I have to say I really loved this poem. It made me laugh.... a lot. It really makes Harry look like a bit of a player, which he isn't really. I enjoyed that part, because it is probably how the other students view the Quidditch star, smart, player Harry Potter. Thanks for this poem.

Hi. I've been reading this for the past couple days, and I thought this would be a good time to leave a review. This story... it's really good. It takes the three pages or so of normal life at Shell Cottage that were in DH and expands them quite nicely. I like what you've done with it.

In particular, I like your characterization. Luna and Hermione stood out to me in this chapter. I loved Luna in the "Ron's in love" part. You managed to get her breezy but direct manner of speaking, and that's hard to do. Also, it is very like Hermione to get upset when she fails at fixing Ron's face.

Well done.

Author's Response: Hi Olivia! What a nice surprise to see you are reading this. :) I'm so glad you felt the characterization is good, particularly Luna, as she is one I struggle with getting right. I think it's a bit easier in a scene with several characters, and she can just interject now and then. I would have a hard time writing something Luna-centric. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review! ~Lori

Psi, this story is written beautifully. Throughout, you really capture the sense of betrayal that most of Andromeda's family and the Slytherins felt when she left them and secretly married a Muggleborn. I also enjoyed how it was very poetic.

I thought the fact that you had absolutely no dialogue was quite unique, and suited the piece well. And I liked the detail of Fluffy the cat, and how powerful it was that you used him in the dream. Andromeda's fear about Tonks looking like Bella is also well-done.

The only real critique I have is that I think you should read it through one more time and really nit-pick. There were a few little punctuation errors, and a couple times you actually left words out that were necessary to understand a phrase. To fix this, you could just read through it out loud, pause where you have all the commas, and look for instances where a phrase doesn't flow.

Thanks for this, Psi! I enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review. I do have a tendency to miss out words - I thought I had caught them all, but I will defintely give it another read through!  I worried that the poetic style was a bit too much/overdone, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I think you've done an excellent job with this story. The way you shape phrases is quite lovely. I really enjoyed the character of Song Feng. She's very capable as a gymnast and proud of it, but also shockingly normal. I thought you wrote the decision to attend the Southern School very well, and I really felt Feng's difficulty in choosing to give up everything she's ever known... again.

I enjoyed the way you walked us through the first years of Feng's life. This is very easy to make boring or clunky, and you made it a legitimate narrative. I particularly liked the scene of Feng breaking her ankle.

One last note -- I loved the references to Chinese culture and gymnastics. I didn't know about that ritual of honoring one's ancestors, with the burning of incense and heaven and hell money. I knew rather more about gymnastics, but I hadn't really had an inside view of it like this.

Oh, and I like Zhu-ge Liang. A lot. He's Dumbledorian, but is still definitely his own character.

Thanks, Aida.

~O

P.S. I also wanted to add -- thanks for this.

"James had been right about him. Anyone who could be put off asking her out by a stupid remark from her brother wasn’t boyfriend material. Obviously, Greg only wanted a well-behaved, limpet of a girlfriend.

“Genetically it could never work,” she sighed, somewhat dramatically. “Two sets of grandparents have seen to that.”"

I sort of needed that.

Olivia

Author's Response: Limpet girls are irritating.