I really enjoyed this! Please keep going with it! Prof. McGonagall is my favorite adult character (Hermione and Harry do come first in my heart, though I am a H/G & Hr/R shipper), and (in my opinion at least) not nearly enough people work her into their stories. I'll be watching for an update!

Author's Response: Thanks! I love Minerva, she's my favorite character after Snape and Lupin. You should watch for my new fic (which will hopefully be validated soon!) called The Ancient and Dwindling House of Snape. There's a lot of McGonagall in that one.

Had I not read your previous two stories I would say that Snape was extremely out of character. But fortunately for me I have read them, so it made perfect sense and even brought a smile to my face as I remembered scenes from Sixth Year (particularily the one where Harry removes Snape's dark mark). The calming potion was a touch of genius— and Harry’s reaction amused me greatly. I liked the idea that Harry’s relatives could relinquish their protection through stupidity. Now, about that “‘You are not the first person to have lost your entire family in this war.’” Does this mean what I think it does (i.e. did Snape lose *his* family in the war)? As usual, your writing was superb and your storytelling riveting. I love reading your stories because they always throw me for a loop yet leave me feeling satisfied. I’ll be looking for an update!

*grins sheepishly* Hello dear Nan. For some reason I feel naughty reviewing something which I beta’d, because I’ve already read this several times in several forms and it feels like cheating, but my excuse is that this is my opportunity to tell you what I really like, because for all the time we’ve spent discussing this chapter, only a small bit of it has been devoted to me telling you all the things which I think are absolutely wonderful.

I’m mostly going to skip nitpicking, hopefully you’ll excuse me on that one. I’m sure there are probably some things I didn’t catch (*waits for other reviews with her pen and notebook out*), but I’ve already combed through it enough times, and… hopefully you’ll forgive me. Marianne and Justine continued down the corridor without a break in their conversation; Tonks glared at their retreating backs. I still think that in this sentence it should be without breaking their conversation, but we’ve discussed that already and it’s really more a matter of personal taste than anything else.

Hmmm. One other comment that I didn’t make earlier, but upon reflection seems like a good idea. Angry as she was, she could hardly blame them; now that she looked at her argument herself it was paltry and unconvincing. Going through the chapter yet another time, I noticed that it is a tad bit heavy on semicolons. I personally am a fan of semicolons, but in this particular instance I think that a full stop would be better. Angry as she was, she could hardly blame them. Now that she looked at her argument herself it was paltry and unconvincing. While somewhat connected, the thoughts really are separate enough to belong in separate sentences.

Okay. That was definitely enough in the nitpicking department, even for me. My apologies in advance for any gushing that may follow. I really like this version of the opening. With every draft of this chapter, you’ve made Tonks, Charlie, Kevin, and Bill (yes, even Bill) seem more like the children they are. The tone of their conversation at the beginning is perfect. They’re joking, sarcastic, and natural. I went back and read the first six chapters this morning, and the opening here really shows what was stated at the end of chapter five: the growing friendship between Kevin and Charlie. They’re more accepting of her, and she’s sure enough of their friendship to push a little sometimes, even get mad at them. It’s a small enough change to seem smooth, but big enough to show character development. Brava!

Bill’s speech is greatly improved from the first time I read it; it no longer sounds like Dumbledore. I think I may have seen too much of its transformation process to objectively judge if it sounds like Bill should, so you’ll have to rely on your other reviewers to tell you that. But it’s much, much, much better. And while I’m on the subject of Bill’s speech, what exactly is the Mirror of Narcissus? I know there’s a chance it has absolutely no relevance to the story (or maybe not, given the mirror motif), but my curiosity has gotten the better of me, and I simply want to know. What is its story, and what does it do? I’m terribly curious.

On the same general subject, I really like what you’ve done with Old Magic. I’ve seen the idea used in several stories, but you use it both effectively and (seemingly) effortlessly. It’s clear that you’ve put a great deal of thought into what it is and how it works, rather than simply throwing it out there as a rather transparent plot device. You said once to me that sometimes a story can seem so real that it seems to become canon, so real that in the reader’s mind it becomes a part of the plot of the main books and they can never read them the same way again. Your “Old Magic” does that for me. Seriously. It fits so seamlessly with actual canon that I’ve had a hard time remembering that it’s not canon fact when reading other stories.

Your new transition into the next day works very well. Again, it’s very smooth. The laughter and the mood just sort of sail us over that awkward space of time where nothing happens and right into the next scene. It also takes emphasis off the run-in with Professor Snith, making it more likely that only your more careful readers will really take note of it. >.>

For all the earlier parts of this chapter do a great deal to advance the plot and are, in that sense, far more important, my favorite part of this chapter is the scene between Tonks and Ninette in Potions. We haven’t really seen the two girls interact in quite a while, and you give us a wonderful window into their relationship (if you can call it that). We’ve followed both of them by now, and we know how each perceives the other. They’re each such interesting mirrors for the other…

It’s amazing how you make both girls so sympathetic, even when one of them thoroughly dislikes the other. I think it’s because the reader knows that Ninette is not being snobbish at all, but overcome by shyness and concentrating on corrections and combinations from her ballet lessons, and yet we can feel Tonks’s frustration. I really love them both, you know, and care deeply for both of them.

