, but you handled this briliantly and made it touching, for once they didn't sound like they were in group therapy, and there was no overexplaining the plot, the veil sequence added awsome mystery.
Hermione pushing ron and harry was handled excellently, it felt like it needed to be done, where as before that story line seemed to be happening becuase the plot demanded it, and as for that cliffhanger HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
fan-frelling-tastic, i want you to know i cried at half way through that chapter and im a hid your feeling stiff upper lip true brit, i don't cry(tee hee) keep up the standard huskers i demand it
Author's Response: Well, you didn't give me much to respond to this time. It's funny, I never really thought of this chapter as much of a cliff hanger, but I guess it is, because we don't know what is going to happen to Ginny. I looked back at my writing, and I realized that I didn't do to many big cliff hangers. Sure there were unanswered questions, but not like this. Anyways, glad you liked it, and I hope, to continue to impress you. You are the most critical of my reviewers an dI appreciate it.
oh my goodness another great chapter (all though and i know i keep moaning about this, but becuase there were no litle mentions of the wizarding world the battle does have an inevitable the end of the story's coming lets have a battle feeling)
but all i have to say is wow wow wow
cant wait fo the next chapter
Author's Response: Wow, a short one out of you. Yes, there is a feeling of here comes the battle scene. That however, has little to do with the fact that I did not have fights occuring throughout the book. It is classic writing format for any fiction type book. The end of the book is coming and the big conflict for the story must happen. You would have got the feeling of 'here it comes' wether I had battles throughout the story or not. Thanks for the compliments, and I hope the next chapter is up to the standards you like. Things drop off quite a bit in it. Again, that is standard format also.
all right im sorry but i dont agree with everyone i dont think it was a good chapter i feel you have done better, in all your chapters i allways find something i dont like and something i love to bits, in this chapter i was bored, the proximity spell was cool but halfway through the capter and you explained it 3 times !!!!! the whole bridgete and harry thing was boring, she seems like a character you created to basically go no where, There are tons of female characters in jkrs books, why bother making one up for such a no story,
and as for the blood oath thing well it just screams plot device to me. Im sorry but i allways speak my mind
Author's Response: Well, you can't please everyone. You are right, I could have used any female character in JKR's world to serve the purpose Bridgette did. I wanted to create a character of my own and see if I could give her life. Her romantic relationship with Harry has gone no where, you are correct about that. She is not however, a do nothing character. She has filled a very important role in the story, and at least one of my readers, hello fvweasley, has figured it out. You won't find it in her reviews, she sent me an e-mail. The blood oath, is a plot device. What is a book without plot devices? This chapter was basically transition, not much that can be done about that. Not every chapter can be the most exciting one of the story, one has to be the least interesting, that is a fact of writing. Glad you spoke your mind, I hope you find the next chapter more to your liking.
loved malfoys smarm, loved the scene with george there wasn't much i didn't like wow im not very constructive am i? any way morgan muggle signing off
er sorry this is gonna be my first critcal review (spoke too soon in my last review) basically i don't see fred and goerge going to a makeshift dating agency in gof they are portrayed as having great confidence with women.
I can buy goerge being unsure about his feelings but as for just dating to ease the boredom, which was fred and lees intention i think they could handle this on their own. anyway the rest rocked
morgan muggle signing off
Author's Response: First, I must say I'm sorry if it wasn't clear that they were more just going along with Lee just because it was something to do for that day. And if you notice, in GoF, we see that Fred automatically just asks Angelina, but we never know if George had a date or not (though he probably did). Fred has specific reasons for taking advantage of the dating service. George just went more out of curiosity. Besides, Elsie Smoot and her dating service kind of just invented themselves into the story without my really planning on that happening ;)
excellent excellent excellent and once again excellent oh and just in case you didn't get it exc...... ah never mind love the little touches and im looking forward to the next chapter morgan muggle signing off t.t.f.n.h.p.f
what can i say great keep it up loved hermione in this chapter very good, showing her in a way you never realy see faaaaaaantaaaaastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! morgan muggle signing off
oh my god a romance flick that refuses to be overly sentimental has a cool gimmick to it and know is making me think wow super wow super wow morgan muggle signing off
you want my fave qoute any of them written in itallic he he just kidding so im guessing i know what the lightning bond is and i cant wait to read your next chapter morgan muggle signing off
my theory about the lightning bond seems to be true at the mo' well another grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat chater then and a romance bring it on, you geussed it morgan muggle signing off
Author's Response: Well, thank you for the reviews. I'm glad you think you've got an idea of what the lightning bond is...yes, Andrea's hazel eyes definitely have something to do with it, wink wink.