I could probably go on to write a long, long essay on why I love this chapter, but I don’t want to kill your eyes. So I’m going to leave it at this. *Huggles Nan*

Amazing and polished as always, darling!


Author's Response: Do you ever have to apologize for gushing? I don\'t think so. :) Yes, I know, I\'m currently having a love-affair with semicolons; I\'ll try to restrict myself, but...we shall see. The Mirror of Narcissus? I needed something to fill a gap, and decided to put in something that I could pull out in the future. So I don\'t know exactly what it is (though I have a few ideas hovering in my head), but I could potentially be delving into that matter at some point. I\'m glad you like the Old Magic bit. I really wasn\'t sure where I was going with that, and it went through a myriad of dramatic changes, so I\'m very happy that it rings true for you. That Tonks and Ninette scene was entirely due to you - it was originally one line long. *huggles beta* Thanks, Lian dear.

Hello, Nan dearest. Given that I recently spent five hours discussing this chapter with you (and by discussing, I mean nitpicking it to death), I think I’m going to dispense with nitpicking altogether. Shocking, I know. But the idea of doing it yet again … I don’t think I could. I’m also not going to give an “Oh, you finally posted this” review, which may be nice, as I expect you’ll be getting several of those.

So how can I justify reviewing you at all, you might wonder, besides the simple truth that reviewing is loving? Well, I may have gone back and forth with you about various points for an age the other night, but I’ve said very little about what makes this chapter so excellent. So that’s what I’m going to tell you now.

First of all, I think the point of view works really well. The first section seems to be from Tonks’s perspective, but we eventually realize that we haven’t actually been inside her head at all, and that we’ve been seeing everything from Ninette’s point of view. Lovely, really.

I honestly love both of your protagonists (well, and all of your characters), but Ninette is the one I relate to more. Partly it’s her dance. Partly it’s her drive for perfection. And partly it’s her insurmountable loneliness. I identify with all three. How often in those early years of school (before high school, to be honest) did I sit and watch the other kids, and wonder what it would be like they talked to me for anything other than help with their homework? How often (even now) do I have bitter and defeated thoughts? How often do I feel mechanical? How many times as a child did I imagine I was a doll?

And yet, much as I relate to Ninette, I know that she’s far more like you than like me. A very much fictionalized you, yes, with a totally different history. But in many essentials, she has so much in common with you. Including her inability (which is, I admit, even greater than yours) to appreciate her own beauty and grace. However, I digress. Ninette is so real, so pained, so internal… Watching it, she wondered if any of the laughing students at the other table would ever be willing to be friends –– and even if they were, if she would know how to be friends back. She knew even less about having friends than she did about making them. It’s the thoughts like these that make my heart cry.

It is very easy, I think, for a dancer to start feeling that life is mechanical. Because on the days when your soul is heavy and the music no more than beat and background, all the repetitions become very mechanical. It’s hard to make tendu and rond de jambe meaningful, especially with someone like Aunt Edris breathing down your back and demanding all the time. Very easily you slip into a familiar sequence of movement and mental commands: squeeze the backs of your thighs, heel forward, make sure your ribs are closed as you go ‘round to the back. Squeeze the backs of your thighs, heel forward, make sure your ribs are closed as you go ‘round to the back. Ninette approaches her lessons like a ballet barre, doesn’t she?

I went back and reread some earlier chapters today, and I was amazed by how visibly your writing has improved, mostly because I had thought it was excellent to begin with. It’s not that the early chapters are worse than I remembered –– they’re still excellent –– so much as that your style and flow have really matured. Sentence structure, word order, and that sort of thing. It’s really neat to read and see the differences.

I must say I love the plot development in this chapter. It’s put together perfectly, like a Swiss watch. I shan’t say anything beyond that, because I don’t want to give anything away (and reading your review page has taught me that at least a few authors read what I have to say –– poor them with this one and its rambling). It’s all just… wonderfully done. I may be capable (and that’s debatable) of beta-ing your story, but I would never, never, never be able to write it. *tuggles Nan quite hard*

P.S. Happy birthday!!!


Author's Response: The \"trick POV\"was a random idea that I had as I sat down to write the chapter; I needed a way to open it, and I thought \"why not have Ninette watching Tonks?\" It surprised me by becoming such a long scene in its own right, but I was quite happy with it. I love to hear your response about Ninette, because as much as I sympathize with her, I am not a dancer - I\'m always glad to hear that it resonates with you, who are. And yes, I\'m always amazed when I look back at early chapters, at how much my writing has changed. (Also to remember that they were unbeta-ed. ;))*hugs* Thank you!

Another wonderful chapter! As usual your portrayal of the characters' emotions was superb. There were however a couple of things that bugged me. The first sentence, [i] he rest of the week, in the House of Black, did not go well[/i], is awkward, and it set me off on the wrong foot for a paragraph or so.

Hermione's reaction didn't seem to tally with her behavior in OotP. While Hermione might once have been so tactless as to say[i] “I hope everything's going well, Harry.”[/i] so soon after his relatives demise, she has grown more tactful in the more recent books and I don't think it's in character for her at the time this is set. I do realize though that I'm a huge nit-picker when it comes to Hermione!

I'm glad you've updated! I felt like McGonagall was slightly OOC at the end-- I can see her getting emotional like that but I really can't see her calling Harry "my dear boy" to his face. That is, however, only my opinion. This is a great story and I can't wait to read more!

Wow! Interesting idea for a story! I really love how you've used so many of the pureblood names mentioned in canon- it's a small touch, but it makes if feel connected to the “current day” stories.

It's a got to be a real challenge to write a fic set so far in the past. I'm sure you did quite a bit of research! In general I'd say you've done a good job of it, but you're dialogue is a bit too contemporary. I doubt the students spoke so casually in Albus's day, even in private. Some of the ideas they express are also quite twentieth (or twenty-first) century. I doubt any child would have said “Some people in this world have trouble accepting reality.” in the early 19th century world. You have done a good job of portraying (and creating) attitudes towards women (and muggleborns), and for that I commend you.

This fic is tightly written with superb details. I'm really enjoying it and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: "Some people in this world have trouble accepting reality" was actually said by Professor Butler (she was referring to the Headmaster, whom she obviously dislikes). Thanks for the long review! As far as the rest of the dialogue, it's been very difficult to write, which is the reason why it sounds a bit more modern. The dialogue of the children is a bit more casual than that of the adults', and the reason they don't speak in such formal tones is because I'm trying to show a difference in class (a big issue in the Victorian era). Dragomir speaks much more formally than Albus, who is not terribly rich and comes from a farm, and Tom, whose family is very informal (as you will see in later chapters when Albus meets his friends' parents).

I'm glad you've started the sequel! And I'm oh so honored to be the first to review!

I'm surprised that Harry didn't react more to Ron becoming both Head Boy and Quidditch Captain, especially considering how he reacted when Ron became a Prefect in OotP. I suppose that Harry's grown up a bit in the last year. That incident in the Caves might have done a lot to make him grow up… About their special sleeping arrangements: is Ron aware of this? Is he any part of this? I would think that he might take advantage of Ginny's absence to stay with Hermione. It bothered me somewhat that you didn't mention him.

I liked how you did Mrs. Weasley; she seemed really in character and you didn't fall into the cliché of making her hug Harry once every seventeen seconds. I'd also like to know how exactly Harry and Ron are going to feel about Snape's presence at the Burrow. Their reactions are likely to be more… drastic than those of the rest of the household.

This was great! I especially loved the way you showed the centaurs at the beginning-- shaded with her prejudice. It really made Umbridge seem real as a narrator. You also did a good job of showing her nature to be both calculating and power hungry.

I also liked how you tried to show how she had become the woman she is. However, I think you could have heightened the effect by being more specific about her experiences at school. It's tricky to do because you don't want to disrupt the balance of the piece (which, by the way, is very good). However, I would have liked to see more about her transition from being used (at school) to being cast aside (after graduation). This could be a defining moment in her character. You moved right through it without stopping. I think it bothered me more because its proximity in the story to her relationship with Fudge (which was so detailed).

I was surprised by the way you portrayed Umbridge's relationship with Harry. I'd always thought of her as having a personal vendetta against Harry. The way you portrayed her, she saw Harry as just another pawn on the road to power (please excuse the awfulness of that mixed metaphor above). I liked this; it fit so well with her personality. However, I would still have expected her to be angrier at Harry than she was. Harry made her look bad as Headmistress, regardless of Voldemort's return. With her thirst for power, Umbridge would probably hate him for it. She's always seemed rather adept at blaming others…

Yes, I did skip around a bit in Umbridge's life. I didn't really feel like going into her teaching experience much because seh was still rather dazed by the centaurs and such.

It's taken me a while to get around to it, but after reading your thread on Maggie I was curious to see her in your story. You've got a nice beginning here; keep going with this story, okay? I know you like to write a lot of different stories at once (or at least I get that impression), but this one is really worth your attention.

I found it really interesting that Harry and Ginny brought up their children at least partly in the Muggle world. For instance, Anne was clutching a flashlight when she went to Maggie's room. In many stories I might see this as an inconsistency, but you've written Harry and Ginny in such a way that it makes sense. They've retreated from the center of the magical world, but they haven't left it all together. It's an approach I've seen in many stories, but not all of them managed to make it convincing. My one word of caution is that you need to stick to what you've decided upon (and possibly explain it a little more) throughout the rest of the story.

In general, the writing could use some tightening up, but it's a good story with some compelling characters. I look forward to reading future chapters!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. That's really helpful, I wish I'd had thought of those things before. My beta's mostly concentrated on grammer. The Greta-Lily thing was pointless, Harry just likes using the name since it's his mother's. I'll try and add something there. I'll probably go through and make some changes. I'm also working on chapter two, but you're right, I do start way more stories than I finish. You're right about Anne too, she probably should have been more upset about her sister leaving. Anne isn't very mature either. Harry and Ginny mostly only use magic for the necessary. They cook the muggle way and that sort of thing. Their children definately don't use magic at home.